(no subject)
I don't have motivation to do much anymore.
I'm always tired and drained.
Drained of going through this life feeling motionless.
Running on a hamster wheel with no end in sight.
Missing my grandmother today, miss her everyday.
I feel unlike myself here.
It doesn't even matter to anyone anymore.
Who cares if I'm out of sorts.
I'm starting to not even care.
I had no self virtue, once before.
Dark times, of what I remember.
I feel like I've taken sleeping pills and I'm trying to go through the motions of a day fighting sleep.
No energy anymore.
No fight in me.
I don't feel good emotions anymore.
I feel no solace.
No comfort.
No peace.
I just want to sleep at times I don't care if I were to wake up.
I feel lost on this road called life.
Like a stalled car.
I see no future.
Just stuck in this mundane state of mind.
Out of body.
It's often hard for me to just live in the now, I've always been a few steps ahead or behind from now. Always thinking of what has and will go wrong. It's hard for me to sulk in moments.
But right now I feel like I'm stuck in a now.
A now I've created once before.
I'm trying to take steps ahead and I'm stuck.
"If you were born with the weakness to fall, you were born with the strength to rise.”