My Life Now
I guess I'll start with some pix.
That's me on the right in the pink. I'm losing weight, can u tell? I'm already down to 128, thanks to leaving treatment and getting back into my routine. I'm NEVER going back to treatment. What a fat waste of time.
Anyway, that's me now.
These are some of the HS cheer girls that I coach :) love them!! Obviously, I'm in the middle.
This is the living/dining room in my new place!
My bedroom at the new place :D
My office at the new place :)
My dinner, YUMMMM! Obviously, I purged it.
And now for some updates.
THE SUICIDE ATTEMPT: so, like I said, I tried to kill myself. Pills. It didn't work bc so done found me and they called 9-1-1. So, here I am.
TREATMENT: I stayed for a full 90 days and my "treatment team" said I still wasn't ready and needed to stay longer. I left against med. advice bc I was sick of pretending. It was hard enough to pretend I was into recovery for those 90 days, and I wasn't going to do it anymore. Period.
CUTTING: I'm trying it to do it any more. This is the one thing I want to recover from. I had been cutting, burning, and digging my skin. It wasn't a pretty sight. But I haven't self-harmed in 104 days. I have bad urges sometimes, but I'm trying really hard not to give in. Why? Because when I'm finally skinny, I want to have pretty skin :)
EATING DISORDERS: recovery did a shit job. I went into treatment in Wickenburg, AZ at 152 lbs, so I obviously didn't need to gain any weight, but my bulimia was raging terrible. I was binging on upwards of 15,000 calories a day and purging 10+ times. When I got to treatment, I was having heart palpitations, my pulse was very low, my blood pressure was pretty much nonexistent, and my esophagus was corroded and blistered. They said I was probably weeks from death, even though I wasn't even skinny. I left treatment 90 days later at 135 lbs, equipped with everything and nothing because I learned a ton of strategies that I'll never ever use. I am currently 128 lbs and dropping weight quickly. I'm mostly restricting, but when I do eat, I purge everything. I functioning well and I'm finally becoming happy.
SCHOOL, JOB, ETC: so, I never actually finished undergrad (not so many people know that, but I got too sick to finish). I got into a University and I'm going to start in January! I'm going to get my bachelors degree in political science and go to law school. As a master manipulator and good liar, I think I will be a great lawyer ;) Im also working two jobs, currently, but one is just extra and isn't a lot of time or money. It's a cheer coach for a local high school!!! I LOVE IT!!!!!! It's the BEST thing I've ever done and I love being a mentor to these 14-18 year old girls!! They are awesome and they keep me young! :) My "real" job is as at the store Kohl's. I work full time and I make very little, but enough to make my bills.
SOCIAL LIFE: I actually go out and have friends. Anyone with an eating disorder knows that this isn't the norm! So, that's cool!
FAMILY: well, this is more complicated.
My family gave me a bottom line and said if I didn't follow through with treatment, they would no longer be there to support me. This was my mom, my dad, my two brothers, and sister. They said they would need to distance themselves from me to protect themselves from my disease. So... We are no longer in touch at all. I haven't spoken to my parents in two months and I haven't spoken to my brothers or sister in 6 weeks. I guess they mean it this time.
More than anything, I miss my sister and my brother closest to my age. They were my best friends and I love them so much... I wish they would try to contact me. I miss them so much.
I USED TO KNOW A BOY: his name was Billy and I'd like to be in touch with him again. If he is reading this, I hope he will reply or email me at sweet.jackie6886@yahoo.com. It's been a long time.
And that's pretty much my life now.
Here's to new friends, maybe old friends, losing weight, and finally living my life.
xxx J