(no subject)
Here is an extremely long post... Sort of a rant/wtf i have been doing for the past 2 years... I don't even think i covered everything I wanted.... but I been doing this since last night !_!
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I haven't posted on here in a while. Tho I haven't done much in a while to express myself. I'm not fully sure why I have done this, and this post may not even begin to say what could been said. I have spent the last few months going though different phases in my head. I have slowly began to rebuild myself, I have realized what happened to turn me this way.
Looking at myself, I am a very social person. I love to talk to people and interact with them. To the point that I don't even care if that interaction is good or bad. I sometimes find it a game, test how well I can read them and how mentally strong they are. I like to find the limits of one's mind. It my own way to test my own mind, find its limits.
With that being said I'm not one of the more social people tho. I can't go meet a random new person, or make friends in a crowed of people I don't know. I have trouble making that first step and always had, but once it is made my body kicks into auto pilot and just does it thing.
Now in the past almost 3 years my social contact with people has greatly fallen. I never gave it much thought till now and I see what started this downfall. It was January of 06, I was down from UCF which I did whenever I could. My social bonds where so tight to down here I just had to bring myself back as often as I could, I wasn't doing very well in Orlando socially I talked to my roommates and few other souls and that was it. So I thrived when I go back to the house, every weekend down here I was out and about, my house to only server as my bed. I visited people more then when I lived down here before. But there was always one person stationed in the co-seat of my car, Ryan. Every time I came down Ryan was with me for almost every minute of it, besides maybe work he normally just slept on my floor. I'm not to sure why we always hung out as much as we could. But that aside you could consider us brothers.
So back to where I was before, It was the start of a new year. Ryan and myself trashed at my house with fellow friends partying till we passed out. It was quite a party, for both Ryan and I knew that after tonight he would be moving to SC.
Time passed after Ryan left, I visited back home less then before. Tho the reason for that might have been that I totaled my car before Ryan left. But all was not lost, my roots in Orlando started to grow. It was mostly because of Missy and Mary, as they brought many new people from most of them I knew to a few I didn't to hang out. Tho I had what I needed in Orlando it wasn't quite the same. I was never really close to any of them besides Missy and James who I talked to on a bit more of a personal level. Everyone else was just people I knew and had fun with. Then Orlando came to and end, by my own doing. I knew I couldn't keep living the way I was and headed back home.
Arriving back home wasn't the same as I had thought in my head. Thoughts of life being like one large weekend down quickly came crashing down to realty. I had forgotten the world here, the small but large enough distances to make simple visits take much longer then needed. Life moved on though, I started working...
Work, something I don't talk much about. I am sort of the odd ball at work, I'm the youngest person in the company, hell there is only a few working here that are under 25. So socially the job is a little odd but I like it. I have learned a lot in the last year working here. It sort of scares me. But all in all I have spent 40+ hours a week for the last year on work.
As time passed January rolled around again and by this point I had basically become a hermit, but Ryan was down for a visit so I crawled out of my shell. It was actually for my sisters sweet 16 which he joined up on for a cruise. It was a fun trip, something that we probably be talking about when we are old and gray. But I realized something on the trip, it might not sound like much and its sort of sad on how I look at it now. I saw that I did have a friend close by me, hell she had been there for 9 years and I barley noticed. That person was Jordy, I have been friends with here since I moved down, I knew her though her father Doug who is like another father to me. He actually said the other night i am basically one of his sons. The past 9 year I rarely hung out with her unless we where at the same place, neither of us went out of are way to hang out or anything. Like normal we were at the same place so Jordy hung with Ryan and I. The three of us had fun, Jordy even bugged me about how we should hang out. It was the start of a rebirth.
The trip ended and Ryan headed back home, leaving only a promise of moving back down in the coming months. Not much had changed besides having a new person to talk to, I learned about Jordy fast. I already knew how to read her from knowing her so long I just got a larger grasp at what her life was about. I can say she is one of a very small group of people I feel I can talk to when I need it.
Then one weekend in March I believe, it was Friday night and Jordy invited me to go bowling with some of her friends. It was sort of awkward for me as I really didn't know anyone in the group besides Jordy. The other 3 there where Bea (who I had meet once before but barley and I think the 3 of us had a chat going on once before), Anty and Dani. I sat quietly for the first game, watching everyone and everything. They even made comments on how quite I was but I opened up pretty fast. To the point that I was the center of entertainment. The night was fun, everyone came over to my house afterwards and started playing the Wii. I think at that time I was just joking around with Bea since she was really the only one that would joke back. That would be the night Bea and I became friends. For those that might be really out of the loop Bea would be my most recent ex.
Saturday came and I had pretty much spent every moment I was awake talking to Bea, we all hung out again minus Dani and ended up at my house once again. We where watching some movie, I don't recall what because Bea and I weren't really watching it at all. We where goofing off and acting like idiots. At sometime Anty had to go home and Jordy sort of left to my living room to go watch adult swim(she wanted to watch her anime) Which lead to Bea and I hooking up. The night was sort of surreal, not to sure what had happened.
Sunday came with only one urge, to see her again. Which was satisfied that night where we meet up at the park down the street. That night still clear in my mind. Then the phone started to ring. My mother wanted me to get home said she wasn't feeling good. It sounded odd but I finally headed home to see a car sitting in my driveway with a SC plate. I ran in the door almost yelling "Where is he?" with just of the response of Ryan turning around in my family room.
That weekend was the start of a new time. It wasn't too long before Bea and I started dating eventually turning into a relationship that lasted about 3 months. While Ryan and I hung out whenever time allowed. Life felt pretty good for that time. Tho things ended with Bea which became a larger deal then it needed to be but its all in the past now. Another event that I secluded to myself and thought. I sort of slowly distanced myself away from everything once again. Only hanging out with Ryan because my mind was always to distracted to think of anything else. I also visited with Jordy now and then since we both had somewhat of a mutual bond of what was happening.
And now it is today, where I have gone into a whole new phase of rebuilding. I have started combat fighting (my replacement for karate since I couldn't make the time it was at) I haven't done any fighting since I move up to Orlando really. I sort of dropped it but now I am starting to get back into it. I also gone and revamped my eating, I was starting to gain weight, being much heaver then what I ever been. I have gotten back down to a weight I use to be at but would like to lose some more. I am also planning on going back to school in January. So things should get better. I'm not too sure if there is much else to write to this already long topic so I will end it here.
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Other then that, I am heading to NY tomorrow till Sunday night so if you need me you'll have to contact me by phone. 9954)892-2287 for thoses who don't have it yet.
My birthday is in 11 days ^^ Party at my house.
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I haven't posted on here in a while. Tho I haven't done much in a while to express myself. I'm not fully sure why I have done this, and this post may not even begin to say what could been said. I have spent the last few months going though different phases in my head. I have slowly began to rebuild myself, I have realized what happened to turn me this way.
Looking at myself, I am a very social person. I love to talk to people and interact with them. To the point that I don't even care if that interaction is good or bad. I sometimes find it a game, test how well I can read them and how mentally strong they are. I like to find the limits of one's mind. It my own way to test my own mind, find its limits.
With that being said I'm not one of the more social people tho. I can't go meet a random new person, or make friends in a crowed of people I don't know. I have trouble making that first step and always had, but once it is made my body kicks into auto pilot and just does it thing.
Now in the past almost 3 years my social contact with people has greatly fallen. I never gave it much thought till now and I see what started this downfall. It was January of 06, I was down from UCF which I did whenever I could. My social bonds where so tight to down here I just had to bring myself back as often as I could, I wasn't doing very well in Orlando socially I talked to my roommates and few other souls and that was it. So I thrived when I go back to the house, every weekend down here I was out and about, my house to only server as my bed. I visited people more then when I lived down here before. But there was always one person stationed in the co-seat of my car, Ryan. Every time I came down Ryan was with me for almost every minute of it, besides maybe work he normally just slept on my floor. I'm not to sure why we always hung out as much as we could. But that aside you could consider us brothers.
So back to where I was before, It was the start of a new year. Ryan and myself trashed at my house with fellow friends partying till we passed out. It was quite a party, for both Ryan and I knew that after tonight he would be moving to SC.
Time passed after Ryan left, I visited back home less then before. Tho the reason for that might have been that I totaled my car before Ryan left. But all was not lost, my roots in Orlando started to grow. It was mostly because of Missy and Mary, as they brought many new people from most of them I knew to a few I didn't to hang out. Tho I had what I needed in Orlando it wasn't quite the same. I was never really close to any of them besides Missy and James who I talked to on a bit more of a personal level. Everyone else was just people I knew and had fun with. Then Orlando came to and end, by my own doing. I knew I couldn't keep living the way I was and headed back home.
Arriving back home wasn't the same as I had thought in my head. Thoughts of life being like one large weekend down quickly came crashing down to realty. I had forgotten the world here, the small but large enough distances to make simple visits take much longer then needed. Life moved on though, I started working...
Work, something I don't talk much about. I am sort of the odd ball at work, I'm the youngest person in the company, hell there is only a few working here that are under 25. So socially the job is a little odd but I like it. I have learned a lot in the last year working here. It sort of scares me. But all in all I have spent 40+ hours a week for the last year on work.
As time passed January rolled around again and by this point I had basically become a hermit, but Ryan was down for a visit so I crawled out of my shell. It was actually for my sisters sweet 16 which he joined up on for a cruise. It was a fun trip, something that we probably be talking about when we are old and gray. But I realized something on the trip, it might not sound like much and its sort of sad on how I look at it now. I saw that I did have a friend close by me, hell she had been there for 9 years and I barley noticed. That person was Jordy, I have been friends with here since I moved down, I knew her though her father Doug who is like another father to me. He actually said the other night i am basically one of his sons. The past 9 year I rarely hung out with her unless we where at the same place, neither of us went out of are way to hang out or anything. Like normal we were at the same place so Jordy hung with Ryan and I. The three of us had fun, Jordy even bugged me about how we should hang out. It was the start of a rebirth.
The trip ended and Ryan headed back home, leaving only a promise of moving back down in the coming months. Not much had changed besides having a new person to talk to, I learned about Jordy fast. I already knew how to read her from knowing her so long I just got a larger grasp at what her life was about. I can say she is one of a very small group of people I feel I can talk to when I need it.
Then one weekend in March I believe, it was Friday night and Jordy invited me to go bowling with some of her friends. It was sort of awkward for me as I really didn't know anyone in the group besides Jordy. The other 3 there where Bea (who I had meet once before but barley and I think the 3 of us had a chat going on once before), Anty and Dani. I sat quietly for the first game, watching everyone and everything. They even made comments on how quite I was but I opened up pretty fast. To the point that I was the center of entertainment. The night was fun, everyone came over to my house afterwards and started playing the Wii. I think at that time I was just joking around with Bea since she was really the only one that would joke back. That would be the night Bea and I became friends. For those that might be really out of the loop Bea would be my most recent ex.
Saturday came and I had pretty much spent every moment I was awake talking to Bea, we all hung out again minus Dani and ended up at my house once again. We where watching some movie, I don't recall what because Bea and I weren't really watching it at all. We where goofing off and acting like idiots. At sometime Anty had to go home and Jordy sort of left to my living room to go watch adult swim(she wanted to watch her anime) Which lead to Bea and I hooking up. The night was sort of surreal, not to sure what had happened.
Sunday came with only one urge, to see her again. Which was satisfied that night where we meet up at the park down the street. That night still clear in my mind. Then the phone started to ring. My mother wanted me to get home said she wasn't feeling good. It sounded odd but I finally headed home to see a car sitting in my driveway with a SC plate. I ran in the door almost yelling "Where is he?" with just of the response of Ryan turning around in my family room.
That weekend was the start of a new time. It wasn't too long before Bea and I started dating eventually turning into a relationship that lasted about 3 months. While Ryan and I hung out whenever time allowed. Life felt pretty good for that time. Tho things ended with Bea which became a larger deal then it needed to be but its all in the past now. Another event that I secluded to myself and thought. I sort of slowly distanced myself away from everything once again. Only hanging out with Ryan because my mind was always to distracted to think of anything else. I also visited with Jordy now and then since we both had somewhat of a mutual bond of what was happening.
And now it is today, where I have gone into a whole new phase of rebuilding. I have started combat fighting (my replacement for karate since I couldn't make the time it was at) I haven't done any fighting since I move up to Orlando really. I sort of dropped it but now I am starting to get back into it. I also gone and revamped my eating, I was starting to gain weight, being much heaver then what I ever been. I have gotten back down to a weight I use to be at but would like to lose some more. I am also planning on going back to school in January. So things should get better. I'm not too sure if there is much else to write to this already long topic so I will end it here.
-----------------------
Other then that, I am heading to NY tomorrow till Sunday night so if you need me you'll have to contact me by phone. 9954)892-2287 for thoses who don't have it yet.
My birthday is in 11 days ^^ Party at my house.