Pretty funny (and true)!
This pretty much says it all -
1. You must learn to say the city name correctly. It is usually referred
to as "Jax".
2. You must be a Jaguars fan. It is a requirement for citizenship. Also,
you are either a Gator or a Nole. You have no choice. If you abstain, you
will be assigned a team. There are no other schools. It's better to learn
that sooner than later.
3. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. No one pays attention
to them here. Merging, yielding, and right-of-way are completely foreign
terms. No turn signals in cars, either
4. To find anything in Jax it is required that you know where Regency
Square is. It is the Alpha and the Omega: the beginning and the end.
5. Directions to anywhere may, and usually do, make a reference to "the
old Pic and Save".
6. The morning rush hour is from 6am to 10am. The evening rush hour is
from 3pm to 7pm. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning.
7. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear-ended, cussed
out, and possibly shot.
8. East Rd. meets West Rd. on Beach Blvd, but they both run North and
South. AND BIG PARTS OF NORTH 295 ACTUALLY GO WEST WHILE LARGE CHUNKS OF 295 SOUTH GO EAST.
9. Normandy Boulevard, State Road 228, Cecil Field Road, Maxville Road,
and Post Street are all the same road..
10. On the southeast side of town, Hartley Road, Shad Road, and Hood Road
are all the same road. Hartley Road is the western part of the road, and
Shad Road is the eastern part of the road. Now don't be confused about this
Hood Road. This is the West-East part that is in between Hartley and Shad,
not the North-South part that starts out as Old Kings Road South, changes
into Hood Road South, and ends at Losco Road. Got it?
11. Construction is a permanent fixture in Jax. The barrels are moved
around in the middle of the night to make the next day's driving a bit more
exciting.
12. Watch very carefully for road hazards such as deer, skunks, dogs,
barrels, cones, cows, horses, pot holes, cats, pieces of other cars, a
single shoe, opossums, truck tires, raccoons, squirrels, rabbits, crows or
vultures feeding on any of these items. Oh, and those pesky ladders that
seem to find themselves laying on our bridges.
13. The minimum acceptable speed on J Turner Butler Blvd is 75 mph.
Anything less is considered downright sissy. This is Jacksonville's version
of NASCAR.
14. Never honk at anyone. Ever. Seriously.
15. If you are in the left lane, and only going 70 in a 55 zone, you are
considered a road hazard and will be "flipped off" accordingly.
16. Ground clearance of at least 12 inches is recommended for city
driving.
17. If it's 100 degrees, Thanksgiving must be next weekend.
18. There are really only two seasons here: Summer and January.
19. There is actually a Westside high school that has a confederate battle
flag as its school flag, an image of a slave plantation owner as its
mascot, and Dixie as its school song. Just accept it. Please don't make a
fuss about it, for your own safety.
I THINK THEY ARE TALKING ABOUT FORREST HIGH SCHOOL. BY THE WAY, FORREST WAS A CIVIL WAR GENERAL WHO LATER INVENTED THE K.K.K.
20. Ponte Vedra is to Middleburg as oceanfront is to doublewide. AND PONTE VEDRA IS HIGHLY OVERRATED AS A BEACH TOWN. OH, AND DON'T PLAN ON GOING TO THE BEACH IN PONTE VEDRA SINCE THE LOCALS HAVE ILLEGALLY BLOCKED BEACH ACCESS POINTS.
21. If you choose to live in Orange Park, or, God forbid, Middleburg, plan
to leave for work at 4am and return home around 11pm. Otherwise you may get
caught in what can only be described as "the world's longest left-turn
lane".
22. Don't get here late and expect something to eat. After 9pm, your
choices are Famous Amos, Village Inn, Krystals and Waffle House.
AND WE LOCALS DON'T KNOW WHAT FAMOUS AMOS IS; WE CALL IT FLAMING ANUS.
23. You can buy a million-dollar condo downtown on the river, but you have
to drive 10 miles for a loaf of bread, and never after dark.
24. The Landing is an interesting place. Every time you visit, there will
be a whole new set of restaurants, fewer stores, and less parking. Hooters,
however, is a permanent fixture.
25. All city council decisions must be signed off on by First Baptist
Church.
26. You can't drink alcohol and see topless girls at the same time. But,
if you agree to drink Diet Coke, you can see them fully nude.
27. North Phillips highway. Don't go there. Ever. Unless, of course, you
are looking for motels that charge by the hour.
28. Learn all of the lyrics to every Lynyrd Skynyrd song. Trust me on this
one.
29. WESTSIDE JACKSONVILLE IS IN THE WESTERN PART OF JACKSONVILLE BUT SOUTHSIDE JACKSONVILLE IS REALLY IN THE EAST. NORTHSIDE JACKSONVILLE IS IN THE NORTH BUT VISITIORS SHOULD PROBABLY NOT GO THERE. THERE IS NO EASTSIDE JACKSONVILLE.
30. JACKSONVILLE'S CITY LIMITS ARE A BIT CONFUSING AS WELL. THERE ARE PLACES ALONG I-10 WHERE YOU CAN PASS ENTERING JACKSONVILLE CITY LIMITS SIGNS AND STILL SEE WOODS FOR ANOTHER 30 MINUTES.
31. JACKSONVILLE HAS A CITY TRAIN THAT PICKS YOU UP IN DOWNTOWN JACKSONVILLE BUT DOESNT GO ANYWHERE. SERIOUSLY, THERE IS ONLY ABOUT A HALF MILE OF TRACK.
1. You must learn to say the city name correctly. It is usually referred
to as "Jax".
2. You must be a Jaguars fan. It is a requirement for citizenship. Also,
you are either a Gator or a Nole. You have no choice. If you abstain, you
will be assigned a team. There are no other schools. It's better to learn
that sooner than later.
3. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. No one pays attention
to them here. Merging, yielding, and right-of-way are completely foreign
terms. No turn signals in cars, either
4. To find anything in Jax it is required that you know where Regency
Square is. It is the Alpha and the Omega: the beginning and the end.
5. Directions to anywhere may, and usually do, make a reference to "the
old Pic and Save".
6. The morning rush hour is from 6am to 10am. The evening rush hour is
from 3pm to 7pm. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning.
7. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear-ended, cussed
out, and possibly shot.
8. East Rd. meets West Rd. on Beach Blvd, but they both run North and
South. AND BIG PARTS OF NORTH 295 ACTUALLY GO WEST WHILE LARGE CHUNKS OF 295 SOUTH GO EAST.
9. Normandy Boulevard, State Road 228, Cecil Field Road, Maxville Road,
and Post Street are all the same road..
10. On the southeast side of town, Hartley Road, Shad Road, and Hood Road
are all the same road. Hartley Road is the western part of the road, and
Shad Road is the eastern part of the road. Now don't be confused about this
Hood Road. This is the West-East part that is in between Hartley and Shad,
not the North-South part that starts out as Old Kings Road South, changes
into Hood Road South, and ends at Losco Road. Got it?
11. Construction is a permanent fixture in Jax. The barrels are moved
around in the middle of the night to make the next day's driving a bit more
exciting.
12. Watch very carefully for road hazards such as deer, skunks, dogs,
barrels, cones, cows, horses, pot holes, cats, pieces of other cars, a
single shoe, opossums, truck tires, raccoons, squirrels, rabbits, crows or
vultures feeding on any of these items. Oh, and those pesky ladders that
seem to find themselves laying on our bridges.
13. The minimum acceptable speed on J Turner Butler Blvd is 75 mph.
Anything less is considered downright sissy. This is Jacksonville's version
of NASCAR.
14. Never honk at anyone. Ever. Seriously.
15. If you are in the left lane, and only going 70 in a 55 zone, you are
considered a road hazard and will be "flipped off" accordingly.
16. Ground clearance of at least 12 inches is recommended for city
driving.
17. If it's 100 degrees, Thanksgiving must be next weekend.
18. There are really only two seasons here: Summer and January.
19. There is actually a Westside high school that has a confederate battle
flag as its school flag, an image of a slave plantation owner as its
mascot, and Dixie as its school song. Just accept it. Please don't make a
fuss about it, for your own safety.
I THINK THEY ARE TALKING ABOUT FORREST HIGH SCHOOL. BY THE WAY, FORREST WAS A CIVIL WAR GENERAL WHO LATER INVENTED THE K.K.K.
20. Ponte Vedra is to Middleburg as oceanfront is to doublewide. AND PONTE VEDRA IS HIGHLY OVERRATED AS A BEACH TOWN. OH, AND DON'T PLAN ON GOING TO THE BEACH IN PONTE VEDRA SINCE THE LOCALS HAVE ILLEGALLY BLOCKED BEACH ACCESS POINTS.
21. If you choose to live in Orange Park, or, God forbid, Middleburg, plan
to leave for work at 4am and return home around 11pm. Otherwise you may get
caught in what can only be described as "the world's longest left-turn
lane".
22. Don't get here late and expect something to eat. After 9pm, your
choices are Famous Amos, Village Inn, Krystals and Waffle House.
AND WE LOCALS DON'T KNOW WHAT FAMOUS AMOS IS; WE CALL IT FLAMING ANUS.
23. You can buy a million-dollar condo downtown on the river, but you have
to drive 10 miles for a loaf of bread, and never after dark.
24. The Landing is an interesting place. Every time you visit, there will
be a whole new set of restaurants, fewer stores, and less parking. Hooters,
however, is a permanent fixture.
25. All city council decisions must be signed off on by First Baptist
Church.
26. You can't drink alcohol and see topless girls at the same time. But,
if you agree to drink Diet Coke, you can see them fully nude.
27. North Phillips highway. Don't go there. Ever. Unless, of course, you
are looking for motels that charge by the hour.
28. Learn all of the lyrics to every Lynyrd Skynyrd song. Trust me on this
one.
29. WESTSIDE JACKSONVILLE IS IN THE WESTERN PART OF JACKSONVILLE BUT SOUTHSIDE JACKSONVILLE IS REALLY IN THE EAST. NORTHSIDE JACKSONVILLE IS IN THE NORTH BUT VISITIORS SHOULD PROBABLY NOT GO THERE. THERE IS NO EASTSIDE JACKSONVILLE.
30. JACKSONVILLE'S CITY LIMITS ARE A BIT CONFUSING AS WELL. THERE ARE PLACES ALONG I-10 WHERE YOU CAN PASS ENTERING JACKSONVILLE CITY LIMITS SIGNS AND STILL SEE WOODS FOR ANOTHER 30 MINUTES.
31. JACKSONVILLE HAS A CITY TRAIN THAT PICKS YOU UP IN DOWNTOWN JACKSONVILLE BUT DOESNT GO ANYWHERE. SERIOUSLY, THERE IS ONLY ABOUT A HALF MILE OF TRACK.