musings that result from boredom
i've come to the conclusion that the world is full of he said/ she said, judgments that disguise themselves as poorly thought-out opinions, and people who are so closed-minded that the jaws of life couldn't open them. i'm wondering how much i fight for what i believe in, and how much i should let go, resulting in people walking around severely misinformed because they only want to look at one side of something. it's very disconcerting to think that most of the world doesn't care what actually has happened in favor of believing blindly what they've been told. here's why.
about a month ago, a really good friend of mine broke up with her boyfriend of six years and was immediately involved with someone else. now, for someone who is just on the outskirts of my friend's life (let's call her...ann), it looks as though she'd been cheating on her unsuspecting and innocent previous boyfriend (let's call him...todd) with this new man (whom i'll say is george- because i feel this story needs a george). it also seems as though ann has done this unforgivable act in complete selfishness, leaving todd broken hearted and alone.
alas, a story is almost never as it seems. unfortunately, not everyone cares enough about ann to, you know, ask what happened.
as it turns out, ann didn't come to her decision lightly, and nor was she cheating on todd. in all actuality, ann had been on anti-depressants because of the way todd acted- no life's direction or ambition, assumed that ann would never leave him for any reason, and never presented himself to care about her or her problems. not to mention, todd had proposed to ann four years ago, and still made no move to show her that he actually wanted to marry her.
enter george. george is a fantastic guy- all his ducks in a row, shows her on a daily, if not more often, basis that he wants her in his life, and never acts as though her problems are trivial. don't get me wrong- he's not stuck up her butt, either. they have separate identities, and it's not unusual to see ann without george and vice versa. it's still a new relationship, so there will be kinks, but overall they work very well together.
todd (naturally) hates this new life of his. he calls or texts ann every day to tell her how she's screwed up his life and/or how her new beau is a horrible, undeserving wretch of a man who has no right to even be near ann. this, of course, upsets ann. in turn, george gets upset. and suddenly, everyone is mad.
why?
because todd never stopped to think, "hey, maybe ann would like..." and now, he regrets it. but this is all beside the point.
todd and ann had lots of friends. some they spoke to every day, some not so much. so, todd reached out to the people they didn't see or speak to very often to tell them that ann had left him for another man, one who is very irreputable and should not be welcomed into their homes. most believed him. most took his words and decided to side with him in his quest to hurt ann without even knowing what they were doing. however, there were a couple who either didn't care either way, or decided to look at both sides.
ann's side is that she was living in a relationship that made her unhappy to the point she needed anti-depressants. so, she left.
todd's side is that ann shouldn't be with anyone but him, and she needs to come back. he's unfulfilled without her.
but the ones who made their judgment based on todd's words didn't care about the background of the story. ann had dumped todd for an undeserving man.
the thing that really unnerves me is that when one who looks at both sides tries to speak to one who's sided with todd, todd's friend doesn't consider ann's happiness. they just see todd's side, and refuses to even think about where ann is coming from. it's like (to me, anyway) the one who is open-minded enough to care about both sides is always wrong. i think, honestly, that there is no right or wrong here...there is only (well, should be, anyway) friendship and understanding for both sides.
i mean, when ross and rachel broke up, did their group go through he said/ she said? no, they were friends with both ross and rachel. so i ask: why can't that happen in real life? why is it so hard to keep an open mind and try to consider where both involved parties are coming from? neither one is right or wrong... one just took control of her life.
about a month ago, a really good friend of mine broke up with her boyfriend of six years and was immediately involved with someone else. now, for someone who is just on the outskirts of my friend's life (let's call her...ann), it looks as though she'd been cheating on her unsuspecting and innocent previous boyfriend (let's call him...todd) with this new man (whom i'll say is george- because i feel this story needs a george). it also seems as though ann has done this unforgivable act in complete selfishness, leaving todd broken hearted and alone.
alas, a story is almost never as it seems. unfortunately, not everyone cares enough about ann to, you know, ask what happened.
as it turns out, ann didn't come to her decision lightly, and nor was she cheating on todd. in all actuality, ann had been on anti-depressants because of the way todd acted- no life's direction or ambition, assumed that ann would never leave him for any reason, and never presented himself to care about her or her problems. not to mention, todd had proposed to ann four years ago, and still made no move to show her that he actually wanted to marry her.
enter george. george is a fantastic guy- all his ducks in a row, shows her on a daily, if not more often, basis that he wants her in his life, and never acts as though her problems are trivial. don't get me wrong- he's not stuck up her butt, either. they have separate identities, and it's not unusual to see ann without george and vice versa. it's still a new relationship, so there will be kinks, but overall they work very well together.
todd (naturally) hates this new life of his. he calls or texts ann every day to tell her how she's screwed up his life and/or how her new beau is a horrible, undeserving wretch of a man who has no right to even be near ann. this, of course, upsets ann. in turn, george gets upset. and suddenly, everyone is mad.
why?
because todd never stopped to think, "hey, maybe ann would like..." and now, he regrets it. but this is all beside the point.
todd and ann had lots of friends. some they spoke to every day, some not so much. so, todd reached out to the people they didn't see or speak to very often to tell them that ann had left him for another man, one who is very irreputable and should not be welcomed into their homes. most believed him. most took his words and decided to side with him in his quest to hurt ann without even knowing what they were doing. however, there were a couple who either didn't care either way, or decided to look at both sides.
ann's side is that she was living in a relationship that made her unhappy to the point she needed anti-depressants. so, she left.
todd's side is that ann shouldn't be with anyone but him, and she needs to come back. he's unfulfilled without her.
but the ones who made their judgment based on todd's words didn't care about the background of the story. ann had dumped todd for an undeserving man.
the thing that really unnerves me is that when one who looks at both sides tries to speak to one who's sided with todd, todd's friend doesn't consider ann's happiness. they just see todd's side, and refuses to even think about where ann is coming from. it's like (to me, anyway) the one who is open-minded enough to care about both sides is always wrong. i think, honestly, that there is no right or wrong here...there is only (well, should be, anyway) friendship and understanding for both sides.
i mean, when ross and rachel broke up, did their group go through he said/ she said? no, they were friends with both ross and rachel. so i ask: why can't that happen in real life? why is it so hard to keep an open mind and try to consider where both involved parties are coming from? neither one is right or wrong... one just took control of her life.