just...whatever
so, yesterday was my last day with ABC. i don't have a "great government job" anymore. and you know, i'm feeling somewhat giddy over it. i'd been there three years (exactly three years lol), and over the last six months or so I have been increasingly resentful and listless with it; i couldn't make myself do the work, despite the threats from my boss and the complaints. i didn't like the work, i didn't want to do it, and i knew that job wasn't going to be my career. i couldn't see myself being there forever, like the other woman who did the job full time (i was part- time, grant funded, no benefits). my coworkers, except for rachel and teresa, were great, i had no problems working with them, and i enjoyed bs'ing with them. teresa was a bit hard to deal with; she was set in her ways and tended to be rude (and downright mean sometimes) to rachel, she had very strong opinions on things she didn't really know about, and could be very underhanded if she wanted. but, for the most part, it was a good job. someone who doesn't have a specific life course in mind, or someone who just wants a job instead of loving their work (i don't mean to sound snotty here, i'm just recognizing that there are people who pursue their loves, and people who don't. there's nothing wrong with just having a 'job' instead of a career) would be very well suited for it. it was stay-at-work work, meaning i didn't have to bring anything home to work on, the hours were good, and it was a supportive atmosphere. just not the job for me.
i considered rachel a friend, we got together outside of work for various reasons and i was set to be her maid of honor at her wedding in november. she got on my nerves alot, but she was the one i worked with the most, so i made the best out of our friendship. i'd found more than once where she'd trashed me and my life choices to her various friends, but i kept my mouth shut and let her rant; i know that sometimes, people just need to vent. there were several occasions that her venting made me feel like she looked down on me, like she was better than me, but i never said anything. i didn't want to be "that friend", the one who only has friends because of convenience. i'm not going to lie, i'd vented about her on several occasions, but once i got the immediate irritation off my chest, i let it go and forgot about it, choosing instead to see the good in her. but maybe i shouldn't have. when i left the office yesterday for the last time, i said "bye, talk to you this weekend," and she said, "Ok!" like there was nothing on her mind. but, the second i got on the interstate, she sent me an email basically telling me that she'd looked far enough back on my twitter account to see where i'd trashed her. i don't remember saying anything much on twitter about her, aside from going veil shopping, but, hey, i forget things. i know i don't want to go back through four months of tweets to find it. i can't decide if it's creepy or lame that she did. and she mentioned something about my best friend calling her names on her twitter as well... i don't tell people what to put on their statuses. she also said that she didn't want to be my friend anymore. but you know... i'm not really all that hurt by it. idk if i'm just not good at being real-world social or not, but there's a reason that there's only a few, a very minimal few, people i'm attached to. and this is a good example. had i honestly cared for her and wanted to be her friend, i would be crushed right now, or maybe i wouldn't have said anything at all... i dunno. but i honestly don't remember what i said. what i do know is she's one less person i have to worry about maintaining a friendship with. and i really am sort of tired of feeling like a fake friend; i felt like if i said anything that could be construed as negative, i'd make her mad and that would make for a really awkward work situation. i felt like i couldn't give a completely honest opinion of her without her getting mad. had our paths crossed in a different way, i don't think we would have been friends. i think we were friends because we saw each other almost every day for three years, so it was easy to just talk and fall into that "since you're here" relationship. reminds me of high school, kinda.
so there's a little insight to me, i guess. i realize that on lj, almost everyone is at arm's length from everyone else, but i hope i don't seem cold or distant from you guys. you're all on my f-list because we have similar interests, and common interests bonds a friendship.
so... thanks, ladies, for friending me. and if you just spent the last however long reading me being a snotty person...sorry. i don't keep a handwritten journal. xD
♥
i considered rachel a friend, we got together outside of work for various reasons and i was set to be her maid of honor at her wedding in november. she got on my nerves alot, but she was the one i worked with the most, so i made the best out of our friendship. i'd found more than once where she'd trashed me and my life choices to her various friends, but i kept my mouth shut and let her rant; i know that sometimes, people just need to vent. there were several occasions that her venting made me feel like she looked down on me, like she was better than me, but i never said anything. i didn't want to be "that friend", the one who only has friends because of convenience. i'm not going to lie, i'd vented about her on several occasions, but once i got the immediate irritation off my chest, i let it go and forgot about it, choosing instead to see the good in her. but maybe i shouldn't have. when i left the office yesterday for the last time, i said "bye, talk to you this weekend," and she said, "Ok!" like there was nothing on her mind. but, the second i got on the interstate, she sent me an email basically telling me that she'd looked far enough back on my twitter account to see where i'd trashed her. i don't remember saying anything much on twitter about her, aside from going veil shopping, but, hey, i forget things. i know i don't want to go back through four months of tweets to find it. i can't decide if it's creepy or lame that she did. and she mentioned something about my best friend calling her names on her twitter as well... i don't tell people what to put on their statuses. she also said that she didn't want to be my friend anymore. but you know... i'm not really all that hurt by it. idk if i'm just not good at being real-world social or not, but there's a reason that there's only a few, a very minimal few, people i'm attached to. and this is a good example. had i honestly cared for her and wanted to be her friend, i would be crushed right now, or maybe i wouldn't have said anything at all... i dunno. but i honestly don't remember what i said. what i do know is she's one less person i have to worry about maintaining a friendship with. and i really am sort of tired of feeling like a fake friend; i felt like if i said anything that could be construed as negative, i'd make her mad and that would make for a really awkward work situation. i felt like i couldn't give a completely honest opinion of her without her getting mad. had our paths crossed in a different way, i don't think we would have been friends. i think we were friends because we saw each other almost every day for three years, so it was easy to just talk and fall into that "since you're here" relationship. reminds me of high school, kinda.
so there's a little insight to me, i guess. i realize that on lj, almost everyone is at arm's length from everyone else, but i hope i don't seem cold or distant from you guys. you're all on my f-list because we have similar interests, and common interests bonds a friendship.
so... thanks, ladies, for friending me. and if you just spent the last however long reading me being a snotty person...sorry. i don't keep a handwritten journal. xD
♥