Anew on Caffeine

[pot_n_pancho]

It never fails that large doses of caffeine keep me up. It never fails that I think about everything & then stare at my ceiling around this time. What seemed to occur to me almost simultaneously, I thought about swimming across the lake & tearing up anything I've ever made. Similarly, I thought about doing everything unexpected, then about dropping

Comments

[colbymulkey]

"I thought about doing everything unexpected, then about dropping everything noble. I couldn't think of any real problem that I should run from, but neither could I find a goal to run to."

Your caffeine-induced state of mind sounds very much like my day-to-day routine.

In my case, I never have the courage to do the unexpected or to drop everything noble (even if it's what I really want to do). That, in turn, severely limits the problems and goals that I encounter, which makes the whole thing feel pretty pointless.

[pot_n_pancho]

I try to limit that bid'ness to my car ride to & from work, but it definitely did seem to be tied together. I don't know if pointless is the final way to see it, or I should say I hope it's not. I've always seen the arts as a selfish but thoroughly humane endeavor, but it took on a similar pointless air (for me) in the light of the universe's future. How can I feel compelled to create something if it'll just be condensed beyond any recognition in a black hole? The only thing I've come up with is that it's better than not. It's from there that I'm looking to see if my pursuits are passions or obligations.

[colbymulkey]

"The only thing I've come up with is that it's better than not. It's from there that I'm looking to see if my pursuits are passions or obligations."

Spoken like an optimist (in comparison to myself, right now). I usually feel that most of my existence is to serve a obligatory purpose... and not in a major I'm-going-to-save-the-world sort of way.

Hell, maybe I'll be optimistic tomorrow!

[pot_n_pancho]

It's not optimism, so much as an acknowledgment that the glass has liquid. The quality & quantity is what's up in the air. Plus, Who'd want world-saving as a purpose anyway? I breath easier just knowing the sun's going to eat it or fling it.

Optimism tomorrow, ay? On hump day of all days? Coincidence, I think not.