RP Log: Oishi & Ryoma
Date: Friday, Feb. 23
Characters: Oishi, Ryoma
Rating: G, but a rather Angsty G
Sumamry: Ryoma shows up for dinner, having thought about all that had happened in the past few days, and knows this won't end happily.
Oishi was frowning as he made Ryoma's favorite meal. He'd figured it out a while ago -- Ryoma liked best a certain meal from America called (of all things) chicken fried chicken. Why you had to specify twice that it was chicken was beyond Oishi, but he followed the recipe faithfully.
He felt strange. As though maybe he'd been doing things wrong. It wasn't that he and Ryoma didn't enjoy each other's company when they were together, it was that they'd been spending less and less time together.
As if they both felt a weight between them when they met.
And...Oishi knew what that weight had to be.
He sighed and flipped the breaded chicken in the pan. The mashed potatoes were already done, the table was set, and he was simply waiting for his young lover.
Ryoma couldn't shake his nerves. His talk with Jackal and his day off from work had given him time to think things through, but he hadn't really been sleeping well or eating as much as he should.
He knew what he had to do - it was only fair, after all - but... It was going to be so hard. Oishi was such a fragile guy sometimes... Ryoma had to be careful not to unintentionally give him any kind of inferiority complexes or anything.
Still feeling so incredibly nervous, and really hungry, he knocked on Oishi's door.
Oishi opened the door, and then his eyes widened. Something was...really not okay. Ryoma looked like a wreck...
Oishi took Ryoma by the hand and gently guided him in, sat him at the table, and planted a kiss on his head. Something was wrong. They'd get to that in a moment.
"Hungry, love? I'll go get you your food." Oishi headed to the kitchen and put all the chicken on a platter. He also grabbed a can of Ponta, and brought both back to Ryoma.
He served them both, and then poked Ryoma in the shoulder. "Eat," he said gently. "You look like you need it."
Ryoma hated the worried look on Oishi's face, but, given the way he knew he looked, he didn't blame the man.
He stared at the food a moment, smiling that Oishi had remembered his favorite food. He just hoped he'd be able to taste it. Everything he'd eaten the past few days had tasted bland, and he knew it had nothing to do with the quality of the food and everything to do with having so much on his mind.
And then his stomach growled, and Ryoma chuckled a little. Well, that was a good sign.
He cut the chicken into bite size pieces and put one into his mouth, purring when it tasted every bit as good as he knew it should.
Oishi pillowed his head on his hand and stopped himself from asking what the hell was going on. Ryoma needed him to be quiet right now, needed a place to run (obviously) from whatever the world was dishing out.
"Love," Oishi said gently, after a moment. "You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to. But...something's wrong, and you know that I'm a good listener..."
Oishi smiled at Ryoma, his own food forgotten.
Ryoma would talk. He had to. It wasn't fair to Oishi not to. He just felt bad about it. And he wanted to eat while he could actually taste the food.
He nodded as he ate, to let Oishi know he'd understood.
Ryoma prodded Oishi with the blunt end of his fork. "Eat." Wouldn't do to have them both functioning on empty stomachs.
Oishi nodded, feeling his stomach knot in a pit of worry.
He tried to find something to talk about...oh.
"Sakko had her 20 month checkup," Oishi said, smiling a little. "It's going to be a boy."
He cut off a piece of the chicken and ate it, mind on his boyfriend. Oishi wondered if this had to do with Jackal, and felt a cold weight in his stomach. He put his fork back down.
Ryoma smiled back a little. "That's good. I bet she's thrilled. Kimura-san, too." He honestly was happy for her, getting what she wanted, and all. A baby, a good guy to help her raise it...
...And it made him feel like an ass, for not being able to be like that for Oishi. But then, Kimura-san was older, and had always wanted kids, too. Ryoma was only 24, and had never given thought to kids before he started seeing Oishi.
Noticing that apparently, Oishi wasn't feeling hungry, Ryoma put his own fork down. He'd eaten as much as he could stomach anyway. Not eating right for a few days did that to a guy.
"...Not hungry?" he asked, like he didn't already know.
Oishi shook his head and smiled. His gaze was caught by the cars passing under the window...he let himself space out for a moment, thinking to himself that maybe he knew what was coming.
"It's okay, Ryoma. You can tell me what it is."
Oishi reached out a hand and slid it gently over Ryoma's.
"Believe me. Whatever it is, I won't think less of you."
Ryoma hung his head. God, he hated doing this, especially to someone he cared about so much.
"I don't...know how to say this. I just..." He shook his head. That didn't sound like he wanted it to. "I don't think...this is going to work. I love you, I really do, it's just... You want kids, really badly, and I'm not ready for that. Not now, definitely, but...maybe not ever. And being with me would mean you'd have to give up having kids, so...I'm not going to ask that of you. You deserve to be with somebody who wants kids too. I just...I can't..."
Ryoma stopped talking, tears falling from his eyes. He couldn't bring himself to look up and see Oishi's face. He was afraid of what he'd see.
Oishi sucked in his breath, feeling his mind and heart freeze for a moment.
Then he looked out the window again, breath coming out in a long sigh.
He thought about the two of them. Ryoma, so young. Oishi, in a completely different part of his life.
If anything, he held Ryoma's hand a little harder.
"That...makes sense," Oishi said after a moment. He picked up Ryoma's hand and kissed it. "Thank you for being my first for so many things."
He stared into Ryoma's eyes, meaning every word.
"I'll treasure what you gave me."
Oishi would let himself dissolve later, when Ryoma was gone. The best thing he could do for Ryoma now was not show his pain.
Ryoma blinked, and looked up. That...was not what he'd been expecting.
Then again, Oishi was older, more mature... The guys Ryoma had always broken up with before were like himself, not really all that much more than kids themselves.
Maybe he was being spoiled a little, but he kinda hated that Oishi didn't seem more upset about it.
Still...it felt better to get it out. Even if he did have the urge to fling himself into Oishi's arms and seek the comfort he knew Oishi would give.
But that was something boyfriends did. And Oishi wasn't his boyfriend anymore...
Oishi was having trouble. He rested his face in his hand for a moment and wondered when it was okay to ask Ryoma to leave so that he could cry.
He wasn't going to do that with Ryoma there.
"It's...It's very good of you to...not...lead me on for a long time before telling me. It's...mature of you to think it through and be so...honest."
Huge lump in Oishi's throat. It was making speaking difficult.
Ryoma nodded weakly, but was still at a loss for words.
And after spending 4 months as Oishi's boyfriend...he knew the guy well enough to figure out that Oishi wasn't going to let Ryoma see him break.
Ryoma couldn't blame him. He'd probably do the same, if their roles were switched.
"I...guess I...should go..." he whispered, pushing his plate back a little. "...Thanks for...going to all the trouble and making dinner."
Oishi nodded.
"No...thank you. You were more honest to me than I ever was to Sakko."
Oishi pondered. "I'll...probably write you email. And...I'll...I'll...bring your stuff to work."
Thinking about returning the few items Ryoma had around his house was bringing Oishi close to breaking, so he stood and showed Ryoma to the door.
They usually kissed in parting. Oishi stared down for a long moment, and then decided, what the hell. He leaned down and kissed Ryoma, good and hard.
And then he felt the tear slip down his cheek.
He turned away and had no words.
Ryoma almost broke completely, feeling Oishi's lips on his for what he knew would be the last time.
And when Oishi turned away... Ryoma couldn't say anything, or do anything, so he left.
He walked as calmly as he could, until he was well out of sight of Oishi's place, and then he ran. He didn't know where he was running, or why, and it started raining at some point, but when Ryoma finally got home hours later, soaking wet and exhausted, his mind and heart felt a little bit lighter. Oishi was free, now, to find himself someone better for him than Ryoma.
And he still felt like it was the right thing to do.
Oishi went back in and closed the door.
His apartment felt...small. Quiet. Dark.
He went over to his fish and pulled a chair up in front of the tank.
Ryoma fish floated down in one corner, eyeing him curiously.
"I couldn't...I couldn't get him to stay," Oishi explained, voice breaking halfway. "How do you ask someone to basically...marry you? So young. I couldn't...justify it, even to myself. So maybe it was really me, breaking up with him."
Oishi pondered the feeling in his heart while Ryoma fish floated, waiting. "I love him. He needs to be free."
But why not free, with you?
"I don't know. I'm not worthy. I'm too old. I want a kid. I'm not exciting enough for him."
Like Jackal was.
"I'd better pick up his stuff."
Oishi walked around the house in a daze. He picked up a toothbrush. A portable USB drive. Headphones. ...A t-shirt.
Oishi sat, staring at the t-shirt. He brought it up to his nose...
And then, the tears really came.
Characters: Oishi, Ryoma
Rating: G, but a rather Angsty G
Sumamry: Ryoma shows up for dinner, having thought about all that had happened in the past few days, and knows this won't end happily.
Oishi was frowning as he made Ryoma's favorite meal. He'd figured it out a while ago -- Ryoma liked best a certain meal from America called (of all things) chicken fried chicken. Why you had to specify twice that it was chicken was beyond Oishi, but he followed the recipe faithfully.
He felt strange. As though maybe he'd been doing things wrong. It wasn't that he and Ryoma didn't enjoy each other's company when they were together, it was that they'd been spending less and less time together.
As if they both felt a weight between them when they met.
And...Oishi knew what that weight had to be.
He sighed and flipped the breaded chicken in the pan. The mashed potatoes were already done, the table was set, and he was simply waiting for his young lover.
Ryoma couldn't shake his nerves. His talk with Jackal and his day off from work had given him time to think things through, but he hadn't really been sleeping well or eating as much as he should.
He knew what he had to do - it was only fair, after all - but... It was going to be so hard. Oishi was such a fragile guy sometimes... Ryoma had to be careful not to unintentionally give him any kind of inferiority complexes or anything.
Still feeling so incredibly nervous, and really hungry, he knocked on Oishi's door.
Oishi opened the door, and then his eyes widened. Something was...really not okay. Ryoma looked like a wreck...
Oishi took Ryoma by the hand and gently guided him in, sat him at the table, and planted a kiss on his head. Something was wrong. They'd get to that in a moment.
"Hungry, love? I'll go get you your food." Oishi headed to the kitchen and put all the chicken on a platter. He also grabbed a can of Ponta, and brought both back to Ryoma.
He served them both, and then poked Ryoma in the shoulder. "Eat," he said gently. "You look like you need it."
Ryoma hated the worried look on Oishi's face, but, given the way he knew he looked, he didn't blame the man.
He stared at the food a moment, smiling that Oishi had remembered his favorite food. He just hoped he'd be able to taste it. Everything he'd eaten the past few days had tasted bland, and he knew it had nothing to do with the quality of the food and everything to do with having so much on his mind.
And then his stomach growled, and Ryoma chuckled a little. Well, that was a good sign.
He cut the chicken into bite size pieces and put one into his mouth, purring when it tasted every bit as good as he knew it should.
Oishi pillowed his head on his hand and stopped himself from asking what the hell was going on. Ryoma needed him to be quiet right now, needed a place to run (obviously) from whatever the world was dishing out.
"Love," Oishi said gently, after a moment. "You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to. But...something's wrong, and you know that I'm a good listener..."
Oishi smiled at Ryoma, his own food forgotten.
Ryoma would talk. He had to. It wasn't fair to Oishi not to. He just felt bad about it. And he wanted to eat while he could actually taste the food.
He nodded as he ate, to let Oishi know he'd understood.
Ryoma prodded Oishi with the blunt end of his fork. "Eat." Wouldn't do to have them both functioning on empty stomachs.
Oishi nodded, feeling his stomach knot in a pit of worry.
He tried to find something to talk about...oh.
"Sakko had her 20 month checkup," Oishi said, smiling a little. "It's going to be a boy."
He cut off a piece of the chicken and ate it, mind on his boyfriend. Oishi wondered if this had to do with Jackal, and felt a cold weight in his stomach. He put his fork back down.
Ryoma smiled back a little. "That's good. I bet she's thrilled. Kimura-san, too." He honestly was happy for her, getting what she wanted, and all. A baby, a good guy to help her raise it...
...And it made him feel like an ass, for not being able to be like that for Oishi. But then, Kimura-san was older, and had always wanted kids, too. Ryoma was only 24, and had never given thought to kids before he started seeing Oishi.
Noticing that apparently, Oishi wasn't feeling hungry, Ryoma put his own fork down. He'd eaten as much as he could stomach anyway. Not eating right for a few days did that to a guy.
"...Not hungry?" he asked, like he didn't already know.
Oishi shook his head and smiled. His gaze was caught by the cars passing under the window...he let himself space out for a moment, thinking to himself that maybe he knew what was coming.
"It's okay, Ryoma. You can tell me what it is."
Oishi reached out a hand and slid it gently over Ryoma's.
"Believe me. Whatever it is, I won't think less of you."
Ryoma hung his head. God, he hated doing this, especially to someone he cared about so much.
"I don't...know how to say this. I just..." He shook his head. That didn't sound like he wanted it to. "I don't think...this is going to work. I love you, I really do, it's just... You want kids, really badly, and I'm not ready for that. Not now, definitely, but...maybe not ever. And being with me would mean you'd have to give up having kids, so...I'm not going to ask that of you. You deserve to be with somebody who wants kids too. I just...I can't..."
Ryoma stopped talking, tears falling from his eyes. He couldn't bring himself to look up and see Oishi's face. He was afraid of what he'd see.
Oishi sucked in his breath, feeling his mind and heart freeze for a moment.
Then he looked out the window again, breath coming out in a long sigh.
He thought about the two of them. Ryoma, so young. Oishi, in a completely different part of his life.
If anything, he held Ryoma's hand a little harder.
"That...makes sense," Oishi said after a moment. He picked up Ryoma's hand and kissed it. "Thank you for being my first for so many things."
He stared into Ryoma's eyes, meaning every word.
"I'll treasure what you gave me."
Oishi would let himself dissolve later, when Ryoma was gone. The best thing he could do for Ryoma now was not show his pain.
Ryoma blinked, and looked up. That...was not what he'd been expecting.
Then again, Oishi was older, more mature... The guys Ryoma had always broken up with before were like himself, not really all that much more than kids themselves.
Maybe he was being spoiled a little, but he kinda hated that Oishi didn't seem more upset about it.
Still...it felt better to get it out. Even if he did have the urge to fling himself into Oishi's arms and seek the comfort he knew Oishi would give.
But that was something boyfriends did. And Oishi wasn't his boyfriend anymore...
Oishi was having trouble. He rested his face in his hand for a moment and wondered when it was okay to ask Ryoma to leave so that he could cry.
He wasn't going to do that with Ryoma there.
"It's...It's very good of you to...not...lead me on for a long time before telling me. It's...mature of you to think it through and be so...honest."
Huge lump in Oishi's throat. It was making speaking difficult.
Ryoma nodded weakly, but was still at a loss for words.
And after spending 4 months as Oishi's boyfriend...he knew the guy well enough to figure out that Oishi wasn't going to let Ryoma see him break.
Ryoma couldn't blame him. He'd probably do the same, if their roles were switched.
"I...guess I...should go..." he whispered, pushing his plate back a little. "...Thanks for...going to all the trouble and making dinner."
Oishi nodded.
"No...thank you. You were more honest to me than I ever was to Sakko."
Oishi pondered. "I'll...probably write you email. And...I'll...I'll...bring your stuff to work."
Thinking about returning the few items Ryoma had around his house was bringing Oishi close to breaking, so he stood and showed Ryoma to the door.
They usually kissed in parting. Oishi stared down for a long moment, and then decided, what the hell. He leaned down and kissed Ryoma, good and hard.
And then he felt the tear slip down his cheek.
He turned away and had no words.
Ryoma almost broke completely, feeling Oishi's lips on his for what he knew would be the last time.
And when Oishi turned away... Ryoma couldn't say anything, or do anything, so he left.
He walked as calmly as he could, until he was well out of sight of Oishi's place, and then he ran. He didn't know where he was running, or why, and it started raining at some point, but when Ryoma finally got home hours later, soaking wet and exhausted, his mind and heart felt a little bit lighter. Oishi was free, now, to find himself someone better for him than Ryoma.
And he still felt like it was the right thing to do.
Oishi went back in and closed the door.
His apartment felt...small. Quiet. Dark.
He went over to his fish and pulled a chair up in front of the tank.
Ryoma fish floated down in one corner, eyeing him curiously.
"I couldn't...I couldn't get him to stay," Oishi explained, voice breaking halfway. "How do you ask someone to basically...marry you? So young. I couldn't...justify it, even to myself. So maybe it was really me, breaking up with him."
Oishi pondered the feeling in his heart while Ryoma fish floated, waiting. "I love him. He needs to be free."
But why not free, with you?
"I don't know. I'm not worthy. I'm too old. I want a kid. I'm not exciting enough for him."
Like Jackal was.
"I'd better pick up his stuff."
Oishi walked around the house in a daze. He picked up a toothbrush. A portable USB drive. Headphones. ...A t-shirt.
Oishi sat, staring at the t-shirt. He brought it up to his nose...
And then, the tears really came.