Pre-Cana
Unlike bridgetwannabe who had a singular experience with Pre-Cana, ours was fairly decent.
(short note: “Pre-Cana” is an all day workshop you have to do if you want to get married in the Catholic church. The name “Cana” comes from the wedding at Cana where Jesus performed his first miracle.
We arrived at the place at 9:30 sharp. galewind had confessed some worry about the number of people there. We pulled into the parking lot to see a lot of other young couples getting out of their cars. They were all attractive, fairly hip, in nice clothes with nice cars. We, of course, are in his white Neon with the paint coming off in strips.
galewind: “Uh..”
Me: Don’t worry dear, we’re not hip, we’ll never be hip. It’s ok.
They provided us with coffee and mini bagels, and a folder filled with information, including the dreaded “What you need to know about Natural Family Planning” pamphlet. There were also two workbooks called “Before I say ‘I do.’”
The main couple giving the talk were older, had been married for about 47 years. They were incredibly funny, and very real about their experiences together. The second couple that showed up later to talk was also very real and very cool.
The workshop was split up into activities in our workbook, lectures, and conversations with our table. The stuff they covered was actually useful: conflict resolution, dealing with each others’ family, finances, parenting styles, understanding our future spouses’ experiences may influence how they respond to various things. In fact, the only mention of the dread “NFP” (Natural Family Planning) was for about fifteen minutes after lunch (they also gave us lunch, which was VERY good baked ziti. Yum) and as “the only method approved by the church.” But that was it. They did emphasis that this wasn’t the Rhythm method, aka “Vatican Roulette” (they called it that: ) The couple was cute!)
(When she was talking about taking the woman’s temperature and looking for a difference in 4/10ths of a degree, I was keeping my head down and muttering “bullshit” and “you’ve GOT to be kidding me” under my breath. Thankfully [Bad username in LJ tag] thought it just as ridiculous.)
The best part, I think, was at the end they asked us to write a little essay in our books “Why I want to spend the rest of my life with my fiancé” that we would share during the collection period during mass. (instead of giving money:) I wrote my little heart out:) It was very sweet to see what he wrote and what he thinks. It was also a good exercise, I thought, taking the time to appreciate each other when we’re both so caught up in other things.
The only part of the entire proceedings that I really DID NOT like occurred during the mass we were required to go to before we got our Certificate (Which I referred to as our “Defensive Marriage Certificate” as it’s obtained much the same way as you get a “Defensive Driving” one.)
galewind isn’t Catholic and in fact has huge issues with the church (not that I don’t, of course), and then we get a rather old fashioned (but fairly young,) priest who says something about how all Christians should be Catholics. “It’s not Politically Correct” he said, but it was what we should hope for. I’m thinking “get over it father, you had your chance in the middle ages, and we know how you fucked up the world THEN.”
Of course that pissed off my fiancé, who later on goes on how he’s never heard hate spilled from the pulpit before (I countered that he’s been going to the wrong churches…or perhaps the right ones?)
The next thing that PISSED me off was that the priest turned it over to the head of the Pro-Life committee (They call themselves the Respect Life committee, but I think that’s a misnomer). She was talking about how the second collection was for the committee. She then explained what the money was used for:
- putting up billboards around town that said “Vote for Life”
- creating a pamphlet that was a “voting” guide for Catholics
- organizing a trip to Washington to march against abortion
- protesting NJ’s progressive new focus on stem cell research
(I can’t remember if there was anything else, if it was, it was equally as useless.)
galewind kindly held my hand during this little talk as I fumed. They were getting all this money, I thought, and instead of using it for things like programs providing poor women with pre-natal care, or counseling for rape victims who were pregnant or things like that, they were basically putting up propaganda to incite people to vote for Bush out of fear, out of some sense that what they were doing was for “life.”
Especially here in NJ where the foster care system is so fucked up you had the family that starved their foster sons, I expect something else out of a “Respect Life” committee. However, I simply got fanaticism and propaganda, not real action or concern for individuals that aren’t in utero.
Ok, stepping off the soapbox now. Pre-Cana = experience much more useful and pleasant that I thought. Mass = not so much.
(short note: “Pre-Cana” is an all day workshop you have to do if you want to get married in the Catholic church. The name “Cana” comes from the wedding at Cana where Jesus performed his first miracle.
We arrived at the place at 9:30 sharp. galewind had confessed some worry about the number of people there. We pulled into the parking lot to see a lot of other young couples getting out of their cars. They were all attractive, fairly hip, in nice clothes with nice cars. We, of course, are in his white Neon with the paint coming off in strips.
galewind: “Uh..”
Me: Don’t worry dear, we’re not hip, we’ll never be hip. It’s ok.
They provided us with coffee and mini bagels, and a folder filled with information, including the dreaded “What you need to know about Natural Family Planning” pamphlet. There were also two workbooks called “Before I say ‘I do.’”
The main couple giving the talk were older, had been married for about 47 years. They were incredibly funny, and very real about their experiences together. The second couple that showed up later to talk was also very real and very cool.
The workshop was split up into activities in our workbook, lectures, and conversations with our table. The stuff they covered was actually useful: conflict resolution, dealing with each others’ family, finances, parenting styles, understanding our future spouses’ experiences may influence how they respond to various things. In fact, the only mention of the dread “NFP” (Natural Family Planning) was for about fifteen minutes after lunch (they also gave us lunch, which was VERY good baked ziti. Yum) and as “the only method approved by the church.” But that was it. They did emphasis that this wasn’t the Rhythm method, aka “Vatican Roulette” (they called it that: ) The couple was cute!)
(When she was talking about taking the woman’s temperature and looking for a difference in 4/10ths of a degree, I was keeping my head down and muttering “bullshit” and “you’ve GOT to be kidding me” under my breath. Thankfully [Bad username in LJ tag] thought it just as ridiculous.)
The best part, I think, was at the end they asked us to write a little essay in our books “Why I want to spend the rest of my life with my fiancé” that we would share during the collection period during mass. (instead of giving money:) I wrote my little heart out:) It was very sweet to see what he wrote and what he thinks. It was also a good exercise, I thought, taking the time to appreciate each other when we’re both so caught up in other things.
The only part of the entire proceedings that I really DID NOT like occurred during the mass we were required to go to before we got our Certificate (Which I referred to as our “Defensive Marriage Certificate” as it’s obtained much the same way as you get a “Defensive Driving” one.)
galewind isn’t Catholic and in fact has huge issues with the church (not that I don’t, of course), and then we get a rather old fashioned (but fairly young,) priest who says something about how all Christians should be Catholics. “It’s not Politically Correct” he said, but it was what we should hope for. I’m thinking “get over it father, you had your chance in the middle ages, and we know how you fucked up the world THEN.”
Of course that pissed off my fiancé, who later on goes on how he’s never heard hate spilled from the pulpit before (I countered that he’s been going to the wrong churches…or perhaps the right ones?)
The next thing that PISSED me off was that the priest turned it over to the head of the Pro-Life committee (They call themselves the Respect Life committee, but I think that’s a misnomer). She was talking about how the second collection was for the committee. She then explained what the money was used for:
- putting up billboards around town that said “Vote for Life”
- creating a pamphlet that was a “voting” guide for Catholics
- organizing a trip to Washington to march against abortion
- protesting NJ’s progressive new focus on stem cell research
(I can’t remember if there was anything else, if it was, it was equally as useless.)
galewind kindly held my hand during this little talk as I fumed. They were getting all this money, I thought, and instead of using it for things like programs providing poor women with pre-natal care, or counseling for rape victims who were pregnant or things like that, they were basically putting up propaganda to incite people to vote for Bush out of fear, out of some sense that what they were doing was for “life.”
Especially here in NJ where the foster care system is so fucked up you had the family that starved their foster sons, I expect something else out of a “Respect Life” committee. However, I simply got fanaticism and propaganda, not real action or concern for individuals that aren’t in utero.
Ok, stepping off the soapbox now. Pre-Cana = experience much more useful and pleasant that I thought. Mass = not so much.