Long-lost Fanfic
So, I found a fanfic that I wrote a loooooong time ago, like.. early 2007. Wow, I cannot believe it's been that long since I've been a fan.
Well, I decided to post it up and finally show myself.. again?
Title: Everything (He Still Is) April 3-4, 2007.
Author: pokogo (I may have or not posted this on another long-forgotten journal)
Genre: Fluff, drama, character death :(
Rated: PG-13
Disclaimer: Does anyone really care about disclaimers anymore? Um.
A/N: So, I wrote a fanfic like three years ago. Just opened up the file and read it over and I couldn't even remember writing it at all.
It's not all that great, and I never intended it to be read by others, so I'm sorry if the sentences are really fragmented and such, when I read it, of course I know exactly the way I want the tones and whatnot.
I can't believe I killed someone in this :( I hate character death fics.
“So, tell me about him.”
Him? He was so… beautiful, smart, nice… so everything.
“Everything? Isn’t that an exaggeration, to say he was your entire world?”
No… if you met him, you’d know.
“Did you love him?”
I still do.
My first time checking out a book at the library; he was there. It was around midterms, he had a whole pile of books at his table. I remember going up to him, and asking if I could borrow one for a while. He said sure and gave me the book. After a while, I returned it and left.
I came back again the next week. I was looking for a book for an English essay. He was in the same spot as before, it was like he never left. He must’ve heard me and recognized me from before because he came up when I was asking the librarian. He told me he just finished reading it and it was a great book, asked if I wanted to borrow it from him if I wanted.
“So that’s how you met.”
Who would’ve thought it would turn out to be so much more.
After that, I came back to the library more often. We would talk a bit, about school, girls, families. But then summer came along, and he was going back to Korea to visit his family. He attended a private school on scholarship here and lived in the dorms alone.
So he left and I went to hang out with all my high school friends. We played basketball until dusk, went to parties until dawn. The summer vacation was long, I almost forgot about him.
“But you didn’t.”
I don’t think I could ever. Not him.
Summer was almost at an end, and he came back. We caught up and went out places. One night, I invited him out to a beach party. It was a lot of fun. There was a huge bonfire, drinks and dance.
I don’t know how it happened, it just did. We were in a huge crowd with the music blaring. But then he pulled me out saying he was getting hot and wanted to go for a swim. We got in the ocean, and he just kissed me.
And I kissed him back. At the time I didn’t know if it was the booze or if it was me.
“Did things progress afterwards?”
Of course it did. Would I be here talking about him if it didn’t?
The day after, he came over to my house to apologize. He didn’t mean to do it, said he was must’ve been slightly drunk. For some reason, I didn’t accept that excuse. I kissed him back after all, and the moment I saw him on my doorstep I knew it wasn’t the alcohol.
Are you sure, I asked him. I felt him hesitate, so this time I kissed him. I surprised myself, I really didn’t know what I wanted, it was still confusing to me. But then, he started to kiss back and I was happy.
We went out a lot more, eager to spend the last days of summer together. Some of the best times of my life were with him. Just watching him was enough to make me smile. Being with him, like we were the last two people on earth.
“Seems like you were very much in love.”
That’s what they all said to me. I wanted that summer to last forever.
It was senior year. I had to keep practicing to maintain my basketball offer with Duke, and he had to keep studying to get that scholarship to Harvard. We hardly saw each other anymore since we went to different schools and had different schedules.
When I wasn’t with the team, then I was cramming for tests. I spent late hours at the library, he helped me a lot. That was about the only time we had with each other.
“Hard to find, boys that are so ambitious.”
I almost wished we weren’t. But neither of us could ask each other to give up our dreams.
In March we both got our acceptances. All the sleepless nights weren’t a waste after all. But we could hardly lessen up on the work. I had the basketball championship coming up, and he still had finals.
We managed to get a few weekends in there. It was like reliving our summer days in bits and pieces. Everyday of the week, I was wishing he was there with me.
I took him to the State Finals. He was there when I shot the winning three-pointer, he was there when I was named tournament MVP, and he was there when our captain lifted the trophy to me.
We drove back to the beach that night, where we had first kissed. The water shimmered underneath the moon. We swam, we made out, and we had our first time. I knew I loved him right then and there, and never regretted it.
“Love always starts out like that.”
Our love started the first time we met.
Summer was heaven all over again.
Before we knew it, we were going off to university. Except this time, our schools were in totally different states. We thought it would be okay, we would take turns driving down to each other’s schools to visit; we could make it.
Frequent visits every month would turn to a one every semester. There was no time for play in university, and that slowly caught up with us. Long talks on the phone every night turned into short goodnights once a week.
“It happens, but that wasn’t your fault.”
I thought I was hurting us.
I started to get frustrated with myself, with us. I almost cried when I thought about breaking up with him. But I knew I had to, it wasn’t working. On the phone he kept resisting. He wanted to give it more time, it can work, he told me over and over. It hurt me when I heard the desperation in his voice, knowing I should be saying the same.
We still called each other up sometimes. But it became rarer and rarer as time went by, just like when we were together. After a couple of months, I couldn’t take it anymore. Whenever we won a game I wished he was there, whenever I went to the beach I saw us in the ocean, whenever I read a book he would look at me through his dorky reading glasses. I just wanted him at my side and I couldn’t erase his voice from my mind, or his touches that I yearned for every night in my sleep.
“You wanted to be with him again.”
Every moment. Everything I did, I saw him.
So I called him up. But I got his voicemail, told him to get back to me ASAP. I waited a couple of days and still no reply. I called back, nothing. I called the residence desk and asked for Kim Jae Joong. There was none.
I drove down there. I didn’t understand, where could he have gone? Still, the residence staff told me there was no Kim Jae Joong. I checked with Admissions, no Kim Jae Joong. At least, not anymore they told me.
He passed away they told me. I didn’t believe it, I still can’t believe it now. I googled it: Kim Jae Joong, 3rd year Harvard Top Pre-Med Student Dies in Car Crash. No. No, I must’ve been going crazy, it simply couldn’t be.
His car was struck by another who was running a red light. The thing I couldn’t believe most, was that the accident happened in Washington DC. He was coming to see me, and he got killed for that. I killed him.
“You didn’t kill him. It wasn’t your fault.”
Why do you keep saying that?
“How long has it been since you’ve known?”
Five months.
“And how are you?”
Everything I did reminded me of him, I saw him. He was my only world. He still is.
Well, I decided to post it up and finally show myself.. again?
Title: Everything (He Still Is) April 3-4, 2007.
Author: pokogo (I may have or not posted this on another long-forgotten journal)
Genre: Fluff, drama, character death :(
Rated: PG-13
Disclaimer: Does anyone really care about disclaimers anymore? Um.
A/N: So, I wrote a fanfic like three years ago. Just opened up the file and read it over and I couldn't even remember writing it at all.
It's not all that great, and I never intended it to be read by others, so I'm sorry if the sentences are really fragmented and such, when I read it, of course I know exactly the way I want the tones and whatnot.
I can't believe I killed someone in this :( I hate character death fics.
“So, tell me about him.”
Him? He was so… beautiful, smart, nice… so everything.
“Everything? Isn’t that an exaggeration, to say he was your entire world?”
No… if you met him, you’d know.
“Did you love him?”
I still do.
My first time checking out a book at the library; he was there. It was around midterms, he had a whole pile of books at his table. I remember going up to him, and asking if I could borrow one for a while. He said sure and gave me the book. After a while, I returned it and left.
I came back again the next week. I was looking for a book for an English essay. He was in the same spot as before, it was like he never left. He must’ve heard me and recognized me from before because he came up when I was asking the librarian. He told me he just finished reading it and it was a great book, asked if I wanted to borrow it from him if I wanted.
“So that’s how you met.”
Who would’ve thought it would turn out to be so much more.
After that, I came back to the library more often. We would talk a bit, about school, girls, families. But then summer came along, and he was going back to Korea to visit his family. He attended a private school on scholarship here and lived in the dorms alone.
So he left and I went to hang out with all my high school friends. We played basketball until dusk, went to parties until dawn. The summer vacation was long, I almost forgot about him.
“But you didn’t.”
I don’t think I could ever. Not him.
Summer was almost at an end, and he came back. We caught up and went out places. One night, I invited him out to a beach party. It was a lot of fun. There was a huge bonfire, drinks and dance.
I don’t know how it happened, it just did. We were in a huge crowd with the music blaring. But then he pulled me out saying he was getting hot and wanted to go for a swim. We got in the ocean, and he just kissed me.
And I kissed him back. At the time I didn’t know if it was the booze or if it was me.
“Did things progress afterwards?”
Of course it did. Would I be here talking about him if it didn’t?
The day after, he came over to my house to apologize. He didn’t mean to do it, said he was must’ve been slightly drunk. For some reason, I didn’t accept that excuse. I kissed him back after all, and the moment I saw him on my doorstep I knew it wasn’t the alcohol.
Are you sure, I asked him. I felt him hesitate, so this time I kissed him. I surprised myself, I really didn’t know what I wanted, it was still confusing to me. But then, he started to kiss back and I was happy.
We went out a lot more, eager to spend the last days of summer together. Some of the best times of my life were with him. Just watching him was enough to make me smile. Being with him, like we were the last two people on earth.
“Seems like you were very much in love.”
That’s what they all said to me. I wanted that summer to last forever.
It was senior year. I had to keep practicing to maintain my basketball offer with Duke, and he had to keep studying to get that scholarship to Harvard. We hardly saw each other anymore since we went to different schools and had different schedules.
When I wasn’t with the team, then I was cramming for tests. I spent late hours at the library, he helped me a lot. That was about the only time we had with each other.
“Hard to find, boys that are so ambitious.”
I almost wished we weren’t. But neither of us could ask each other to give up our dreams.
In March we both got our acceptances. All the sleepless nights weren’t a waste after all. But we could hardly lessen up on the work. I had the basketball championship coming up, and he still had finals.
We managed to get a few weekends in there. It was like reliving our summer days in bits and pieces. Everyday of the week, I was wishing he was there with me.
I took him to the State Finals. He was there when I shot the winning three-pointer, he was there when I was named tournament MVP, and he was there when our captain lifted the trophy to me.
We drove back to the beach that night, where we had first kissed. The water shimmered underneath the moon. We swam, we made out, and we had our first time. I knew I loved him right then and there, and never regretted it.
“Love always starts out like that.”
Our love started the first time we met.
Summer was heaven all over again.
Before we knew it, we were going off to university. Except this time, our schools were in totally different states. We thought it would be okay, we would take turns driving down to each other’s schools to visit; we could make it.
Frequent visits every month would turn to a one every semester. There was no time for play in university, and that slowly caught up with us. Long talks on the phone every night turned into short goodnights once a week.
“It happens, but that wasn’t your fault.”
I thought I was hurting us.
I started to get frustrated with myself, with us. I almost cried when I thought about breaking up with him. But I knew I had to, it wasn’t working. On the phone he kept resisting. He wanted to give it more time, it can work, he told me over and over. It hurt me when I heard the desperation in his voice, knowing I should be saying the same.
We still called each other up sometimes. But it became rarer and rarer as time went by, just like when we were together. After a couple of months, I couldn’t take it anymore. Whenever we won a game I wished he was there, whenever I went to the beach I saw us in the ocean, whenever I read a book he would look at me through his dorky reading glasses. I just wanted him at my side and I couldn’t erase his voice from my mind, or his touches that I yearned for every night in my sleep.
“You wanted to be with him again.”
Every moment. Everything I did, I saw him.
So I called him up. But I got his voicemail, told him to get back to me ASAP. I waited a couple of days and still no reply. I called back, nothing. I called the residence desk and asked for Kim Jae Joong. There was none.
I drove down there. I didn’t understand, where could he have gone? Still, the residence staff told me there was no Kim Jae Joong. I checked with Admissions, no Kim Jae Joong. At least, not anymore they told me.
He passed away they told me. I didn’t believe it, I still can’t believe it now. I googled it: Kim Jae Joong, 3rd year Harvard Top Pre-Med Student Dies in Car Crash. No. No, I must’ve been going crazy, it simply couldn’t be.
His car was struck by another who was running a red light. The thing I couldn’t believe most, was that the accident happened in Washington DC. He was coming to see me, and he got killed for that. I killed him.
“You didn’t kill him. It wasn’t your fault.”
Why do you keep saying that?
“How long has it been since you’ve known?”
Five months.
“And how are you?”
Everything I did reminded me of him, I saw him. He was my only world. He still is.