(no subject)
There are no gaps for possible improvement, I sullenly thought, if they are filled with stubborn reproval. Not for a positive stance, but mostly for scorn.
This morning I found that people could go into a full contradictory swing-- when they announced that people shouldn’t make fun of others, when halfway through the day, they were the ones who started the ridicule. Last night on a different instance, I see my mother shaken.
It has been the first time we had a real family meeting for what seemed like ages. For our family size it's supposed to be quite easy to gather round with only 5 people, yet each silently possesses disdain for such occasions. Last night’s calling though proved to be not much of a meeting but rather an expression of support, as most families would and should be doing.
He sank in his chair with an air of desperation, and almost of downhearted feel. He spoke of an internal family feud from his wife’s side which left them not even a chance to explain to the others who have chosen to label them because of the mistake of the girl’s parents. They have tried to raise issues despite possibility of dismissal, and true enough, they still went out wrong. Out of sheer depression, he got himself drunk just in order to be able to face the relatives calmly, as he usually becomes tame when he downs a couple of cans.
And to his dismay, he was scolded by his wife for drinking too much, while she saw through his attempts at trying to help stand beside her and to go through such issues, albeit sedated by beer.
"And all I was wishing was a pat in the back for being able to face them along with her." He slurred the words dreamily. "I couldn't take them anymore. And what do I get? Pinagalitan pa niya ako. Matapos akong mag explain, tsaka siya nagsorry. Hindi ko na kinaya. Umalis ako."
We sat quietly, every now and then sipping soda from our own glasses. Thoughts were suppressed. He needed to release.
My mother, always the one who assumes authority, braved to break the silence.
"Hindi mo ba naisip na baka ganun din ang iniisip ni (wife's name)? A pat in her back for standing up to them? Na hindi siya nangiwan?"
Uh oh. Wrong question. Usually I give everyone a benefit of the doubt, but if it's my brothers, there're no need for arguments. They're always right, I don't give a fuck. Or at least they're always right until they're finally out of beer for about an hour.
"Ma naman," He cried. "Mas madalas iniiwan ako niyan, pasalamat na lang at mahal ko siya. I always say I have always been a good husband because of my mother, pero huwag ninyo naman itanong pa iyan."
He wanted to really cry. I can feel that. But he won't. He'll slur and slur, but not a teardrop would leave his eyes. But you can see him suffer. And I hated that. I have never seen my brother suffer like that, and for all the strength that's in me, it just stopped me from texting his wife, "Di ba sinabi kong huwag mong sasaktan si Kuya? Bakit naghihirap ngayon siya?" It's just not rational.
When he left, I was lying on the bed trying to resume reading the newest Harry Potter release in my phone. My mother sat on the other bed, almost stunned. Maybe because of all her favorite son's retorts. I didn't mind. She sometimes needed the truth. She can get so much into her own ideas, staunchly supporting them, not knowing she could be wrong.
"Ikaw kaya, pag nag-asawa ka, anong problema ang dadalahin mo?" She asked. When I didn't answer, she returned to her gazing into nothingness.
I didn't even want to think about it.
------------------------------------------
Something meant for last Friday:
A while ago I promised my body I would sleep as soon as I come home. So far I have had only 2 hours of sleep as I went to JD's house to celebrate his birthday yesterday. Gago yun. Balak pang maginom. If I didn't tell him he'd lose a friend to the moist soil six feet under, he probably would have urged me (and successfully do so) to get drunk. Ah, well.
To Cholo and Viva (or Matthew, kung si Matthew nga iyon at hindi si Viva)
Pasensya na talaga. Hindi ko sinasadya.
Hindi talaga.
I mean, well, siyempre, the intention was there. Pero hindi na ako nakapagpigil. Pati na rin si Paul. Guilty kaming dalawa sa isang bagay na sinabihan ninyo na kaming huwag gawin...
Ang cute kasi, eh. Sorry talaga.
...
*laughs*
Please. Wala nang magsasabing mashado kaming anti-elitists by being social-climbers. It’s just a mug. And a cute mug at that. :p
------------------------------------------
Tingnan ninyo! Mukha na naman akong boy ng bahay. :p
Cute nga lang. :D
------------------------------------------
To you whose breaks and lunches might be shared with for only a remaining possible last week together:
And so she holds
the breath
of the eyes whose gaze
refused to leave
She smiles ever so
innocently
:
Somewhere, one's heart
explodes.
Sinulat ko sa tissue kasi di pwede magsave sa computer. :p Shet naman kasi. Di ko na siya makakasama masyado sa mga lunch at breaks. Wala na ang kanyang mahiwagang ngiti. *laughs* Oh well. Makikita ko pa rin naman siya, kaso not as often. After this week, disseminated na kami sa aming mga respective groups sa work. I got two classmates with me, and apparently the third one, I'm not into great terms with. And if that's bad news, we learned that our TL is one of the worst. In terms of attitude/strictness, that is.
Later on we'd finally be taking calls. I wonder if my headset would swallow me whole.
------------------------------------------
Amputa. Bakit may mga taong akala mo disente, ang ingay pala ng sobra? Putangnang bibig yun. Eh mas malala pa sa akin mag-mura yung hayop na isang trainer namin nung sumama sa aming gumala nung Sabado. Akala mo okay sa training room, tanginang kulo pala nasa labas--sa labas ng building. Haha. Pretty-pretty-han pa naman siya. Nadisappoint tuloy si Grrr. Hahaha.
Leche talaga. Kulasa pa naman. At hindi pa lasing yung putangnang yun, ha? Skwating ang puta. Hahaha.
This morning I found that people could go into a full contradictory swing-- when they announced that people shouldn’t make fun of others, when halfway through the day, they were the ones who started the ridicule. Last night on a different instance, I see my mother shaken.
It has been the first time we had a real family meeting for what seemed like ages. For our family size it's supposed to be quite easy to gather round with only 5 people, yet each silently possesses disdain for such occasions. Last night’s calling though proved to be not much of a meeting but rather an expression of support, as most families would and should be doing.
He sank in his chair with an air of desperation, and almost of downhearted feel. He spoke of an internal family feud from his wife’s side which left them not even a chance to explain to the others who have chosen to label them because of the mistake of the girl’s parents. They have tried to raise issues despite possibility of dismissal, and true enough, they still went out wrong. Out of sheer depression, he got himself drunk just in order to be able to face the relatives calmly, as he usually becomes tame when he downs a couple of cans.
And to his dismay, he was scolded by his wife for drinking too much, while she saw through his attempts at trying to help stand beside her and to go through such issues, albeit sedated by beer.
"And all I was wishing was a pat in the back for being able to face them along with her." He slurred the words dreamily. "I couldn't take them anymore. And what do I get? Pinagalitan pa niya ako. Matapos akong mag explain, tsaka siya nagsorry. Hindi ko na kinaya. Umalis ako."
We sat quietly, every now and then sipping soda from our own glasses. Thoughts were suppressed. He needed to release.
My mother, always the one who assumes authority, braved to break the silence.
"Hindi mo ba naisip na baka ganun din ang iniisip ni (wife's name)? A pat in her back for standing up to them? Na hindi siya nangiwan?"
Uh oh. Wrong question. Usually I give everyone a benefit of the doubt, but if it's my brothers, there're no need for arguments. They're always right, I don't give a fuck. Or at least they're always right until they're finally out of beer for about an hour.
"Ma naman," He cried. "Mas madalas iniiwan ako niyan, pasalamat na lang at mahal ko siya. I always say I have always been a good husband because of my mother, pero huwag ninyo naman itanong pa iyan."
He wanted to really cry. I can feel that. But he won't. He'll slur and slur, but not a teardrop would leave his eyes. But you can see him suffer. And I hated that. I have never seen my brother suffer like that, and for all the strength that's in me, it just stopped me from texting his wife, "Di ba sinabi kong huwag mong sasaktan si Kuya? Bakit naghihirap ngayon siya?" It's just not rational.
When he left, I was lying on the bed trying to resume reading the newest Harry Potter release in my phone. My mother sat on the other bed, almost stunned. Maybe because of all her favorite son's retorts. I didn't mind. She sometimes needed the truth. She can get so much into her own ideas, staunchly supporting them, not knowing she could be wrong.
"Ikaw kaya, pag nag-asawa ka, anong problema ang dadalahin mo?" She asked. When I didn't answer, she returned to her gazing into nothingness.
I didn't even want to think about it.
------------------------------------------
Something meant for last Friday:
A while ago I promised my body I would sleep as soon as I come home. So far I have had only 2 hours of sleep as I went to JD's house to celebrate his birthday yesterday. Gago yun. Balak pang maginom. If I didn't tell him he'd lose a friend to the moist soil six feet under, he probably would have urged me (and successfully do so) to get drunk. Ah, well.
To Cholo and Viva (or Matthew, kung si Matthew nga iyon at hindi si Viva)
Pasensya na talaga. Hindi ko sinasadya.
Hindi talaga.
I mean, well, siyempre, the intention was there. Pero hindi na ako nakapagpigil. Pati na rin si Paul. Guilty kaming dalawa sa isang bagay na sinabihan ninyo na kaming huwag gawin...
Ang cute kasi, eh. Sorry talaga.
...
*laughs*
Please. Wala nang magsasabing mashado kaming anti-elitists by being social-climbers. It’s just a mug. And a cute mug at that. :p
------------------------------------------
Tingnan ninyo! Mukha na naman akong boy ng bahay. :p
Cute nga lang. :D
------------------------------------------
To you whose breaks and lunches might be shared with for only a remaining possible last week together:
And so she holds
the breath
of the eyes whose gaze
refused to leave
She smiles ever so
innocently
:
Somewhere, one's heart
explodes.
Sinulat ko sa tissue kasi di pwede magsave sa computer. :p Shet naman kasi. Di ko na siya makakasama masyado sa mga lunch at breaks. Wala na ang kanyang mahiwagang ngiti. *laughs* Oh well. Makikita ko pa rin naman siya, kaso not as often. After this week, disseminated na kami sa aming mga respective groups sa work. I got two classmates with me, and apparently the third one, I'm not into great terms with. And if that's bad news, we learned that our TL is one of the worst. In terms of attitude/strictness, that is.
Later on we'd finally be taking calls. I wonder if my headset would swallow me whole.
------------------------------------------
Amputa. Bakit may mga taong akala mo disente, ang ingay pala ng sobra? Putangnang bibig yun. Eh mas malala pa sa akin mag-mura yung hayop na isang trainer namin nung sumama sa aming gumala nung Sabado. Akala mo okay sa training room, tanginang kulo pala nasa labas--sa labas ng building. Haha. Pretty-pretty-han pa naman siya. Nadisappoint tuloy si Grrr. Hahaha.
Leche talaga. Kulasa pa naman. At hindi pa lasing yung putangnang yun, ha? Skwating ang puta. Hahaha.