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Won't Go Down By Myself for gemmi999
Recipient: gemmi999
Author: myaurasmiles
Title: Won't Go Down by Myself
Band: My Chemical Romance
Pairing: Ray/Gerard pre-slash
Rating: PG
Summary: Gerard can’t sleep sometimes, but his bandmates know how to fix that.
Warnings: None
Gerard had always been a fussy sleeper. On more than one occasion, when they were young and shared a room, Mikey had gone to sleep with noise-canceling headphone, preferring the sounds of Morrissey wailing to the sounds of Gerard tossing and turning. After Gerard moved into the basement, he lost all pretenses of trying to sleep when he couldn’t and would stay up until early hours of the morning drawing and watching Mikey’s bootleg tapes with the volume down low. Still, Gerard had found that on nights when Mikey was drunk or bored and crashed in his room with him, Gerard slept just a little better.
Sleeping in the van was never a problem for Gerard. They were so cramped that he could easily curl up against anyone with no excuses needed. Even Frank stopped complaining about the smell of his dirty hair after a while. Mikey liked to joke that Gerard had Stockholmed Frank into enjoying the way he smelled, invading his personal space until Frank flipped them off, giggling and wrapping an arm around him until he settled down and fell asleep.
After they got a tour bus, it became a little harder for Gerard to sleep. Having his own bunk meant having to sleep alone.
On one such night, Gerard quietly climbed out of his bunk. Normally Mikey wouldn’t mind Gerard waking him up, but Alicia was visiting and they were sleeping in the back lounge together. Rather than bother them unnecessarily, Gerard chose to pursue the reading light coming from Bob’s bunk beside his and toed at Bob’s arm.
Bob groaned loudly and punched his leg halfheartedly, so Gerard toed at his arm again.
Bob pulled the curtain back a little and popped his head out, hair going everywhere. “What?”
Gerard sighed, kneeling down next to Bob’s bunk until their faces were almost level. “I can’t sleep.”
Bob sighed back, considering the size of his bunk and how much work he had to put into keeping Frank out of it. He drummed his fingers on his mattress. “Well you can’t sleep here.”
Gerard frowned, trying his best not to look disappointed. His eyes darted to Mikey’s empty bunk.
“…But I guess you could lie down for a few minutes?” Bob tacked on, pushing the curtain open with a loud squeak and putting his magazine down on the floor with his shoes.
Gerard smiled a little and squeezed himself into Bob’s bunk, half on top of Bob, who was already pressed against the wall. The small space was cramped and too warm and smelled like something had died there, but Gerard seemed to be completely oblivious to the uncomfortable conditions he was imposing on the two of them.
Bob forced a scowl. “This is not made for two grown fucking men.”
Gerard hummed and closed his eyes, acting as if he were relaxing in a large, plush hotel bed.
“Are you going to fall asleep? If you fall asleep, I’m shoving you onto the floor,” Bob threatened.
Gerard pressed his face into Bob’s sweaty shoulder. “Not falling asleep. Just resting my eyes.”
When he woke up in the morning, Bob was still sleeping, arm wrapped around him loosely.
Gerard smiled to himself and tightened his hold on Bob, listening to his heart beat until he woke up and greeting him with a question about vampires that made him groan.
Over breakfast, Frank asked why Bob always shoves him out of his bunk but lets Gerard sleep there.
Bob just snorted and said, “Because you always elbow me in the stomach, you asshole,” which earned him a kick under the table.
Gerard just smiled, leaning his head on Mikey’s shoulder.
**
Once Mikey and Alicia got their own place, the couch-bed became Gerard’s home away from home when they weren’t touring. It seemed silly to watch movies with them into the early morning and then go home and come back for breakfast, especially if he wasn’t even going to sleep much, anyway. Sometimes he would pace around a little, going through their kitchen for a snack and trying not to sneeze when the cat hair got too bad.
On nights when Alicia was away with friends, Gerard and Mikey would watch movies all night in one of their beds, falling asleep until the credits roll and fighting over who would have to get up and change the DVD to a new one.
Mikey swore up and down that the dreams he had the night they slept to the Star Wars DVD menu on repeat for 4 hours were the most epic dreams anyone would ever have. Gerard never argued this, of course. He sat over his cup of coffee the next morning as Mikey talked about what it felt like to be a wookie for hours, doodling his band as Star Wars characters between sips of coffee. Mikey was a wookie, Bob was a robot, Frank was an Ewok, Gerard was a Han Solo-like human and Ray was a dude with Princess Leia hair. (Ray would later laugh and shove him into a pool over this drawing and Alicia would bother him until he drew her as a force-wielding Twi’lek, which wound up pinned to their refrigerator.)
One night when Gerard was pacing around Mikey and Alicia’s living room, it was Alicia and not Mikey who came out of the bedroom to check on him. Wordlessly, she pulled out the Monopoly box and waited for Gerard to sit down. In the morning, Mikey made them play again, and they let him win to end the game early.
**
Sometimes, when they were off the road and hanging out, Ray would notice that Gerard hadn’t been sleeping, and he would invite himself over to Gerard’s house.
Ray would eye him carefully and say, “I need to get out of my house. Can I come over tonight?”
“Sure.” Gerard never hesitated.
They ordered a pizza and played Left 4 Dead until Gerard couldn’t move his fingers without wincing.
Ray put down his own controller and grabbed Gerard’s hand, rubbing over the tendons and working his thumb into the palm.
Gerard closed his eyes, resting his head on Ray’s shoulder and all but melting against his side. “You don’t have to.”
Ray rolled his eyes and didn’t say anything, reaching for Gerard’s other hand.
Later, Gerard went to his room to sleep, leaving Ray on the couch with more bedding than he would even need, as usual.
**
On hotel nights when Gerard roomed with Frank, Frank would run to the bathroom as soon as the door was open, leaving Gerard to flip through channels on the TV. This was normal.
Gerard was not expecting it, however, when Frank emerged 45 minutes later and dragged him by the wrist into the bathroom, yelling “Clean yourself!” and slamming the door behind him.
Grudgingly, Gerard took the fastest shower possible and padded out of the bathroom barefoot. “Happy?”
Frank grinned. “I wasn’t going to sleep in a bed with you smelling like a dead body.”
Gerard smiled back and sat on the bed with Frank, leaving the other bed made and leaning back on the pillows with frank to watch Bret Michaels’ epic quest for love on the TV. He placed his hand dangerously high on Frank’s thigh and leered at him. “Frank, will you stay and rock my world?”
Frank nailed him in the face with a pillow.
**
One time, Gerard drove over to Brian’s place and rang his buzzer at one in the morning. Brian answered the door with a scowl, demanding to know how Gerard knew he would be awake.
Gerard shrugged, said, “I just knew,” and walked in without invitation.
Brian went into the kitchen, turning on the coffee maker and bringing two mugs over to the couch where Gerard was waiting. “You haven’t been sleeping, either?”
Gerard shook his head, slouching down on the couch and leaning on Brian. “Everyone’s been busy.”
Brian gave him a significant look. “You do realize how fucking weird you are, don’t you?”
“Yes, but why am I weird this time?” Gerard smiled just a little.
“Because touching your band inappropriately is the only cure for your insomnia.”
“There is nothing inappropriate about the way I touch my band. Besides, it could be worse. What if drinking human blood was the cure for my insomnia?” Gerard smiled more.
Brian snorted. “I fucking knew it. Which one is the werewolf, Frank or Ray?”
“Obviously Bob is. Don’t you know fuck all about werewolves?” Gerard laughed.
Brian tried to keep a straight face. “Do I look like your God damn brother?”
Gerard looked straight ahead. “No, Mikey’s not a fuckin’ Hobbit.”
“When you put that hot coffee down, I’m going to punch you in the balls.”
But Gerard knew he wouldn’t. Probably.
**
As the frequency of Ray inviting himself over increased, Gerard stopped putting the spare bedding away, instead opting to keep the giant pile on a chair next to the couch.
If pressed, Ray would swear that he had no ulterior motives when he knocked softly on Gerard’s door one night. Gerard opened the door way too quickly for someone who was supposed to have been in the bed, but Ray still started with, “Sorry if I woke you up.”
Gerard shrugged and gestured at the computer. “I was checking my email.”
“I can’t sleep.” Ray stretched, wincing at the sudden pain in his back.
Gerard frowned. “Are you okay?”
Without thinking, Ray blurted out, “Yeah, couches just aren’t the best for backs.”
“You said my couch was comfortable.”
Ray ducked his head. “It is? For… a couch?”
Gerard closed his laptop. “You should take my bed.”
“I’m not taking your bed from you in your own house,” Ray responded quickly.
Gerard picked up his laptop. “I’m not even sleeping. I can take the couch.”
“Gerard…”
“The couch is fine.” He grabbed the adaptor and cable.
Ray frowned. “I’m not sleeping in your bed while you sit on your couch and play solitaire all night.”
“I can sit next to you while you sleep and play solitaire,” Gerard said, adding, “and watch you sleep.”
Ray laughed. “That’s not creepy at all.”
Gerard sat back down on one side of the bed, leaving room for Ray. “Says the man who decided to half-live in my house.”
Ray blushed and lay down next to Gerard without saying anything.
Ray woke up when Gerard slipped under the blanket next to him. “Joining the world of the people who sleep at night?”
Gerard smiled sleepily, lying on his side and facing Ray. “I sleep better when there’s someone else here.”
Ray turned to face him in the bed, smiling back. “I know.” He brushed a few stray hairs off of Gerard’s face
Gerard frowned, pulling the covers up. “Then why have you been sleeping out there this whole time?”
Ray tried not to roll his eyes and shifted closer to Gerard. “I was waiting for you to invite me in, stupid.”
Gerard moved closer, too, whispering, “But then you knocked tonight.”
Ray looked apologetic. “I got sick of waiting.”
Gerard smiled, moving even closer and pushing Ray onto his back gently and causing Ray’s shirt to ride up.
Ray smiled, ignoring the twisting of his waistband. “What are you doing?”
Gerard tugged at his hair playfully and said “Using you as a pillow.” He settled down in Ray’s personal space, resting his head on Ray’s chest and flopping an arm over him to hold him in place.
Ray wrapped an arm around Gerard, skimming his thumb over the exposed skin between Gerard’s shirt and bottoms and smiling more. “Night, Gee.”
Gerard mumbled something and drifted off quickly.
When he woke up in the morning, Ray was already smiling down at him. “You slept.”
“I slept.” Gerard smiled back.
“You slept for almost ten hours.”
Gerard frowned. “How long have you been up and waiting for me? You should have just woken me up.”
Ray shook his head. “You needed the sleep. You never sleep that much.”
Gerard fought a smile before giving in and hugging Ray tightly. “I know.”
Ray hugged back for a minute before saying “Now that you are awake, though, you really need to let me go take a piss.”
Gerard let go and sat up. “I’ll make coffee.”
When Ray came in, Gerard handed him a hot mug, leaning over it to kiss Ray quickly. Ray smiled as he pulled back. “What was that for?”
Gerard shrugged and smiled back sheepishly. “I got sick of waiting.”
Author: myaurasmiles
Title: Won't Go Down by Myself
Band: My Chemical Romance
Pairing: Ray/Gerard pre-slash
Rating: PG
Summary: Gerard can’t sleep sometimes, but his bandmates know how to fix that.
Warnings: None
Gerard had always been a fussy sleeper. On more than one occasion, when they were young and shared a room, Mikey had gone to sleep with noise-canceling headphone, preferring the sounds of Morrissey wailing to the sounds of Gerard tossing and turning. After Gerard moved into the basement, he lost all pretenses of trying to sleep when he couldn’t and would stay up until early hours of the morning drawing and watching Mikey’s bootleg tapes with the volume down low. Still, Gerard had found that on nights when Mikey was drunk or bored and crashed in his room with him, Gerard slept just a little better.
Sleeping in the van was never a problem for Gerard. They were so cramped that he could easily curl up against anyone with no excuses needed. Even Frank stopped complaining about the smell of his dirty hair after a while. Mikey liked to joke that Gerard had Stockholmed Frank into enjoying the way he smelled, invading his personal space until Frank flipped them off, giggling and wrapping an arm around him until he settled down and fell asleep.
After they got a tour bus, it became a little harder for Gerard to sleep. Having his own bunk meant having to sleep alone.
On one such night, Gerard quietly climbed out of his bunk. Normally Mikey wouldn’t mind Gerard waking him up, but Alicia was visiting and they were sleeping in the back lounge together. Rather than bother them unnecessarily, Gerard chose to pursue the reading light coming from Bob’s bunk beside his and toed at Bob’s arm.
Bob groaned loudly and punched his leg halfheartedly, so Gerard toed at his arm again.
Bob pulled the curtain back a little and popped his head out, hair going everywhere. “What?”
Gerard sighed, kneeling down next to Bob’s bunk until their faces were almost level. “I can’t sleep.”
Bob sighed back, considering the size of his bunk and how much work he had to put into keeping Frank out of it. He drummed his fingers on his mattress. “Well you can’t sleep here.”
Gerard frowned, trying his best not to look disappointed. His eyes darted to Mikey’s empty bunk.
“…But I guess you could lie down for a few minutes?” Bob tacked on, pushing the curtain open with a loud squeak and putting his magazine down on the floor with his shoes.
Gerard smiled a little and squeezed himself into Bob’s bunk, half on top of Bob, who was already pressed against the wall. The small space was cramped and too warm and smelled like something had died there, but Gerard seemed to be completely oblivious to the uncomfortable conditions he was imposing on the two of them.
Bob forced a scowl. “This is not made for two grown fucking men.”
Gerard hummed and closed his eyes, acting as if he were relaxing in a large, plush hotel bed.
“Are you going to fall asleep? If you fall asleep, I’m shoving you onto the floor,” Bob threatened.
Gerard pressed his face into Bob’s sweaty shoulder. “Not falling asleep. Just resting my eyes.”
When he woke up in the morning, Bob was still sleeping, arm wrapped around him loosely.
Gerard smiled to himself and tightened his hold on Bob, listening to his heart beat until he woke up and greeting him with a question about vampires that made him groan.
Over breakfast, Frank asked why Bob always shoves him out of his bunk but lets Gerard sleep there.
Bob just snorted and said, “Because you always elbow me in the stomach, you asshole,” which earned him a kick under the table.
Gerard just smiled, leaning his head on Mikey’s shoulder.
**
Once Mikey and Alicia got their own place, the couch-bed became Gerard’s home away from home when they weren’t touring. It seemed silly to watch movies with them into the early morning and then go home and come back for breakfast, especially if he wasn’t even going to sleep much, anyway. Sometimes he would pace around a little, going through their kitchen for a snack and trying not to sneeze when the cat hair got too bad.
On nights when Alicia was away with friends, Gerard and Mikey would watch movies all night in one of their beds, falling asleep until the credits roll and fighting over who would have to get up and change the DVD to a new one.
Mikey swore up and down that the dreams he had the night they slept to the Star Wars DVD menu on repeat for 4 hours were the most epic dreams anyone would ever have. Gerard never argued this, of course. He sat over his cup of coffee the next morning as Mikey talked about what it felt like to be a wookie for hours, doodling his band as Star Wars characters between sips of coffee. Mikey was a wookie, Bob was a robot, Frank was an Ewok, Gerard was a Han Solo-like human and Ray was a dude with Princess Leia hair. (Ray would later laugh and shove him into a pool over this drawing and Alicia would bother him until he drew her as a force-wielding Twi’lek, which wound up pinned to their refrigerator.)
One night when Gerard was pacing around Mikey and Alicia’s living room, it was Alicia and not Mikey who came out of the bedroom to check on him. Wordlessly, she pulled out the Monopoly box and waited for Gerard to sit down. In the morning, Mikey made them play again, and they let him win to end the game early.
**
Sometimes, when they were off the road and hanging out, Ray would notice that Gerard hadn’t been sleeping, and he would invite himself over to Gerard’s house.
Ray would eye him carefully and say, “I need to get out of my house. Can I come over tonight?”
“Sure.” Gerard never hesitated.
They ordered a pizza and played Left 4 Dead until Gerard couldn’t move his fingers without wincing.
Ray put down his own controller and grabbed Gerard’s hand, rubbing over the tendons and working his thumb into the palm.
Gerard closed his eyes, resting his head on Ray’s shoulder and all but melting against his side. “You don’t have to.”
Ray rolled his eyes and didn’t say anything, reaching for Gerard’s other hand.
Later, Gerard went to his room to sleep, leaving Ray on the couch with more bedding than he would even need, as usual.
**
On hotel nights when Gerard roomed with Frank, Frank would run to the bathroom as soon as the door was open, leaving Gerard to flip through channels on the TV. This was normal.
Gerard was not expecting it, however, when Frank emerged 45 minutes later and dragged him by the wrist into the bathroom, yelling “Clean yourself!” and slamming the door behind him.
Grudgingly, Gerard took the fastest shower possible and padded out of the bathroom barefoot. “Happy?”
Frank grinned. “I wasn’t going to sleep in a bed with you smelling like a dead body.”
Gerard smiled back and sat on the bed with Frank, leaving the other bed made and leaning back on the pillows with frank to watch Bret Michaels’ epic quest for love on the TV. He placed his hand dangerously high on Frank’s thigh and leered at him. “Frank, will you stay and rock my world?”
Frank nailed him in the face with a pillow.
**
One time, Gerard drove over to Brian’s place and rang his buzzer at one in the morning. Brian answered the door with a scowl, demanding to know how Gerard knew he would be awake.
Gerard shrugged, said, “I just knew,” and walked in without invitation.
Brian went into the kitchen, turning on the coffee maker and bringing two mugs over to the couch where Gerard was waiting. “You haven’t been sleeping, either?”
Gerard shook his head, slouching down on the couch and leaning on Brian. “Everyone’s been busy.”
Brian gave him a significant look. “You do realize how fucking weird you are, don’t you?”
“Yes, but why am I weird this time?” Gerard smiled just a little.
“Because touching your band inappropriately is the only cure for your insomnia.”
“There is nothing inappropriate about the way I touch my band. Besides, it could be worse. What if drinking human blood was the cure for my insomnia?” Gerard smiled more.
Brian snorted. “I fucking knew it. Which one is the werewolf, Frank or Ray?”
“Obviously Bob is. Don’t you know fuck all about werewolves?” Gerard laughed.
Brian tried to keep a straight face. “Do I look like your God damn brother?”
Gerard looked straight ahead. “No, Mikey’s not a fuckin’ Hobbit.”
“When you put that hot coffee down, I’m going to punch you in the balls.”
But Gerard knew he wouldn’t. Probably.
**
As the frequency of Ray inviting himself over increased, Gerard stopped putting the spare bedding away, instead opting to keep the giant pile on a chair next to the couch.
If pressed, Ray would swear that he had no ulterior motives when he knocked softly on Gerard’s door one night. Gerard opened the door way too quickly for someone who was supposed to have been in the bed, but Ray still started with, “Sorry if I woke you up.”
Gerard shrugged and gestured at the computer. “I was checking my email.”
“I can’t sleep.” Ray stretched, wincing at the sudden pain in his back.
Gerard frowned. “Are you okay?”
Without thinking, Ray blurted out, “Yeah, couches just aren’t the best for backs.”
“You said my couch was comfortable.”
Ray ducked his head. “It is? For… a couch?”
Gerard closed his laptop. “You should take my bed.”
“I’m not taking your bed from you in your own house,” Ray responded quickly.
Gerard picked up his laptop. “I’m not even sleeping. I can take the couch.”
“Gerard…”
“The couch is fine.” He grabbed the adaptor and cable.
Ray frowned. “I’m not sleeping in your bed while you sit on your couch and play solitaire all night.”
“I can sit next to you while you sleep and play solitaire,” Gerard said, adding, “and watch you sleep.”
Ray laughed. “That’s not creepy at all.”
Gerard sat back down on one side of the bed, leaving room for Ray. “Says the man who decided to half-live in my house.”
Ray blushed and lay down next to Gerard without saying anything.
Ray woke up when Gerard slipped under the blanket next to him. “Joining the world of the people who sleep at night?”
Gerard smiled sleepily, lying on his side and facing Ray. “I sleep better when there’s someone else here.”
Ray turned to face him in the bed, smiling back. “I know.” He brushed a few stray hairs off of Gerard’s face
Gerard frowned, pulling the covers up. “Then why have you been sleeping out there this whole time?”
Ray tried not to roll his eyes and shifted closer to Gerard. “I was waiting for you to invite me in, stupid.”
Gerard moved closer, too, whispering, “But then you knocked tonight.”
Ray looked apologetic. “I got sick of waiting.”
Gerard smiled, moving even closer and pushing Ray onto his back gently and causing Ray’s shirt to ride up.
Ray smiled, ignoring the twisting of his waistband. “What are you doing?”
Gerard tugged at his hair playfully and said “Using you as a pillow.” He settled down in Ray’s personal space, resting his head on Ray’s chest and flopping an arm over him to hold him in place.
Ray wrapped an arm around Gerard, skimming his thumb over the exposed skin between Gerard’s shirt and bottoms and smiling more. “Night, Gee.”
Gerard mumbled something and drifted off quickly.
When he woke up in the morning, Ray was already smiling down at him. “You slept.”
“I slept.” Gerard smiled back.
“You slept for almost ten hours.”
Gerard frowned. “How long have you been up and waiting for me? You should have just woken me up.”
Ray shook his head. “You needed the sleep. You never sleep that much.”
Gerard fought a smile before giving in and hugging Ray tightly. “I know.”
Ray hugged back for a minute before saying “Now that you are awake, though, you really need to let me go take a piss.”
Gerard let go and sat up. “I’ll make coffee.”
When Ray came in, Gerard handed him a hot mug, leaning over it to kiss Ray quickly. Ray smiled as he pulled back. “What was that for?”
Gerard shrugged and smiled back sheepishly. “I got sick of waiting.”