Introspective Thoughts and Selfishness?
So I'm babysitting again on another late night but well-paying cash gig. But I don’t want to be here. In fact ,I'm SICK of watching other people kids. I really am. Which is why over the next 2-3 months I will be slowly eliminating almost all my extra money-making activities. I will be going down to my state paid home teaching ONLY and keeping on only 3 of my families for off-the-books cash. And at least 1 of them I plan to stop over the next year. I'm sick of it. I want to be HOME with my sweetie at night. I want to be able to go out with my friends (yes I have them, at least I think I do). I want to be able to call my SIL and say, "hey! lets hang out today!" I want time for me, and I'm selfish enough that I think I've earned it. I make enough now that I can afford to let some of these families go, and really several of them we've outgrown each other anyway. I can’t really supply all they need anymore for various reasons, and I'm stretched too thin.
It's gonna be hard to let go though, because some of these families I've worked with for 3-4 YEARS. Watched the kids grow and change and mature (or not as the case may be!). But I plan to stay in touch. I am using the wedding, honeymoon, and the fact we are attempting to buy a house (that will need MAJOR repairs) as an excuse.
But in truth I think I'm burned out. I've spent so many years helping others, it's time to help myself. Right? Don’t I deserve some time? I am finding others to take over these cases, so I'm not leaving them high and dry really. But I have to be strong and not cave in on this.
Still hard though. But I am sick of it. Sick of watching others kids.
I want my own. And I'll get them, but I’m done right now. I won't want to be burnt out when the time is right and I do have my own kids. I want to be a good mommy, I really do.
Wow, that was a lot of stuff. I didn't realize I had so much in me tonight.
Well, thanks for reading, those who still do. Which is probably no one.
On My Way
Kellie Pickler
I've felt the power of forgiveness
I know that life can let you down
I'm not blind
No, I don't need a witness
To tell me there's angels all around
My eyes have seen more than they want to
My heart has scars that run so deep
There's tears that I've had to let go
And there's dreams I told myself I'd keep
Now I don't give up easy
I have many miles to go
But I can't wait to get to
What I see down this road
And all my life I've learned to
Just take it day by day
I'm not there yet
But I know I'm on my way
I've looked out the window
When there's no hope I sight
But I swear I heard a whisper
Said it would be worth the fight
So I woke up one morning
And I put my fears aside
Now look how far I've come
From the back of an endless line
Now I don't give up easy
I have many miles to go
But I can't wait to get to
What I see down this road
And all my life I've learned to
Just take it day by day
I'm not there yet
But I know I'm on my way
I still got lessons to be learned
There's a choice at every turn
Someone out there cleared a path
And there's no turnin back
And all my life I've learned to
Just take it day by day
I'm not there yet
But I know I'm on my way
I'm not there yet
But I know I'm on my way
Baby, I'm on my way
On my way
Yea, I am on my way.
It's gonna be hard to let go though, because some of these families I've worked with for 3-4 YEARS. Watched the kids grow and change and mature (or not as the case may be!). But I plan to stay in touch. I am using the wedding, honeymoon, and the fact we are attempting to buy a house (that will need MAJOR repairs) as an excuse.
But in truth I think I'm burned out. I've spent so many years helping others, it's time to help myself. Right? Don’t I deserve some time? I am finding others to take over these cases, so I'm not leaving them high and dry really. But I have to be strong and not cave in on this.
Still hard though. But I am sick of it. Sick of watching others kids.
I want my own. And I'll get them, but I’m done right now. I won't want to be burnt out when the time is right and I do have my own kids. I want to be a good mommy, I really do.
Wow, that was a lot of stuff. I didn't realize I had so much in me tonight.
Well, thanks for reading, those who still do. Which is probably no one.
On My Way
Kellie Pickler
I've felt the power of forgiveness
I know that life can let you down
I'm not blind
No, I don't need a witness
To tell me there's angels all around
My eyes have seen more than they want to
My heart has scars that run so deep
There's tears that I've had to let go
And there's dreams I told myself I'd keep
Now I don't give up easy
I have many miles to go
But I can't wait to get to
What I see down this road
And all my life I've learned to
Just take it day by day
I'm not there yet
But I know I'm on my way
I've looked out the window
When there's no hope I sight
But I swear I heard a whisper
Said it would be worth the fight
So I woke up one morning
And I put my fears aside
Now look how far I've come
From the back of an endless line
Now I don't give up easy
I have many miles to go
But I can't wait to get to
What I see down this road
And all my life I've learned to
Just take it day by day
I'm not there yet
But I know I'm on my way
I still got lessons to be learned
There's a choice at every turn
Someone out there cleared a path
And there's no turnin back
And all my life I've learned to
Just take it day by day
I'm not there yet
But I know I'm on my way
I'm not there yet
But I know I'm on my way
Baby, I'm on my way
On my way
Yea, I am on my way.