Comments | poopydog123: Take me to the place where you go...

poopydog123

Take me to the place where you go...

Feb 13, 2007 00:06

Okay, so this came out a what was supposed to be a paragraph or so prompt in English class today. Please read it if you care to, though I do request that you leave some sort of comment on it regardless. Don't be afraid to tell me it sucks, or use constructive criticism, or what have you.

( Click here to read the most celebrated tale of the century! )

Comments 9

wicked_aylah February 13 2007, 22:55:16 UTC

"I run for the front door and enter my house in a frenzy, slam, and lock the door." -> The syntactical constuction of this sentence doesn't quite work. run: ran. You could omit "and" before "enter" (and fix the tenses), or do "and entering my house in a frenzy, slammed and locked the door ( ... )

All-in-All wicked_aylah February 13 2007, 23:00:48 UTC

So...uhm...that was more than commenting twice...but if it wasn't for character limits, it would only be commenting once!

Well, I hope the fact that I bothered to spend the last hour doing an phrase by phrase analysis says something about my impression of your work. (A good something.) Though you are obviously not completely familiar with a lot of things in writing, it is also obvious that have you have potential. I think you should aim to find yourself some prompts and keep working. Definitely continue to write! I think your writing will improve in leaps and bounds with practice. Don't be disheartened by my critique, either. There is always something wrong with writings. Even finished, published writings.

I think you did well taking a prompt just about a country road and running with it. I really do like the progression in this story, and you have some really good sentences.

If you have any additional questions about my critique, just ask and-

WRITE MORE, TIM.

Re: All-in-All poopydog123 February 16 2007, 05:48:58 UTC

I really do appreciate all of your work and effort. I went back made damn near all of your changes. My english teacher will see this tomorrow (Friday) so anything you may have missed I'm sure he will catch. I'm sure I'll be asking about it more though.

(The comment has been removed)

poopydog123 February 16 2007, 05:45:34 UTC

Good call on the repetition, I completely agree. Thank you for taking the time to read it and share your opinion, as well as suggestions. And you're right filler = bad.