The Long Slow Times
Title: Sticks and Stones
Author: Pomone
Pairings/Characters: Matt, Mohinder
Rating: PG (Preslash?)
Spoilers: Season 2
Word Count:7200
Summary:A look at the long slow time when Matt wakes up after being shot in the Season 1 finale.
Matt knows he's been shot, and is surprised at how much more it hurts when more than one bullet has gone through him. This thought filters through his mind as he slowly comes to awareness in what he hopes is a hospital room, to the sound of another person puking their guts out. There are machines beeping softly in the background, and Matt thinks that is a good sign. Someone enters the room, presumably to deal with the puker beside him, but Matt isn't quite ready to talk yet. Everything seems sort of hazy, and the ceiling seems to far away. He knows that there is something he should be thinking about, something in his life that needs a resolution, but it's to hard to pin down. He closes his eyes, and the world fades to black.
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When Matt is aware of the world again, he feels too hot. He's surrounded by blankets, and he can feel sweat all down his neck from being under to many covers. His mouth is dry, and he is profoundly uncomfortable. He remembers the gunshots, and the slightest movement on his part reminds him of where they all are. All he can seem to do is take in the room around him, and it is reassuringly normal. It seems like any other hospital room he's been in, with bright lighting and machinery he can't even come close to understanding. That seems important somehow. There's a curtain separating the room he's in, and he can vaguely see the silhouette of another person beside him. He vaguely remembers the sound of someone throwing up, but now the other person is snoring softly. He's glad that they put in out of sight of the door. It would give him to critical extra seconds to react should someone try and force their way into the room, but the constant pain of his wounds remind him that there isn't much he could do if someone did attack besides push the call button for a nurse and hope for the best.
It hits him like a freight train. The showdown in the plaza...Sylar, and god, Molly was there too. His heart starts to race, and Matt looks to the window, and tries to get his breathing under control. He can feel a bead of sweat rolling down his neck, but he's to uncomfortable to move. There doesn't seem to be a smoking rubble of a city, so he's hoping things turned out okay. The fact that the hospital isn't overflowing is another good sign, maybe. At least, he thinks there might be more people in the room if the hospital was overflowing, if he's even in New York. He automatically reaches for a phone or a gun, or anything to tell him where he is, but comes up empty. He can't see anything personal of his in the hospital room, and everything surrounding him is screamingly generic. There is a phone beside his bed though. Matt tries to sit up to reach it, but it hurts to much to move. He collapses back on the bed with a frustrated groan.
Not that it would do him much good to get to the phone anyway, it's not like he knows anyone's phone number by heart who could tell him anything interesting. He really wishes he knew where somebody connected to the whole mess' phone number so he could call anybody, and see what happened. He needs to know if everyone is alright. It didn't seem like such a priority to get Ted or Bennet's phone number when they were running around trying to avoid the apocalypse, but now it seems like a huge mistake not to have done it. Matt wonders for a moment if Ted would even have a cellphone, and decides he most definitely didn't. He hopes they're okay. Bennet may be a bit of a jerk, but it tugged on Matt's heartstrings a bit to see him so moved by his daughter's presence. Claire reminded him of Molly, in some strange way. They both seemed vulnerable, although with Claire it seems like that vulnerability was more theoretical than physical. He hopes that Molly's safe. Matt tries again to try and get out of the bed and do...anything, but the best he can do is manage to feel each of the bullet wounds threading his body like Swiss cheese. He really needs to stop trying to move. An involuntary groan of frustration leaves him. The groan catches the attention of a passing nurse, and Matt finds himself suddenly noticed by the world again.
The nurses smile approvingly at him when they find out Matt is awake, like he's done something amazing by simply being aware of the world. The doctor on the other hand, seems less than impressed. She is a taciturn older woman, who doesn't smile at all, but tells him that he will likely make a full recovery with hard work, and Matt feels a relief so profound that he can't speak. He quickly reads her thoughts to make sure that she's not humoring him, or god, working for the Company, but the doctor is already thinking about her next appointments and her daughter's drug addiction. Matt quickly scans the nurses to see if they have any thoughts about the Company, but none of them seem to either. Their thoughts are all relatively normal, but Matt has trouble staying with anyone's thoughts in particular. Trying to read people's minds only ends up giving him a headache, so Matt's thoughts come back from the nurses in the hall to his own situation. He's reasonably sure that he's not in some Company facility. Nobody is thinking openly about conspiracy, or imprisonment or whatever it is that the Company does. The sheets seem pretty nice for another thing and he doesn't think the Company would install a T.V. in the corner of the room. At least they didn't do any of that sort of thing with his last visit, but he's not going to rule anything out. Still, he's going to operate under the assumption that he's in a normal hospital so he doesn't start screaming.
It sinks in that the doctor told him that he'd probably make a full recovery, and he suddenly feels like the luckiest man alive. Getting shot even once could mean the end of everything, and to avoid long term damage from four gun shot wounds makes it seem like somebody might be looking out for him, finally. He's seen a lot of gunshot victims on both sides of the law, and the aftermath. It's selfish, but he's so glad he won't end up like Mitchell, a cop on the force who took a bullet to the back and now spends his days as a desk jockey and maneuvering around in a wheelchair, or Williams who ended up with his brains splattered all over the pavement by some punk kid drug dealer. At least he'll have his health, someday.
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The hospital called Janice as soon as he was brought in, and she's the first person he sees that he knows since he woke up. He doesn't know how the hospital got the information, but he's glad that they did. The past months have been such a surreal experience that as soon as he sees her he feels like some sense or normalcy is returning to his life. He hasn't seen her in person in such a long time, and has been making do with just the sound of her voice for so long that when he finally sees he thinks that somehow an angel must have found him. Her long brown hair and sensible hands are the most beautiful and familiar things he's ever seen, and in that moment he wants to write poetry about their extraordinary brilliance. Her very presence reminds him that at one point his life wasn't so supremely screwed up, that he had things that normal people have. Between suddenly being able to hear everyones innermost thoughts, and dodging the Company, it's indescribable to see her.
She smiles when she sees him, but it doesn't reach her eyes. He presses into her mind, and is very surprised that her surface thoughts are heavily clouded by a sense of guilt. Oh God she is thinking, and How can I ever tell him?. When she looks at him her eyes scrunch up and he can tell she's on the verge of tears. She tries to speak, but can't manage it. She just takes his hand in hers and starts to cry. Matt flounder a bit. He's never known what to do when women cry, and he wishes he could hug her. Something is terribly wrong though.
"Janice..." he says tentatively, but she just shakes her head. Since she won't speak, Matt listens for what she's thinking again, and her thoughts are all over the place. She's relieved that he's alive, so relieved, but terrified that he'll find out that the baby she's carrying isn't his, and Matt wonders how she could think he wouldn't find out. She knows what he can do. He can almost feel the oppressive weight of her feelings, and it makes him feel sick inside. It gets worse.
Underneath it all the worry and stress, there is a faint whisper that Janice can't hide that says things would have been easier if he had died. If he had died she thinks, I wouldn't have to deal with any of this mess. She feels guilty about that too. He knows that she can't mean it, can't be that selfish, but distressingly for a moment, Matt sort of wishes that he had died and he didn't have to know this. It passes quickly. He should have known the moment that he started hearing other people thinking that his normal existence was over. He should have known that things wouldn't be the same, that these powers wouldn't fix something that was broken in the first place, but he was so determined that he could make it work. He'd known that he and Janice were having troubles, and it really seemed like finally knowing what was unsaid between them could bring them to a place where they could fix things. It hurts so damn much that Matt was wrong about that. Janice has collapsed into the chair beside his bed and laid her head on his arm. She's crying more quietly now, and Matt slides his free hand over Janice's hair. She has to know that he knows, Mat thinks. She also has to know that it won't work between them anymore. There are somethings he can't come back from, and he can sense that deep down Janice doesn't really want him to.
It hits him that he won't be just losing Janice, but also losing that whole life he thought he was going to have when saw Janice walking down the aisle on her father's arm. They'd promised to be together forever, and Matt had believed that it was something that was going to happen. They'd grow old together with their 2.3 kids and a dog, retire to Florida and be stupidly happy. The loss of that dream hits him harder than Janice's betrayal. She'd looked radiant and happy. He knew he had been. The idea of being a father, of having a home to get back to was the only thing that kept him sane through this whole ordeal. He can't even process the fact that the whole life he had planned out for himself is suddenly gone.
He doesn't say anything. Not yet. Janice has stopped crying, but she won't look at him and is clutching at his arm tightly. He can see the markers that she's had a rough few days, because her hair is looking a little greasy and her socks don't quite match. Also, she's not wearing her wedding ring. She forgets things like that when she's upset, and Matt knows these sorts of things about her. He hopes that guy who got her pregnant will appreciate those things too, and then selfishly hopes that he doesn't and that Janice realizes how much Matt did for her, knew about her. A spiral of bitterness starts to curl around his heart. Sometimes, life really sucks.
"Oh Matt", she says, finally looking at him, and says tiredly "what am I going to do with you?".
Nothing anymore, Matt thinks sadly. He wishes for a moment that she could read his mind, so he wouldn't have to be the one to say it. He thinks she must already know that it's over.
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Matt watches a lot of TV while he's recovering. There's not a lot to do when you're flat on your back, and reading a magazine doesn't cancel out the sounds of his roommate. It's been almost a week since he woke up, and the doctor says he can look forward to being in the hospital awhile longer. Matt's lucky that Janice's insurance covers spouses and his extended stay, but he still worries that he's going to end up having to pay part of his treatment. And anyway, if he left the hospital, it's not like he has anywhere else to be. He's to hurt to fly, and he doesn't know how to get in touch with anybody in New York. He doesn't know if anybody he knows is still in New York. A hotel is out of the question, how would he even pay for that? He doesn't know how long the recovery is going to take, or even when he can start working again. Matt mentally puts sorting out his finances on the list of things he doesn't want to talk to Janice about.
Janice hasn't been back to see him since after the first visit, and Matt's not surprised. Janice tends to avoid sticky situations when she's the one at fault. He doubts that she's even in the city anymore, which leaves him feeling ambivalent. He's angry and bitter about the whole situation, and really doesn't want to see her. Sometimes though, when there is an intense flair of pain from his wounds, or he's feeling particularly depressed he wishes she was there to cajole him out of it though. She was good at that, when she wanted to be. In his lowest moments, he wishes she was there just so he didn't have to be alone and so far from anything familiar. Janice was his only visitor beyond the hospital staff, and he's starting to feel very isolated. He hopes though, by staying in the hospital that someone will make contact with him. They all saw him loaded in to the ambulance. He just hopes that whoever finds him isn't from the Company.
He tries pretty pointedly not trying to think about the future. It's clear from the news that there hasn't been any major Company activity or otherwise, no shocking footage of amazing human feats, so Matt finally has to accept that life will be moving on in some sort of normal fashion. Which means he has to pull together some sort of life for himself. The reality of Janice's betrayal is setting in, and he's moved from tragically sad to bitter. He's been jerked around, kidnapped, and shot, and now he has to fly back to L.A. and deal with something as mundane as a divorce, and finding a new job. The thought of packing all his things, sifting through what is his and Janice's, trying to decide who really gets the punch bowl Aunt Enda sent for the wedding seems more dreadful than anything that has happened so far. It sounds so tiring and petty, that he'd almost rather be running from the Company and living on the edge of paranoia. At least then he was doing something that seemed to have some sort of higher purpose. Matt tries to shake himself out of his funk, but it seems like to much work. There is going to be so much shit to deal with when he leaves the hospital anyway, that there is no sense in dwelling on it until he has too.
So Matt waits, and watches TV, tunes out his roommate, and reads old magazines. It's a sad state of affairs, but the highlight of his day is when 5 o'clock rolls around, signaling the end of the truly dreadful daytime TV lineup. If he never sees Dr. Phil's face again, it will be to soon. If he stays in the hospital much longer he'll start to genuinely care about what happens to all the people on General Hospital, and there are just some things he's not willing to do. But from five to seven he can watch the news and reassure himself that everything is still alright. He starts with the local stuff, because they are more likely to report on things that are unexplained and strange and then moves on the national news to see if there are any big events going down. There hasn't been anything remotely out of the ordinary on either level, that he can tell. There is tremendous comfort in the idea that he's not alone in his new freakish power, and he's half afraid that the lack of news means that everyone like him has somehow disappeared, as if none of this had ever happened. Matt can't tell if he wants that or not.
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Things start looking up when someone finally does make contact, in the form of Dr. Mohinder Suresh bringing Molly to the hospital to see him. Matt can't remember being gladder to see anyone that he is to see Molly. Of all the people that could have found him here, Bennet, Ted, the scary blond, he's glad it's Molly. He'd thought that Janice looked like an angel when she had come to visit, but her image pales under the force of the smile that Molly broke into when she saw him.
"Matt!" she cries happily. "Oh Matt, I'm so glad that you are alright. I just knew that you couldn't die. You're my hero after all!". She bounds over to his bed and looks so pleased to see him that Matt feel like his answering smile is going to split his face in two. She looks over at the dividing curtain and then whispers to tell him that she checked to make sure he was still in the hospital every night before she went to bed to make sure he was still where she could find him. Matt is reminded that Molly is special, just like him and it makes him feel less alone.
"I wanted to come and see you right away" she continues, "but somebody", at this Molly pauses and pointedly glares at Dr. Suresh, "said we had to wait until you were feeling better. But I knew you'd want to see me." Matt can only nod. He glances over at Dr. Suresh to see how he's taking the accusation, and smiles a bit to soften Molly's words. Dr. Suresh shrugs slowly. "We wanted to give you some time to recover before we barged in", he says in a tone that suggests he's made this argument before. Molly harrumphs at that and launches into a description what happened after he was taken to the hospital. Apparently, she's staying at Dr. Suresh's apartment, and he makes good food and sings her songs, but leaves her with a babysitter to often. Dr. Suresh is looking a little embarrassed by her speech, but happy too. He's leaning against the wall in sort of a tired slouch, and his brightly colored clothes seem to bring a bit of cheerfulness to the room that Matt didn't even know was lacking. Dr. Suresh is watching Molly with a soft dopey look on his face, Matt finds himself unaccountably jealous,and he doesn't quite know why. He should be happy that somebody is getting something out of this mess, but he can't help but wonder if Dr. Suresh is the kind of guy that can take care of a kid. Especially a special kid like Molly. Matt nods in all the right places at Molly's running monolouge, and assures her that he really is okay and tells her that even gunshots can't keep him down.
They don't stay long, and Molly pouts a bit when Dr. Suresh tells her it's time to go. Matt can't help but feel a little glad about that, because it's nice that there is someone who wants to spend time with him. It hits him that they are suddenly that when they walk out that door, he'll have no way to contact them again. Their visit is the best thing that's happened to him since he landed in the hospital, and he's still got so many questions about what's happened and where everyone it that Molly's can't answer. He thinks that they wouldn't look so at ease if Sylar was still running, but he can't be sure. "Dr. Suresh..." Matt says a little desperately, "please...uh..."
For a moment, Dr. Suresh must be the mind reader because digs into the pocket of his coat and hands Matt a slip of paper with two phone number on it. "The first one is mine" Dr. Suresh says. The second is Noah Bennet's number. He told me that the two of you had spent some time together and you might should give him a call when you are feeling up to it".
"Thank you Dr. Suresh". Matt tries to keep his voice from shaking with emotion, but it's hard. Seeing Molly, and getting this information handed to him takes such a load off of mind. He's been so stressed out and isolated over everything, and desperately trying not to deal with anything because it seemed like there wasn't anything to do. Having Bennet's number changes that.
Dr. Suresh seems a little taken aback by the by his emotional response, but his dark eye smile at Matt and he tells him "You can call me Mohinder". Molly takes Dr. Suresh's hand as he leads her from the room, and she turns back to wave goodbye to Matt and promises to visit again soon.
Matt hopes they both do. Actually, he hopes he can visit them because that would mean he was out of the damn hospital on and his way. It occurs to him later that he should have tried to read their minds a little bit to find out if things where really alright and he's surprised he didn't think of it when they were there.
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Matt fingers the slip of paper Mohinder gave him. It occurs belatedly to Matt that Mohinder and Bennet must have been in contact for Mohinder to have Bennet's phone number. That's surprising to Matt, considering the last time he saw Mohinder and Bennet together. It makes him feel a little uncomfortable that Bennet should be so close to someone who is apparently Molly's primary caregiver, even though he knows that Bennet is unlikely to try and take Molly out now. The memory of Bennet pointing his gun at Molly while she cried makes Matt shiver and go cold. He guesses that Bennet's overriding motivation must have been to protect his own family, but it takes a pretty desperate man to look into the eyes of a small frightened child and be prepared to pull the trigger. Matt can't understand it at all, and he doesn't want to. The time that Matt had thought he was going to be a father was so brief, that his concept of how far he would go to protect his family was largely untested, but he hopes that he would never go to the lengths that Bennet was willing to sink to.
Matt's not quite sure what the relationship between Bennet and Mohinder is, but he he feels slightly better remembering that Mohinder had put himself on the line to protect Molly. It makes him feel worse to remember that even though Mohinder managed to protect her in the end, he still seems sort of wimpy. He's pretty sure that Mohinder doesn't have any sort of special powers, and he can tell that he has no extraordinary physical prowess. There is no way that Mohinder could hope to protect Molly from anyone seriously determined to do her harm, with or without special abilities, unless they had a heart attack or stroke while they were attacking. Or they got shot. Matt rolls his eyes at his line of thought. It seems unlikely that he'd really be able to defend himself either. He tries to push Molly and Mohinder from his mind, as he's got more than enough to worry about, but he knows it probably won't work. The pair of them seem so oddly vulnerable, and Matt has a urge to protect them both. He flashes back to Mohinder's tired slouch, and Molly's sweet smile as she waved goodbye, and is surprised by how much he wants them both to be okay. It was obvious, even from their short visit that they had settled into some sort of camaraderie, and Matt is glad that someone could be there for her, to offer her some protection. The scene of her parents murder is made somewhat less terrifying by the discovery of exactly how and why it happened, but in a lot of ways it makes the danger to people like Matt and Molly more real. Matt hopes to god that people with abilities like Sylar are an aberration, but there is so little he knows about this new turn in human development. Added to that is the fear of discovery by organizations like the Company.
Matt will make sure to call Mohinder and tell him a little bit about what happened to Molly, just so he knows what he's dealing with. Molly's short life has experience a lot of trauma, and those sorts of things don't go away overnight. He wonders if there is any sort of therapist that Molly could go to that wouldn't think she was completely crazy. He wonders if Molly could even find away to talk about her experiences. Matt decides that he'll call Molly too, so she knows that she's not alone, that someone out there knows what she's been through. He hopes that will help her. She said that he was her hero, right? He wants her to know that she could confide in him.
In any case, it doesn't do him much good to worry so much. He doesn't really know either of them very well, and he what could he do anyway? Take Mohinder to a shooting range? Teach Molly how to bite people? Have them call him if something goes wrong? He doesn't even live in New York for christ's sake. Matt's got his own life to deal with, sort of anyway. He can't go around trying to fix everything for them when his own life is so pathetically broken, but he's not going to dwell on that either. He shakes his head a little, and steels his nerves. Enough of all of that. He reaches for the phone beside his bed, and dial's Bennet's number from the page. It goes straight to voice mail, and Matt doesn't know whether to scream in frustration, or be glad that he doesn't have to know how fucked up everything is right away. He both does and doesn't want to know what Bennet could tell him. Matt can only leave a message asking Bennet to call him back as soon as he can.
When he hangs up the phone he hears the unmistakable sound of someone ready to throw up from the other side of the curtain, reminding him that he's not alone in the room. Matt has to suppress the urge to gag, as the bitter smell of puke fills the air. Matt suddenly really, really wants to get out of the hospital. He just wishes that there was somewhere he wanted to go.
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Matt tries to avoid looking at the clock, because he swears that every time he does, the second hand jumps backwards. Matt sighs and fiddles with the blankets on his bed. He feels a profound sense of guilt for every girl he ever waited to call back after a date, and every time he didn't pick up the phone when his grandmother's name was on the caller id. Matt looks out the window then tries to focus on the magazine in his lap. He sighs again. Matt loses the fight with himself and looks at the clock. Five minutes have passed since the last time he checked. It's been six hours and forty-two minutes since he left a message on Bennet's voice mail, and now it's almost ten o'clock. The hospital is settling down, as much as it ever does at night, and Matt is so on edge he can't sleep. He doesn't know where Bennet is, or what he is doing and his mind is running crazy with scenarios as to why Bennet hasn't called back. Maybe Bennet got kidnapped by the Company again. Maybe he's dead. Maybe Mohinder wasn't really supposed to give Matt the number. Maybe...no, Matt shakes himself out of that line of thinking. He's just making up reasons to make himself crazy now. Matt starts to tap the railing on his bed. He's too unsettled to watch TV or read the year old magazine some hospital volunteers brought around with dinner.
What Matt wants to do to pass the time is call Mohinder, and ask him how Molly came to live with him instead of somebody related to her. He wants to ask Mohinder how he and Molly met, and why Mohinder was working with the Company. It unsettles Matt to think about Mohinder working for the Company that kidnapped him and Ted, and he remembers that Bennet worked for the Company too, and managed to keep Claire safe. Sort of anyway. Maybe Mohinder didn't know how bad they were? Matt wonders how one gets a job at the Company anyway. They aren't the kind of place to advertise. The situation of Bennet and Claire and Mohinder and Molly are too different for it to be a valid comparison anyway. The Company already knew about Molly, and apparently Mohinder has some sort of prior connection with them. Maybe Mohinder is helping the Company use Molly even still...Matt's hand is halfway to the phone to call Mohinder and ask him what the hell is going on before remember that he is waiting on Bennet's call. They don't have individual patient voice mail at the hospital, so if Bennet calls while he's on the line he'll get a busy signal, and Matt doesn't want to wait for Bennet to call back he can't get through. Even if he didn't call while Matt was on the line with Mohinder, Matt knows he would drive himself crazy wondering if he had miss Bennet's call. He trusts Bennet marginally more than Mohinder anyway, so he needs to talk to Bennet first. Matt glances at the clock again and grimaces. Only 3 minutes have passed this time. Matt lets out a frustrated huff, and turns on the TV and tries to lose himself in some Law and Order reruns.
Matt falls asleep with the TV on.
He wakes up in the morning to the sound of the hospital staff bringing around the breakfast tray, and medications. He starts a bit, he hadn't meant to fall asleep like that. He takes his tray and his meds and turns off the TV. He hopes Bennet didn't call while he was sleeping. Matt slowly eats breakfast and takes stock of his physical condition. He's starting to feel more human, instead of a piece of swiss cheese. He thinks he might try to go outside today. He's had limited success walking around bits of the hospital, and he'd really like to breath some fresh air that isn't tainted by the antiseptic smell of the hospital. With that goal in mind, waiting for Bennet to call is even more of a trial than it was yesterday. There's nothing worth watching on TV, and he's read all the magazines in his room. The only book around is the Bible, and he's not quite that desperate yet. He feels antsy and bored, which is a terrible combination. He decides to try testing his powers again. He played around with testing a few days ago, but found the hysterical thoughts of the people in the waiting room, and the bleak depression of many of the patients to be too much. Matt's life is sad enough, and he can't really handle the sadness/anger/pain of others. Matt decides to save distance testing for a more pleasing environment.
He can test how long he can hold a connection. His roommate, whose name he's since learned is Josiah, has amazingly banal thoughts. He's an accountant with some sort of virus that isn't contagious, and all he does when he's not throwing up is watch TV and think about what the different people on TV's taxes would look like. Sometimes Matt can't believe how uninteresting people are, even in their own minds. In some ways though, he's jealous. If all Matt had to think about was the estimated tax incomes of various TV personalities his life would probably be a lot easier.
Matt concentrates, and catches the edges of Josiah's thoughts. Let's see Josiah thinks if the average salary for an actor is around 50,000 dollars, and the average tax rate is 40% of gross income that would mean they would need to act in certain number of commercials per pay cycle... Oh god, Matt thinks to himself, maybe staring at the ceiling is better, but he stays with it. He manages to hang on for a few minutes more but is drawn out of Josiah's thoughts when a nurse enters the room to check on Josiah. The effort makes Matt's head hurt a little, but it's nowhere near as bad as it was when he was trying to read people's thoughts when he first work up. He can hear the softly accented voice of the nurse checking in on Josiah, and Matt wonders if the nurse thinks in another language. Matt gears up to test out his theory, but the nurse is already leaving the room and Matt finds he no longer has the energy. Matt turns on the TV, and tunes into Josiah's thinking again. This time he listens to Josiah's droning thoughts and searches for the TV channel that Josiah's watching, trying to match it based on what Josiah is thinking. This takes a bit more concentration, and Matt can't hold onto Josiah's thoughts for as long as he did before. Matt wonders if he'll improve through practice. Not for the first time he wonders if there are ethical implications to what he's doing, it he should even attempt to improve this power. The realm of human thought is a pretty sacred place, and one where people assume they are completely free of observation. Matt feels a pang of guilt for invading Josiah's privacy that way, but then remembers Molly's frantic thoughts and how he was able to find her that way. It shores up his resolve, and he reminds himself that he's not eavesdropping just for kicks.
Before he can stop himself, Matt looks up at the clock. It's only been a half an hour since breakfast. It's shaping up to be another long slow day.
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When Bennet actually does call, it's tremendously anticlimactic. Bennet is rushed, apparently he's on a break from work and doesn't stay on the line for very long. The idea that Bennet has a regular job that's not Company related seems hilarious to Matt. Bennet was the mastermind behind their escape, and he Matt sort of imagines him as a real life Mission Impossible operative. The idea that he's sucking it up as a grunt at a real paper supply store...Matt can only laugh a little bit. Once he starts laughing, he can't stop. Really, he can't, and then he's laughing so hard he starts to cry, and then he can't stop that either.
Ted is dead. That guy was pretty messed up, but he deserved a lot more than being sliced open so some psycho could have just a little more power. And Sylar too, is now confirmed as dead, and all that's left of Ted is in the hands of Peter Petrelli. Ted wouldn't have wanted his legacy to the world to be the thing he hated most about himself, the thing that killed his wife. It makes Matt fiercely glad that his power is hidden, that it doesn't hurt anybody but himself. He couldn't take knowing that he hurt people precious to him. Matt promises himself that he will set up some sort of memorial for Ted, somewhere. He deserves to be remembered for more than his powers, or how he died.
As for Bennet himself, Matt's not surprised he landed on his feet somewhere. The idea that his sales clerk at an office supply store could also be some sort of double agent running around trying to bring down mythical companies that hunt super powered humans, well, it's going to be awhile before he can go back to Office Max. On the other side of it though, he can't help but admire the way that Bennet adapted to his changed position so quickly. It hasn't been all that long since that devastating night at the plaza, and Bennet already has a job set up for himself, and a domestic life with his family. It must have been based on some sort of contingency plan to have all happened so quickly, and if anyone had some intricate back up plan like that, it would be Bennet.
Apparently, Bennet hasn't given up on bringing down the Company. If anything, the man's relentless. And he's working with Mohinder. Bennet didn't have time to say much, and only said that Mohinder's father was some sort of scientist that wrote a book about why people where suddenly popping up with new powers, and the Mohinder was carrying on his research. Matt knows he's not getting the whole story, but the pieces are starting to make more sense. He can now see why Mohinder would be at the Company, or how the Company would have known about him. Matt doesn't know why he was working with Molly specifically, but Bennet says that Mohinder's on their side and willing to work as a double agent. Bennet says that he doesn't trust Mohinder completely, but that he's a necessary part of the plan. Or he will be. They're still working out the details of what exactly the plan is. Bennet won't get to specific over the phone, and Matt sincerely hopes that the Company hasn't tapped his hospital phone line. He doesn't want to ask if Bennet thinks they might have, just in case they did and are listening. Bennet ends the call by saying that he won't be able to get away from his new job and location for awhile, and suggests that he visit Mohinder before he returns to California, where they can meet in person. He tells Matt to talk to Mohinder, and let Bennet know what level of involvement Matt is willing to play in the new plan.
Matt's going to have to think about that one. In theory, he can see why bringing down the Company is an important task. He also knows that in order to know if the Company is going to pull old tricks like kidnapping people with abilities or the even darker activities that Bennet has alluded to it makes sense to have a man like Mohinder on the inside.
The thing is, Matt's tired. He's tired of the Company, he's tired of being scared and he's tired of Bennet. He doesn't want to live his life dodging people who want to deprive him of his most basic liberties. He doesn't want to always be looking over his shoulder for the next bad guy or crisis. He most certainly doesn't want to end up like Bennet. What he really wants are the same things he's always wanted, a home, a family, and sense of purpose. He's not really cut out for conspiracies and covert operations. Part of the reason he wanted to go into law enforcement was the sense of being on the right side of protecting people. Every time he put on a uniform, he was becoming a symbol of justice. He was a visible part of the greater good, under a system that had accountability. It might have been a flawed system sometimes, but it was better than the kind of work that Bennet was doing. He was a man reduced to sneaking around in the shadows, committing unconscionable acts in order to protect his family. Matt knows that Bennet was, in a lot of ways, trapped in his situation, then and now. He doesn't judge Bennet exactly, but his life seems wrong on a lot of levels.
It's certainly not the life Matt wants. And if he's being honest with himself, he's glad that Bennet is living that life, because that lessens his obligation to do so. As long as somebody out there is fighting the Company, it means that Matt doesn't have to. It's selfish, but at a certain point, Matt has to be responsible for the kind of person he wants to be. And he doesn't want to be the kind of man that Bennet is asking him to be by working in the shadows. Even as Matt thinks that, he also knows that he's not quite ready to let something as big as what the Company is doing go unchecked.
It's something that Mohinder is apparently willing to do, though. Matt can't help but wonder what will become of it, if Mohinder knows what position he's placing Molly in. If Molly will even be allowed to stay with Mohinder. Matt has so many questions about their situation. He wonders if Mohinder is a citizen of the US or not, and how an unrelated, foreign, previously unknown guy is allowed to become the primary caregiver to a young child. It's most likely that either Bennet or the Company is behind it, and that's just asking for trouble. Matt doesn't even know why he cares so much. He's spend a grand total of probably twelve hours with either of them, and yet they occupy 75% of his current worry load.
Matt wishes he had someone to talk to about this. He thinks about calling Janice before he remembers he can't. The closest thing he had to someone who could really talk to about everything was Ted, but that isn't an option either. In that moment, Matt feels pretty sorry for himself. He has to shake himself out of it, because at least he has problems to complain about, unlike Ted.
Matt decides to go to the heart of the matter, and picks up the phone and calls Mohinder. For the first time since he woke up, he feels like he's taking a step in the right direction.
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the end!
A/N: This was supposed to be an epic love story. Instead, it's about a guy worrying about how he's going to pay his bills. :/ Oh well! I guess you've got to pay the bills too.
Author: Pomone
Pairings/Characters: Matt, Mohinder
Rating: PG (Preslash?)
Spoilers: Season 2
Word Count:7200
Summary:A look at the long slow time when Matt wakes up after being shot in the Season 1 finale.
Matt knows he's been shot, and is surprised at how much more it hurts when more than one bullet has gone through him. This thought filters through his mind as he slowly comes to awareness in what he hopes is a hospital room, to the sound of another person puking their guts out. There are machines beeping softly in the background, and Matt thinks that is a good sign. Someone enters the room, presumably to deal with the puker beside him, but Matt isn't quite ready to talk yet. Everything seems sort of hazy, and the ceiling seems to far away. He knows that there is something he should be thinking about, something in his life that needs a resolution, but it's to hard to pin down. He closes his eyes, and the world fades to black.
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When Matt is aware of the world again, he feels too hot. He's surrounded by blankets, and he can feel sweat all down his neck from being under to many covers. His mouth is dry, and he is profoundly uncomfortable. He remembers the gunshots, and the slightest movement on his part reminds him of where they all are. All he can seem to do is take in the room around him, and it is reassuringly normal. It seems like any other hospital room he's been in, with bright lighting and machinery he can't even come close to understanding. That seems important somehow. There's a curtain separating the room he's in, and he can vaguely see the silhouette of another person beside him. He vaguely remembers the sound of someone throwing up, but now the other person is snoring softly. He's glad that they put in out of sight of the door. It would give him to critical extra seconds to react should someone try and force their way into the room, but the constant pain of his wounds remind him that there isn't much he could do if someone did attack besides push the call button for a nurse and hope for the best.
It hits him like a freight train. The showdown in the plaza...Sylar, and god, Molly was there too. His heart starts to race, and Matt looks to the window, and tries to get his breathing under control. He can feel a bead of sweat rolling down his neck, but he's to uncomfortable to move. There doesn't seem to be a smoking rubble of a city, so he's hoping things turned out okay. The fact that the hospital isn't overflowing is another good sign, maybe. At least, he thinks there might be more people in the room if the hospital was overflowing, if he's even in New York. He automatically reaches for a phone or a gun, or anything to tell him where he is, but comes up empty. He can't see anything personal of his in the hospital room, and everything surrounding him is screamingly generic. There is a phone beside his bed though. Matt tries to sit up to reach it, but it hurts to much to move. He collapses back on the bed with a frustrated groan.
Not that it would do him much good to get to the phone anyway, it's not like he knows anyone's phone number by heart who could tell him anything interesting. He really wishes he knew where somebody connected to the whole mess' phone number so he could call anybody, and see what happened. He needs to know if everyone is alright. It didn't seem like such a priority to get Ted or Bennet's phone number when they were running around trying to avoid the apocalypse, but now it seems like a huge mistake not to have done it. Matt wonders for a moment if Ted would even have a cellphone, and decides he most definitely didn't. He hopes they're okay. Bennet may be a bit of a jerk, but it tugged on Matt's heartstrings a bit to see him so moved by his daughter's presence. Claire reminded him of Molly, in some strange way. They both seemed vulnerable, although with Claire it seems like that vulnerability was more theoretical than physical. He hopes that Molly's safe. Matt tries again to try and get out of the bed and do...anything, but the best he can do is manage to feel each of the bullet wounds threading his body like Swiss cheese. He really needs to stop trying to move. An involuntary groan of frustration leaves him. The groan catches the attention of a passing nurse, and Matt finds himself suddenly noticed by the world again.
The nurses smile approvingly at him when they find out Matt is awake, like he's done something amazing by simply being aware of the world. The doctor on the other hand, seems less than impressed. She is a taciturn older woman, who doesn't smile at all, but tells him that he will likely make a full recovery with hard work, and Matt feels a relief so profound that he can't speak. He quickly reads her thoughts to make sure that she's not humoring him, or god, working for the Company, but the doctor is already thinking about her next appointments and her daughter's drug addiction. Matt quickly scans the nurses to see if they have any thoughts about the Company, but none of them seem to either. Their thoughts are all relatively normal, but Matt has trouble staying with anyone's thoughts in particular. Trying to read people's minds only ends up giving him a headache, so Matt's thoughts come back from the nurses in the hall to his own situation. He's reasonably sure that he's not in some Company facility. Nobody is thinking openly about conspiracy, or imprisonment or whatever it is that the Company does. The sheets seem pretty nice for another thing and he doesn't think the Company would install a T.V. in the corner of the room. At least they didn't do any of that sort of thing with his last visit, but he's not going to rule anything out. Still, he's going to operate under the assumption that he's in a normal hospital so he doesn't start screaming.
It sinks in that the doctor told him that he'd probably make a full recovery, and he suddenly feels like the luckiest man alive. Getting shot even once could mean the end of everything, and to avoid long term damage from four gun shot wounds makes it seem like somebody might be looking out for him, finally. He's seen a lot of gunshot victims on both sides of the law, and the aftermath. It's selfish, but he's so glad he won't end up like Mitchell, a cop on the force who took a bullet to the back and now spends his days as a desk jockey and maneuvering around in a wheelchair, or Williams who ended up with his brains splattered all over the pavement by some punk kid drug dealer. At least he'll have his health, someday.
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The hospital called Janice as soon as he was brought in, and she's the first person he sees that he knows since he woke up. He doesn't know how the hospital got the information, but he's glad that they did. The past months have been such a surreal experience that as soon as he sees her he feels like some sense or normalcy is returning to his life. He hasn't seen her in person in such a long time, and has been making do with just the sound of her voice for so long that when he finally sees he thinks that somehow an angel must have found him. Her long brown hair and sensible hands are the most beautiful and familiar things he's ever seen, and in that moment he wants to write poetry about their extraordinary brilliance. Her very presence reminds him that at one point his life wasn't so supremely screwed up, that he had things that normal people have. Between suddenly being able to hear everyones innermost thoughts, and dodging the Company, it's indescribable to see her.
She smiles when she sees him, but it doesn't reach her eyes. He presses into her mind, and is very surprised that her surface thoughts are heavily clouded by a sense of guilt. Oh God she is thinking, and How can I ever tell him?. When she looks at him her eyes scrunch up and he can tell she's on the verge of tears. She tries to speak, but can't manage it. She just takes his hand in hers and starts to cry. Matt flounder a bit. He's never known what to do when women cry, and he wishes he could hug her. Something is terribly wrong though.
"Janice..." he says tentatively, but she just shakes her head. Since she won't speak, Matt listens for what she's thinking again, and her thoughts are all over the place. She's relieved that he's alive, so relieved, but terrified that he'll find out that the baby she's carrying isn't his, and Matt wonders how she could think he wouldn't find out. She knows what he can do. He can almost feel the oppressive weight of her feelings, and it makes him feel sick inside. It gets worse.
Underneath it all the worry and stress, there is a faint whisper that Janice can't hide that says things would have been easier if he had died. If he had died she thinks, I wouldn't have to deal with any of this mess. She feels guilty about that too. He knows that she can't mean it, can't be that selfish, but distressingly for a moment, Matt sort of wishes that he had died and he didn't have to know this. It passes quickly. He should have known the moment that he started hearing other people thinking that his normal existence was over. He should have known that things wouldn't be the same, that these powers wouldn't fix something that was broken in the first place, but he was so determined that he could make it work. He'd known that he and Janice were having troubles, and it really seemed like finally knowing what was unsaid between them could bring them to a place where they could fix things. It hurts so damn much that Matt was wrong about that. Janice has collapsed into the chair beside his bed and laid her head on his arm. She's crying more quietly now, and Matt slides his free hand over Janice's hair. She has to know that he knows, Mat thinks. She also has to know that it won't work between them anymore. There are somethings he can't come back from, and he can sense that deep down Janice doesn't really want him to.
It hits him that he won't be just losing Janice, but also losing that whole life he thought he was going to have when saw Janice walking down the aisle on her father's arm. They'd promised to be together forever, and Matt had believed that it was something that was going to happen. They'd grow old together with their 2.3 kids and a dog, retire to Florida and be stupidly happy. The loss of that dream hits him harder than Janice's betrayal. She'd looked radiant and happy. He knew he had been. The idea of being a father, of having a home to get back to was the only thing that kept him sane through this whole ordeal. He can't even process the fact that the whole life he had planned out for himself is suddenly gone.
He doesn't say anything. Not yet. Janice has stopped crying, but she won't look at him and is clutching at his arm tightly. He can see the markers that she's had a rough few days, because her hair is looking a little greasy and her socks don't quite match. Also, she's not wearing her wedding ring. She forgets things like that when she's upset, and Matt knows these sorts of things about her. He hopes that guy who got her pregnant will appreciate those things too, and then selfishly hopes that he doesn't and that Janice realizes how much Matt did for her, knew about her. A spiral of bitterness starts to curl around his heart. Sometimes, life really sucks.
"Oh Matt", she says, finally looking at him, and says tiredly "what am I going to do with you?".
Nothing anymore, Matt thinks sadly. He wishes for a moment that she could read his mind, so he wouldn't have to be the one to say it. He thinks she must already know that it's over.
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Matt watches a lot of TV while he's recovering. There's not a lot to do when you're flat on your back, and reading a magazine doesn't cancel out the sounds of his roommate. It's been almost a week since he woke up, and the doctor says he can look forward to being in the hospital awhile longer. Matt's lucky that Janice's insurance covers spouses and his extended stay, but he still worries that he's going to end up having to pay part of his treatment. And anyway, if he left the hospital, it's not like he has anywhere else to be. He's to hurt to fly, and he doesn't know how to get in touch with anybody in New York. He doesn't know if anybody he knows is still in New York. A hotel is out of the question, how would he even pay for that? He doesn't know how long the recovery is going to take, or even when he can start working again. Matt mentally puts sorting out his finances on the list of things he doesn't want to talk to Janice about.
Janice hasn't been back to see him since after the first visit, and Matt's not surprised. Janice tends to avoid sticky situations when she's the one at fault. He doubts that she's even in the city anymore, which leaves him feeling ambivalent. He's angry and bitter about the whole situation, and really doesn't want to see her. Sometimes though, when there is an intense flair of pain from his wounds, or he's feeling particularly depressed he wishes she was there to cajole him out of it though. She was good at that, when she wanted to be. In his lowest moments, he wishes she was there just so he didn't have to be alone and so far from anything familiar. Janice was his only visitor beyond the hospital staff, and he's starting to feel very isolated. He hopes though, by staying in the hospital that someone will make contact with him. They all saw him loaded in to the ambulance. He just hopes that whoever finds him isn't from the Company.
He tries pretty pointedly not trying to think about the future. It's clear from the news that there hasn't been any major Company activity or otherwise, no shocking footage of amazing human feats, so Matt finally has to accept that life will be moving on in some sort of normal fashion. Which means he has to pull together some sort of life for himself. The reality of Janice's betrayal is setting in, and he's moved from tragically sad to bitter. He's been jerked around, kidnapped, and shot, and now he has to fly back to L.A. and deal with something as mundane as a divorce, and finding a new job. The thought of packing all his things, sifting through what is his and Janice's, trying to decide who really gets the punch bowl Aunt Enda sent for the wedding seems more dreadful than anything that has happened so far. It sounds so tiring and petty, that he'd almost rather be running from the Company and living on the edge of paranoia. At least then he was doing something that seemed to have some sort of higher purpose. Matt tries to shake himself out of his funk, but it seems like to much work. There is going to be so much shit to deal with when he leaves the hospital anyway, that there is no sense in dwelling on it until he has too.
So Matt waits, and watches TV, tunes out his roommate, and reads old magazines. It's a sad state of affairs, but the highlight of his day is when 5 o'clock rolls around, signaling the end of the truly dreadful daytime TV lineup. If he never sees Dr. Phil's face again, it will be to soon. If he stays in the hospital much longer he'll start to genuinely care about what happens to all the people on General Hospital, and there are just some things he's not willing to do. But from five to seven he can watch the news and reassure himself that everything is still alright. He starts with the local stuff, because they are more likely to report on things that are unexplained and strange and then moves on the national news to see if there are any big events going down. There hasn't been anything remotely out of the ordinary on either level, that he can tell. There is tremendous comfort in the idea that he's not alone in his new freakish power, and he's half afraid that the lack of news means that everyone like him has somehow disappeared, as if none of this had ever happened. Matt can't tell if he wants that or not.
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Things start looking up when someone finally does make contact, in the form of Dr. Mohinder Suresh bringing Molly to the hospital to see him. Matt can't remember being gladder to see anyone that he is to see Molly. Of all the people that could have found him here, Bennet, Ted, the scary blond, he's glad it's Molly. He'd thought that Janice looked like an angel when she had come to visit, but her image pales under the force of the smile that Molly broke into when she saw him.
"Matt!" she cries happily. "Oh Matt, I'm so glad that you are alright. I just knew that you couldn't die. You're my hero after all!". She bounds over to his bed and looks so pleased to see him that Matt feel like his answering smile is going to split his face in two. She looks over at the dividing curtain and then whispers to tell him that she checked to make sure he was still in the hospital every night before she went to bed to make sure he was still where she could find him. Matt is reminded that Molly is special, just like him and it makes him feel less alone.
"I wanted to come and see you right away" she continues, "but somebody", at this Molly pauses and pointedly glares at Dr. Suresh, "said we had to wait until you were feeling better. But I knew you'd want to see me." Matt can only nod. He glances over at Dr. Suresh to see how he's taking the accusation, and smiles a bit to soften Molly's words. Dr. Suresh shrugs slowly. "We wanted to give you some time to recover before we barged in", he says in a tone that suggests he's made this argument before. Molly harrumphs at that and launches into a description what happened after he was taken to the hospital. Apparently, she's staying at Dr. Suresh's apartment, and he makes good food and sings her songs, but leaves her with a babysitter to often. Dr. Suresh is looking a little embarrassed by her speech, but happy too. He's leaning against the wall in sort of a tired slouch, and his brightly colored clothes seem to bring a bit of cheerfulness to the room that Matt didn't even know was lacking. Dr. Suresh is watching Molly with a soft dopey look on his face, Matt finds himself unaccountably jealous,and he doesn't quite know why. He should be happy that somebody is getting something out of this mess, but he can't help but wonder if Dr. Suresh is the kind of guy that can take care of a kid. Especially a special kid like Molly. Matt nods in all the right places at Molly's running monolouge, and assures her that he really is okay and tells her that even gunshots can't keep him down.
They don't stay long, and Molly pouts a bit when Dr. Suresh tells her it's time to go. Matt can't help but feel a little glad about that, because it's nice that there is someone who wants to spend time with him. It hits him that they are suddenly that when they walk out that door, he'll have no way to contact them again. Their visit is the best thing that's happened to him since he landed in the hospital, and he's still got so many questions about what's happened and where everyone it that Molly's can't answer. He thinks that they wouldn't look so at ease if Sylar was still running, but he can't be sure. "Dr. Suresh..." Matt says a little desperately, "please...uh..."
For a moment, Dr. Suresh must be the mind reader because digs into the pocket of his coat and hands Matt a slip of paper with two phone number on it. "The first one is mine" Dr. Suresh says. The second is Noah Bennet's number. He told me that the two of you had spent some time together and you might should give him a call when you are feeling up to it".
"Thank you Dr. Suresh". Matt tries to keep his voice from shaking with emotion, but it's hard. Seeing Molly, and getting this information handed to him takes such a load off of mind. He's been so stressed out and isolated over everything, and desperately trying not to deal with anything because it seemed like there wasn't anything to do. Having Bennet's number changes that.
Dr. Suresh seems a little taken aback by the by his emotional response, but his dark eye smile at Matt and he tells him "You can call me Mohinder". Molly takes Dr. Suresh's hand as he leads her from the room, and she turns back to wave goodbye to Matt and promises to visit again soon.
Matt hopes they both do. Actually, he hopes he can visit them because that would mean he was out of the damn hospital on and his way. It occurs to him later that he should have tried to read their minds a little bit to find out if things where really alright and he's surprised he didn't think of it when they were there.
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Matt fingers the slip of paper Mohinder gave him. It occurs belatedly to Matt that Mohinder and Bennet must have been in contact for Mohinder to have Bennet's phone number. That's surprising to Matt, considering the last time he saw Mohinder and Bennet together. It makes him feel a little uncomfortable that Bennet should be so close to someone who is apparently Molly's primary caregiver, even though he knows that Bennet is unlikely to try and take Molly out now. The memory of Bennet pointing his gun at Molly while she cried makes Matt shiver and go cold. He guesses that Bennet's overriding motivation must have been to protect his own family, but it takes a pretty desperate man to look into the eyes of a small frightened child and be prepared to pull the trigger. Matt can't understand it at all, and he doesn't want to. The time that Matt had thought he was going to be a father was so brief, that his concept of how far he would go to protect his family was largely untested, but he hopes that he would never go to the lengths that Bennet was willing to sink to.
Matt's not quite sure what the relationship between Bennet and Mohinder is, but he he feels slightly better remembering that Mohinder had put himself on the line to protect Molly. It makes him feel worse to remember that even though Mohinder managed to protect her in the end, he still seems sort of wimpy. He's pretty sure that Mohinder doesn't have any sort of special powers, and he can tell that he has no extraordinary physical prowess. There is no way that Mohinder could hope to protect Molly from anyone seriously determined to do her harm, with or without special abilities, unless they had a heart attack or stroke while they were attacking. Or they got shot. Matt rolls his eyes at his line of thought. It seems unlikely that he'd really be able to defend himself either. He tries to push Molly and Mohinder from his mind, as he's got more than enough to worry about, but he knows it probably won't work. The pair of them seem so oddly vulnerable, and Matt has a urge to protect them both. He flashes back to Mohinder's tired slouch, and Molly's sweet smile as she waved goodbye, and is surprised by how much he wants them both to be okay. It was obvious, even from their short visit that they had settled into some sort of camaraderie, and Matt is glad that someone could be there for her, to offer her some protection. The scene of her parents murder is made somewhat less terrifying by the discovery of exactly how and why it happened, but in a lot of ways it makes the danger to people like Matt and Molly more real. Matt hopes to god that people with abilities like Sylar are an aberration, but there is so little he knows about this new turn in human development. Added to that is the fear of discovery by organizations like the Company.
Matt will make sure to call Mohinder and tell him a little bit about what happened to Molly, just so he knows what he's dealing with. Molly's short life has experience a lot of trauma, and those sorts of things don't go away overnight. He wonders if there is any sort of therapist that Molly could go to that wouldn't think she was completely crazy. He wonders if Molly could even find away to talk about her experiences. Matt decides that he'll call Molly too, so she knows that she's not alone, that someone out there knows what she's been through. He hopes that will help her. She said that he was her hero, right? He wants her to know that she could confide in him.
In any case, it doesn't do him much good to worry so much. He doesn't really know either of them very well, and he what could he do anyway? Take Mohinder to a shooting range? Teach Molly how to bite people? Have them call him if something goes wrong? He doesn't even live in New York for christ's sake. Matt's got his own life to deal with, sort of anyway. He can't go around trying to fix everything for them when his own life is so pathetically broken, but he's not going to dwell on that either. He shakes his head a little, and steels his nerves. Enough of all of that. He reaches for the phone beside his bed, and dial's Bennet's number from the page. It goes straight to voice mail, and Matt doesn't know whether to scream in frustration, or be glad that he doesn't have to know how fucked up everything is right away. He both does and doesn't want to know what Bennet could tell him. Matt can only leave a message asking Bennet to call him back as soon as he can.
When he hangs up the phone he hears the unmistakable sound of someone ready to throw up from the other side of the curtain, reminding him that he's not alone in the room. Matt has to suppress the urge to gag, as the bitter smell of puke fills the air. Matt suddenly really, really wants to get out of the hospital. He just wishes that there was somewhere he wanted to go.
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Matt tries to avoid looking at the clock, because he swears that every time he does, the second hand jumps backwards. Matt sighs and fiddles with the blankets on his bed. He feels a profound sense of guilt for every girl he ever waited to call back after a date, and every time he didn't pick up the phone when his grandmother's name was on the caller id. Matt looks out the window then tries to focus on the magazine in his lap. He sighs again. Matt loses the fight with himself and looks at the clock. Five minutes have passed since the last time he checked. It's been six hours and forty-two minutes since he left a message on Bennet's voice mail, and now it's almost ten o'clock. The hospital is settling down, as much as it ever does at night, and Matt is so on edge he can't sleep. He doesn't know where Bennet is, or what he is doing and his mind is running crazy with scenarios as to why Bennet hasn't called back. Maybe Bennet got kidnapped by the Company again. Maybe he's dead. Maybe Mohinder wasn't really supposed to give Matt the number. Maybe...no, Matt shakes himself out of that line of thinking. He's just making up reasons to make himself crazy now. Matt starts to tap the railing on his bed. He's too unsettled to watch TV or read the year old magazine some hospital volunteers brought around with dinner.
What Matt wants to do to pass the time is call Mohinder, and ask him how Molly came to live with him instead of somebody related to her. He wants to ask Mohinder how he and Molly met, and why Mohinder was working with the Company. It unsettles Matt to think about Mohinder working for the Company that kidnapped him and Ted, and he remembers that Bennet worked for the Company too, and managed to keep Claire safe. Sort of anyway. Maybe Mohinder didn't know how bad they were? Matt wonders how one gets a job at the Company anyway. They aren't the kind of place to advertise. The situation of Bennet and Claire and Mohinder and Molly are too different for it to be a valid comparison anyway. The Company already knew about Molly, and apparently Mohinder has some sort of prior connection with them. Maybe Mohinder is helping the Company use Molly even still...Matt's hand is halfway to the phone to call Mohinder and ask him what the hell is going on before remember that he is waiting on Bennet's call. They don't have individual patient voice mail at the hospital, so if Bennet calls while he's on the line he'll get a busy signal, and Matt doesn't want to wait for Bennet to call back he can't get through. Even if he didn't call while Matt was on the line with Mohinder, Matt knows he would drive himself crazy wondering if he had miss Bennet's call. He trusts Bennet marginally more than Mohinder anyway, so he needs to talk to Bennet first. Matt glances at the clock again and grimaces. Only 3 minutes have passed this time. Matt lets out a frustrated huff, and turns on the TV and tries to lose himself in some Law and Order reruns.
Matt falls asleep with the TV on.
He wakes up in the morning to the sound of the hospital staff bringing around the breakfast tray, and medications. He starts a bit, he hadn't meant to fall asleep like that. He takes his tray and his meds and turns off the TV. He hopes Bennet didn't call while he was sleeping. Matt slowly eats breakfast and takes stock of his physical condition. He's starting to feel more human, instead of a piece of swiss cheese. He thinks he might try to go outside today. He's had limited success walking around bits of the hospital, and he'd really like to breath some fresh air that isn't tainted by the antiseptic smell of the hospital. With that goal in mind, waiting for Bennet to call is even more of a trial than it was yesterday. There's nothing worth watching on TV, and he's read all the magazines in his room. The only book around is the Bible, and he's not quite that desperate yet. He feels antsy and bored, which is a terrible combination. He decides to try testing his powers again. He played around with testing a few days ago, but found the hysterical thoughts of the people in the waiting room, and the bleak depression of many of the patients to be too much. Matt's life is sad enough, and he can't really handle the sadness/anger/pain of others. Matt decides to save distance testing for a more pleasing environment.
He can test how long he can hold a connection. His roommate, whose name he's since learned is Josiah, has amazingly banal thoughts. He's an accountant with some sort of virus that isn't contagious, and all he does when he's not throwing up is watch TV and think about what the different people on TV's taxes would look like. Sometimes Matt can't believe how uninteresting people are, even in their own minds. In some ways though, he's jealous. If all Matt had to think about was the estimated tax incomes of various TV personalities his life would probably be a lot easier.
Matt concentrates, and catches the edges of Josiah's thoughts. Let's see Josiah thinks if the average salary for an actor is around 50,000 dollars, and the average tax rate is 40% of gross income that would mean they would need to act in certain number of commercials per pay cycle... Oh god, Matt thinks to himself, maybe staring at the ceiling is better, but he stays with it. He manages to hang on for a few minutes more but is drawn out of Josiah's thoughts when a nurse enters the room to check on Josiah. The effort makes Matt's head hurt a little, but it's nowhere near as bad as it was when he was trying to read people's thoughts when he first work up. He can hear the softly accented voice of the nurse checking in on Josiah, and Matt wonders if the nurse thinks in another language. Matt gears up to test out his theory, but the nurse is already leaving the room and Matt finds he no longer has the energy. Matt turns on the TV, and tunes into Josiah's thinking again. This time he listens to Josiah's droning thoughts and searches for the TV channel that Josiah's watching, trying to match it based on what Josiah is thinking. This takes a bit more concentration, and Matt can't hold onto Josiah's thoughts for as long as he did before. Matt wonders if he'll improve through practice. Not for the first time he wonders if there are ethical implications to what he's doing, it he should even attempt to improve this power. The realm of human thought is a pretty sacred place, and one where people assume they are completely free of observation. Matt feels a pang of guilt for invading Josiah's privacy that way, but then remembers Molly's frantic thoughts and how he was able to find her that way. It shores up his resolve, and he reminds himself that he's not eavesdropping just for kicks.
Before he can stop himself, Matt looks up at the clock. It's only been a half an hour since breakfast. It's shaping up to be another long slow day.
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When Bennet actually does call, it's tremendously anticlimactic. Bennet is rushed, apparently he's on a break from work and doesn't stay on the line for very long. The idea that Bennet has a regular job that's not Company related seems hilarious to Matt. Bennet was the mastermind behind their escape, and he Matt sort of imagines him as a real life Mission Impossible operative. The idea that he's sucking it up as a grunt at a real paper supply store...Matt can only laugh a little bit. Once he starts laughing, he can't stop. Really, he can't, and then he's laughing so hard he starts to cry, and then he can't stop that either.
Ted is dead. That guy was pretty messed up, but he deserved a lot more than being sliced open so some psycho could have just a little more power. And Sylar too, is now confirmed as dead, and all that's left of Ted is in the hands of Peter Petrelli. Ted wouldn't have wanted his legacy to the world to be the thing he hated most about himself, the thing that killed his wife. It makes Matt fiercely glad that his power is hidden, that it doesn't hurt anybody but himself. He couldn't take knowing that he hurt people precious to him. Matt promises himself that he will set up some sort of memorial for Ted, somewhere. He deserves to be remembered for more than his powers, or how he died.
As for Bennet himself, Matt's not surprised he landed on his feet somewhere. The idea that his sales clerk at an office supply store could also be some sort of double agent running around trying to bring down mythical companies that hunt super powered humans, well, it's going to be awhile before he can go back to Office Max. On the other side of it though, he can't help but admire the way that Bennet adapted to his changed position so quickly. It hasn't been all that long since that devastating night at the plaza, and Bennet already has a job set up for himself, and a domestic life with his family. It must have been based on some sort of contingency plan to have all happened so quickly, and if anyone had some intricate back up plan like that, it would be Bennet.
Apparently, Bennet hasn't given up on bringing down the Company. If anything, the man's relentless. And he's working with Mohinder. Bennet didn't have time to say much, and only said that Mohinder's father was some sort of scientist that wrote a book about why people where suddenly popping up with new powers, and the Mohinder was carrying on his research. Matt knows he's not getting the whole story, but the pieces are starting to make more sense. He can now see why Mohinder would be at the Company, or how the Company would have known about him. Matt doesn't know why he was working with Molly specifically, but Bennet says that Mohinder's on their side and willing to work as a double agent. Bennet says that he doesn't trust Mohinder completely, but that he's a necessary part of the plan. Or he will be. They're still working out the details of what exactly the plan is. Bennet won't get to specific over the phone, and Matt sincerely hopes that the Company hasn't tapped his hospital phone line. He doesn't want to ask if Bennet thinks they might have, just in case they did and are listening. Bennet ends the call by saying that he won't be able to get away from his new job and location for awhile, and suggests that he visit Mohinder before he returns to California, where they can meet in person. He tells Matt to talk to Mohinder, and let Bennet know what level of involvement Matt is willing to play in the new plan.
Matt's going to have to think about that one. In theory, he can see why bringing down the Company is an important task. He also knows that in order to know if the Company is going to pull old tricks like kidnapping people with abilities or the even darker activities that Bennet has alluded to it makes sense to have a man like Mohinder on the inside.
The thing is, Matt's tired. He's tired of the Company, he's tired of being scared and he's tired of Bennet. He doesn't want to live his life dodging people who want to deprive him of his most basic liberties. He doesn't want to always be looking over his shoulder for the next bad guy or crisis. He most certainly doesn't want to end up like Bennet. What he really wants are the same things he's always wanted, a home, a family, and sense of purpose. He's not really cut out for conspiracies and covert operations. Part of the reason he wanted to go into law enforcement was the sense of being on the right side of protecting people. Every time he put on a uniform, he was becoming a symbol of justice. He was a visible part of the greater good, under a system that had accountability. It might have been a flawed system sometimes, but it was better than the kind of work that Bennet was doing. He was a man reduced to sneaking around in the shadows, committing unconscionable acts in order to protect his family. Matt knows that Bennet was, in a lot of ways, trapped in his situation, then and now. He doesn't judge Bennet exactly, but his life seems wrong on a lot of levels.
It's certainly not the life Matt wants. And if he's being honest with himself, he's glad that Bennet is living that life, because that lessens his obligation to do so. As long as somebody out there is fighting the Company, it means that Matt doesn't have to. It's selfish, but at a certain point, Matt has to be responsible for the kind of person he wants to be. And he doesn't want to be the kind of man that Bennet is asking him to be by working in the shadows. Even as Matt thinks that, he also knows that he's not quite ready to let something as big as what the Company is doing go unchecked.
It's something that Mohinder is apparently willing to do, though. Matt can't help but wonder what will become of it, if Mohinder knows what position he's placing Molly in. If Molly will even be allowed to stay with Mohinder. Matt has so many questions about their situation. He wonders if Mohinder is a citizen of the US or not, and how an unrelated, foreign, previously unknown guy is allowed to become the primary caregiver to a young child. It's most likely that either Bennet or the Company is behind it, and that's just asking for trouble. Matt doesn't even know why he cares so much. He's spend a grand total of probably twelve hours with either of them, and yet they occupy 75% of his current worry load.
Matt wishes he had someone to talk to about this. He thinks about calling Janice before he remembers he can't. The closest thing he had to someone who could really talk to about everything was Ted, but that isn't an option either. In that moment, Matt feels pretty sorry for himself. He has to shake himself out of it, because at least he has problems to complain about, unlike Ted.
Matt decides to go to the heart of the matter, and picks up the phone and calls Mohinder. For the first time since he woke up, he feels like he's taking a step in the right direction.
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the end!
A/N: This was supposed to be an epic love story. Instead, it's about a guy worrying about how he's going to pay his bills. :/ Oh well! I guess you've got to pay the bills too.