A: So I’ve got the hemorrhoids.
B: Oh really? How do you know…did you see your doctor?
A: Well, no, but my mirror gasped when I spread ‘em. I just figured it knows what it knows, you know?
B: You’re a fag.

fin

This is rubbish ( Read more... )

"Sometimes I can't read," the little beetle said to the old man with the walking stick. The beetle lay on his back, his two front legs resting behind his head, and he had an apathetic look on his face. The old man twirled his walking stick, jiggled his jowls, and put his boot down, just inches from the beetle's armored and yet feeble body. "I'm ( Read more... )

So I'm looking up into the eyes of a stranger - big green things, bloodshot, and tearing up fast. I know I'll feel guilty when I see the tears stream, so I hit him again, fist to cheekbone, and he goes down. My hand is aching and I kick him a few times in the stomach, and walk away ( Read more... )

If I can just keep my eyes open, then it's possible.

Where's motivation when you need it?

If a penguin in a yellow tuxedo exists, he probably doesn't have many friends. He is too flashy, and he cock blocks all his male associates. He wants to dazzle and sizzle. He likes eating at fancy restaurants and leaving big tips, and then he gets wasted at a karaoke bar and sings Foreigner. Sometimes he punches bag ladies because they give him ( Read more... )

"Shhhhh," she said.

Huh?

"Shhhhhhhhh."

What? But I think tha....

"Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh."

Don't you think that it's important? We need to...

"Shush, you. Just...be."

Oh.

"Mmhhmm."

...

"..."

Lovely.

I fidget. I do not know how to stop this.

Eyes, by Rogue Wave.

Heard it a million times before. But, it seems even better now.

If not favorite, then a nearly perfect song, nonetheless.

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There are some odd similarities between Woody Allen's character and my life. Some are stretches, others...well, not so much.