Middle of Nowhere, Chapter 21, Epilogue Part 2b
Chapter 21, Epilogue Part 2b
Parker's was noisy and crowded for a Monday night, but Ennis managed to find a place to sit while KE went to the bar. He could see KE talking to a couple of familiar looking guys, shaking hands and pointing over to where he sat. He hoped KE didn't bring them over, he didn't want company. He wanted this night over with as fast as possible. He had thought about nothing else all day, his head hurt with all the possible ways this night could go, each outcome worse than the last. His stomach churned and his mouth felt dry. He was desperate for a drink, hoping that would help loosen his tongue and give him some much needed courage. But he worried that drinking too much would cause him to slip up and saying something he wasn’t ready to say, and that KE was not ready to hear.
All this thinking was beginning to fog his mind and he knew he had to clear it before talking to KE. He found an empty pool table and set it up, hoping this and a few beers would help calm him down. His nerves were getting the better of him and he began tearing at the skin around his thumb, until Jack’s concerned face sprung up in his mind and he stopped, shaking his head at the influence Jack had over him. But he didn’t mind.
--
KE beat Ennis three times at pool, but he managed to claw back some dignity by winning the last game. The night had been relaxed and fun, helped by the easy atmosphere and good beer. The two guys KE talked with earlier came over and asked for another game, and the conversation steered quickly from sport, to local gossip to girls. To Ennis’s surprise, one of the guys, Morgan, revealed he was dating the quiet girl in the library.
“Alma? You’re dating Alma Beers?” KE looked at Morgan incredulously. “My little brother here used to date Alma, ain’t that right Ennis?” Ennis felt all eyes on him, and he didn’t know what to say.
“No shit?” Morgan said, eyes wide with surprise. “She told me she’d dated some guy from around here, but didn’t talk about it much, I figured it ended badly.”
“Just didn’t work out, is all,” Ennis mumbled nervously.
“You datin’ anyone else?” Morgan asked, not noticing the strain on Ennis’s face.
“Ennis doesn’t leave the house enough to date anyone,” KE interrupted. “At this rate he’ll be marrying one of the horses.”
Ennis attempted a laugh at the lame joke, and heaved a sigh of relief when the guys seemed to lose interest in the subject in favour of getting another beer.
“No more for us,” KE said, looking at Ennis. “Figure we’ll be getting on home, it’s been a big night for my brother, don’t want to overwhelm him.”
Ennis didn’t reply, he was just thankful to be getting out of there. But when the night air hit him as he left the bar, he was tempted to run back inside and have one more beer to ensure the words that had been brimming inside him all night would come out right. Instead he climbed in the truck and waited for KE to take him home.
The journey home was quiet and uneventful until KE started to speak.
“Sure was surprised to hear Alma was datin’ that Morgan fella, thought she was holding out for you to ask her out again.”
“Once burned,” Ennis remarked quietly.
“She that bad?” KE asked. “Seems as quiet as a church mouse to me, but then they say the quiet ones are the worst.”
“Nah, she ain’t that bad,” Ennis replied, looking out at the open road passing him by. “Was me I guess - didn’t think it was fair for her to keep holding out for something that was never gonna happen.”
“Sometimes that happens - the pieces just don’t fit, no use forcin’ ‘em.”
Ennis felt light-headed and floaty, like something heavy was being lifted away from him just as a blanket of calm came to rest upon him.
“There’ll never be any right pieces,” he said.
Minutes passed. There was a thrumming of something tangible and he swore he could hear his heart thumping. He stole a glance at KE whose eyes focused on the road ahead.
“But they will,” KE replied “and you’ll know.”
“I already know,” Ennis murmured, his hands sweating. He looked at KE again, and saw how tightly he gripped the steering wheel. He could even see the white of his knuckles in the dimness of the truck.
“It’ll all come right soon, you’ll see,” KE said. Ennis thought his brother’s voice sounded odd and distant, despite how close they were sitting. The air in the truck was thick with suffocating tension, and it matched the constriction in his own voice. He never thought so few words could do so much to confuse a situation already rife with emotional turmoil.
“You know I ain’t talkin’ about Alma, right?” Ennis said, speaking fast so he wouldn’t have time to think about what he was saying.
“You wanna tell me what you are talkin’ about then?” For the first time, KE turned to look at him quickly before turning his head back to the road. He saw a look that could have said many things, but wasn’t sure if any of them made sense.
“I - shit. Just forget it.” Ennis slumped against the side of the truck, leaned his head against the window and closed his eyes. His heart beat faster than was normal, his hands clenched together, damp with sweat, and his mouth was clamped shut. What was the use of words when he couldn’t bring himself to say the few right ones that would explain everything.
“Guess I’ll have to tell you what you’re talking about,” KE said, turning into the drive and switching off the engine. “Jack Twist.”
The two words guaranteed to bring a smile to his face suddenly sounded wrong and tainted coming out of KE’s mouth.
“Don’t know what you’re talkin about,” Ennis said weakly, his feeble attempt at denial failing hard.
“Is that so?” KE asked. “I think you know plenty, you just pretend you don’t.”
“Maybe,” he mumbled miserably. “How did you know?”
“Alma didn’t make your face light up. The only times I see you happy is when you’re with him, or talking to him, or talking about him. Alma never had that affect on you.”
“She was nice enough,” Ennis said. “But -”
“But she ain’t Jack,” KE finished. “Never thought you ending it with her and going off to camp would lead to something like this happenin’.”
“Me neither,” Ennis said. “Guess you hate me now, huh?”
“I don’t hate you, Ennis. I don’t understand you - I don’t understand this…thing between you two. But I understand you’re happy when you’re with him and miserable when you’re not. I didn’t know, not for sure. But I figured I’d give you a chance to tell me about it yourself, but you didn’t. When Morgan mentioned Alma tonight, your reaction kinda filled in the blanks.”
“This ain’t her fault,” Ennis insisted.
“I know, and it ain’t yours either. It just is what it is.”
“Wish it was that simple,” Ennis said miserably.
“Life ain’t simple, bud, that’s a fact. Probably won’t be for much of the time for you two.”
“I just don’t get it - I mean, you knew all this time and you never said anything?”
“Not the whole time. But it got to the point where I was second guessing myself, and being right each time. Didn’t know what to say….hardly knew what to say when you were dating Alma, but at least I had some experience of my own to fall back on. This - well I don’t know, each time I tried to say something, nothing came out. Not something I thought I’d ever talk about.”
“Not something I thought I’d ever do,” Ennis said.
“For real? You mean you never - looked at other guys before Jack?”
“No.” Ennis said, harshly, “Didn’t think I was looking at Jack any way until - well, it happened.”
“So he - he feels the same way?”
“Yeah, I guess.”
“Must be hard, him living so far away.”
The concern in KE’s voice was genuine. He hadn’t looked at him like he was the devil reincarnated or told him to get his stuff and leave. He wanted to believe his brother could still love him.
“Jack - he had this idea,” Ennis started, glancing at KE before continuing. “Figured he could enrol in a graduate programme to earn his life-saving diploma. He’d get paid a salary.”
“Well, that’s real good,” KE said, clearly not getting what Ennis was trying to say.
“The programme’s over in Douglas,” Ennis said.
“Douglas? You mean here? How’s that gonna work?”
“He wants to move here.”
“You mean, move to Douglas?” KE said, still confused.
“No, here, with me - and you.”
“Oh, I see,” KE said. “Well, I guess it makes sense.”
“You - you don’t mind?” Ennis couldn’t believe that KE would accept the situation so easily.
“Well, this house is as much yours as it is mine, and you ain’t a child no more. What’s his folks say about it?”
“They don’t know - about us, I mean. I think Jack just wants to leave as soon as he graduates next month. He don’t get on with his folks too well.”
“Oh well that’s too bad. Think he needs to tell ‘em he’s leaving though,” KE said with concern.
“Well yeah I think he’ll do that, but that’s about all he’ll tell ‘em. He’s 21 now and he don’t want to be there any more.” Ennis thought of all the things Jack had told him about his home life, and cringed.
“He wants to be with you,” KE stated softly, as though he was speaking the words that Ennis couldn’t.
“Guess,” Ennis said awkwardly. “But he wants to live his own life. He’ll work hard and pay his own way, you wont never have to worry about that.”
“Hey - I like Jack, he’s a nice guy, and I’m not worried. Just not sure how it’ll work out.”
“What’d you mean?”
“What about the - bedroom arrangements? Your room is real small Ennis.”
“Yeah I know. I guess he could sleep on the sofa.”
“Well that might work for a couple of nights, but not for long-term.” KE seemed to take a deep breath before speaking again. “Can’t believe I’m saying this, but - you wanting him to share your bed?”
“Shit - I - don’t know if I wanna talk about that.” Ennis felt his face becoming hot with awkward embarrassment. He should have been excited they had got this far in the conversation, but he hadn’t anticipated it being so difficult to talk about, especially not with someone he knew well.
“Ennis, I know how uncomfortable this is,” KE said gently. “I never thought I’d be talking about you bringing your boyfriend to live with us. But I am, and you are, so we just gotta deal with it.”
“I just - never thought you’d be this understanding.”
“I don’t understand Ennis, and don’t know if I ever will. Ain’t something that’s ever occurred to me. But you and Jack are living apart and want to be together. I’d be some kind of tyrant if I stood in your way.”
“So, you’d be okay if Jack stayed in my room?” Ennis mumbled.
“I won’t be dancing a jig, if that’s what you mean. But there’s just some things you have to get over and deal with. Guess this is one of ‘em.”
“Thanks KE, I mean it.”
“No need to thank me, just do me a favour. Be careful. Folks round here might not take too kindly to finding out they have a couple of guys living together on their doorstep. Even if one of those guys is someone they’ve known all their life. ”
“Yeah, well I won’t be advertising the fact. Just wanna live quietly - with Jack. That’s enough for me.”
xxxxx
Jack had waited in all night, expecting the phone call from Ennis to tell him how KE had taken the news. He knew how nervous Ennis was about it, and had imagined every outcome possible, until he got so worried he had to play a computer game to numb his mind.
He nearly jumped out of his skin when his phone finally rang.
“Ennis,” Jack said, breathlessly.
“Hey Jack, sorry for taking so long to call,” Ennis said.
“No its okay. So - you told him?”
“Yeah, I told him. Well he told me.”
“Huh? What’do you mean?” Jack was confused already.
“He knew - about us.”
“Oh shit, how’d he take it? Was he mad?” Jack couldn’t tell from Ennis’s voice if what he was being told was good news or bad news.
“No. He wasn’t mad. He was everything I never expected him to be.”
“So, that’s good right?” Jack was getting ready to scream at Ennis for giving him cryptic answers that told him nothing.
“Yeah, its good.”
“So? What’d he say?”
“You still wanna move here and be with me?”
“Are you crazy? Of course I do!” Jack’s heart began to beat fast, not sure what Ennis was leading up to.
“Then, that’s what’s gonna happen. You’re gonna come and live with me.”
“For real? KE was okay? He really is okay?”
“Yea, Jack, he is. He’s not gonna be throwing a party when you move in, but he’s not gonna be putting a curse on us either.”
“Shit Ennis! I can’t believe it.” Jack paced around his bedroom, grinning like a fool.
“I know, me neither.”
“It’s really gonna happen? Me and you, together, every day?”
“Yeah, every day. Sure you won’t get sick of me?”
“No way, wild horses won’t pull me away from you. I love you so much Ennis.”
“I love you too Jack, keep having to pinch myself to remind me this is real. I’m not dreaming.”
“Not anymore, cowboy. This is it.” Jack felt like his insides might explode with happiness right there.
xxxx
Jack moved in a week after he graduated. Ennis resisted going over there to help bring his stuff back. Jack didn’t have too much stuff anyhow, and knew Jack wanted as little fuss as possible over his departure. Jack had told his parents very little about where he was moving to and nothing about him. He didn’t want to aggravate the situation by turning up to take their son away.
KE hadn’t said much more since their talk in the truck, although he enquired after Jack and when Jack was arriving. He also began making initial steps in clearing out the attic, with plans to turn it into a room for Ennis and Jack. It was bigger than his own bedroom, and gave them a bit more privacy. He knew his brother was making an effort and he appreciated it more than he could ever convey, but the fact his brother knew what was really going on was a cause of great anxiety for him.
Loving Jack was easy and natural, but having others knowing about it was not. Even Meli knowing and being on their side was often uncomfortable, but he tolerated it in the short-term. He just wanted Jack; he didn’t want to think about the outside world and their views on what he was doing and who he was loving. But life wasn’t that easy and if he wanted to forge a deeper, more committed relationship with Jack, he would have to forego some of his fears and deal with whatever came their way. Having KE look him in the eye and acknowledge his relationship with Jack was an awkward blend of dread and relief; he no longer had to hide and lie, but he had to accept that he was in love with another man, and that his brother knew about it.
The day Jack arrived was sunny and warm. His car was packed to the brim with everything he owned. Ennis had been absently doing chores around the place, checking his watch every five minutes and scanning the horizon for signs and sounds that told him Jack was on his way. When he got there, he virtually dragged Jack out of the car and hugged him, hard. All the agonies of waiting and hoping finally caught up with him. Holding Jack and being held in return was confirmation that their love was real, and their future was secure.
“Journey okay?” asked Ennis, his face buried deep in the crook of Jack‘s neck.
“Boring as hell,” Jack complained. “But I red-lined it all the way, couldn’t get here fast enough.”
“Felt like forever to me,” Ennis mumbled.
“Well, I’m here now,” Jack said reassuringly. “This is forever for me.”
xxxxx
On a soaring hot summer’s day, Ennis and Jack played skimming stones at Mason’s Creek, just like Ennis had done with KE when they were kids. Jack was good, but Ennis was better; but where they were and who they were with was the important thing. Since moving in with Ennis, Jack’s life had been enriched more than he ever thought possible, and this simple ritual of throwing stones into the water and watching them glide across the surface took him back to the time when they had played the game, a few years before, on the day Ennis had given Jack his best birthday ever. He never forgot what Ennis had given him, and knew their lives were better now because of it. But they would always have the memories of the summer they met, way out in the middle of nowhere.
The End