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I have a New Year's resolution to spend more time with this LJ in 2004. So, though I doubt many of you are still reading, here is a Lord of the Rings meme found on yonmei's journal.
I. ON THE MERITS
For the movie all on its own, without comparison to the novels, I give you
The Good:
Best Film in the Series: FOTR, for being just right so often. Might be ROTK if I could skip the bits with Frodo and Sam crawling over another bit of dreary Mordor countryside and stick with the interesting people.
Best Battle Scene: Even though the stuff with the mumakil is completely unrealistic, I still go for the Battle of the Pelennor Fields.
Best Death: Boromir, for the bit where he acknowledges Aragorn as his King.
Best One-Liner: "Stupid fat hobbit!" Because he is.
Best City: Minas Tirith, despite shoddy materials used in its construction.
Best Special Effect: The Isengard orcs at Helm's Deep, the first time you see the massed army software truly at work.
Hottest (Male): Am in no position to judge. Haldir likes his hair. And Faramir can look pretty in a manly sort of way, I suppose.
Hottest (Female): Éowyn.
Best Actor: Either Bernard Hill, or Billy Boyd in ROTK. Definitely not Ian McKellen, who mugs shamelessly all the way from Fangorn to the Black Gate.
Best Actress: Miranda Otto, even if she does look more scared than fanatically seeking a glorious death in the Dernhelm bits. Because on the other hand she can suggest, without a word of dialogue to support it, that Theodred was not just her cousin, but her beloved. (Families are very close in Rohan.)
Best Accent: Most convincing, or funniest? Éowyn for the first, never showing a trace of Strine. For the latter, Sam's vowels, ever wandering from the West Country to the Mid-West.
Moment of Greatest Suspense: When Aragorn announces Gondor's call for help, for a split second you wonder if Theoden will answer.
Moment of Greatest Angst: For the audience who have read the book, the celebratory meal in Edoras, when we know, as Éowyn does not, that all her dreams of Aragorn are empty. For the characters, I'll pick another Éowyn moment - when Grima taunts her, made all the worse by his twisted obsessive love for her.
Moment of Greatest Elation: Probably when the Rohirrim horns blow on the Pelennor. Éomer arriving at Helm's Deep comes a close second. Yes, I know the beacons bit in LOTR is supposed to be wonderfully uplifting, but I was too busy laughing at the increasingly absurd locations they were in.
Moment At Which You Wept Saltiest Tears: Not sure I wept at all. I may have got a bit churned up when Arwen arrived at Aragorn's coronation. What can I say? - I'm an old romantic. Everyone bowing to the hobbits a bit later is good (though Merry and Pippin should be attired as knights of Gondor and the Mark).
The Bad:
Worst Film in the Series: The Two Towers.though really it's only the least good.
Most Gratuitous Action Stunt: Was it really necessary for Denethor to leap off the top of Minas Tirith?
Least Funny Punch Line: You mean it's supposed to be funny? I am tempted to suggest that if Tolkien had meant LOTR to be funny, he would have written some jokes in it ... But seriously, I'll plump for Gimli and his corselet - "It's a bit tight across the chest."
Camelot Memorial 'It's Only A Model' Award: Hmm, difficult, as there are some really, really good models in there. Let's say, for now, the dam at Isengard - anything with water in it is always a bugger.
Least Convincing Special Effect: There’s a moment where the Fellowship are fleeing through Moria, where they are very obviously computer-generated characters, out of a video game. Gandalf's ride through the circles of Minas Tirith is much the same, as is Legolas at points in the Warg battle.
Chewed Most Scenery: McKellen, without a shadow (or even a Shadow) of a doubt. He even outchews professionals like Christopher Lee.
Moment of Greatest Cheesiness: Sam's speech in Osgiliath - "Maybe the problems of two hobbits don't amount to a hill of beans in this crazy Middle-Earth, Mr Frodo ..."
Moment At Which You Felt The Greatest Desire to MST3K: (once I remembered what that meant) Many of those already mentioned, but many, many more, such as Sauron the Searchlight, Pippin being magically unbound and then magically bound again, Sam being sent away by Frodo ("Go home, Mr Frodo? Couldn't we have had this discussion at the bottom of the stair ...?"). But the winner is the moment when the Balrog hits the water underneath Moria, where I can never resist a Goonish "He's fallen in the water".
Most Egregious Violation of the Laws of Physics: My first thought was Éomer's cavalry charge at Helm's Deep, down a near vertical slope, towards a mass of Uruk-hai with spears. Amazingly, this ends not in an embarrassing pile of human and equine bodies, with those not crushed to death being made into Rohirrim kebab shortly thereafter, but in them saving the day. But in the end, I go to the other end of The Two Towers, and choose Gandalf's fall down the chasm in Moria, where he not only catches up with the Balrog, who might be slowing his descent by bouncing off the sides, but also his spinning sword. Well, he is a wizard, I suppose.
Least Convincing Character: I'm going to be controversial, and go for Gandalf the White, because so much of what he does makes no sense at all. I mean, would it really be a good idea for Theoden to meet Saruman's vastly superior forces in open battle rather than behind the Hornburg and the Deeping Wall? (I have a theory that it's really Saruman in disguise.)
The Ugly:
Scariest Creature: Shelob. I don't like spiders, and this is a rather horrid looking one.
Nastiest Wound: Most of the blood's pretty tame. It's not like we see anything really unpleasant. Perhaps tearing up the orc to eat him in The Two Towers.
Thing You Most Couldn't Stand To Watch: Nothing that I can really think of. The Shelob scene gets closest, I guess.
Grossest Gollum Moment: Eating the rabbit.
Worst Table Manners: Well, I wouldn't want to go eating with Denethor. Or Aragorn, who is a bit loath to use a knife.
II. THE MOVIES vs. THE BOOKS
For those who prefer to endlessly debate the merits of the adaptation:
Thing You're Most Glad Jackson Left Out: Well, I quite like Tom Bombadil, but I can see how he doesn't really fit, and the whole episode adds nothing but the knife with which Merry will undo the Witch-King (which, okay, is quite important). Apart from that, I appreciated the reduction in Sam and Frodo's trek across Mordor.
Thing You're Most Pissed Off Jackson Left Out: The Scouring of the Shire. In Tolkien, complacency does not allow you to ignore the outside world. In Jackson, ignore the outside world, and eventually it will go away.
Change That Did the Most Good: Moving the death of Boromir into the end of FOTR. This tidied up Boromir's story quite neatly in the one film.
Change You're Most Pissed Off About: Faramir stripped of almost all his nobility (though to tell the truth, he is a bit wet in the book). Jackson's Denethor lacks the subtlety of Tolkien's. And I didn't like the disapproving expression on Gandalf's face when Pippin offers his service to Denethor.
Character You Like Better In The Film(s): Grima. Brad Dourif's performance gives the character a whole new depth, a man totally in love with Éowyn, but unable to express that love except through cruelty.
Character You Like Better in the Novel(s): Faramir, Denethor, Merry and Pippin (who in the end don't make quite the personal journey in the films than in the book), Treebeard, Elrond, etc., etc.
Book That Suffered The Most In Translation: The Two Towers. It takes the most liberties with the book, and as a result has the most bits that don't make any sense.
Book That Suffered The Least In Translation: FOTR. I can't say ROTK, as that has to spend quite a lot of time trying to get back to the novel from where Two Towers left matters.
Thing You Would Definitely Have Done Differently: Having built up Arwen as a fighting heroine, and given her Glorfindel's part, I would have given her the role of the sons of Elrond in ROTK.
There was a final section asking you to compare LOTR and George Lucas' Stars Wars films, but really, I can't be arsed.
I. ON THE MERITS
For the movie all on its own, without comparison to the novels, I give you
The Good:
Best Film in the Series: FOTR, for being just right so often. Might be ROTK if I could skip the bits with Frodo and Sam crawling over another bit of dreary Mordor countryside and stick with the interesting people.
Best Battle Scene: Even though the stuff with the mumakil is completely unrealistic, I still go for the Battle of the Pelennor Fields.
Best Death: Boromir, for the bit where he acknowledges Aragorn as his King.
Best One-Liner: "Stupid fat hobbit!" Because he is.
Best City: Minas Tirith, despite shoddy materials used in its construction.
Best Special Effect: The Isengard orcs at Helm's Deep, the first time you see the massed army software truly at work.
Hottest (Male): Am in no position to judge. Haldir likes his hair. And Faramir can look pretty in a manly sort of way, I suppose.
Hottest (Female): Éowyn.
Best Actor: Either Bernard Hill, or Billy Boyd in ROTK. Definitely not Ian McKellen, who mugs shamelessly all the way from Fangorn to the Black Gate.
Best Actress: Miranda Otto, even if she does look more scared than fanatically seeking a glorious death in the Dernhelm bits. Because on the other hand she can suggest, without a word of dialogue to support it, that Theodred was not just her cousin, but her beloved. (Families are very close in Rohan.)
Best Accent: Most convincing, or funniest? Éowyn for the first, never showing a trace of Strine. For the latter, Sam's vowels, ever wandering from the West Country to the Mid-West.
Moment of Greatest Suspense: When Aragorn announces Gondor's call for help, for a split second you wonder if Theoden will answer.
Moment of Greatest Angst: For the audience who have read the book, the celebratory meal in Edoras, when we know, as Éowyn does not, that all her dreams of Aragorn are empty. For the characters, I'll pick another Éowyn moment - when Grima taunts her, made all the worse by his twisted obsessive love for her.
Moment of Greatest Elation: Probably when the Rohirrim horns blow on the Pelennor. Éomer arriving at Helm's Deep comes a close second. Yes, I know the beacons bit in LOTR is supposed to be wonderfully uplifting, but I was too busy laughing at the increasingly absurd locations they were in.
Moment At Which You Wept Saltiest Tears: Not sure I wept at all. I may have got a bit churned up when Arwen arrived at Aragorn's coronation. What can I say? - I'm an old romantic. Everyone bowing to the hobbits a bit later is good (though Merry and Pippin should be attired as knights of Gondor and the Mark).
The Bad:
Worst Film in the Series: The Two Towers.though really it's only the least good.
Most Gratuitous Action Stunt: Was it really necessary for Denethor to leap off the top of Minas Tirith?
Least Funny Punch Line: You mean it's supposed to be funny? I am tempted to suggest that if Tolkien had meant LOTR to be funny, he would have written some jokes in it ... But seriously, I'll plump for Gimli and his corselet - "It's a bit tight across the chest."
Camelot Memorial 'It's Only A Model' Award: Hmm, difficult, as there are some really, really good models in there. Let's say, for now, the dam at Isengard - anything with water in it is always a bugger.
Least Convincing Special Effect: There’s a moment where the Fellowship are fleeing through Moria, where they are very obviously computer-generated characters, out of a video game. Gandalf's ride through the circles of Minas Tirith is much the same, as is Legolas at points in the Warg battle.
Chewed Most Scenery: McKellen, without a shadow (or even a Shadow) of a doubt. He even outchews professionals like Christopher Lee.
Moment of Greatest Cheesiness: Sam's speech in Osgiliath - "Maybe the problems of two hobbits don't amount to a hill of beans in this crazy Middle-Earth, Mr Frodo ..."
Moment At Which You Felt The Greatest Desire to MST3K: (once I remembered what that meant) Many of those already mentioned, but many, many more, such as Sauron the Searchlight, Pippin being magically unbound and then magically bound again, Sam being sent away by Frodo ("Go home, Mr Frodo? Couldn't we have had this discussion at the bottom of the stair ...?"). But the winner is the moment when the Balrog hits the water underneath Moria, where I can never resist a Goonish "He's fallen in the water".
Most Egregious Violation of the Laws of Physics: My first thought was Éomer's cavalry charge at Helm's Deep, down a near vertical slope, towards a mass of Uruk-hai with spears. Amazingly, this ends not in an embarrassing pile of human and equine bodies, with those not crushed to death being made into Rohirrim kebab shortly thereafter, but in them saving the day. But in the end, I go to the other end of The Two Towers, and choose Gandalf's fall down the chasm in Moria, where he not only catches up with the Balrog, who might be slowing his descent by bouncing off the sides, but also his spinning sword. Well, he is a wizard, I suppose.
Least Convincing Character: I'm going to be controversial, and go for Gandalf the White, because so much of what he does makes no sense at all. I mean, would it really be a good idea for Theoden to meet Saruman's vastly superior forces in open battle rather than behind the Hornburg and the Deeping Wall? (I have a theory that it's really Saruman in disguise.)
The Ugly:
Scariest Creature: Shelob. I don't like spiders, and this is a rather horrid looking one.
Nastiest Wound: Most of the blood's pretty tame. It's not like we see anything really unpleasant. Perhaps tearing up the orc to eat him in The Two Towers.
Thing You Most Couldn't Stand To Watch: Nothing that I can really think of. The Shelob scene gets closest, I guess.
Grossest Gollum Moment: Eating the rabbit.
Worst Table Manners: Well, I wouldn't want to go eating with Denethor. Or Aragorn, who is a bit loath to use a knife.
II. THE MOVIES vs. THE BOOKS
For those who prefer to endlessly debate the merits of the adaptation:
Thing You're Most Glad Jackson Left Out: Well, I quite like Tom Bombadil, but I can see how he doesn't really fit, and the whole episode adds nothing but the knife with which Merry will undo the Witch-King (which, okay, is quite important). Apart from that, I appreciated the reduction in Sam and Frodo's trek across Mordor.
Thing You're Most Pissed Off Jackson Left Out: The Scouring of the Shire. In Tolkien, complacency does not allow you to ignore the outside world. In Jackson, ignore the outside world, and eventually it will go away.
Change That Did the Most Good: Moving the death of Boromir into the end of FOTR. This tidied up Boromir's story quite neatly in the one film.
Change You're Most Pissed Off About: Faramir stripped of almost all his nobility (though to tell the truth, he is a bit wet in the book). Jackson's Denethor lacks the subtlety of Tolkien's. And I didn't like the disapproving expression on Gandalf's face when Pippin offers his service to Denethor.
Character You Like Better In The Film(s): Grima. Brad Dourif's performance gives the character a whole new depth, a man totally in love with Éowyn, but unable to express that love except through cruelty.
Character You Like Better in the Novel(s): Faramir, Denethor, Merry and Pippin (who in the end don't make quite the personal journey in the films than in the book), Treebeard, Elrond, etc., etc.
Book That Suffered The Most In Translation: The Two Towers. It takes the most liberties with the book, and as a result has the most bits that don't make any sense.
Book That Suffered The Least In Translation: FOTR. I can't say ROTK, as that has to spend quite a lot of time trying to get back to the novel from where Two Towers left matters.
Thing You Would Definitely Have Done Differently: Having built up Arwen as a fighting heroine, and given her Glorfindel's part, I would have given her the role of the sons of Elrond in ROTK.
There was a final section asking you to compare LOTR and George Lucas' Stars Wars films, but really, I can't be arsed.