Comments | potcsues: Jack Turner

potcsues

Jack Turner

Feb 27, 2004 12:42

For our seventh hellspawn something a little different (just a little): an offspring!Stu, fronting his own story.

TITLE: Piracy Wow. How original and imaginative.
CULPRIT: Firniswin
SUMMARY: "Rating may change, but I doubt it. :) ......Will can no longer deny the calls of the sea, but at what cost will it prove to be?"
BEST LINE: "'Now did I ( Read more... )

Comments 19

wolfychan February 27 2004, 10:09:50 UTC

Ugh. The dialogue is just so... clunky! Commas go missing and contractions are underused, so it seems like the people are talking in a monotone. Plus most of the dialogue seems devoted to characters telling each other things which both of them already knew, because they are Masters Of The Bleeding Obvious. Plus they just generally don't speal like any socialized human being actually would.

salophile February 27 2004, 10:48:13 UTC

NAME: Jack Turner

Oh, how bleedin' imaginative.

Slightly off topic spacebabie February 27 2004, 11:23:47 UTC

but I love the icon, and I remeber the Sue that inspired it.

Although I wish there was a candy like that...until then I'll munch on chocoloate dipped shock tarts.

MST! araeph February 27 2004, 11:53:07 UTC

A quick note to "The future Mrs. Turner"! Well, my first flame! I'm so proud.

It was not a flame, if you bothered to read over the third sentence of my review. It was addressed to "the fangirls embedded in your fic, and doubtless a few who are reading it". The "you" addressed throughout is "you" PLURAL and excludes you, the authoress. (Maybe I should start posting in Spanish, which has "you" plural, to avoid confusion.) I don't know where you got the idea that you were being insulted, except from your own defensiveness and high sensitivity to criticism.

But I'd like to state a few things first, before I let you think that your "flame" has goaded me into discontinuing this fic:

If I had wanted you to discontinue this fic, I would have reported it for using the review system as a message board. I never said that I wanted you to stop writing, only that I wished the fangirls in your story would show Miss Swann a little bit of respect.

1. I will be recieving a letter from Will?! OH BOY! A fictional character will find my address ( ... )

MST, part II araeph February 27 2004, 11:54:53 UTC

3. Three centuries from your lifetime!? HA! You never existed!

Let's examine your grammar here. In the last sentence, you said that I, as in I, the writer of the E. Swann roleplay, was sad for believing myself to be her. Now you say, "HA! You never existed!" Either you are still referring to me, the role-player, and therefore need proof that I am not a sentient machine trying to take over fanfiction, or you are referring to Elizabeth, in which case you need to say "Elizabeth" instead of "you". Mistakes in pronoun usage are what get author's fics PPC'ed, at least in my department.
And for the record, three centuries is three centuries, whether or not the character is fictional, as long as the setting is historical. However, for your sake, I'll amend it: it is LOVELY to know that more than 200 years after the Declaration of Independence was signed, your fangirls' sense justice and appropriate behaviour has advanced so far.
4. It's not true that many Will supporters hate Norrington. Potcsues, would you be so kind as to estimate ( ... )