LJ Idol Week 21, in which the friends of imaginary friends are no friends of mine

[porn_this_way]

When I was a wee lass (read: teenage troublemaker), I lived in a yuppy suburban hellpit of a neighborhood. The natural fauna were pretty damn horrifying in their own right - if you've ever been to a Texas suburb and\or seen an episode of King of the Hill, you know what kind of humanoid creatures I'm talking about - vicious, feral, and not very

Comments

[kathrynrose]

Behold the power of the female breast.

[porn_this_way]

IKR. Putting the BOO! in boob, because apparently those things are SCARY.

[halfshellvenus]

I'm guessing Mormon missionaries on the towel foray. If there are female missionaries in their local group, they used to (maybe still do) make them sit in the other half of the car from the men (front seat/back seat). Because of the tempTAYshun.

and just stood at the door grinning and slowly stroking the knife as they talked.
Ahahahahaha! I would pay real money to see that.

I kind of wondered if anyone would take the religious angle on this prompt, though if so, I would not have expected them to enjoy tormenting the solicitors. Usually, I just hide. ;)

I would almost expect you'd be interested in the answering machine gadget that rolls out this incredible time-wasting bizarrity for the solicitor at the other end... except why let a machine have all the fun when you can do it yourself?

[porn_this_way]

Oh dude, I would NEVER let a machine have all the fun! (I do have a ridiculous anti-telemarketer sound byte board I got from Spencers years ago, but I mainly use it to jack with my friends. Telemarketers are, as you said, too much damn fun to hand over to a machine.)

I'm pretty sure the missionaries I used to get swarmed with were Mormons. At the time, I just called them door to door holy rollers, but in retrospect, a lot of their shit seems to fit - bicycles, mostly young and male (I don't think I ever saw a female one actually), pressed white shirts and ties, starting their spiel off with some shit about family. LMAO @ segregating a car by gender. I just...those motherfuckers clearly need more Futurama episode guides and calculator instruction booklets in their lives because their currently holy book is severely lacking. (I know, I know, SOMEBODY had to take the religious angle on this prompt and be the token obnoxious atheist, but I never claimed to have self control!)

[whipchick]

I. Love. This.

And I would pay good money to watch any of these scenarios live.

[porn_this_way]

DUDE, my friends and I used to have competitions when we were all hanging out at somebody's house and these clowns would show up. Like whoever had the best idea for how to get rid of them would get nominated to answer the door, and the rest of us would hide in the other room listening in an trying not to laugh out loud. In other words - live performances offered free of friggen charge, because jacking with these clowns is its own reward.

[prog_schlock]

These are much more creative solutions than my nodding politely and saying "I can't talk right now but please leave your pamphlet." The subtext being that I won't read the pamphlet. I know it, they know it, but we dance that little dance and they move on to some other apartment with a clear "no soliciting" sign on the door.

I wonder if the whole point of going door to door to profess their faith is more for their benefit than ours - like its them demonstrating their religion. I can't imagine many people have ever decided to join a faith because of this style of recruitment, so what other reason is there?

Anyhow, laughed out loud at the towel story. Good for you!

Let me roll with an obvious song association:

[porn_this_way]

I AM A HOOPY FROOD. I always know where my missionary butt-spanking towel is :p

Dude, seriously, IDK how\why these people think ringing a stranger's doorbell for anything other than delivering a package or selling girl scout cookies is a good idea. NO I DO NOT WANT TO BUY YOUR JESUS, GO AWAY. (And given they apparently threaten their members with eternal separation from their loved ones in the afterlife should a practicing member fail to tithe, they are literally selling their Jesus! DO NOT WANT.)