you move awfully quiet now, and I still feel you everywhere.
It felt good to be alive. It almost felt like I was twenty odd again. This could be because the guys at work were more amenable to coming out with an old bloke like me than I thought they were. And Michel's a good bloke. I could trust him enough to tell him about...well, some things, so I could avoid awkward questions. I'm rather pleased with myself. I had a good time, I didn't do anything stupid like drink, take drugs or get caught up with a prostitute. I haven't done anything like that in a long time. It's...liberating. And I got through the dates without drinking myself stupid or thinking of doing something silly. It's a start.
So, I'm back to work for a bit. I'm also reading Notes from the Underground again. As I could have become him, couldn't I? I did become him for so long, I suppose. But the thing is, it might be getting better here, for me, but it's only getting worse over there. Riots. Mob rule. It...oh dieu. Everything I do now feels so wrong. But if I got involved, it would only be for revenge, not because I felt it was the right thing to do. And revenge only leads to hot headed stupidity. doesn't mean that if I get the chance, I wouldn't kill her.
I was going to visit Hestia this weekend, but she said not to. At least I know she's okay, that's the upside. But the thing is, if it's too dangerous this weekend, what's going to make it safe next week? Or the week after? I wish she'd just give up and come here, where it's safe.
I have also booked time off for the end of next month. Which gives me long enough to plot where I'm going to go. Getting away from it all. I'm stuck between looking forward to it and guilt. Nah, come on, you need to live that life she couldn't, remember?
I told you I'd tell you how things went, didn't I? Well, it went well. Wow, there's a lot of repetition there. I went out for the evening, like I used to when I was younger, and actually had a lot of fun. I also made better friends with the guys at work as a result.
I am also plotting escaping the country (the French mafia are after me, didn't you know) at some point next month. See, I told you I'd get around to doing it.
...is is as bad as it sounds over there?
I hope our press have a tendency to over exaggurate. I sincerely and honestly do.