To rid my dirty mind of all of its preciousness
So. A week later. A week after I destroyed all those books, a week after I ended up talking to Nick about it all, a week after I pretty much spent the night with him. Which is so very strange, I must admit. That I can trust him that much. I trust, in theory, a dead man, more than I ever could the living. It's just wrong, in a way. But it can't be, this feels right.
Mon Dieu, I shouldn't have looked at him like that either. I was tired, that was all. I could have sworn he did the same thing. Sworn. Not to mention, he saw the blood thing. People aren't allowed to see the blood thing. I'm not really that crazy, he shouldn't have seen that. But he did and I can live with it.
On a side note, it was hardly a deep cut, seems to be healing of it's own accord. Except it aches. A lot. And really quite badly. Which means one of two things. I either got something in it, or it's part of the curse on the book. Cursed things never really heal the same. Like that one Livia had. Oh fun. So. The options are going to a healer (Lisa, every other healer on the planet scares me) or waiting to see how bad this scar's going to be. As it will go away on it's own, I'm sure.
As for what we talked about? It's so hard to change my mind. If I even thought she'd done it because she loved me, it makes it so much harder to hate the abhorrent person she was. What am I supposed to think? What...does it matter? Of course it matters, she's your mother, dammit.
It's just..I suppose I should just try and get on with life instead of over thinking all this. Nick's a friend, we were tired, nothing more; I should do something about this hand and I should give up on even thinking about her. I did, after all, prove to myself, if no one else, that I am a perfectly capable wizard, and I'm still pretty self confident. It's a nice change.
Oh, how I do love bringing out my sadist streak. hmmm...6th years, you can have a nice practice exam on Tuesday. You don't need any more warning as I hope you've been studying already. I do like this time of year, I can just spend lessons kicking back and watching you suffer.
If I had an affinty for cats, I'd get one and stroke it evilly. Instead, I could stroke my duck with an evil glare, but I doubt that would have the desired effect.
Although, if anyone actually does want some help with anything (Arithmancy wise), I'll be around.
Me and Nick want to know what you want to do. As we are decisionless. Or considerate. Take your pick. Also, did you ever tell me what date you picked for your wedding? I'm intrigued.