Intimacy
Title: Intimacy
Pairing: Eunhae
Rating: NC-17
Genre: AU, smut
Summary: Hyukjae needs something that he cannot put into words
A/N: Forgive me for I have forgotten how to use lj. Also this is basically just multiple blow jobs. I'm so sorry. I wrote the beginning to this like two years ago and randomly decided to finish it today. Enjoy?
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Hyukjae has heard that if you pay the right price at the right place, it can be done. An enjoyable, safe experience behind closed doors that no one will be able to open. That is what he needs. Not a rushed job and a trail of breadcrumbs that will keep him up every night, anxious and wondering.
The building looks surprisingly like a large house: white and pristine on the outside with a porch and welcoming double doors. A house, however, wouldn't be designed to accompany dozens of people. If this were a house, Hyukjae thinks, there wouldn't be a desk just past the entrance, nor would there be corridors of numbered doors.
The young woman behind the desk is nice. She does not look at Hyukjae's sunglasses suspiciously or ask too many questions, only the necessary ones. Hyukjae hesitates when she asks him what he is looking for. What is he looking for? He answers nervously with “a good time” and when it comes out sounding like a question, the woman only smiles. She gives him the prices and he gives her a stack of bills along with his recent test results and she gives him a key.
“Head up to room 304 the third floor,” she says. “If no one is there, make yourself comfortable, he'll be with you shortly.”
Hyukjae nods and grips the key. “Thanks,” he says before heading up the first flight of stairs. With every step his mind becomes a little more blank. He glances at the key in his hand and easily commits the number on it to his memory. The second flight of stairs brings a pang of panic. Hyukjae isn't sure what he's doing or why he's doing it. He just feels that somehow, this place has some kind of an answer for him.
The third floor is practically identical to the second. A corridor littered with doors and branches leading to more doors. Hyukjae briefly wonders which ones are bathrooms before he reaches the door that matches his key.
He checks once, twice, three times, to make sure the numbers really match before he knocks. When he is greeted by nothing but silence, he uses the key and breathes a little easier when he is able to slip inside the room easily.
It is small, about the size of a hotel room with a large bed covered with a fluffy white comforter and a floor carpeted in a smooth, dark gray that contrasts with the white walls. There is a television and a desk and even a small bookshelf filled with mismatched books. It looks very personal and Hyukjae wonders why. There are two other doors and he assumes that they lead to a bathroom and maybe a closet but he does not open them, afraid to intrude. He takes his shoes off along with his sunglasses and then he stays standing, too anxious to sit.
Hyukjae doesn't hear approaching footsteps, he only hears the door open and he turns to find a man short brown hair and soft eyes looking at him.
“Sorry I'm a bit late,” the man says, “I had to take a call.”
“It's fine,” Hyukjae replies quickly. There's a brief pause as they study each other. Hyukjae takes in the man's broad shoulders hidden under a dark blue t-shirt, its sleeves short enough to show well-developed biceps and smooth forearms. The man is undoubtedly handsome and that puts Hyukjae at ease.
“I'm Donghae,” the man introduces himself cheerily.
“Hyukjae,” Hyukjae replies honestly.
Neither of them make a move to shake hands, as if it would be too personal of a gesture.
“Make yourself comfortable,” Donghae says, leading them both further into the room, towards the bed.
Hyukjae lets Donghae take his coat, leaving him in a white dress shirt. He suddenly wishes he would have dressed a little more casually.
“So, Hyukjae,” Donghae starts, sitting comfortably on the bed, “are you into sports?”
“Sports?” Hyukjae questions, sitting next to Donghae when he is beckoned. “Um. No. Not really. I used to be more into them but... no. Now now.”
“Me either,” Donghae replies with a smile.
Hyukjae nods, dismissing the question that was obviously meant to relax him but had not done its job. He glances around the room again and turns to Donghae. “Is this... your room?” he asks.
“Yep,” Donghae confirms. “I don't live here permanently or anything but this is my personal room.”
“How often are you here?” Hyukjae asks, honestly intrigued.
“I'm here whenever I feel like being here,” Donghae says with a slight shrug. “Sometimes I'll stay for a week or two but if I ever want to go home, I do.”
“So...” Hyukjae says quietly, “right now, you want to be here.”
Donghae gives him a grin and a nod. It makes Hyukjae turn away.
“I want to be here but...” Donghae starts, “why do I get the feeling you don't?”
Hyukjae turns back quickly to face Donghae. The question is a gentle prod and Hyukjae feels it.
“I don't want to be here,” he says softly, “but I think I need to be.”
Donghae moves a little closer and Hyukjae stiffens completely to keep himself from running away. “What do you need, Hyukjae?” Donghae asks.
The word is on the tip of Hyukjae's tongue and it has been stuck in his mind for months. He had not been sure at first, playing with ideas of what his problem might be. But when he figured out what he had been missing, the one word would not leave him alone. And now he struggles, trying to make that word leave his mouth.
“If you don't want to say it,” Donghae says, “you can show me.”
Hyukjae considers that for a moment before he shakes his head. “No,” he says, “I'm just... it's just embarrassing to say. I'm not sure why.”
“I promise I won't laugh,” Donghae says brightly. When Hyukjae only gives a slight smile and continues his thoughts, Donghae keeps speaking. “Is it... that you want to make paper airplanes and fly them off of a roof? Or... maybe you want me to sing karaoke with you because you're afraid to do it with your friends. Or maybe...”
“Do people ask you to do things like that?” Hyukjae asks with a smile in his voice.
“Sometimes,” Donghae smiles back. “And sometimes they just want to talk. Sometimes people just need someone to listen.”
Hyukjae stares at Donghae. He has friends that will listen to him, give him advice, fly paper airplanes from rooftops with him. He does not need someone to listen. Hyukjae needs something that a friend cannot supply.
“Okay,” Donghae says, “you're way too tense.” He moves to kneel behind Hyukjae on the bed and begins massaging his shoulders, running his hands up and down his arms while squeezing gently. “Loosen up a little, yeah? This is supposed to be fun.”
Hyukjae breathes. He feels Donghae's hands and relaxes under them. He closes his eyes and feels himself letting go ever so slightly. Donghae works the area around Hyukjae's next and he practically groans.
“I dunno why you're here when it's obvious that you need a spa day,” Donghae says playfully. It makes Hyukjae smile.
“Can you...” Hyukjae starts and when he cannot continue, Donghae stops his massage and returns to Hyukjae's side, facing him with one leg on the bed tucked underneath him and one on the floor. Hyukjae looks at him and tentatively reaches out, touching his cheek. Donghae leans into the touch and Hyukjae shyly pulls away. Donghae quickly pulls his hand back and puts it on his cheek again.
“You can touch me however you'd like,” Donghae says softly.
Hyukjae takes that opportunity to lean in and kiss Donghae very gently on the other cheek. He keeps his face there, his lips hovering just next to Donghae's skin while his hand travels to the back of Donghae's neck and into his hair.
“Your hair is soft,” Hyukjae compliments and he feels Donghae smile.
Donghae reaches a hand up to run it through Hyukjae's hair as well. “Yours could use some work,” he jokes.
Suddenly, Hyukjae feels completely at ease. Donghae's gentleness had been just what he needed. He kisses Donghae's cheek again and kisses a trail to his lips. And there he stops. He pulls back to look into Donghae's eyes, his hand still in his hair.
“Donghae...” Hyukjae whispers, watches the playfulness in Donghae's eyes fade into curiosity, anticipation. “I need...”
When Hyukjae is still unable to finish his sentence, he gently tugs Donghae until he's standing. Donghae stares down at him, even more curious now, and waiting, letting Hyukjae take full control.
Hyukjae gives up on words, hoping actions are enough to tell Donghae what he wants. He spreads his legs and pulls Donghae between them. Donghae gives a small, understanding smile as he slides down Hyukjae's body and kneels on the floor between Hyukjae's legs. Hyukjae's hand follows, his fingers lingering against Donghae's cheek.
Hyukjae watches, at first, letting Donghae pull his hips forward to rest on the edge of the bed. His heart pounds hard against his chest as his belt is slowly undone, his pants unzipped. He notices, as his pants are slid down completely and he feels the air against his skin, that the anxiety pooling inside of him had at some point turned into arousal.
Donghae is looking up at him, eyes steady and waiting. Hyukjae tries his best to look back in anticipation without showing his fear. He then brushes his hand through Donghae's hair and swallows his nervousness. He presses down slightly on Donghae's scalp and shifts his legs slightly, gently urging Donghae to go down. The second he feels Donghae's fingers curl around him and Donghae's lips touch his skin, he lets his head fall back, breaking eye contact. He leans back until he's lying completely on the bed. He sucks in a breath and holds it in until it makes him dizzy. He feels Donghae's fingers move, sees his head bob without actually looking. His held breath escapes and there's no way to pull it back so he breathes in again and again until he realizes his breaths are too fast and this is not what he wants.
“S-slow,” he breathes, eyes closing and cheeks heating at his own sheepish demand. Donghae's pace slows obediently and Hyukjae's breathing is calm as his fingers thread gently through Donghae's soft hair again.
A tongue slowly, tentatively licks from base to tip. Hyukjae shivers. Donghae builds him up almost lazily, stroking, licking, and sucking with precise but slow movements. Hyukjae takes in every ounce of this pleasure. He listens to the sounds Donghae's mouth makes and the sounds of their breaths in the quiet air. Eventually, he feels himself getting too close. His hips roll forward and his hand grips tightly in Donghae's hair. Donghae takes the hint and removes his hand, letting his mouth take in as much of Hyukjae as it can. Hyukjae's breath hitches and his free hand grips the bed below him.
The tighter Hyukjae's hand grips, the faster Donghae moves. When he feels Hyukjae's thighs tense, he pulls up, keeping Hyukjae's tip in his mouth and stroking as quickly as he can. With nothing more than a deep breath and a thrust of his hips, Hyukjae is coming into Donghae's mouth. He feels Donghae licking and sucking as he pulls away.
Hyukjae covers his face with his arm, catching his breath and feeling too embarrassed to look at Donghae. When he hears Donghae stand and leave the room, he sits up and quickly tucks himself back into his pants. He considers running away at that point so that he does not have to deal with whatever comes next. Then he remembers that Donghae is here to make him feel comfortable and he has nothing to worry about. He stays put and listens to water running in the bathroom. Seconds later, he watches as Donghae steps out and gives him a smile.
“Feeling less tense now?” he asks.
Hyukjae manages to smile back ever so slightly. “Yeah,” he says. “I guess so.”
Donghae sits next to Hyukjae on the bed. “I don't really believe you,” he says. When Hyukjae is silent, he continues. “You know, if you're worried about your money, I can-”
“No,” Hyukjae says quickly, “it's not about the money. And it's not that you're not worth it or anything like that. I'm sorry. I shouldn't be acting like this.”
“It's okay,” Donghae assures. “Honestly, you're not doing anything wrong. I've had people come in here just to cry and talk for a few hours. Others just want sex. And some want a little of both. It doesn't matter how you act or what you want to do while you're here. I'm not going to judge you.”
Those last words make Hyukjae look up at Donghae. No judgment. He takes a quick breath and holds his left hand out to Donghae. Curiously, Donghae takes it in his own and looks at it. It takes him only a few seconds before he sees the patch of skin on Hyukjae's ring finger that is a fraction lighter than the rest of his hand.
“Where's the ring?” Donghae asks, curious but not demanding.
“In my pocket,” Hyukjae answers. “I took it off weeks ago. But she hasn't even noticed.”
“Are you... getting a divorce?” Donghae asks hesitantly.
Hyukjae nods. “I've got my lawyers lined up. She doesn't know yet. And I figured I might as well spend my money now just in case this is the last I see of it.” He looks to Donghae and smiles. “I think I've spent it well today.”
“That's a relief.” Donghae grins. He moves a little closer and put his hand on Hyukjae's thigh. “You know, your time isn't up yet.” He moves his hand up. “You can still get more for your money.”
Hyukjae sees a devious look in Donghae's eyes. Suddenly, he feels he can't help himself. He playfully tackles Donghae to the bed and Donghae looks up at him, biting his lip to poorly conceal an eager grin. Hyukjae runs a hand down Donghae's clothed chest.
“Does this place have its own gym or something?” Hyukjae asks, fascinated as he feels Donghae's muscles.
Donghae laughs. “I like to keep myself in shape,” he answers.
Hyukjae raises an eyebrow. “I wanna see.” Donghae sits up and lets Hyukjae pull his shirt off. “Oh,” Hyukjae says. “You really are in shape. A very sexy shape.”
Donghae laughs again and covers his face. “Where was this happy side of you ten minutes ago?” he asks, putting his arms behind his head and grinning up at Hyukjae.
“I guess you coaxed this out of me,” Hyukjae says genuinely but still with a smile. “And it makes me wonder what I can coax out of you.” He then leans down and kisses Donghae's chest, experimentally brushing his lips over Donghae's warm skin. Donghae reaches an encouraging hand down to pet Hyukjae's hair. Hyukjae starts to kiss lower but quickly moves back up and hovers over Donghae.
Hyukjae is hesitant but soon he leans down and nudges Donghae's nose with his own. And then he kisses him. At first it's a soft press of lips but soon it has Donghae rapidly unbuttoning Hyukjae's shirt and tossing it aside. Then Hyukjae's tongue is in Donghae's mouth and their bare chests are brushing together. Hyukjae is hard again and he reaches down, subtly adjusting himself within his pants so that he can press his obvious erection against Donghae's leg.
Donghae pulls away from Hyukjae's mouth and looks up at him. They keep their eyes locked as Donghae reaches his hand into his own pants and adjusts himself as well. He then uses both of his hands to grope Hyukjae's ass and pull it down until their cocks are grinding together.
“What is this, middle school?” Hyukjae asks despite the way his hips are practically moving on their own to create more friction.
“You complaining?” Donghae shoots back, hooking his legs around Hyukjae's and pulling their bodies closer together.
Hyukjae responds by letting his head fall face first into the pillow next to Hyukjae's head. He hears Donghae's heavy breathing as they grind together. He delights in the way Donghae tenses around him when he rolls his hips down at just the right angle.
“I'm seriously gonna come if you keep doing that,” Donghae breathes and it delights Hyukjae further.
“And?” Hyukjae teases, turning his head to bite Donghae's ear.
“And I don't want to come in my pants,” Donghae clarifies, trying to keep calm while Hyukjae is still mercilessly grinding against him.
“Would you rather come in my mouth?” Hyukjae asks and Donghae practically groans.
“Yes please,” Donghae says and Hyukjae suddenly stops moving and pulls away. “What's wrong?” Donghae asks, his breaths rapid.
“I've never, um... given... I've only received,” he tries to explain. “I mean... not like... I just mean... orally. I've never gone down on a guy.”
This confession has Donghae's face going from blank to mischievous. He unzips his pants and pulls them down, letting his erection spring free. And then he grins at Hyukjae as he strokes himself.
“Just remember not to use your teeth and to use your hands,” Donghae coaches.
Nervous but willing, Hyukjae lies between Donghae's legs and watches as Donghae touches himself. He then leans forward and, with a wet tongue, he gives a lick to the head of Donghae's erection. And then he gives another and another. Donghae keeps stroking himself as Hyukjae takes just the head into his mouth and gently sucks.
“Good,” Donghae encourages in a sultry voice that makes Hyukjae shiver. Donghae uses his free hand to pet Hyukjae's hair again and Hyukjae closes his eyes. It makes Hyukjae feel submissive but powerful. And he likes it.
He takes a little more of Donghae into his mouth, leaving little room for Donghae's hand. He feels his pants straining tightly against his own erection. It's almost painful but the tiny bits of friction that he gets as he sucks Donghae's cock are so pleasurable that he wishes his pants were even tighter.
“You're doing so good,” Donghae keeps encouraging. His fingers massage Hyukjae's scalp and control the pace of Hyukjae's movements. “Why don't you take a little more?” He removes his other hand and places it on Hyukjae's head as well. Hyukjae obeys and lets Donghae push his head down further. He wets Donghae's cock with his saliva and takes it as far into his mouth as he can manage. When he suddenly feels like he's about to choke, he pulls back abruptly.
“Sorry,” Hyukjae apologizes as he catches his breath.
“Don't apologize,” Donghae says, brushing the back of his fingers against Hyukjae's cheek. “Whatever you can't take with your mouth, touch with your hand. And... with your other hand...” Donghae pauses to shift his foot and brush it against the erection pressing painfully against the front of Hyukjae's pants, “touch yourself.”
Donghae settles back again as Hyukjae's mouth surrounds him again. Hyukjae does as he is told and uses his hand as well as his mouth to please Donghae. His other hand unbuttons his own pants and slips inside. As soon as he starts touching himself, his mouth begins to move faster. He becomes desperate for his own release and, in return, he brings Donghae closer to his.
“You're so perfect,” Donghae says as he tugs on Hyukjae's hair, controlling him. “Your mouth is so perfect.” When Hyukjae suddenly groans around him, he lets out a whine.
Hyukjae is desperate to make Donghae come undone. He strokes as quickly as he can and works his tongue and mouth around the tip. He tastes Donghae's orgasm before he feels it. And then, Donghae is tensing and groaning until Hyukjae's mouth is full. It is an unpleasant taste but Hyukjae swallows until there's nothing left.
“You didn't have to swallow it,” Donghae says as he sits up. And then, as he looks down at Hyukjae, he sees a pained face and red cheeks. He sees a beautiful, pale, slender back that leads down to pants that are pulled down just enough to show a hint of Hyukjae's very tempting ass. And then he sees that Hyukjae is still rocking into his own hand, searching for his release. He is still on his knees, legs spread apart with one hand balancing himself on the bed and the other down his pants. “Stop,” Donghae commands and Hyukjae stops abruptly. “Don't move.”
Hyukjae doesn't move. He lets Donghae pull his pants down and off of his body completely. He stays on his hands and knees while Donghae slides underneath him and puts his mouth around his cock once more. An involuntary noise of pleasure leaves his mouth and he finds himself looking down at Donghae's slowly hardening cock.
Donghae is deliberately being slow, not letting Hyukjae come just yet. In retaliation, Hyukjae reaches down and gently rubs his finger against Donghae's perineum. He then slowly moves down and continues this rubbing motion around Donghae's opening. He hears a moan and feels Donghae speed up ever so slightly. Deciding that he needs to take things a step further, he takes Donghae into his mouth again and quickly strokes him. This makes Donghae speed up his movements as well.
Hyukjae is so close to coming that he can hardly stand it. Still, he manages to hold out as long as he can, determined to make Donghae come again. When he finally reaches his orgasm, he takes Donghae with him. He thrusts himself into Donghae's mouth as he comes and soon, Donghae is doing the same. This time, he's prepared and he swallows without a second thought. He then rolls onto his back and collapses onto Donghae's bed.
“You play dirty,” Donghae accuses.
“And you love it,” Hyukjae accuses back.
Hyukjae feels as if he should be disgusted when Donghae crawls over to him and kisses him. Instead, he pulls Donghae closer and kisses him back. They lazily kiss and touch each other until some sort of strange ringtone has them pulling apart.
“Time's up,” Donghae claims. He stands and finds his pants. He pulls a phone out of one of the pockets and turns it off. “You can use my bathroom to clean up if you want.”
Hyukjae nods and hums out a response. He practically stumbles out of the bed and picks up his clothes before he enters Donghae's bathroom. He washes himself up as best as he can in the sink and uses some of Donghae's mouthwash to freshen up his mouth. He then puts his clothes on and looks at himself in the mirror. He looks at his own face curiously and can't help feeling that he looks thoroughly satisfied.
When he exits the bathroom, Donghae is on the bed, playing with his phone. He looks up at Hyukjae and smiles. “Today was fun,” he said.
“Yeah,” Hyukjae agrees. “Thanks for... this. I enjoyed it. Really.”
“So did I,” Donghae replies. Hyukjae is aware that Donghae probably says this to everyone. Still, he believes him.
“I guess I'll go now,” Hyukjae says. “Good luck with... well, work.”
“Good luck with the, um, divorce,” Donghae says awkwardly.
Hyukjae suddenly remembers why he had come here in the first place and he feels as if his insides are sinking in his chest. “Thanks,” he says solemnly.
“Sorry,” Donghae replies. “But I really do help it goes well. And, uh, if you ever need to spend some more money...”
Hyukjae grins at the playful statement. “You get a lot of repeat customers?” he asks.
“Sometimes,” Donghae replies. “Most people find it hard to stay away.”
“I suppose I can understand that.” There is a moment of silence between them as they smile at each other. And then Hyukjae puts his sunglasses on and starts to turn. “Goodbye, Donghae.”
“Bye, Hyukjae.”
Hyukjae slips into his shoes and walks out the door. As he descends the stairs, each flight brings his anxiety back to him. The further he gets from Donghae's room, the more scared he feels about what he is about to return to. With the thought that he will return someday, Hyukjae exits the building and returns to his normal life.