Mary-You #3

[potcsues]

The Pit has decided to actually be up, so I bring you YouJack numero tres, sent in by araeph:

TITLE: You Dreams Coming True
CULPRIT: Mayya
SUMMARY: "YouJack fic. Somehow, Jack Sparrow ended up in your bathroom. Based on my little daydreams ;)" Really? I never would have guessed!
BEST LINE: "Disclaimer: Guess what? I don't own Pirates of the Caribbean.

Comments

[jynxfreak]

you know, I'm not even sure Jack talked like that in the movie. I had the idea he was a little more eloquent. well, anyway. I seem to be the antichrist. Funny, that.

[ganeris]

......

......

But...

......

AIEEEEEEEE!

[captainlucy]

wh...wh...WTF???

Oh. Dear.
It hurts us, preciousss...

[livilla]

*blink*

*thud*

*twitch*

[araeph]

I...

You...

We...

*SPORK*

ganeris :
......

......

But...

......

AIEEEEEEEE!

captainlucy:

wh...wh...WTF???

Oh. Dear.
It hurts us, preciousss...

livilla :

*blink*

*thud*

*twitch*

*cackly madly* It seems I've brought in a story that's left nearly every commenter so far speechless at the sheer godawfulness of the fic! Terribly sorry. I'm not immune to this, of course; I made my own contribution in the e-mail to Potcsues:

Waaah! *breaks down sobbing*

I…no, I can’t speak of it. I just can’t.

In the PPC, there's an interesting technique we agents use to kill stories like this without being Sue'd ourselves. We take a crash dummy from the Department of Sufficiently Advanced Technology, name it "You," and channel the Spirit of Mary Sue into the dummy. Then we can bludgeon it out of existence in what ever manner seems fitting.

*presents the crash dummy for whacking* Have fun.

[shy_dramaqueen]

My technique is this: I pretend that this story is about a regular Sue, only she seems to have misplaced her braincell. She needs to be told everything she needs to do in this story, so I, kind person that I am, have to read it to her.

"And then you lean your head on Jack's shoulder and hold perfectly still while he pulls out his shiny, shiny spork..."