Forgive Us Our Transgressions 11/16

[poor_medea]

Comments

[alernun]

I like Erik's quiet remorse and hesitancy here, and the counterpoint of his memories. He's spot-on...

The characterization of Raven, however, is very "tell" and not "show." We hear Erik think "she's a killer now," but I'd really have loved to see some dynamic-character action memories about what her change looked like. What experiences stripped her of her natural gregariousness and compassion...because Erik alone can't take that from her. That's something she gave up for her own reasons.

Maybe Erik isn't privy to those reasons...but even a flashback of a base raid where something horrible happened and he observed her reaction...you see what I'm saying?

Eagerly awaiting the next chapter! ^^

[poor_medea]

Hey, thanks for commenting, again

[poor_medea]

Aw, thank you!

[telperion_15]

Oh Erik, you're in such a precarious position here... I love the way you're handling his conflict, not just throwing him into full out remorse mode and have him angst over what a bad bad person he's become. He's still recognisably Erik, but with an inkling that perhaps there's another way.

[poor_medea]

Thank you, I'm glad that's coming across. I wanted Erik to still be in character, even though he's having a change of heart.

[poor_medea]

Thank you!