the first step to being free is killing the boston in your head

[posilog]

I still haven't left. that's the problem. I'm not really here, I'm still in the past, months ago, dreaming about shitty people and things that I can't erase. Not that nobody knows, not that this will make a difference knowing how fucking cowardly and unwilling to disturb the status quo everyone is. And aren't I supposed to be over it? Shouldn't I

Comments

[rockcandi182]

step 1 + 2 are things i am in the habit of :(

i am also in boston! we should hang out!!

[emmala]

from my getting over my ptsd i learned several tips:
figure out what triggers are, what images or thoughts or actions or words or smells or whatever then make them have better or alternate associations. work on seeing how fast you can make it so that you remember to think of the good association not the bad one. slowly you'll only think of the better one.
lonley is okay. you can be happy and lonely. and so what if you look at photos. if it makes it better. as long as they make it better. i've moved from looking at photos to spying on people via google maps and google world. much more satisfying you can picture all kinds of crazy stuff in your mind based on those images and trying to guess what day they were taken on.

okay done preaching.
hugs? or should i just pelt you with balm bombs?

[posilog]

i mean, really I just want someone to lay the beatdown in my absence. short of that, not thinking about this shit would do well.

[jellobiafrascat]

I miss your balm bombs! :)

[emmala]

also thanks for the ptsd advice. i don't think i have it but i definitely get set off all the time, and need to figure out what exactly is doing it and which magnetic fields song to listen to to make it stop.

[xk8tx]

these are also some resolutions i should but am not making...problem is, i actually just fucking registered a goddamn blt username (brokenpelvis) which i blame on couchridden sedentarism!

more seriously, I was totally unaware of the scott thing...if you want to talk you know i am hear to listen...

[jellobiafrascat]

I hope when you look back at boston, you don't see me part of the shit that drove you away.

That said, I still have the ring you gave me around my neck and I too have to stop looking at matt carroll's old photos because I can only be filled with a weird mixture of rage and nostalgia.

[jellobiafrascat]

i mean, i miss you and i miss friends and i miss the random nights of drinking in the park and starting shit and being drunken maniacs, and that everyone in boston is insane in a comforting way. but yeah, rage and nostalgia, definitely. 2008-2009, year of the exile!

[rockcandi182]

hahaha. 2008-2009 exile is the story of my life.

also meant to say that i'm sorry you went through some shit here