Tina, he knew how much you loved him...he would not have been so open and truthful and straight with you if he did not know exactly what type of friendship you two had and how you felt. I agree, staying bottled up is not a good thing; it wears on oneself from within. But I can also understand how painful it must be to talk about. I would suggest that you find a good friend who you love and trust, and when you are ready, discuss these feelings with them and let them give you feed back. They don't even have to have known Nick, just having a person to listen and feel with you will help. The problem with livejournal is that we feel limited in the amount we write in a single entry and it provides little to no feedback. You know what is best for you, and it is often not easy, but when you are ready, I think this would help easy the pain in your heart. But I also know that sometimes we don't want to stop hurting, but you cannot let this continue forever, he would have wanted you to continue with you life and to be happy. You know
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