Jennifer Bouvier/Jeff Desrosiers

[potcsues]

I feel like I should be getting time and half for this...well, you know, if I was getting paid. A hellspawn that I suspect is a troll, for your enjoyment.

TITLE: Jack's Lost Daughter
CULPRIT: punkfoot
SUMMARY: "A girl named Jennifer escapes from her orphanage and finds herself a job on the Black Pearl. Meanwhile Jack finds out he has a daughter

Comments

[tempuratantrum]

Maybe we should go easy on her, it being her ferst fic and all. *snorts* Honestly, I'm coughing up blood from reading this...

[wolfychan]

Oh ow. OW.

I ran this Sue through my brand spanking new PotC Sues Litmus Test, [*pimp pimp pimp*] and she scored a 113. The fatal Sue-line is 40.

Stupid!Jack is especially painful. What's the point of the character if he's not going to be witty, clever, or calculating?

[juniper200]

I would rant again about the implausibility of girls passing for boys with minimal effort,

Eh, sometimes I'll buy it, especially in a period peice, given the knowledge we have about the onset of puberty and physical development being much later in past centuries.

especially a fifteen year old girl passing for a eighteen year old boy

But yeah, that's stupid. Fifteen is pushing the bounds of credibility. And an 18-year-old boy? Probably needs to shave no matter what era you're in. More realistic to claim to be a 12-year-old who's tall for his age or something.

[genarti]

I'm also willing to grant a bit more leeway to historical pieces, given that clothes and hairstyles and so forth were sharply differentiated between the sexes and there weren't all that many cross-dressers. So a seventeenth-century character seeing someone with relatively short hair and male attire would be more likely than a modern-day person to blithely assume he/she was seeing a man. Not that a girl-in-breeches with visible breasts or a really feminine face would necessarily pass, or that someone who'd encountered such things before (like, say, Jack) wouldn't be more attuned to the possibility, but it was probably easier.

That's only to a certain point, though. More gender coding in apparel does not make up for rampant stupidity, and does not make the characters entirely unobservant.

[anonymous]

She had four daggers on her black leather belt, two in her shoes, two strapped on her knees, two strapped on her back, and two strapped on her wrists.

Okay. Now I'm POed. Owning that many daggers and carrying them on your person is not only stupid, but probably quite painful too. Let's see. She never mentions anything about any of them being in sheaths, ergo her knees, wrists, back, and feet will be nice and bloody, and her hips will probably be likewise. Not only that, but it would be basically impossible to move your knees and wrists.
If she was smart (which I strongly believe she isn't), she would trade in all of those daggers for two cutlasses or a longsword, because they're a heck of a lot more useful.

/rant

-MordorianNazgul

[cuileann]

I've seen you around before. Livejournal is free now, ya know..

[mordoriannazgul]

Got one. The only problem is, I can't do much of anything, because I'm always broke and don't have a credit card. Oh well.

[salophile]

We just do the best we can with free accounts, darling.

[90d]

Bouvier? Nice name. *scoff*

This is the worst writing ever. Someone seriouly needs to give this girl writing/typing/grammar/spelling lessons. And what's up with that pronoun shifting? Was she trying to make this one of those Jack/You stories? Everything about this story was implausible and incorrect. Of course, she couldn't just leave it at that, could she? She had to butcher Jack's character.

This sucks. Troll or not, the author needs to drop off the face of the earth.