(no subject)
Non feelings;
Blatant disregard of my moods.
Does he not acknowledge them?
How could one not?
Things we do to please others while pushing your own needs and desires aside.
The sacrifice I've made for you.
I don't even feel appreciated anymore.
I think I'm thought of as I should just act one way or respond to certain situations in some sort of way.
Like it's expected of me or something.
Which is total bull shit.
I don't feel noticed anymore.
Has anyone's else lost happiness?
Does it feel like nothing?
Is it not noticeable?
I've had a break down every day this week.
I've cried myself to sleep more times than I can remember.
I've sobbed at red lights on city streets.
Had panic attacks in grocery store parking lots.
Yet he sees not a single sign or at least he pretends not to. He doesn't even take me serious when I mention it. He just gets defiant like I'm the bad guy? Have I not shown you my love and devotion making this move in life? Well it hasn't worked out now it's your turn to fix it. I already tried.
I'd like to clear up that I don't think you are the direct reason for my sadness. I made this choice to follow you here against my gut intuition and all the red flags that told me not to. But I sacrificed my happiness for his.
"I'm living in the now enjoying the beach and you're living hours/days from now" "I'm just tying to enjoy the beach with you and you're thinking of the past and present" ....
Life with anxiety.
Not being able to simply exist in the now.
Or maybe I'm a REALIST.
I see what it is that is really going on. I'm not a day dreamer I don't believe in hope faith or any of the other bullshit comfort lies we tell ourselves to get by in life. I believe in the tangible things that are happening NOW.