On that dating game thing
DCBachelor wrote something fascinating today, probably not feminist-friendly, but still pretty accurate. Some people may think this is directed at them in some parts, but the reality is it's just cultural observation.
At some point in an American girls life, usually late in college or immediately after, there is one guy who demolishes her heart. He stomps on it while she watches, right before he starts making out with another girl. She liked him a lot but he didn't reciprocate for whatever reason. Her friends - who have most likely never had a meaningful relationship in their lives - start giving her "advice" on how to hook guys in the future. Don't seem desperate. Show less interest. Don't call back right away. Don't put out until the eighth date. She takes this advice seriously, and supplements it with The Rules readings and Sex and the City viewing marathons. She ends up worshipping a show that features old women who are absolute failures at having a fulfilling relationship, but who have the ever-so-useful skill of analyzing every minute behavior that a guy could possibly do.
Instead of accepting that rejection is a part of life - where you will get burned repeatedly - and forging ahead with a natural attitude, the American girl overcompensates and incorporates a ridiculous game that is just an elaborate defense mechanism against getting hurt.
Now stop for a moment. Before the ladies jump to the defensive, trying to rationalize or justify their behaviour, just wait for a whole minute, then ask yourself:
Do you know a girl like this? Maybe two? Maybe a dozen?
I can tell you from my own personal experience, which is going out 2 to 3 times a week for over a year, and talking to dozens of women a night at clubs, bookstores, coffee shops, concerts, that the above fits an alarmingly high percentage of women. Not every single bit. It is a generalization after all, and any generalization is going to have exceptions.
A lot of women come up with silly pre-set conditions like "I want a tall guy" or "I want a guy with a good job." "I don't want to date anyone younger than me." This, that. Ladies, you all do it. It's your way of trying to "protect" yourself.
Though sports may be dumb, I've learned some valuable lessons from watching. A key one is that the team that is trying to win almost always prevails over the time trying not to lose. Subtle difference? Perhaps. But it's significant.
Which is not to say guys don't do the same damn thing. This whole "I'll pretend to be her nice guy friend and see if I get laid" gig should be banned. Most of these guys pretend to be the sweet friend, hoping that when the girl dumps her asshole boyfriend, she'll come cry on his shoulder, then realize what a great guy he is and fall madly in love with him. And when the asshole boyfriend dumps her, and she cries on your shoulder, then leaves to go fuck another asshole, you get bitter and jaded and angry at women.
By you, I mean me. Though some on my friends list have gone through this recently and may take this as an attack on them, it's not. It's what I went through. And that's why I hate it so much.
Of course guys add to it. They believe a buncha Hollywood wackos. They listen to what women say, not what they mean. Example: think about how many women say they want nice guys. Then think about how many of them actually go out with nice guys. Exactly.
I've taken some flack from these nice guys. They say I'm a jerk, I don't treat women right. They buy drinks for girls they don't even know at bars because they think they can "buy" a girl's affection. They try to give her gifts to "win" her love. They lie about their emotions, their personalities, in order not to scare them off.
But I'm the chauvinistic pig? Right...
If a nice guy likes a girl, he pretends to be her friend, buys her gifts, gives her favours, whatever he can think of to win her love.
If I like a girl, I treat her like my best friend. That means we have fun, we joke around, we tease each other. I don't have to buy my best friend a drink to get him to talk to me, so why should I do that for some girl? If she has a problem, I try to empathize, not try to solve it to win brownie points. If I have a bad day, I trust in her to understand, not pretend it's okay because I'm too scared to show her I'm a human being.
This isn't rocket science, folks.
Summary:
If you're a female, Sex and the City probably isn't the greatest source of dating advice. Neither are your girlfriends.
If you're a guy, quit being a wuss and start being yourself. If you have to lie to get a girl to like you, she really isn't worth it.
At some point in an American girls life, usually late in college or immediately after, there is one guy who demolishes her heart. He stomps on it while she watches, right before he starts making out with another girl. She liked him a lot but he didn't reciprocate for whatever reason. Her friends - who have most likely never had a meaningful relationship in their lives - start giving her "advice" on how to hook guys in the future. Don't seem desperate. Show less interest. Don't call back right away. Don't put out until the eighth date. She takes this advice seriously, and supplements it with The Rules readings and Sex and the City viewing marathons. She ends up worshipping a show that features old women who are absolute failures at having a fulfilling relationship, but who have the ever-so-useful skill of analyzing every minute behavior that a guy could possibly do.
Instead of accepting that rejection is a part of life - where you will get burned repeatedly - and forging ahead with a natural attitude, the American girl overcompensates and incorporates a ridiculous game that is just an elaborate defense mechanism against getting hurt.
Now stop for a moment. Before the ladies jump to the defensive, trying to rationalize or justify their behaviour, just wait for a whole minute, then ask yourself:
Do you know a girl like this? Maybe two? Maybe a dozen?
I can tell you from my own personal experience, which is going out 2 to 3 times a week for over a year, and talking to dozens of women a night at clubs, bookstores, coffee shops, concerts, that the above fits an alarmingly high percentage of women. Not every single bit. It is a generalization after all, and any generalization is going to have exceptions.
A lot of women come up with silly pre-set conditions like "I want a tall guy" or "I want a guy with a good job." "I don't want to date anyone younger than me." This, that. Ladies, you all do it. It's your way of trying to "protect" yourself.
Though sports may be dumb, I've learned some valuable lessons from watching. A key one is that the team that is trying to win almost always prevails over the time trying not to lose. Subtle difference? Perhaps. But it's significant.
Which is not to say guys don't do the same damn thing. This whole "I'll pretend to be her nice guy friend and see if I get laid" gig should be banned. Most of these guys pretend to be the sweet friend, hoping that when the girl dumps her asshole boyfriend, she'll come cry on his shoulder, then realize what a great guy he is and fall madly in love with him. And when the asshole boyfriend dumps her, and she cries on your shoulder, then leaves to go fuck another asshole, you get bitter and jaded and angry at women.
By you, I mean me. Though some on my friends list have gone through this recently and may take this as an attack on them, it's not. It's what I went through. And that's why I hate it so much.
Of course guys add to it. They believe a buncha Hollywood wackos. They listen to what women say, not what they mean. Example: think about how many women say they want nice guys. Then think about how many of them actually go out with nice guys. Exactly.
I've taken some flack from these nice guys. They say I'm a jerk, I don't treat women right. They buy drinks for girls they don't even know at bars because they think they can "buy" a girl's affection. They try to give her gifts to "win" her love. They lie about their emotions, their personalities, in order not to scare them off.
But I'm the chauvinistic pig? Right...
If a nice guy likes a girl, he pretends to be her friend, buys her gifts, gives her favours, whatever he can think of to win her love.
If I like a girl, I treat her like my best friend. That means we have fun, we joke around, we tease each other. I don't have to buy my best friend a drink to get him to talk to me, so why should I do that for some girl? If she has a problem, I try to empathize, not try to solve it to win brownie points. If I have a bad day, I trust in her to understand, not pretend it's okay because I'm too scared to show her I'm a human being.
This isn't rocket science, folks.
Summary:
If you're a female, Sex and the City probably isn't the greatest source of dating advice. Neither are your girlfriends.
If you're a guy, quit being a wuss and start being yourself. If you have to lie to get a girl to like you, she really isn't worth it.