i'm not dead... yet.
you know how you try to make plans to do something, or to get a better grip on something, and something else comes along that blows all of your plans up? that's definitely what's happened. i thought working two jobs would be simple since the restaurant is only open until 9 at the latest and i was only working two days a week. well... i thought wrong. turns out, people love to walk in to a restaurant at 8:30 when the sign clearly says we close at 8:30. and i'm not talking one or two diners; friday night, a table of 8 came in two minutes before closing. luckily, i'd drawn the short straw since we were slow and got to go home early. also, i'm suddenly working all five days the place is open. anywho, i'm gettiing off topic.
for those of you that i don't talk to outside of lj, i've recently decided to go back to school full time. i am 100%, super mega-duper massive amounts of bouncy excited for this. however, the one person i really wanted and need the support from doesn't like the idea. don't get me wrong, he's glad that i'm going back to school; he just thinks that me quitting my "good government career" is stupid. now, let me interject here that my "career" offers no benefits and i only work 30 hours a week. i have to drive an hour to get there, and the job itself is just not for me. i hate shuffling papers and calling people and dealing with people who want alcohol when they really have no business drinking the shit. the politics drives me insane, and the amount of bitching and complaining i have to hear every. single. day. is pushing me to a breaking point. my dad, being the way he is, says, "You just have to deal with that shit in government." He doesn't understand that this is not a job i can grow in, nor am i interested in growing in it. and he won't shut up long enough for me to tell him this. it's frustrating, to say the least. he says his main concern is that i won't have money to get by on, and he can't give me any. i have not, nor will i, ask him to give me money. i'm taking full responsibility for myself and my expenses. i know how to work a small, low-stress, part-time job while in school. i've done it before. he's also worried that i don't have everything lined up and that something will happen to keep me from going. granted, in the past there have been things that kept me from going; i let those things keep me from going- i wasn't interested in going back to school. but this time, i want this so much that i will go, if i have to pay for it on a weekly payment plan. he doesn't get that. my dad is by no means stupid. he is, however, firmly of the southern beliefs that if you have a job, you shouldn't leave a stable income for something uncertain.
well, dad, with no risk, there is no reward.
in all honesty, i'm scared as hell that i'm going to go through all of this and still not be able to support myself. i'm scared that i'll move into a dorm and find that my roommate is an 18 year old supermodel genius, that i won't fit in, that i won't be able to keep up with the work, and i'm scared that i'll fail miserably, and get a big. giant, disappointed "i told you so." but i can't tell him any of this... if he knew, he'd tell me not to do it. and there goes my self-confidence, independence, and pride out the window, riding shotgun with my reward. how would i live with myself?
lol ok, i didn't start this to be a whiny little brat, spewing woe-is-me and wah, my daddy won't buy me something. basically, i meant to say that soon, like within the next two weeks, my time should be freeing up some, and i'll be able to get back to writing. these two part-time jobs have been causing full-time exhaustion. -_-
for those of you that i don't talk to outside of lj, i've recently decided to go back to school full time. i am 100%, super mega-duper massive amounts of bouncy excited for this. however, the one person i really wanted and need the support from doesn't like the idea. don't get me wrong, he's glad that i'm going back to school; he just thinks that me quitting my "good government career" is stupid. now, let me interject here that my "career" offers no benefits and i only work 30 hours a week. i have to drive an hour to get there, and the job itself is just not for me. i hate shuffling papers and calling people and dealing with people who want alcohol when they really have no business drinking the shit. the politics drives me insane, and the amount of bitching and complaining i have to hear every. single. day. is pushing me to a breaking point. my dad, being the way he is, says, "You just have to deal with that shit in government." He doesn't understand that this is not a job i can grow in, nor am i interested in growing in it. and he won't shut up long enough for me to tell him this. it's frustrating, to say the least. he says his main concern is that i won't have money to get by on, and he can't give me any. i have not, nor will i, ask him to give me money. i'm taking full responsibility for myself and my expenses. i know how to work a small, low-stress, part-time job while in school. i've done it before. he's also worried that i don't have everything lined up and that something will happen to keep me from going. granted, in the past there have been things that kept me from going; i let those things keep me from going- i wasn't interested in going back to school. but this time, i want this so much that i will go, if i have to pay for it on a weekly payment plan. he doesn't get that. my dad is by no means stupid. he is, however, firmly of the southern beliefs that if you have a job, you shouldn't leave a stable income for something uncertain.
well, dad, with no risk, there is no reward.
in all honesty, i'm scared as hell that i'm going to go through all of this and still not be able to support myself. i'm scared that i'll move into a dorm and find that my roommate is an 18 year old supermodel genius, that i won't fit in, that i won't be able to keep up with the work, and i'm scared that i'll fail miserably, and get a big. giant, disappointed "i told you so." but i can't tell him any of this... if he knew, he'd tell me not to do it. and there goes my self-confidence, independence, and pride out the window, riding shotgun with my reward. how would i live with myself?
lol ok, i didn't start this to be a whiny little brat, spewing woe-is-me and wah, my daddy won't buy me something. basically, i meant to say that soon, like within the next two weeks, my time should be freeing up some, and i'll be able to get back to writing. these two part-time jobs have been causing full-time exhaustion. -_-