(no subject)
Forget;
--
It's way past midnight, perhaps in the early hours of morning, and Jonghyun smiles goofily to himself as he stares up at the ceiling. He holds Kibum's hand in his, and enjoys the stillness of the night. He shifts slightly and watches him in his sleep, the angelic figure not stirring even once. Jonghyun wants to close his eyes and just disappear, happy that the person he loves the most in this world is beside him.
If only it was that easy.
Anytime soon, Jonghyun knows that Kibum would open his eyes, sit up abruptly, lie back down, and sob quietly to himself. Kibum doesn't know that Jonghyun hears; he doesn't know how much it tears the older one's heart apart.
Jonghyun wants to roll over and comfort him, but he's not sure if he can handle it. So instead, he closes his eyes and listens to the heartbreaking cries, anguish and regret washing over him. What had he done wrong? He'd tried his best to live up to Kibum's standards. Everyday, he lives thinking that he had fulfilled that, only to be crushed once more by Kibum's tears at night.
One of these nights, he sighed to himself. One of these nights he swears that he'll finally have the courage to turn around and let Kibum know that he's there for him. One of these nights he swears that he'll finally be ready to fill in that gap that has been left in Kibum's heart. But for now, he can only listen quietly, and hope that Kibum will be okay.
That's what their relationship is like at night; however, those secrets are all hidden away by the moon. In the morning, they would act like any normal couple would. Jonghyun would go to work, and Kibum would kiss him goodbye and tell him to take care, sometimes even running after Jonghyun when he forgets his lunch. Kibum stays at home patiently, washing dishes, doing the laundry, sometimes even to sit himself on the sofa and cry as he watches a heartbreaking drama on TV.
Jonghyun's favourite part of it all is when he comes home to be greeted by Key. The younger one stands in the doorway and plants a loving kiss on Jonghyun as he enters the door, and the older one smiles when he sees Kibum wearing a frilly, pink apron; the one he had whined about for their anniversary present. Jonghyun thinks it's worth it, seeing how happy Kibum looks when he wears it.
"How was your day?" Kibum asks routinely.
"It was okay." Jonghyun replies like always.
After that, they would sit down and eat the dinner that Kibum had prepared for both of them. They're silent, but they both know that they don't need to talk. Jonghyun grasps Kibum's hand from under the table, and both are content with the silence. While Jonghyun's office mates pride themselves for their lovely wives, Jonghyun prides himself of Kibum. To him, he was prettier than all of the other housewives out there combined. And he considered himself lucky to have someone like him.
But also, while Jonghyun's office mates bragged about impregnating their wives and about how great but tiring being a father was, Kibum would stay up at night and cry about not being able to produce him an offspring. Jonghyun had brought up the topic of adoption, but Kibum solely refuses it. Jonghyun also knows that their inability to produce a child isn't the only thing Kibum cries about at night.
That night, Jonghyun shifts a little when he swears that he hears Kibum cry more than usual. The whole bed shook with Kibum's sobs, and Jonghyun gulps, feeling the urge to comfort Kibum more than he'd ever felt it. But his body won't move. Only when Kibum starts wailing out that name that Jonghyun finally musters up enough strength to grab him by the waist and shush him down.
"J-jonghyun, you're awake." Kibum states in surprise, and Jonghyun nods his head.
"I have been since last night, and all the other nights before that." Jonghyun says bluntly, and Kibum feels a sense of guilt wash over him. But the older one's hold remained firm. "It's gonna be okay, Kibum. I'm here for you..." he whispered softly in Kibum's ear. "We'll get through this together, hm?" Jonghyun gave him a quick peck on the forehead, and he feels Kibum tremble against his embrace.
"I-I'm...I'm sorry, Jjong." Kibum sobbed against his chest, as he grabbed Jonghyun's shirt, crumpling the fabric in his fist. The older one remained quiet as he ran his fingers through Kibum's hair and let him finish.
"It's okay. Just...remember that I'm here now. You don't have to worry about anything anymore. No looking back, okay? Let's just focus on our future together, from now on, shall we?"
Kibum bites his lip and stares at Jonghyun's eyes hesitantly. He feels sorry, while knowing that he can't let go. Not just yet, at least. Jonghyun would have to wait. Jonghyun nods his head as if he understood that, but still doesn't let him go.
"I'll be here, Kibum. Unlike him, I won't leave you, I promise." it was now Jonghyun who was the one trembling, but he still held Kibum tightly against his own body. He had no plans on letting go now, not ever. Kibum needed him, and he was there for him. It took a great amount of holding back for him not to cry; he knew he had to be strong for Kibum.
Kibum's hand gently cups Jonghyun's face, and he tilts his head up to plant a short kiss against Jonghyun's lips. Kibum had been made a number of promises, more than he could count, but all of them have been nothing but lies. But this one, he was sure, it was true. He slips his hand against Jonghyun's and squeezes it slightly, as he leans his head against his chest and listens to the steady heartbeats.
Jonghyun's heart was also telling him something: it promised itself to him, and that it would belong to no one else. Kibum closes his eyes and smiles contently; perhaps forgetting wouldn't be as hard as he thought. And maybe, Jonghyun thinks, they'll finally get a decent night of sleep.