A Hotelroom In Bangkok - 02.26.06 (Part 1)
I remember thinking, the first thing when I woke up and saw his face inches from mine, was Holy fuckin' god... the shit have I done?. Yeah, that about sums it up.
He was still asleep, worn out from the withdrawal last night. He smelled horrible. My clothes were completely matted to my body. Who the fuck knew where my shoes were. I started to sit up, check my blackberry for the time and flight plans for the day. He woke up before I made it that far. Goddamn you, Atty. Instead, I smirked, "Mornin', Sunshine."
His quiet response was the, "Y..you're still here?"
Genius... I sat up and checked the PDA, "Yep. I told you I wouldn't leave you last night." I had said that, and I meant it. I wasn't going to leave someone in the middle of the shakes. I'd been there for most of my life.
He smiled, the gesture reaching his eyes as he laid there watching me. Nothing of the boy I'd nursed to sleep last night. "I...I'm sorry. You shouldn't have had to... I mean I dn't...I'm sorry."
I set the PDA aside, looking back at him, "About? Come off it. Nobody needs to be alone in withdrawal. You were there for me when I wasn't even aware I was addicted to some shit."
His gaze went to my hands, "I...never wanted you to see me like that, Ra...Jinx." The use of my true name was still too natural to him, just as Atty was to me.
I got up, looking around for those catty shoes of mine, "Too late then, bucko."
"Jinx."
"Yeah?"
He looked up at me pleading then, and I knew what was coming, "Do...do you have to go?" Yeah, an old story. I rolled my shoulders, "No, not really, but you need a shower. You've been sweating toxins all night. My flight isn't until the afternoon."
"Would...you stay for a bit? Ill take a shower and be right out?"
Yeah, sure, what the fuck ever, but, "Why?"
A-typical, "I just want..I want to talk." Super-secret bullshit code for the shit is going to hit the fan.
Fuck it. I dropped the one shoe I'd managed to find, "Alright, but be quick about it."
He snapped up like a dog after a stick, headed off to the shower. I pulled my shit back into my pockets; PDA, cell, pack of smokes, zippo, sweedish firesteel, tangle of USB cables, etc... the winding road my life has begun. The part that began it whispered over at me from the opposite nightstand, a picture of me and him at fourteen, standing... somewhere. Who the fuck knows or cares. I was looking at the wan shadows of my face, the tiny plastic smile, "We're nothing alike now, are we?" No, nothing alike save two rabbits scared of their own shadows. One just slightly bigger.
He got out of the shower and dressed. There were a lot more scars than I remembered on him. But you don't ask about that shit unless they offer, and he hadn't. "I'm sorry?"
I looked up at him, "Hm? About what?"
"I couldn't hear you?"
"Oh, it's nothin'. I was talking to myself." Time to change the subject, "You know, you should stay off whatever you were on. Shit's not gonna do you any good. Junkies never win." Personal experience just post your departure.
He went to the minibar, pulling out a bottle of water. "Do you want something to drink?"
Do I what? "This early in the morning? Nah, I'm good."
He turned back to me, "I'm not a junkie."
"You sure as hell looked like one last night. I've done just about every drug out there, Atty. You can't fool a pro." That made him a little nervous.
"It's Methemphedimines and Cocaine."
Shit... "Yeah, you should stay off those. You'll end up in a bathroom somewhere with sores, scrubbing the floors with a toothbrush, trying to sing songs you don't even know."
He rubbed his shoulder, drinking his water. Water would be good for him like this, "I don't take them to get high, Jinx....never mind its not important."
Yeah, I bet it fuckin' isn't when you're bent over that mirror suckin' it up like the last grain would contain the most precious wishes of the world. "I wasn't going to ask anyway. First rule of the street is that you don't ask questions like that."
"Listen... I sorta... I gotta let you know something."
Here it comes... "Sure, shoot."
He took a breath, "Okay. I gotta know...are...are you seeing anyone right now?"
...
He was still asleep, worn out from the withdrawal last night. He smelled horrible. My clothes were completely matted to my body. Who the fuck knew where my shoes were. I started to sit up, check my blackberry for the time and flight plans for the day. He woke up before I made it that far. Goddamn you, Atty. Instead, I smirked, "Mornin', Sunshine."
His quiet response was the, "Y..you're still here?"
Genius... I sat up and checked the PDA, "Yep. I told you I wouldn't leave you last night." I had said that, and I meant it. I wasn't going to leave someone in the middle of the shakes. I'd been there for most of my life.
He smiled, the gesture reaching his eyes as he laid there watching me. Nothing of the boy I'd nursed to sleep last night. "I...I'm sorry. You shouldn't have had to... I mean I dn't...I'm sorry."
I set the PDA aside, looking back at him, "About? Come off it. Nobody needs to be alone in withdrawal. You were there for me when I wasn't even aware I was addicted to some shit."
His gaze went to my hands, "I...never wanted you to see me like that, Ra...Jinx." The use of my true name was still too natural to him, just as Atty was to me.
I got up, looking around for those catty shoes of mine, "Too late then, bucko."
"Jinx."
"Yeah?"
He looked up at me pleading then, and I knew what was coming, "Do...do you have to go?" Yeah, an old story. I rolled my shoulders, "No, not really, but you need a shower. You've been sweating toxins all night. My flight isn't until the afternoon."
"Would...you stay for a bit? Ill take a shower and be right out?"
Yeah, sure, what the fuck ever, but, "Why?"
A-typical, "I just want..I want to talk." Super-secret bullshit code for the shit is going to hit the fan.
Fuck it. I dropped the one shoe I'd managed to find, "Alright, but be quick about it."
He snapped up like a dog after a stick, headed off to the shower. I pulled my shit back into my pockets; PDA, cell, pack of smokes, zippo, sweedish firesteel, tangle of USB cables, etc... the winding road my life has begun. The part that began it whispered over at me from the opposite nightstand, a picture of me and him at fourteen, standing... somewhere. Who the fuck knows or cares. I was looking at the wan shadows of my face, the tiny plastic smile, "We're nothing alike now, are we?" No, nothing alike save two rabbits scared of their own shadows. One just slightly bigger.
He got out of the shower and dressed. There were a lot more scars than I remembered on him. But you don't ask about that shit unless they offer, and he hadn't. "I'm sorry?"
I looked up at him, "Hm? About what?"
"I couldn't hear you?"
"Oh, it's nothin'. I was talking to myself." Time to change the subject, "You know, you should stay off whatever you were on. Shit's not gonna do you any good. Junkies never win." Personal experience just post your departure.
He went to the minibar, pulling out a bottle of water. "Do you want something to drink?"
Do I what? "This early in the morning? Nah, I'm good."
He turned back to me, "I'm not a junkie."
"You sure as hell looked like one last night. I've done just about every drug out there, Atty. You can't fool a pro." That made him a little nervous.
"It's Methemphedimines and Cocaine."
Shit... "Yeah, you should stay off those. You'll end up in a bathroom somewhere with sores, scrubbing the floors with a toothbrush, trying to sing songs you don't even know."
He rubbed his shoulder, drinking his water. Water would be good for him like this, "I don't take them to get high, Jinx....never mind its not important."
Yeah, I bet it fuckin' isn't when you're bent over that mirror suckin' it up like the last grain would contain the most precious wishes of the world. "I wasn't going to ask anyway. First rule of the street is that you don't ask questions like that."
"Listen... I sorta... I gotta let you know something."
Here it comes... "Sure, shoot."
He took a breath, "Okay. I gotta know...are...are you seeing anyone right now?"
...