The Last Train
The Last Train
Eunhyuk/Heechul, PG-13, 1813 words, Archive
The end goes something like this.
The bag knocks him limply at his side. A small suitcase and carry-on trails behind.
Everything he doesn't have the heart to replace. It's all here with him. The essentials. Some clothes, some soap, his laptop. His iPhone. Music he can't live without.
This is not an adventure. Eunhyuk doesn't do adventure.
This is a homecoming.
He finally feels ready, wearing dark Ferragamo shades framed in gunmetal gray, hood over his head and zipped up to the tens. It doesn't hide him any better than clear glass and likely makes him look a very suspicious character.
He hopes he doesn't miss it, the train, waiting on the lower levels rather than in the bitter chill of an open station.
He wishes he could feel genuinely worried about that, just to pretend he isn't afraid of something else entirely.
Will he find welcome? Will he be shut out? Will he be alone?
The train announcement chimes gently in a distant, robotic tone.
Eunhyuk walks up to the platform and his nostrils burn as he lets the brisk cold seep through them.
남김없이 기억이 지워져버려 서로가 남이었던 시간으로 되돌아가서 이젠 쉬고 싶어.
Every memory is being erased, reverting to the time when were each strangers. I want to rest now.
In his imagination, they were cradled close together; Heechul's hands threaded through his hair, stroking soft lines along his spine, keeping him close. They would be warm.
In reality, they lay a hands-width apart, staring at the ceiling. Eunhyuk can't stop pressing his palms down against the mattress and god forbid he gather the courage to turn his head and see what Heechul looks like in the light of a morning after.
His uncovered shoulders give an involuntary shudder and it's deja vu of moments previous. Except rather than the hot uncontainable spasm of his dick, it's a draft wisping across the room.
Eunhyuk keeps silent, because what is there to say in situations like these anyway?
"So. This," Heechul says flatly. "... Stays here."
Right. Of course, Eunhyuk thinks, maybe a little too relieved as his hands rub his face of the ache in his cheeks and eyes. He gets up; his mind over the edge, and his legs follow swinging. And he feels a wash of sudden tiredness come over him that is very easy to feel, but a bit hard to imagine - with his mind over the edge and all - as he puts his jeans on, his sweater. He finds his favorite beanie outside in the apartment corridor. Heechul must've stolen it.
Eunhyuk is lucky that no one picked it up while it was sitting out there, abandoned. It is a very cold day and he would be sad without it.
넌 그렇게 떠나면 끝 인 거니?
If you throw it all away like that, is it the end?
This is how they meet.
"Lee Hyukjae."
"Er, it's Eunhyuk."
"Your name isn't Lee Hyukjae?"
"It is. But I prefer Eunhyuk."
The Crazy Person in charge of his discussion lab stares at him, pushing the lensless black frames up the bridge of his nose. "Okay, because I completely give a fuck," he says, flicking his fingers across his forehead like he's trying to clear bangs from his eyes, but stops when he realizes he doesn't have any bangs to brush away. "Shit, I miss my hair."
"Alright," says Crazy, "Screw the roster, that was a bad idea. We're doing sign-in sheets from here on out. You don't come, fuck you, you deserve your F or miracle D."
Eunhyuk drops the class.
A week later, his roommate is hanging off his shoulder as per usual and talks at him. Eunhyuk only catches the tail end which goes something like "--that guy with the cat I really like. The cat. Not him. He's weird. Wait, but I do like him too. Anyway, yeah. Him. He's coming over."
Something in his chest stutters when he opens the door and meets with a stoic glare, or possibly a sneer, filtered through Ray-Bans, but leads Donghae's friend to the couch and turns to lock himself in his room for the rest of the night.
"Hey."
Eunhyuk turns. "Yes?" he replies and doesn't want to say anything else because the last thing he needs is the state of his chest made known in an audible form of word vomit.
"Eunhyuk, right?" and that, is definitely a sneer.
"You know each other?" Donghae swoops over the couch with a bowl of popcorn.
"No," Crazy Person who is also friend of Donghae says.
"Oh, okay. That's Hyukjae. Hyukjae, Heechulie-hyung. Hyuk, hurry and get over here, it's about to start," Donghae says, shoving the bowl at Heechul.
두 번 다시는 마주치지 말자
Let's not run into each other ever again
They watch the Titanic. Eunhyuk wanted to decline, to say that he's seen this movie eighty-billion times and so have they, probably, and they all know that Jack doesn't make it and it's the greatest love story of all time, and there are boobs. He can't find it in himself to tell Donghae that he sort of highly rejects his cat-hobo friend with the bad helmet haircut and wannabe shades.
It becomes a regular thing. Heechul comes over sometimes and isn't friendly all the time and drinks the stash of soju Donghae let Donghee put in their fridge for safekeeping because Donghae doesn't drink at home, Eunhyuk doesn't drink at all, and he doesn't trust Henry to keep his mouth shut in front of Nari.
Of course, it turns out Heechul can't be trusted to keep his mouth shut in front of anyone, especially when he's drunk, so when Donghee and Nari come join the small movie night and Heechul is wasted, Donghee and Eunhyuk shove Heechul into Eunhyuk's room and lock him in. By default, Eunhyuk stays to prevent Heechul from barfing on his bed or other undesirable happenstances.
Heechul pulls Eunhyuk into bed with him, and promptly kicks him off. Then, he chokes on his laughter. Or maybe Eunhyuk just wishes he did. If anyone asked the next morning how he got that bruise on his face, he would just suck it up in silence.
In retrospect, Eunhyuk thinks they should've shoved the mess out the door.
안봐도 뻔해 그녀는 나를 원하지라고 착각해 난 다르다고 믿지만 (똑같애)
Even if I can't see, it's obvious, being deluded "she wants me", believe that I'm different but (I'm the same)
It happens like this.
Heechul is drunk for god knows why, and Eunhyuk is stone cold sober.
Heechul is laughing on Eunhyuk's bed again because when Donghae falls asleep during the movie, that's just how some nights seem to go. Eunhyuk doesn't invite him there, and there isn't any asking.
His bookshelf is filled with neat rows of books organized in order by author and title with equally neat trinkets as bookends. His desk is straightened up, every little thing in it's right and proper place. His floor is clear, his surfaces dusted, his bed... Only his bed, tucked against the corner.
The sheets are mangled, the pillows are awry, and Heechul still in his grimy street clothes writhes in the midst of them.
Eunhyuk is a careful person, but what he says next is not.
"Why are you here? In my bed. Go to Donghae's." Or better yet, go home, Eunhyuk keeps to himself because his tongue's slipped, but he hasn't got a death wish.
The sheeted figure stills and delicate fingers pull the covers off to reveal an aloof expression, far away with brows tilted in a vague, piqued angle.
"Yah! Watch who you're talking to... bastard," Heechul bites out, short staccato syllables that Eunhyuk's gotten used to. "God," he rubs his face on one of Eunhyuk's pillows, "I'm not drunk enough to look at you yet."
Eunhyuk snaps. "It's time for you to get out," he says, stands up, and walks to drag Heechul out of his apartment, but as soon as he gets hold of an arm, it yanks him down and he falls. He falls and Heechul rolls them so he's hovering, huffing warmth on Eunhyuk's pinked ears. Then, hands teasing the bared skin of his hips make him seize and flail until Heechul flies onto the floor and lands on his knees in a painful resounding thump.
"Oh, FUCK. FUCK. Fuck. Shit." Heechul gets up, a little limp to his gait as he heads for the door. He turns around and glares and Eunhyuk for a five-count. "... Fuck," he says, and leaves.
오늘도 그대 없는 빈자리 구석구석 가득히 눈물이 맺혀
Today, too, I patch the hole you left with tears
They've been friends for three years, and roommates for one. Don't ask him how it happened; it just did.
When Heechul moved in, Eunhyuk gained two new bedmates, the first being Heebum, and the second being Baengsin, both the cats that Donghae adored, but curl next to Eunhyuk's pillow and sometimes on his face while he's asleep. Pardon him for not enjoying their company as much.
A short time after, he gains a third when Heechul gets a part-time gig as a piano player. For some reason, he starts coming home drunk whenever he has a shift.
Eunhyuk's learned that for all his swag talk, Heechul doesn't like being alone when he's drunk and he's taken to waltzing in at bumfuck o'clock, taking up whatever space Eunhyuk doesn't have to spare in his bed.
At first, Eunhyuk minds. He minds like anyone does at their sleep being disturbed by a drunken idiot whose breath smells strongly of vomit and radishes. He wakes up with alarming regularity to Heechul's arms wrapped around his chest, his neck, a knee nudging accidentally to his crotch, lips against his neck, and all variations thereof. Eunhyuk knows it's because Heechul needs the closeness, the contact; he remembers the first time and he remembers what Heechul couldn't hide, or probably didn't want to.
He gets used to it soon enough, but it takes a while since Eunhyuk is in his last year before graduation and he needed to make a point of principle.
And here, everything changes.
It begins the same. Heechul trips into Eunhyuk's bed at dawn, smiling, giggling.
Eunhyuk is familiar with the touches and the mouthing of "I hate you"s against his shoulders. He's not so acquainted with the fingers skimming his boxer-briefs, or the tongue behind his ear.
He doesn't know why he gives in, or why he doesn't put up a fight, or why it never occurred to him that maybe this was something more than Heechul's need for closeness, or Heechul's need for whatever made him drink himself into a pathetic oblivion. That maybe this is Eunhyuk's need for something beyond the edges of sobriety, his need for something beyond the principles he doesn't adhere to.
It hurts and it doesn't, the mess they make.
What if 그대가 날 사랑할 것만 같아
What if it seems like you're going to love me
This is not an adventure. Eunhyuk doesn't do adventure.
This is a homecoming.
Eunhyuk/Heechul, PG-13, 1813 words, Archive
The end goes something like this.
The bag knocks him limply at his side. A small suitcase and carry-on trails behind.
Everything he doesn't have the heart to replace. It's all here with him. The essentials. Some clothes, some soap, his laptop. His iPhone. Music he can't live without.
This is not an adventure. Eunhyuk doesn't do adventure.
This is a homecoming.
He finally feels ready, wearing dark Ferragamo shades framed in gunmetal gray, hood over his head and zipped up to the tens. It doesn't hide him any better than clear glass and likely makes him look a very suspicious character.
He hopes he doesn't miss it, the train, waiting on the lower levels rather than in the bitter chill of an open station.
He wishes he could feel genuinely worried about that, just to pretend he isn't afraid of something else entirely.
Will he find welcome? Will he be shut out? Will he be alone?
The train announcement chimes gently in a distant, robotic tone.
Eunhyuk walks up to the platform and his nostrils burn as he lets the brisk cold seep through them.
남김없이 기억이 지워져버려 서로가 남이었던 시간으로 되돌아가서 이젠 쉬고 싶어.
Every memory is being erased, reverting to the time when were each strangers. I want to rest now.
In his imagination, they were cradled close together; Heechul's hands threaded through his hair, stroking soft lines along his spine, keeping him close. They would be warm.
In reality, they lay a hands-width apart, staring at the ceiling. Eunhyuk can't stop pressing his palms down against the mattress and god forbid he gather the courage to turn his head and see what Heechul looks like in the light of a morning after.
His uncovered shoulders give an involuntary shudder and it's deja vu of moments previous. Except rather than the hot uncontainable spasm of his dick, it's a draft wisping across the room.
Eunhyuk keeps silent, because what is there to say in situations like these anyway?
"So. This," Heechul says flatly. "... Stays here."
Right. Of course, Eunhyuk thinks, maybe a little too relieved as his hands rub his face of the ache in his cheeks and eyes. He gets up; his mind over the edge, and his legs follow swinging. And he feels a wash of sudden tiredness come over him that is very easy to feel, but a bit hard to imagine - with his mind over the edge and all - as he puts his jeans on, his sweater. He finds his favorite beanie outside in the apartment corridor. Heechul must've stolen it.
Eunhyuk is lucky that no one picked it up while it was sitting out there, abandoned. It is a very cold day and he would be sad without it.
넌 그렇게 떠나면 끝 인 거니?
If you throw it all away like that, is it the end?
This is how they meet.
"Lee Hyukjae."
"Er, it's Eunhyuk."
"Your name isn't Lee Hyukjae?"
"It is. But I prefer Eunhyuk."
The Crazy Person in charge of his discussion lab stares at him, pushing the lensless black frames up the bridge of his nose. "Okay, because I completely give a fuck," he says, flicking his fingers across his forehead like he's trying to clear bangs from his eyes, but stops when he realizes he doesn't have any bangs to brush away. "Shit, I miss my hair."
"Alright," says Crazy, "Screw the roster, that was a bad idea. We're doing sign-in sheets from here on out. You don't come, fuck you, you deserve your F or miracle D."
Eunhyuk drops the class.
A week later, his roommate is hanging off his shoulder as per usual and talks at him. Eunhyuk only catches the tail end which goes something like "--that guy with the cat I really like. The cat. Not him. He's weird. Wait, but I do like him too. Anyway, yeah. Him. He's coming over."
Something in his chest stutters when he opens the door and meets with a stoic glare, or possibly a sneer, filtered through Ray-Bans, but leads Donghae's friend to the couch and turns to lock himself in his room for the rest of the night.
"Hey."
Eunhyuk turns. "Yes?" he replies and doesn't want to say anything else because the last thing he needs is the state of his chest made known in an audible form of word vomit.
"Eunhyuk, right?" and that, is definitely a sneer.
"You know each other?" Donghae swoops over the couch with a bowl of popcorn.
"No," Crazy Person who is also friend of Donghae says.
"Oh, okay. That's Hyukjae. Hyukjae, Heechulie-hyung. Hyuk, hurry and get over here, it's about to start," Donghae says, shoving the bowl at Heechul.
두 번 다시는 마주치지 말자
Let's not run into each other ever again
They watch the Titanic. Eunhyuk wanted to decline, to say that he's seen this movie eighty-billion times and so have they, probably, and they all know that Jack doesn't make it and it's the greatest love story of all time, and there are boobs. He can't find it in himself to tell Donghae that he sort of highly rejects his cat-hobo friend with the bad helmet haircut and wannabe shades.
It becomes a regular thing. Heechul comes over sometimes and isn't friendly all the time and drinks the stash of soju Donghae let Donghee put in their fridge for safekeeping because Donghae doesn't drink at home, Eunhyuk doesn't drink at all, and he doesn't trust Henry to keep his mouth shut in front of Nari.
Of course, it turns out Heechul can't be trusted to keep his mouth shut in front of anyone, especially when he's drunk, so when Donghee and Nari come join the small movie night and Heechul is wasted, Donghee and Eunhyuk shove Heechul into Eunhyuk's room and lock him in. By default, Eunhyuk stays to prevent Heechul from barfing on his bed or other undesirable happenstances.
Heechul pulls Eunhyuk into bed with him, and promptly kicks him off. Then, he chokes on his laughter. Or maybe Eunhyuk just wishes he did. If anyone asked the next morning how he got that bruise on his face, he would just suck it up in silence.
In retrospect, Eunhyuk thinks they should've shoved the mess out the door.
안봐도 뻔해 그녀는 나를 원하지라고 착각해 난 다르다고 믿지만 (똑같애)
Even if I can't see, it's obvious, being deluded "she wants me", believe that I'm different but (I'm the same)
It happens like this.
Heechul is drunk for god knows why, and Eunhyuk is stone cold sober.
Heechul is laughing on Eunhyuk's bed again because when Donghae falls asleep during the movie, that's just how some nights seem to go. Eunhyuk doesn't invite him there, and there isn't any asking.
His bookshelf is filled with neat rows of books organized in order by author and title with equally neat trinkets as bookends. His desk is straightened up, every little thing in it's right and proper place. His floor is clear, his surfaces dusted, his bed... Only his bed, tucked against the corner.
The sheets are mangled, the pillows are awry, and Heechul still in his grimy street clothes writhes in the midst of them.
Eunhyuk is a careful person, but what he says next is not.
"Why are you here? In my bed. Go to Donghae's." Or better yet, go home, Eunhyuk keeps to himself because his tongue's slipped, but he hasn't got a death wish.
The sheeted figure stills and delicate fingers pull the covers off to reveal an aloof expression, far away with brows tilted in a vague, piqued angle.
"Yah! Watch who you're talking to... bastard," Heechul bites out, short staccato syllables that Eunhyuk's gotten used to. "God," he rubs his face on one of Eunhyuk's pillows, "I'm not drunk enough to look at you yet."
Eunhyuk snaps. "It's time for you to get out," he says, stands up, and walks to drag Heechul out of his apartment, but as soon as he gets hold of an arm, it yanks him down and he falls. He falls and Heechul rolls them so he's hovering, huffing warmth on Eunhyuk's pinked ears. Then, hands teasing the bared skin of his hips make him seize and flail until Heechul flies onto the floor and lands on his knees in a painful resounding thump.
"Oh, FUCK. FUCK. Fuck. Shit." Heechul gets up, a little limp to his gait as he heads for the door. He turns around and glares and Eunhyuk for a five-count. "... Fuck," he says, and leaves.
오늘도 그대 없는 빈자리 구석구석 가득히 눈물이 맺혀
Today, too, I patch the hole you left with tears
They've been friends for three years, and roommates for one. Don't ask him how it happened; it just did.
When Heechul moved in, Eunhyuk gained two new bedmates, the first being Heebum, and the second being Baengsin, both the cats that Donghae adored, but curl next to Eunhyuk's pillow and sometimes on his face while he's asleep. Pardon him for not enjoying their company as much.
A short time after, he gains a third when Heechul gets a part-time gig as a piano player. For some reason, he starts coming home drunk whenever he has a shift.
Eunhyuk's learned that for all his swag talk, Heechul doesn't like being alone when he's drunk and he's taken to waltzing in at bumfuck o'clock, taking up whatever space Eunhyuk doesn't have to spare in his bed.
At first, Eunhyuk minds. He minds like anyone does at their sleep being disturbed by a drunken idiot whose breath smells strongly of vomit and radishes. He wakes up with alarming regularity to Heechul's arms wrapped around his chest, his neck, a knee nudging accidentally to his crotch, lips against his neck, and all variations thereof. Eunhyuk knows it's because Heechul needs the closeness, the contact; he remembers the first time and he remembers what Heechul couldn't hide, or probably didn't want to.
He gets used to it soon enough, but it takes a while since Eunhyuk is in his last year before graduation and he needed to make a point of principle.
And here, everything changes.
It begins the same. Heechul trips into Eunhyuk's bed at dawn, smiling, giggling.
Eunhyuk is familiar with the touches and the mouthing of "I hate you"s against his shoulders. He's not so acquainted with the fingers skimming his boxer-briefs, or the tongue behind his ear.
He doesn't know why he gives in, or why he doesn't put up a fight, or why it never occurred to him that maybe this was something more than Heechul's need for closeness, or Heechul's need for whatever made him drink himself into a pathetic oblivion. That maybe this is Eunhyuk's need for something beyond the edges of sobriety, his need for something beyond the principles he doesn't adhere to.
It hurts and it doesn't, the mess they make.
What if 그대가 날 사랑할 것만 같아
What if it seems like you're going to love me
This is not an adventure. Eunhyuk doesn't do adventure.
This is a homecoming.