I'll be back
Title: "I'll be back"
Author: Pokky4ever
Chapter: One-shot
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Kaoru X Toshiya
Summary: "The next snowstorm, I'll be back. Wait for me, okay?"
Comments: Hyaa! This was my first fanfic and my first post to this community! Comments are welcomed and I hoped you enjoyed it ^__^
I am running through the snowstorm, the pendant you gave me underneath my small coat. Snow is blinding my vision, but I know where I'm going. I bump into people, but I don't have time to say sorry and the cold wind doesn't make my condition any better. I am cold but it won't stop me.. Not this time.
"Toshimasa-kun!!!"
I hear Shinya calling after me. But it won't make me stop. I know, I somehow know your coming back today, like you promised.
*************************
- Flashback, 3 years ago, Kyoto, 1536 -
I remember.. really clearly. It was nightfall, and all the villagers were asleep.. and some were saying farewell to their husbands, fathers, brothers or cousins. Everything was dark, only the whiteness of the snowstorm and the full moon was shining. The snow was stangely calm, even though the weather was awfully bad. We were under the sleeping sakura tree we knew so well.
"A war is to come.. and I am needed.. I have to leave by tomorow."
'I still remember those spoken words...
"Please! Please bring me with you! I... I can not... " a single tear fell from my soaked eyes, and you gently stroked it away. "I can not bear to live the rest of my life without you... Kaoru... and.. I don't care if it's forbidden.." this I said in a faint whisper.
"You are still 15. You need to stay here to take care of your grandmother and Shinya. What will they do if you come with me? Shinya is still growing up and he needs a model he could trust and your grandmother needs your support and your help." you told me with a warm smile, but your eyes seemed elsewhere... almost.. blank. I couldn't make it out well.. I didn't wanted to admit you were right..
"But.. I... No! They could go on without me, Kaoru! I..." more tears felt.. I hated it, but I was so stubborn and young. Your hand was carressing my face..
"Totchi.." then, you handed me your pendant. "Take this.." I was amazed by this sudden action. "But, Kaoru! I can't! This belongs to your great-great grandfather! It's the Niikura Family's most precious possesion!" "Totchi.. My father once told me that this pendant was a symbol of an undying love and whoever wears it will always be protected and safe. He was an incredible warrior and he gave it to me, then passed away. I.. I found my undying love already. I found you and it's enough to keep me alive because I'll know that when I'll be away, you'll be safe."
"I.. but.." I was at lost of words to say. I felt somewhat, happy for you to consider me that way.
"Look, I'll promise you something, okay?" I could only nod. "When it will snow like this, like tonight, the next snowstorm, I'll be back. Wait for me here, maybe not at the same day, maybe not at the same time, but wait for me here, okay?"
"I... you.. promise, right?"
"Yes. I promise."
... like it was yesterday.'
And, we shared together, our last moment, our last embrace, our last kiss, our last goodbye...
- End of Flashback -
********************************
I am still running, away from Shinya, and nearer to the sakura tree. The weather condition had become worst and I finally reach it. I am standing under the sleeping sakura tree, panting hard and trying to catch my breath. I swear, running away from Shinya isn't an easy task. I look around me to see people hurrying up to seek shelter in their houses. I am soon left alone, face to face to the tree. It didn't change at all, but somehow, I can feel it dying, little by little. Since you've been away, it's colors seems to fade more and more, it's petals seems to wither faster and faster and it brings sadness and sorrow to my heart, watching it die alone. I can't even help it. I've tried to pretend to be strong all this time until now, but I feel somehow.. lonely. I didn't cry when you went to war and didn't come back these last 2 years and I won't cry.. It will only show how weak I am truely inside.... But I'm still stubborn as ever. Maybe.. Maybe they were right after all. Maybe, you are, dead... This word.. I.. no! You can't be! A sharp pain went through my chest as I say this sinful word. It hurts me, just to think of you that way. I rethink of every single days that went by since the day we met. Since the day I met you, I craved for our first embrace, our first kiss....
********************************
- Flashback, 5 years ago, Kyoto, 1534
I remember.. really clearly. It was a december afternoon and I went into your family's garden, bringing Shinya with me, to come play with you. ' We had met two weeks after my 9th day of birth, and since then, I've felt for my new neighbor and best friend. I have fallen deeply in love with you, and this love was strong, though I didn't knew how to really express it.' The main door of your house oppened slowly, then, you have greeted me with your usual and graceful smile.
"Ah! Totchi and Shin-chan! You are here earlier than we'd planned." you said, smiling cheerfuly at me and him.
"Shin-chan was impatient to see you today..." 'and me too' I wanted to say.
'I still remember the spoken words..
***
"It's time to go home. I'll see you tomorow, Kaoru-kun."
I went home, with a heavy heart.. This day, I wanted to tell you how I felt. I was still 13 but I was determined and I just couldn't back off. That's why I crept into your chamber to see you at nightfall.
"Totchi! Ow! What are you doing here?!" you almost yelled with utter surprise, affraid you might wake up your family. "It's past midnight! Your grandmother must be worried!" you then came towards me, holding my shoulders. "She doesn't know.. and I wanted... to speak to you.." I said, almost whispering. My heart was racing fast and I felt uncomftable, but I wouldn't back off. There was silence that seemed to last about more than half an hour, and I closed my eyes. "Totchi? Is something wrong?" this sentence somehow made me come back to Earth. I gulped and put my courage back up and your hands on my shoulders helped me relax. "Kaoru-san... you.. You helped me so many times, I can't even count with my fingers. You were there for me when my mother died of sickness last spring and you supported me, to smile again, to live again... I.. want to say thank you, for everything you did for me and Shinya. You are like a big brother I will never have. But.... I... um.. somehow, the feelings I have for you are more than brotherly love. You are my best friend, even though you are 3 years older than me... I... " I took a deep and long breath. "I know I shouldn't be feeling this way towards you right now. I mean.. you.. well.. You are going to have to find a wife soon and all and.. I should be ashamed of myself right now but..." I was interrupted by your lips.. those smooth and silky lips of yours.. It was a sudden move and my eyes were shot open but soon voluntarily closed. The kiss was a long one as I melted when you started to put passion into it and I drew my arms around your strong back. I felt your tongue begging for entrance and I let it in. You tasted exactly of sweet and smelled like autumn's calm breeze. Then, I felt your warm hands on my flushed cheeks. We both fell on our knees, never breaking the silent bond we shared . You let go of me for air, much like I needed it too.
You looked at me in the eyes and I could see something I never thought possible of seeing. There was sincerity... and love? "Kaoru..?" I managed to ask, after half recovering from my little experiment. You didn't reply but instead, you took me in your arms. I responded to your embrace without hesitation. "Totchi.. I love you." you whispered into my ear then I met your sweet brown eyes. I was astonished. "I love you since I first laid eye on you. I know it's wrong to feel this way but I can't help it. I'm tired of denying it. Toshimasa, I want to be with you, I want to make love to you... and I want you to love me, even though we have to hide it, I don't care." You kissed me again, with more pressure this time. I didn't give you a straight answer, but what we did prove that it was indeed meant to be. I was willing to hide our relationship, to keep it a secret and to be happy with you.
...like it was yesterday...'
We first made love that december night. It was hard not to scream when you pushed within me for the first time, but it was even harder to try and keep our moans down before reaching pure exctasy. And when the first morning rays appeared, I answered back, by confessing you I loved you too.
- End of Flashback -
*******************************
Now, I am having a headache for letting my mind wander too far for too long. I don't know how many minutes or hours I've been here outside, standing here. Have I fallen asleep? Fallen asleep without noticing? The wind had stopped, but it is still cold and snowing. I told you, right? That snow made me think of you. But I'm still stubborn as ever. Maybe... Maybe Shinya was right. Maybe you really are dead... I can't stop the tears from falling anymore. It's too hard to bear this fact. You didn't come last year, and it did snow like this. Why would you come today? Why would it be any different? My sobs are becoming cries, as I cry with the sleeping sakura tree. My legs are weak and I let myself fall on the white and cold ground, crying every single tears I've tried to hold back.
"... D.. Don't leave me.... Kaoru..." I finally say those words, those words I should have told you 3 years ago as my hands grasp to your pendant. My hopes are all vanished and you are still not back.
"... I... Kaoru.. *chocked sob*... I love you..."
*Foot steps*
A hand on my shoulder wake me back to reality. I look up, to see it was only Shinya's caring and sad face. My head falls back in they're formal position, before he came.
"Toshimasa-kun, let's go home.You will catch a fever or a sickness. It is cold and mother will be worried if something happens to you." he said, with his deep and sweet voice, leaving my shoulder.
Why? Why go home?
"Toshimasa-kun... Kaoru-san will be worried too." he holds me, with his petite figure. Crushed. Again by this name. More tears are cascading onto my freezing cheeks and I hold Shinya back, hold him tight. It was a promise... why aren't you back? Kaoru... Kaoru...
The first morning rays appears, and I answer you back, by confessing I'll always wait for you
and,
I love you too.
FIN.