After the Storm (4)
http://poppetawoppet.livejournal.com/3062.html
http://poppetawoppet.livejournal.com/3119.html
http://poppetawoppet.livejournal.com/3583.html
Observations, Project Storm, Base Zero, May 2010. Progress on building Base Zero into Base One has reached optimum levels. While many of the subjects have not been classified into their base assignments, we feel that the timing is perfect for moving subjects into separate bases. Some of the subjects have begun to cooperate, however, there is a consensus that subjects1052-1060 should be separated as best as possible. 1053 and 1060 continue to be our best allies, but the rest of the “fellowship” as the other subjects have termed them remains noncommittal at best. After much review, it is best to move 1054, 1055, 1058, 1059 to Base Three for continued genetic testing, with possible moves to Base One if said testing is inconclusive and/or a failure. 1052 and 1057 should be moved to Base Four, in hopes that separation and enclosure may turn them finally to our side. If this fails, assignment to Base Three should follow. After use there, termination is recommended. As is recommended for 1056. As for the other refugees, assignments are as follows…
Kris knew Matt was planning something. However, the problem with time was that people had developed good blocks. Hell, Kris had even helped them develop those blocks, trying to get the refugees to finally trust him. Whatever it was, Kris knew it had to do with the counselors, with how they seemed to be categorizing everyone, how there was a feeling of change in the air.
Since they had found out about what was going on outside, his determination had increased. It was surprising how quickly he had recovered from the news, but Kris knew he had realized he wasn’t going back home a long time ago. How could he return to Katy when so much had changed inside him, when even without other’s dreams he woke shaking and terrified? Katy was strong, but she deserved better than the broken man he had become. And he had accepted that. Some of the others hadn’t, some people still hoped, and maybe it could work for them. But Kris knew that home was a distant memory from before, and whatever happened, that tomorrow was uncertain, tomorrow was different.
It was the last week in May. Kris smiled. This time last year was the happiest of his life. This time it was hard to smile, especially with Matt becoming withdrawn and sullen. Even Alli, who was sunshine embodied, seemed down. Everyone tried to get Matt to say what he knew, what was going on, but he just shook his head, saying he was in a mood. It was in this week they had finalized a plan of sorts, a way to overcome their captors in one single night. It was complex, involving many things going right all at once. But it was something. Alli didn’t know of their secret pact with Anoop to keep her out of the worst of the fighting. Scott… Scott knew nothing, except that he had a lot more people watching out for him lately.
It was the morning of the twentieth the plan went to shambles. Kris was sitting in the cabin, laying down, resting away a low grade headache when Alli came running.
“Kris, its Matt! He-“
He’s surrounded by guards and something is going on and Adam is trying to talk him out of it and-
Kris was up, running after Alli. Of all the stupid things for Matt to do, pissing off the guards was the stupidest. Matt was needed, was integral to their plan. Whatever had been eating at him had obviously broken, and Kris cursed himself silently for not trying to break Matt’s barrier, for doing what was right instead of what was necessary.
A large group of refugees had gathered outside one of the far cabins, held back by guards and counselors both. Kris managed to worm his way to the front, saw “Dr.” Campbell at the front, Emily next to her, yelling words into the cabin. Matt would yell back, and Dr. Campbell would shake her head, and Adam was being held back, as he yelled saying he could help, he could get Matt to come out. Dr. Campbell shook her head.
“No, Mr. Giraud has chosen his path.”
Kris caught Adam’s eyes and shook his head. He was listening for Matt, hoping for some sort of message.
“Mr. Giraud, either come out or we are coming in! And you won’t like that!”
“I’m not coming! You can’t just shoot me and bury me!”
And then it came, short and fast and quiet, just enough for him to hear. Better shield them, man, it’s getting hot in here….
And Kris knew then Matty was going out his way, that something had tipped his hand, that he had been forced to play this card, and it was up to him to protect everyone else. With all his strength, he threw up a wall of air just as the cabin in front of them exploded in flame. Even with the warning, with the shield, many of them fell back, Kris included.
For a moment everything stopped, the cabin aflame, everyone on the ground, their faces ranging from shocked to pained to angry. The guards stopped for a moment, shocked, but their training kicked in, and the group found themselves herded away, gathered in the meal hall. Kris looked back once, saw another group of guards alternatively watering the cabin down and throwing dust onto the flames, Matt’s grave a damp puddle of wood and ash.
Dr. Campbell stood in front of them, her face a mask of anger.
“Today what you have witnessed was a shame. Mr. Giraud was very talented, had many things to offer the world. However, he chose to leave this community his way. Why, I do not know.”
Kris grimaced. He was fairly sure she knew exactly why.
“However, I would like to remind you, while we are striving for your eventual return to the real world (Adam raised his eyebrows at this), there are still many steps to be taken first. Now, if any of you choose to follow Mr. Giraud’s example and try to escape, understand we will be forced to use harsh measures. If you continue to cooperate, then everything will be just fine. Now, stay here while I go deal with his mess, then you will be dismissed for the rest of the day to reflect upon the example he has given you.”
Kris simply shook his head, the pain secondary to the grief. Alli was sobbing uncontrollably; there were few dry eyes at all in the room. He sat himself next to Emily, doing the only thing he could think of. They couldn’t mourn him properly, not without music.
And a memory came, the sound of Matty’s voice, bluesy and happy echoed in their ears, countered the seeming silence of the room. Those who could hear it had a ghost of a smile, their feet twitching. It was enough.
You shake my nerves and you rattle my brain
Too much love drives a man insane
You broke my will, oh what a thrill
Goodness gracious great balls of fire
I learned to love all of Hollywood money
You came along and you moved me honey
I changed my mind, looking fine
Goodness gracious great balls of fire
You kissed me baba, woo.....it feels good
Hold me baba, learn to let me love you like a lover should
Your fine, so kind
I'm a nervous world that your mine mine mine mine-ine
I cut my nails and I quiver my thumb
I'm really nervous but it sure is fun
Come on baba, you drive me crazy
Goodness gracious great balls of fire
Well kiss me baba, woo-oooooo....it feels good
Hold me baba
I want to love you like a lover should
Your fine, so kind
I got this world that your mine mine mine mine-ine
I cut my nails and I quiver my thumb
I'm real nervous 'cause it sure is fun
Come on baba, you drive me crazy
Goodness gracious great balls of fire
I say goodness gracious great balls of fire...oooh..
Adam stared at the bed; the impromptu concert in their heads had been interrupted when Kris’ nose had begun to bleed, when he had fainted. Luckily, they had been able to blame it on the earlier events, to let him come back to the cabin. Adam sat on the bed, his face in his hands. Kris had opened his eyes, given him a crooked smile, and sat up. Guess I was overworking there a little.
That’s an understatement if I ever heard one.
Kris laughed a little. Adam turned to him. “Don’t ever do that to me again.”
Kris nodded. It was then Adam became fully aware of how close they were, again aware of the length of his thigh resting against Kris’, his whole body leaning into Adam’s. He began to shift when Kris stopped him. Wait
Adam tilted his head. What?
Kris bit his lip, looking away for a moment, as if gathering his thoughts. Adam wasn’t sure what to expect, what Kris was thinking. Then Kris turned his head back, and something inside Adam shifted, told him he should move, that this should not be happening, that there was no reason for Kris to be moving forward, no reason for his hand to be cupping Adam’s face, for their lips to be pressed together, for Kris to part his ever so slightly, for his own to respond, to taste just for a moment-
Adam stood, turned to the small window. “Don’t.”
He knew Kris was staring, didn’t have to look to see the confusion, could hear it in his whisper, “Adam.”
Adam turned, the day, the months of restraint and confusion wearing down, snapping. “Don’t fuck with me, okay? Don’t use me either. I can’t deal with that.”
“I-“
“No you listen here; I don’t know what’s going on in your head. You do mine. I know that’s not fair, but that’s the way it is. And I just don’t know, okay? I don’t want you to use me as an excuse, for whatever, for reasoning your way out of hope for whatever. Just don’t. Please. You know how I feel and it isn’t fair.”
Kris looked at him, his eyes flashing a thousand things that Adam didn’t understand. He stood, began to walk toward Adam, and shook his head, walked out the door. Adam stared at the door, sitting slowly on the floor. Things had been so good for so long he had almost forgotten his feelings. Well, he had forgotten how potent they were. What the hell had Kris been thinking? What the hell had he been thinking, letting it happen? Adam closed his eyes, rubbing his burning eyes. As always, the timing in his life was completely off. And he had snapped, because, well because it was Kris. He was married, and there was no reason for Kris to-
He heard someone come in the main room, stepped out. It was Sissy, escorting Scott,
“Ha, Adam is too here! Where’s Kris?”
Adam bit back his first thought, to say that he didn’t care where the fuck Kris had gone. “I’m here. You off to bed, too?”
“Yeah,” she said. “Everyone’s starting to break off, go to bed. It’s hard to really say goodbye when they don’t want you to admire him, to remember him as someone good, you know?”
Adam nodded. “I understand. Hey, things will get better.”
Sissy shrugged. After all, she knew where Matt had figured in their escape plans. Adam took Scott’s hand. He was holding steady most days, still not the same Scott as before, but who was the same? Then Adam saw what Scott was wearing. It was one of Matt’s fedoras that one of the guards had sneaked through, that the counselors had looked away from, because Matt had been one of them, well, almost. Adam was surprised it had survived the day, considering how they thought of Matt now.
“Hey, Scott, let’s go lie down. Want to keep the hat on?”
Scott shook his head. “It’s Matt’s hat. Matt went away today. Matt told me to give his hat to you. To Kris. So you can have it now if you want.”
Adam stepped back. Matt had trusted Scott with something? Then, the more he thought about it, it made sense. After all, the counselors all knew how unreliable any information from Scott was. Adam took the hat in his hand, tucked Scott in, sat on his own bunk. He held the hat in his hand. Now what kind of information was a hat? He twirled it in his hands, flipped it around, and saw the writing on a piece of paper on the inside. They’re separating us in two weeks. Scott scheduled for termination. They are too close to me. Sorry for messing up the plan. Matt.
Adam laughed, put the hat in his lap. He walked to the bathroom, and then pretended to accidentally drop the hat in the toilet, ruining the message. He stood there for a moment, when the door slammed in, and Kris stumbled in. He was almost white, holding something in, as he weaved. Adam walked over to him, balanced him as he fell to his knees. He looked the other way as Kris threw up. He waited patiently for Kris to stand, as was the usual with one of Kris' episodes, then he looked down, saw him shaking violently. Adam knelt down, offering a washcloth.
“Probably shouldn’t have gotten up so fast.”
Kris shook his head, not looking up. Adam shrugged. If he wasn’t wanted that was fine. He was only willing to go so far. And then he heard Kris’ breathing, realized that it wasn’t an episode that Kris was sobbing, his endless reserve finally broken. Adam moved next to him, pulling him close. It didn’t matter what had happened, Kris still needed someone, and Adam was here.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
Kris looked up, the misery in his eyes too much to take, the crack in his voice a thousand miles wide. “I can’t. Not. Not now. Not yet. After. After.”
Adam nodded. Whatever it was, it was bad enough. He held Kris close, stroking his back, humming softly. Now that the wall had broken, everything Kris had been holding back was coming now, a rush of tears and hitching breaths, small sounds of pain that pierced his heart. And then it came.
So sorry. Shouldn’t have, I, I, I don’t know what-
“Shut the hell up, already,” Adam closed his eyes, trying not to remember the feel of Kris’ lips against his. Trying to let him let go of whatever he needed to without clouding it up with any other feelings. He lay his head on top of Kris’ head, just held on. The shaking had stopped, the room had become silent.
“Adam?”
“Yeah?”
“Don’t freak on me, ok?”
“All right.”
Kris sat up, still holding himself in Adam’s arms. Adam knew then what was happening, just as it had happened before. And still he didn’t stop it. Kris leaned forward, pressed his lips against Adam’s, this time barely brushing against them, a whispering touch. Then Kris kissed his cheek, leaned to Adam’s ears.
“If you ever think I would ever use you, you must have me mistaken for someone else.” He leaned back.
Adam looked at him carefully, lifted his hand to lean against Kris cheek, to trace his jaw. “Timing is terrible.” His thumb brushed against Kris bottom lip, then he sighed as Kris leaned forward, curled himself into Adam’s arms.
Just for a minute. I just need one more minute.
A minute turned into half an hour on the cold tiles, nothing but the sound of his own heartbeat in his ears, their breathing, and occasional snore from the other room. It could have easily been all night, if not for the return of Allison and the others. Adam reluctantly crawled into his bed, knowing his thoughts had probably betrayed him so many times, knowing that the path he had chosen was only going to end in misery, that even with what had happened today, that Kris was still not his, and never could be. That without Matt, a new plan was going to have to form, that it would be more time here, more time to wear them down, especially now with Matt dead.
In speaking with 1053 since the incident, we have amended our initial program of separation of subjects 1051-1060. It seems 1052 has progressed further than indicated in testing. A definite transfer to Base Four is recommended, with isolation and reconditioning. It was not without some risk that 1053 gave us this information, and it is unfortunate he could not continue his information gathering for us. However, he has volunteered to help gather the subjects for relocation, so we take it as a positive sign that more of them will come to our side with time. Also considering 1053’s defection, we are now transferring his case file from subjects to recruits, so all files pertaining to 1053 will now be labeled under Recruit 1: Giraud, Matthew. 05/19/10
If Kris Allen had learned nothing two days ago, it was that sometimes all the planning in the world meant nothing. Still reeling from Matt’s death, the consequences of his actions, the news he had received when he had run out of the cabin, away from Adam’s anger, Kris rubbed his eyes. It was somewhat ironic that it was the twenty first of May and he was exhausted. Even more so than a year ago. Then he felt the weight of the world because so much was expected of him, so many had expected him to fade away. Now the weight of the world was on him because if he went away, all hope was lost. But without Matt, their escape plan had lost one of its key components. Luckily today was another day off, rest proscribed by the doctor’s after the work he had done the day Matt had died. Which gave him plenty of time to think.
Which was a problem in of itself. He still tried to reconcile that he had kissed Adam. And it had felt right. Kris cursed himself again, because all these months he had used Adam to lean on without once considering the implications. He had certainly known Adam’s feelings, it was his own that had been murky, untested. After all, he was married, so any feelings outside of that were to be ignored, to be put away. It was enough to make him cry, except that acceptance was the last stage in grief, and Kris had accepted losing Katy so long ago, the thought of her only brought a familiar ache, a crushing knowledge that he had been a part of something once and it was over. All these months he had been fighting himself and yesterday… Yesterday he had almost fucked it up.
He was comfortable being friends with Adam. Adam was always the one person he had been able to talk to, even now, even when they couldn’t share everything, at least there was one person who understood what it was to be isolated, to be different among the most different of all the people. But Kris had realized one thing last night: in a way he was using Adam, at least to hold onto some shred of hope. He knew he had become a different person, and Adam was the one tie he had to who he was once.
But somehow it had changed. Kris couldn’t pinpoint it. Not exactly. Maybe it had begun last May, when Adam had held him tight and told him he deserved it. Maybe before then, when they had first met. Maybe later, sometime on tour, when Kris had realized that Adam really loved him, that maybe the attraction wasn’t one sided. That one moment in North Carolina, when it had been Adam who had backed away, when Kris had begun to want, just a little bit. Maybe it was the first day out of the bunker, when Adam had caught him and held him close. Maybe it was the day Adam and he had sat laughing at Allison as she goofily danced for the first time in months. It didn’t matter when, because it had changed, whether good or bad, they both knew it had.
Kris sighed, because there just wasn’t any time. He couldn’t remember ever not being tired, not having a dull throb behind his eyes. He knew he was overworking himself, but he faintly remembered the time in the bunker when he had been able to do something big, when it had hurt like hell, but the doctors had looked at him with slight fear in their eyes. Kris had never wanted to be that sort of person, but if he could achieve it just so they could leave, so he could finally sleep the whole night through…
It was like any other day, warmer than yesterday, still full of dust and wind. There had been rain, maybe. Everyone moved like clockwork, the routine so ingrained, even after the disturbance, nothing had changed. Kris knew he had a week and a half before things changed, a week and a half to come up with some way of saving everyone. Or at least getting everyone else out.
Adam was on a hospital day today, so Kris kept mostly to himself, sometimes laughing a little with Alli, but for the most part, the whole camp was still in mourning, had lost a little hope. Every once in a while someone would glance his way, but Kris had nothing to say, no new plans to give them. Everything had fallen apart in one moment, and he had nothing to give them.
As dusk came again, the dread of sleep deep in his chest, Adam still hadn’t returned. Hospital days sometimes turned into two, sometimes they just ran late. So Kris waited. Then it began. He heard something in the distance, faint pop, perhaps a shout…
Kris! They’re early!
He turned seeing Joey in the doorway, holding Emily. He froze, knowing that Matt had sacrificed himself for little if he didn’t at least try to get the plan going. He nodded, grabbed onto Emily, gave the signal.
TELL HER ABOUT IT…
The first line of the song was to wake those who knew, to begin the evacuation of the refugees, to begin the distraction, to begin the end. Kris looked at Joey.
“Do you think you can handle two of us?”
Joey shook her head. “It will have to be one at a time.”
Kris nodded, ignoring the movement of guards, saying a silent prayer as light began to flash, Allison trying to both blind and confuse the other side. “All right, Emily first.”
Joey nodded, and the two disappeared. Kris looked down the street again as Mike and Megan carefully ushered Scott out of the cabin. Anoop and Allison stood with him; Megan had flown off to check the meeting point, to help secure it. Danny was probably with the soldiers, playing the other side for right now, trying to give them just a little time. Joey came back, grabbed Kris, and the dizziness passed as soon as they appeared by the cabin closest to the bunker.
“I think they might be around the corner.”
Kris nodded, smiled as he saw Adam crouched against the wall.
“Hey.”
“Hey, Joey caught me as I was walking home. I guess they moved the date up.”
Kris shrugged. “Is Danny there?”
“Yeah and there’s a new guard, too. Or at least I don’t recognize this one from the back.”
Kris shook his head. “Doesn’t matter. Let’s get this party started.”
He grabbed Emily’s shoulder again.
DON’T STOP BELIEVIN
That was the signal that the distraction had started, that they should hurry, because time was short. Unfortunately, there was no way to get to the refugees in the bunker-if there were any. If they could succeed here, then maybe…
Kris watched as the team peeled around the corner, waited with Adam, their appearance the last surprise for Dr. Campbell, who they had been playing for the last month, who they had been talking to about joining up, switching sides.
“Ok, don’t freak.”
Kris raised his eyebrows, found himself pinned against the wall, Adam’s lips pressed urgently against his own, his tongue parting them, his hands in his hair, running down his back. Kris was unsure if the soft moan was his, could only hold onto Adam’s shirt. He was barely breathing when Adam pulled away, grinned wickedly.
“Just in case.”
Kris watched him lope around the corner, touched his lips, and didn’t catch the cry of warning before he turned the corner. Everyone had stopped, seeing the gun held to Danny’s head, seeing the new guard holding it, his face grim, set.
“Matty?”
“Ah, 1052 how nice of you to join us! Now, don’t get too close to anyone, I’ve heard you like to talk to people. Now hold your hands up.” Kris did so slowly, ignoring Dr, Campbell, staring at Matt, who wouldn’t look him in the eyes.
To say his heart was broken, his spirit lost, would be to understate his feelings. All of sudden the date change made sense. Matt had played his part to perfection. Kris closed his eyes.
“See, 1052, while you think you have been fooling me with your talk of joining our side, Mr. Giraud here has been telling me some interesting things. Like about your new powers. About your escape plans. About everything.”
Kris shook his head, too numb to speak. Alli’s face said everything he could ever want to.
“Nothing to say? Well, once we’ve found the tunnel, they’ll be plenty of time for you to realize you made the wrong choice.”
The tunnel? Everyone swung to look at Matt, their shock probably appearing to be betrayal. It was then Kris heard the voice, heard the music.
Lost and insecure, you found me, you found me…. Goodness gracious great balls of fire…
Kris didn’t move, except to open his eyes. Matt was concentrating, and Kris now knew why. He breathed carefully, waiting for Matt to give him another sign, waiting for just the right time.
Five… four… three… two…. NOW!
EVERYONE DOWN!
Kris dived for Emily, barely catching her ankle.
SECONDS, HOURS, SO MANY DAYS
Kris smiled a little at the signal for trouble, hoped that enough of them had gotten away, that somehow it would end well. He lay on the ground as Matt threw a wall of flame between them and the guards, grinned as they all stood, nodding. The one thing he hadn’t counted on was a jumpy guard. After the first shot rang out, chaos. Later he would remember that it was like swimming, sometimes things would be slow, sometimes, it was a rush of images. He saw Joey flitting in and out, watched as Anoop carried a protesting Allison out of harm’s way. He heard her screaming, shouting it was unfair. He watched as Adam came behind a guard, tackled him, whispering in his ear, and the guard’s face contorted as he calmly walked to the building and sat. Kris turned, watched as Danny knelt next to Emily, who was holding her side, loopily grinning. He turned again as Matt laughed, yelling something at Dr. Campbell, who at least had the presence of mind to lay down and stay down. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Adam fall to the ground, his heart leaping. And that’s when it came back to him, watching as Danny lept over a guard, leaning down, seeing the guards fan out, hearing distant gunfire, Dr. Campbell barking orders, lights flashing, a dozen fires burning around him, it rose up in him, boiled over, and everyone froze. Everything stopped.
It wasn’t like Missy, who could actually stop time for a moment; it was as if everyone was working through slush, except for himself. He ignored the look of surprise on Dr. Campbell’s face, held onto the feelings that kept him here, kept whatever well he was drawing from deep.
EVERYONE CALM DOWN FOR A MINUTE.
Kris ignored everyone’s wince, well the beginning of the wince in the strange soup he had created, knelt next to Danny and Adam, and carefully excluded them from the bubble he had created. He wasn’t sure what he was doing, he just did it. Later he would try to repeat it, without much success. Danny looked up, as did Adam.
“Fine, just tripped over my own damn feet,” Adam whispered.
Danny shook his head. “Nope, got grazed, just a little.”
Kris began to breathe again, still holding on.
Danny looked around. “What the hell?”
Kris gritted his teeth. “Well, good news is everyone has stopped. Bad news is I don’t know how long I can hold it.”
Adam stood looked around. “Well, I guess its time to work my magic then, huh?”
Kris nodded. He sat; watching as Adam walked over to the group of guards, cleared his throat. “Here’s the deal. I hate telling people what to do, but this is what is going to happen. You will lay down your guns; you will go sit quietly until we decide what to do with you. There will be no heroics, no suicides, none of that.”
Adam looked at Kris, shrugged. Kris whispered. “If I let them go, it becomes harder to hold the rest. Get it all done. Come back.”
Adam nodded, looked at Danny. “You take care of him, ok?”
Kris watched as Adam loped to the next guard began to repeat the process. Danny sat next to him, silent, seeing Kris was concentrating on just holding on. And it was hard to hold on, because the initial fear had subsided, but the anger, well that was easy to hold onto. Kris ignored the lights flashing in front of his eyes, the pounding that began to ring in his ears. He brought up the memories he had buried, focused on that pain instead. He barely registered the touch on his shoulder, blinked as Adam looked at him, his face tired.
“It’s done.”
Kris stood slowly, holding onto Adam for balance. He registered that in the two, three hours Adam had been gone, everyone had moved perhaps an inch. He nodded, let go, watched as the plan, although changed, unfolded perfectly. The wild look on Dr. Campbell’s face was permanently saved for a happier time.
“Guess I better give the all clear,” he whispered.
Adam shook his head. “I think maybe people might figure it out.”
“Just in case anyone gets any ideas.”
That was their one worry: retribution. Those who were escorting refugees had been instructed to keep them away until morning, that the all clear only meant that it had worked that they could bring down their guard, could relax for the first time.
Kris sighed, concentrated one last time. WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS…
The pain sharpened, and Kris fell to one knee, feeling blood run down from his nose, hearing Adam shout distantly for Danny, felt the world go sideways as his face hit the dirt. He wondered if he had finally triggered an aneurysm, a stroke, heard Danny whisper something to Adam, he couldn’t hear over the ringing in his ears, could just feel himself being lifted up, being carried, could just hear the whisper in his mind as everything went dark-just a little longer. Hold on please.
part five: poppetawoppet.livejournal.com/4021.html