Things I want to teach my children
Things I want to teach my children:
Be good to other people. They won't always be good to you, but at least you won't feel shitty about yourself.
Assume people mean well where ever it won't hurt you to assume this. Again, it won't hurt you to assume it, so even if you're wrong, you'll still be left feeling rather pleasant about people.
Assume people always mean it when they tell you about themselves. Even when they seem to be joking. They are at least revealing some inner truth about their own feelings, either about themselves, or about how they feel about other people, or about how they feel about other people in relation to their own self.
Never assume you know the truth of a person.
A person's actions and words do matter. Always. They tell you who that person is in relation to the world. You are "the world" in this instance, remember that.
Never assume you are not or will never be "other" to any particular person.
Every person must answer to their own self.
Every person is the hero of their own story.
People are able to rationalize any amount of evil if it means they get to do what they truly want to do. Rationalizations are not excuses and do not erase the damage that is done.
You are people.
Other people are people.
All other people are people.
All of them.
Twins run in our family.
Forgive people, if you can.
Trust people to be exactly who they are, and not your assumption of who they are.
A good pair of comfortable and good looking shoes are worth it. If you find a pair that is both of these things, buy two pair if you can afford it. You'll rarely regret it.
Revise your understanding of every single person you know, constantly.
Be willing to be wrong. Learning that you were wrong almost always means learning something new. This is almost never as true as it is when you are wrong. So, learn to relish being wrong.
People who are hurting often hurt other people.
It is usually worth it to try to ease the pain of people who are hurting.
You can not take away the pain of other people.
For my daughter specifically - that streak of brilliant white blonde you have in front will take hair dye exceptionally well. Use semi permanents when you can get away with it because it will look even more striking to have the brilliant blonde part come out even brighter than the rest in whatever color you use. Your mother has the same streak.
Even horrible people generally have something good about them.
Just because someone has something good (or even great) about them does not mean they are a good or great person.
Pleats make wide areas look wider. That's what they're meant to do, create volume. If you don't want volume there, don't put pleats there.
Laughter, love, and dancing are usually worth the time it takes.
You can catch up on sleep later.
Don't wait for your friends to contact you. Call, write, or talk first. Just because.
Don't wait for a perfect moment for anything. No moment is more perfect than Now.
Stand up for the little guy.
We're all little at some point.
People change. Not always while you know them, though. Sometimes it takes going away for a while.
Now is not always. This too shall pass.
When you fear something, find out what it is about that that scares you.
Faces your fears where ever you can.
Bravery is just stupidity, but stupidity in this sense is underrated. Also, bravery is overrated.
Say sorry first. Mean it.
Clean yourself every day. Shower, bath, teeth, hand washing, washcloth, whatever. Just keep yourself clean.
Keep your feet dry.
Jump in mud puddles.
Always have a good coat. It doesn't matter as much what it looks like as it does if it's warm and keeps you dry.
Repair and reuse your possessions. If you can not use it any longer, find a new home for it.
If you haven't used it in ten years, and didn't even realize you had it any longer, you probably don't need it. Let it find a new home.
Always say thank you when someone gives you a gift. Any gift. A smile, a card, a material object, or their time. They are giving you something of themselves, be thankful, even if you didn't want it.
Your mother has read tens of thousands of books. Of those, she is only regretful of having read perhaps two or three. Now, it may not be books that you feel this way about (though, again, your mother would love that as it is a special love of hers) but you must find something you feel that way about. Whether it be sewing, or looking at art, or dancing, or creating music, or listening to music, or cooking, or whatever. Find the thing that can always indulge in. Find the thing that you are never regretful of. Find all the things, there may be many. Do them.
There is always someone better than you at something. When you compete, it is not to find out who is better. It is to make yourself better. The only person you are ever truly a match for in competition is yourself. Each competition, each practice, each drill, each bit you do in anything is simply the journey towards being the best that you can be. When you win, be aware and gracious of that. When you lose, likewise.
It costs you nothing to be gracious.
Attempts at precision in communication are worth it because communication is imprecise.
Where you can, figure out how to do it yourself.
Always do the hardest or most undesirable task first. Immediately. It will not get easier or more desirable if you put it off, in fact it often makes the easier ones before it less easy or enjoyable. Whereas if you do the hardest and most undesirable task first, it will simply be done with and you can get on to the bits you like.
If you can not make a space for a material thing in your possessions (whether by finding a new home for an old thing or by organizing room for it) you likely do not need it.
You do not need most things.
You are the only person you need to answer to. Nevertheless, you must answer to yourself.
Be truthful and honest about who you are, most essentially and especially to yourself. If you do not like what you see, change it.
If you can not change it, put a bow on it.
Be aware and grateful of the moment you are in. It is precious and perfect. It is not what was, and it is not what will be. It will never come again.
Things really do look better after a good meal and a good rest.
If anybody claims they are, can be, or will be an intermediary between you and the Divine turn and walk away from them right then and there.
Love people for who they are right now. Do not love them for who they could be. If you can not love them as they are, then you never will. Likewise, if someone does not love who you are right now, but instead loves who you could be, they do not love you.
No one gets out of here alive.
Never mistake the menu for the food, or the measurement for the thing.
When you give charity, do it privately. Be an avatar of the Benevolent Universe where you can be.
When you accept charity, do it graciously. You have allowed someone else to be an avatar of the Benevolent Universe.
The universe is not always benevolent. You must make it so.
Please feel free to add or suggest changes.
Be good to other people. They won't always be good to you, but at least you won't feel shitty about yourself.
Assume people mean well where ever it won't hurt you to assume this. Again, it won't hurt you to assume it, so even if you're wrong, you'll still be left feeling rather pleasant about people.
Assume people always mean it when they tell you about themselves. Even when they seem to be joking. They are at least revealing some inner truth about their own feelings, either about themselves, or about how they feel about other people, or about how they feel about other people in relation to their own self.
Never assume you know the truth of a person.
A person's actions and words do matter. Always. They tell you who that person is in relation to the world. You are "the world" in this instance, remember that.
Never assume you are not or will never be "other" to any particular person.
Every person must answer to their own self.
Every person is the hero of their own story.
People are able to rationalize any amount of evil if it means they get to do what they truly want to do. Rationalizations are not excuses and do not erase the damage that is done.
You are people.
Other people are people.
All other people are people.
All of them.
Twins run in our family.
Forgive people, if you can.
Trust people to be exactly who they are, and not your assumption of who they are.
A good pair of comfortable and good looking shoes are worth it. If you find a pair that is both of these things, buy two pair if you can afford it. You'll rarely regret it.
Revise your understanding of every single person you know, constantly.
Be willing to be wrong. Learning that you were wrong almost always means learning something new. This is almost never as true as it is when you are wrong. So, learn to relish being wrong.
People who are hurting often hurt other people.
It is usually worth it to try to ease the pain of people who are hurting.
You can not take away the pain of other people.
For my daughter specifically - that streak of brilliant white blonde you have in front will take hair dye exceptionally well. Use semi permanents when you can get away with it because it will look even more striking to have the brilliant blonde part come out even brighter than the rest in whatever color you use. Your mother has the same streak.
Even horrible people generally have something good about them.
Just because someone has something good (or even great) about them does not mean they are a good or great person.
Pleats make wide areas look wider. That's what they're meant to do, create volume. If you don't want volume there, don't put pleats there.
Laughter, love, and dancing are usually worth the time it takes.
You can catch up on sleep later.
Don't wait for your friends to contact you. Call, write, or talk first. Just because.
Don't wait for a perfect moment for anything. No moment is more perfect than Now.
Stand up for the little guy.
We're all little at some point.
People change. Not always while you know them, though. Sometimes it takes going away for a while.
Now is not always. This too shall pass.
When you fear something, find out what it is about that that scares you.
Faces your fears where ever you can.
Bravery is just stupidity, but stupidity in this sense is underrated. Also, bravery is overrated.
Say sorry first. Mean it.
Clean yourself every day. Shower, bath, teeth, hand washing, washcloth, whatever. Just keep yourself clean.
Keep your feet dry.
Jump in mud puddles.
Always have a good coat. It doesn't matter as much what it looks like as it does if it's warm and keeps you dry.
Repair and reuse your possessions. If you can not use it any longer, find a new home for it.
If you haven't used it in ten years, and didn't even realize you had it any longer, you probably don't need it. Let it find a new home.
Always say thank you when someone gives you a gift. Any gift. A smile, a card, a material object, or their time. They are giving you something of themselves, be thankful, even if you didn't want it.
Your mother has read tens of thousands of books. Of those, she is only regretful of having read perhaps two or three. Now, it may not be books that you feel this way about (though, again, your mother would love that as it is a special love of hers) but you must find something you feel that way about. Whether it be sewing, or looking at art, or dancing, or creating music, or listening to music, or cooking, or whatever. Find the thing that can always indulge in. Find the thing that you are never regretful of. Find all the things, there may be many. Do them.
There is always someone better than you at something. When you compete, it is not to find out who is better. It is to make yourself better. The only person you are ever truly a match for in competition is yourself. Each competition, each practice, each drill, each bit you do in anything is simply the journey towards being the best that you can be. When you win, be aware and gracious of that. When you lose, likewise.
It costs you nothing to be gracious.
Attempts at precision in communication are worth it because communication is imprecise.
Where you can, figure out how to do it yourself.
Always do the hardest or most undesirable task first. Immediately. It will not get easier or more desirable if you put it off, in fact it often makes the easier ones before it less easy or enjoyable. Whereas if you do the hardest and most undesirable task first, it will simply be done with and you can get on to the bits you like.
If you can not make a space for a material thing in your possessions (whether by finding a new home for an old thing or by organizing room for it) you likely do not need it.
You do not need most things.
You are the only person you need to answer to. Nevertheless, you must answer to yourself.
Be truthful and honest about who you are, most essentially and especially to yourself. If you do not like what you see, change it.
If you can not change it, put a bow on it.
Be aware and grateful of the moment you are in. It is precious and perfect. It is not what was, and it is not what will be. It will never come again.
Things really do look better after a good meal and a good rest.
If anybody claims they are, can be, or will be an intermediary between you and the Divine turn and walk away from them right then and there.
Love people for who they are right now. Do not love them for who they could be. If you can not love them as they are, then you never will. Likewise, if someone does not love who you are right now, but instead loves who you could be, they do not love you.
No one gets out of here alive.
Never mistake the menu for the food, or the measurement for the thing.
When you give charity, do it privately. Be an avatar of the Benevolent Universe where you can be.
When you accept charity, do it graciously. You have allowed someone else to be an avatar of the Benevolent Universe.
The universe is not always benevolent. You must make it so.
Please feel free to add or suggest changes.