pick a story, any story

[pogrebin]

Whoa. So. The Remix story was kicking my arse all over the place, but draft one is done done done and off at the lovely beta-reader's for comments. It appears to make a reasonable amount of sense and not be ENTIRELY PEDESTRIAN so I'm cautiously optimistic.

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In the interests of not going UTTERLY MAD WAITING FOR CHILDREN OF EARTH, I need to keep

Comments

[pogrebin]

When Jack comes back after his year away from the Doctor, Ianto is surprised by how easy it is to say yes. Yes to Jack's offer of a date, yes to Jack's confused, half-defensive apology, and yes to Jack's unvoiced questions all asked through touch, through hot-stuttering breaths against his neck. Yes. It's easy to say yes to Jack, even when he doesn't mean it. It's not like he hasn't done it before. Jack is confused by Ianto's forgiveness and so he says, "I just can't say no to you," and smiles, and Jack smiles back too, wavering at first and then widening into the devouring grin that is equal parts charming and achingly smug

[neifile7]

This is stunning. I may prefer it to the original, in the layers it adds, the way it obliquely references Jack's history, and the devastating reversal at the end. Your subtlety astounds me.

Ianto starts thinking about his words like they're all written down on silvered paper; when he peels them back there's nothing on the other side, just a slippery, inverse reflection. He thinks about the undersides of his skin made of the same stuff. He dreams about his Torchwood employee number writing itself over the muscle of his heart, and in his waking hours he picks a bay in the morgue and lovingly writes out his name on a rectangular card with black ink.

I think this is now my favorite passage in the whole story. So gorgeous, and perfectly tailored in tone and form to the subject.

[pogrebin]

Oh, I'm so glad you liked it. It was the perfect thing to ask me, because hm, even though Ianto (in my story and on the show, I think) forgives Jack, I could so easily believe that he doesn't, not right away. I could understand that more easily, I think. (And with Ianto the darkness is so plausible, the idea that he could close himself off and down, could fake it well enough to fool even himself-- it's, I think, very specifically not a way the show chooses to go, but certainly a plausible way it could go.)

Thanks for getting me to write this, I really enjoyed doing so!

[pogrebin]

I'm so glad you enjoyed it-- and of course I don't mind at all! Friend away!