Comments | polyamorous: Hi There

infiniteimp in polyamorous

Hi There

May 06, 2011 08:39

I've only recently joined this com, mainly because poly is quite new to my primary and I. He has been asking himself why I would want to be poly after years of being mono, and I think he may be concerned that if I can change my mind about my relationship framework I could just as easily change my mind about being in a relationship with him.

So I sat ( Read more... )

relationship tips

Comments 6

leora May 6 2011, 00:00:49 UTC

This is fine. Welcome. I'll try to read that and have something helpful to say later, when I'm not so migrainey if I remember, but umm, are you sure the com info said that, and can you let me know where? I don't recall that and don't see it. It's possible. Anyhow, this post is fine and I hope you'll get some helpful feedback.

infiniteimp May 6 2011, 00:50:24 UTC

Thanks. I just checked the com info and it must have been another com that mentioned this. I put it down to my headcold. :)

leora May 6 2011, 01:15:05 UTC

Alright. :) No problem. I just wanted to check if there was anything I should consider editing.

zombie_dog May 6 2011, 00:18:52 UTC

It really looks like you've got the right attitude going into polyamory; you're being honest with your feelings but being realistic about your understanding that sometimes things don't work out the way you want them to.

I don't know that much about your relationships and wouldn't want to assume anything about how feasible your situation is, but we're here to listen. :)

tacky_tramp May 6 2011, 00:31:19 UTC

I think he may be concerned that if I can change my mind about my relationship framework I could just as easily change my mind about being in a relationship with him.

Well, you can. I found that I was much happier once I accepted the possibility that my lover(s) can leave me at any time, for any reason.

leora May 9 2011, 08:34:45 UTC

Less migrainey now. I think that's pretty good. It's very close to the reasons for why I am poly. Part of why I am poly is that I dislike the notion of having to feel bad about love. I hate loving being a bad thing or viewed as something to be afraid of, as a danger. I can never know when I might fall in love with someone. I can control my actions, but I cannot control my feelings. If I am in an exclusive relationship then I am in constant danger of being put in a position where I have to hurt someone I love for no reason other than timing, because someone else I love happened to be met first. And so, I have to live in constant fear that I might end up in an unbearable situation having to do something I consider to be appalling. Whereas, if I am poly and I fall in love with someone, then I can simply love them and let it develop or not based on what we both decide, and the love isn't some horrible dangerous thing, but something good and nice, even if it doesn't work out. Monogamy just doesn't work for me; it does for some people, but ( ... )