Picspam: Pushing Daisies - Ned
Ned: [nervously] I used to… When I lived next door to you, I had a cru- I was in- You… were my first kiss.
Chuck: Yeah? [pauses] You were my first kiss too. Do you want to be my last kiss? First and last? Or is that weird?
Ned: [whispers] That's not weird. It's… symmetrical.
Chuck: I can't even hug you? What if you need a hug? A hug can turn your day around!
Ned: I'm not a fan of the hug.
Ned: This is not strange. Unusual, maybe eccentric in a quaint way, like dessert spoons.
Chuck: I have so many questions. My mind wanders.
Ned: You need to feed it warm milk and a turkey sandwich, let it curl up in a sunny spot and take a nap.
Ned: Everything we do is a choice. Oatmeal or cereal, highway or side streets, kiss her or keep her, we make choices and we live with the consequences. If someone gets hurt along the way we ask for forgivingness, it's the best anyone can do.
Ned: [stares at a squirrel waiting for it to die, when a dead bird falls from the sky] It's raining dead birds.
Chuck: Why don't you like Halloween anymore?Ned: Remember razor blades in apples? That never actually happened. Uh, not once, just a vicious rumor.
Ned: Everyone wants stuff. We wake up everyday with a list of wishes a mile long and maybe we spend our lives trying to make those wishes come true. But just because we want them doesn't mean we need them to be happy.
Narrator: But young Ned learned that happiness born out of passion was short-lived. Yet, through no fault of his own, he had once again stumbled into happiness.
Ned: You’re the only one for me.Chuck: I know you feel that now, but there are things you want.Ned: So? Everyone wants stuff, we wake up every day with list of wishes a mile long and maybe we spend our lives trying to make those wishes come true, but just because we want them doesn’t mean we need them to be happy.Chuck: What do you need to be happy?Ned: You.
Narrator: The pie maker considered how not telling Chuck the truth about her father was a lot like being locked in a prison. Then he considered how being locked in a prison was actually much worse than some silly metaphor about truth.
Narrator: Ned ran away. No one from school saw him go. He needed to see what the postcard would show. His father's new address was the place that he sought. A home to come home to. In his throat, his heart caught. But what came out of the door, scared him for life. His father with two brand new sons and a brand new wife. A hug is what he wanted, a wink and a quick, 'The joke's on you.' But what he got instead was a honeycomb chew.
Ned: I suffer from sudden and uncontrollable attacks of deep sleep?
Ned: You were strangled to death with a plastic sack. [pauses] That's probably an odd thing to hear but I wasn't sure how to sugar-coat it…
Olive: [imitating Ned] And how are you today, Olive?
I'm fine, thanks for asking, Ned!
[imitating Ned] That was a funny joke about the witch's bosom, Olive.
Well thanks, Ned!
[imitating Ned] And, and I appreciate you using the word bosom.
Why, Ned? Because it's less offensive than other words?
[imitating Ned] No, I just simply like the word bosom. I say it to myself all the time. Bosom bosom bosom. I just can't help myself. I'm a bosomoholic.
Chuck: You didn't sleep well.
Ned: It was deep and perfect, like a nap in the backseat of a car after a day at the beach.
Ned: What if someone from Betty's Bees finds out you're a spy?. Spying is a lot like sabotage in that they kill you for it. That's what you do with spies and saboteurs-you kill them. And you don't feel bad, because they're spying and sabotaging.
Ned: I could have been swarmed in my underwear.
Ned: You don't have to do this, Madeleine. Please put the gun and the bat down. Or definitely the gun.
Ned: We're not lost. We're following the yellow thick hose.
Ned: I've had girlfriends but they were always extraneous factors.
Chuck: Four wives? That's just greedy!
Olive: And intriguing.
Emerson: Some people like vanilla, some like chocolate, others like their Neapolitan.
Ned: I like Neapolitan.
Emerson: Then you'd do well as a polygamist: one woman to have, one woman to hold.
Ned: Why? Why would you do that? For the record I'd make a horrible polygamist. I'm easily distracted, I wouldn't know where to focus..
Chuck: were you watching me sleep?
Ned: No... yes... well, I was waiting for you to wake up and in the process of waiting I was, yes, watching you sleep.
Chuck: You do realize that bee keeping within city limits is completely illegal?
Ned: Yes. And I'm almost sure I don't care.
Ned: I made a choice and I'd do it again. I let Lawrence Schatz die and if i was faced with that choice right now I would make the same choice. You could put me in a loop and I'd make the same choice every time, that's how confident I am that it was the right choice for me to make. I'm sorry if that makes me a bad person, but... I'm not sorry that you're alive.
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