Lilly and Sara
Mini-rant: It seems that every single time I read a fic involving an original character be it Sue or no (but usually Sue) there's something to the effect of "I only own [insert stupid OC name here]".
This is completely untrue. Fanfiction is copyright infringement. Plain and simple. It's copyright infringment that many, many people indulge in (including myself) and that most copyright holders do not mind. But still it is illegal unless you acquire written permission from the copyright holder. What this means is that whenever you write fanfiction you own nothing in it. Nothing. Nothing at all. You don't own your original characters because they were built in a world and around characters who are not yours. Now if you remove that character from that world and insert them into one of your own invention and remove all things that directly relate to worlds/characters/etc. that are not yours, then you will own that character. And when I say own I mean that you could go and write a book starring that character, sell it, and not be taken to court. Of course, it's not really the same character anymore is it? If people would just look up copyright law... just one little check is all I ask.
Now on to the Sue. Or actually Sues. This is a double Sue. Two for the price of one. I ensure you that it is sheer coincidence that caribbeansues had a double Sue today too. I'm not sure which one is more horrendous.
Also this is going to be a Two-Sue day since this Suethor has another fic raring to be mocked. I'll put that up later. If I can stomach it.
TITLE: Come Away With Us, Loves
CULPRIT: Agey
SUMMARY: "Will joins Jack on the Pearl once again, leaving Elizabeth and Port Royal behind. Two, lovely tag-a-longs join the ride. Though the first couple of weeks are hard, they overcome it all; bringing a new light and maybe a little love! Or is it lust?" God, help us all.
BEST LINE: There are two today, in honor of the two Sues. "Lilly, Lilly, Lilly. Look at what you are wearing, sweetie. That dress shows an awful fun amount of cleavage. You are hot, babe!" and "'Wowwy, wow, wow! Look at them two!' Jack said pointing to the two, ravishing ladies approaching. 'I've got dibs on the one in the blue!'" Welcome to the 1600s, ladies and gentlemen.
THE VERDICT
It's a short drop and a sudden stop for you.
NAME: Lillian/Lilly and Sara Lynn
EYES: Lilly's eyes are hazel. Sara's are not described.
HAIR: One of them is blonde. I really can't bear to re-read to tell you which one.
DISTINGUISHING FEATURES: Apparently you can tell just by looking into Lilly's eyes eyes that even though she's acting like a trollop she's a "true lady".
OH SO SPESHUL POSSESSIONS: none
OBNOXIOUS AND/OR IMPLAUSIBLE ORIGIN: Apparently they were tavern wenches in some bar in Port Royal. They may or may not be sisters. They are suposedly best friends though they fight and berate each other constantly.
OBNOXIOUS AND/OR IMPLAUSIBLE CANON CONNECTIONS/AFFILIATIONS: Sara is in love with Jack. Presumably it's supposed to be an angsty relationship since while he randomly brought her onto his ship he later yells at her for trivial matters. She's probably going to melt his ice cold heart or something. Lilly is Will's new girlfriend/mistress/true love. This relationship is also supposed to be angsty since she's not sure if he knows that she is a "true lady".
SOOPER SPESHUL ABILITIES: They both possess the ability to warp canon to the point where the characters are entirely unrecognizable. Oh and I think Lilly can make eyelash pastries of some sort since there's something in there about her "battering" them.
NOTES: First of all. This is written in first-person present tense. No. Just no. That is something that should only be attempted by those who, I don't know, can actually write. Complex perspective and tense games are not for amateurs. This particular Suethor is unable to pull it off. It just seems unnecessary and awkward. It also sounds like she's calling out her actions/moves in a game of Dungeons and Dragons or Magic: the Gathering.
Second of all: It just sucks.
Will wakes up, thinks about how much he loves Elizabeth as he walks around naked, sees Jack get into port, then runs off with some random woman he met in a bar. He feels guilty for about three seconds but then decides he's a pirate so whatever.
Let that sink in for a moment.
Ok.
In the face of this idiocy her other stupid errors seem trivial. Like the glaring historical inaccuracy of the fact that she has Will and Elizabeth not married but openly living together. The fic goes on and on in its stupidity, though thankfully it's only six chapters long at this point.
In the third chapter, the only thing happening is the two Sues having some inane drunken conversation about goats. Then, in the fourth chapter, Lilly gets upset because she doesn't want Will to think that just because she met him in a bar and ran off with him on a pirate ship all in the space of about an hour that she's some kind of wench/whore/slut and not a real lady. Cuz she is you know. A true lady. Then, in chapter five, Jack overcomes the Sues' canon-warping powers for a few moments and decides to leave his Sue in Tortuga. Though obviously he's not fully recovered because he decides against just marooning her and is only punishing her because she went into his cabin without permission. Then, in chapter six, Jack's Sue angsts and Will's Sue goes off to face him. Then, in my house, I went and cried for a while.
I truly, truly hope this is a parody.
EXCERPT:
"Wowwy, wow, wow! Look at them two!" Jack said pointing to the two, ravishing ladies approaching. "I've got dibs on the one in the blue!"
"Jack, you can have the both of them. I'm with Elizabeth!"
"Now, now boys. No need to fight over us. There is plenty to go around!" The one dressed in blue stated.
"No, you don't understand ladies, I'm engaged."
"The hell you are!" Jack replied giving me a look of warning. I retorted with one of the dirtiest looks I could muster up. In return, he put his hands up in surrender.
"So, handsome, what's your name?" The lady in purple asks me, battering her eyelashes. My, she is pretty. But something's peculiar. Almost as if she's hiding something. She does not seem like the type of woman to be flaunting herself around. Her eyes tell the truth. In her heart, she is a true lady.
"Tell me yours, darling, and I shall tell ye mine!" Where in the hell did that come from? The pirate in me is taking over. Oh no!
"Lillain, but you can call me Lilly."
"Well, Lilly, me name be William, but you can call me Will."
She blushes. She is too cute. My emotions take the best of me. I slip an arm around her, take a seat, and pull her down on my lap.
"And what's your name, pirate?" The tramp in blue asks Jack.
"Ahh. I'm afraid Will here has stolen me words. Tell me yer name me lass, and I'll shall tell ye mine as well."
"Sara, my name is Sara."
"Aye, that is a beautiful name, love! Of course as I promised, me name is Captain Jack Sparrow. You can call me Jack." Jack smirks with a wink soon following.
Sara giggles and turns her attention towards me as she sits on Jack's lap. "William, are you a pirate too?"
"I was, but I gave up the sea for my fiancé," my smile fades at the thought of Elizabeth. Lilly notices this.
"Will, she's not here and she won't find out. Unless, someone you know comes in, which I doubt." Lillain attempts to comfort me, but the guilt does not subside.
"Aye mate, she ain't yer type anyhoo!" Jack smirks.
"Maybe yer right. I'm a pirate!" I smile at the thought. "Jack, what do you say about taking me aboard the Pearl? I don't want to be in this snobby town anymore!" I can't believe what I was doing! What about Elizabeth? My mind fights for the right thing to do. I think about my dear Elizabeth sleeping alone in bed, while I plan a departure. What will she do if she wakes and finds me not there? I don't know what to do.
Jack interrupts my thoughts. "I knew you'd be coming around soon, Willy! O' course ole' Jack will take you aboard!" I smile; maybe Lilly and Jack are right, Port Royal isn't the life I should lead. "How bout you lovely ladies come with us? Ye'd be making many riches aboard the Black Pearl, loves!"
Sara and Lilly exchange glances. "Excuse us, pirates, we be needing a talk!" Sara says, mimicking Jack and I.
"Aye, she be right! We be needing a talk!" Lilly says, giggling while she walks away with Sara linked on her arm.
A/N: Well, what do you think? Please review!!
"Oooh! This is so exciting, Lilly! Two gorgeous pirates asking us to sail free with them! Can you believe it, Lilly?" I am so excited about this! Jack is so amazing!
"Sara, listen to you! They are 'pirates'! Plundering, murdering, scallywags! Have you not realized who your love bird is? He is Captain Jack Sparrow! He is a bloodthirsty fool!"
"Lilly! You're man is no better! He is cheating on his fiancé for you! Can you not see that he is no more of a fool than Jack?"
"Yes, but at least Will is not bloodthirsty!"
"No, he's only a cheater, much better! Hello, honey!? Will does murder too!"
"Yes, but he's not bloodthirsty!" She defends.
"And how would you know, Lilly? Have you ever seen him murder someone? And at that, have you ever seen Jack murder someone? No, Lilly, you haven't! So stop judging them! We will find out for ourselves, when we join them on the Black Pearl. Or at least, I will find out. I am going whether you go or not, Lilly! But if you do not come, you will have nothing nor no one!" I storm out of the room and back to my wonderful captain.
"That is not true, Sara Lynn!" Lilly calls after, but I pay no attention.
"William Turner!" I scream at my fiancé whom is flirting with some wench in-between two, filthy buildings. "Just what in the hell are you doing?"
"Elizabeth? I-I thought you were sleeping!" Will replies, immediately standing up.
"You made that perfectly clear when you snuck out on me, Will! And who is that wench behind you?!"
"Elizabeth!"
"I am no wench, you-you bitch!" The ugly, blonde tramp yells, stepping out from behind William. "You are the wench!"
"How dare you!" I snarl. I walk up to her and try to punch her in the face, but surprisingly she grabs my arm, blocking it.
*
I throw my fist in her face as hard as I could muster up. My hit throws her to the ground. I look around for something else to hit her with. I spot and old book behind a barrel. I pick it up and whack the moaning Elizabeth upside the head, knocking her unconscious.
"Let's go before someone heard or saw that!" I whisper.
Will and I run back into the pub and yell for Jack and Sara to come right away.
"What is the matter?" Sara asks. She glances at Jack who is staring at the unconscious woman lying on the ground.
"Will, didn't yer father ever tell ye not to hit ladies?" Jack asks, laughing.
"Yes, he did. But Lilly hit her; twice," Will smiles at me.
"Way to go, Lilly!" Sara enthuses, excited.
"We need to get to the pearl and leave before redcoats swarm this place!" Will states.
"But what about our clothes?" Sara and I question in unison.
"Oh, loves, we have plenty of clothes upon the Pearl!" Jack smiles.
"Alright, it's settled, let's head for the Pearl!" Will commands. The four of us run as fast as we can to the Black Pearl where we await the arrival of the crew and set sail for Tortuga.
A/N: That's all folks! At least for chapter two! Chow for now!
This is completely untrue. Fanfiction is copyright infringement. Plain and simple. It's copyright infringment that many, many people indulge in (including myself) and that most copyright holders do not mind. But still it is illegal unless you acquire written permission from the copyright holder. What this means is that whenever you write fanfiction you own nothing in it. Nothing. Nothing at all. You don't own your original characters because they were built in a world and around characters who are not yours. Now if you remove that character from that world and insert them into one of your own invention and remove all things that directly relate to worlds/characters/etc. that are not yours, then you will own that character. And when I say own I mean that you could go and write a book starring that character, sell it, and not be taken to court. Of course, it's not really the same character anymore is it? If people would just look up copyright law... just one little check is all I ask.
Now on to the Sue. Or actually Sues. This is a double Sue. Two for the price of one. I ensure you that it is sheer coincidence that caribbeansues had a double Sue today too. I'm not sure which one is more horrendous.
Also this is going to be a Two-Sue day since this Suethor has another fic raring to be mocked. I'll put that up later. If I can stomach it.
TITLE: Come Away With Us, Loves
CULPRIT: Agey
SUMMARY: "Will joins Jack on the Pearl once again, leaving Elizabeth and Port Royal behind. Two, lovely tag-a-longs join the ride. Though the first couple of weeks are hard, they overcome it all; bringing a new light and maybe a little love! Or is it lust?" God, help us all.
BEST LINE: There are two today, in honor of the two Sues. "Lilly, Lilly, Lilly. Look at what you are wearing, sweetie. That dress shows an awful fun amount of cleavage. You are hot, babe!" and "'Wowwy, wow, wow! Look at them two!' Jack said pointing to the two, ravishing ladies approaching. 'I've got dibs on the one in the blue!'" Welcome to the 1600s, ladies and gentlemen.
THE VERDICT
It's a short drop and a sudden stop for you.
NAME: Lillian/Lilly and Sara Lynn
EYES: Lilly's eyes are hazel. Sara's are not described.
HAIR: One of them is blonde. I really can't bear to re-read to tell you which one.
DISTINGUISHING FEATURES: Apparently you can tell just by looking into Lilly's eyes eyes that even though she's acting like a trollop she's a "true lady".
OH SO SPESHUL POSSESSIONS: none
OBNOXIOUS AND/OR IMPLAUSIBLE ORIGIN: Apparently they were tavern wenches in some bar in Port Royal. They may or may not be sisters. They are suposedly best friends though they fight and berate each other constantly.
OBNOXIOUS AND/OR IMPLAUSIBLE CANON CONNECTIONS/AFFILIATIONS: Sara is in love with Jack. Presumably it's supposed to be an angsty relationship since while he randomly brought her onto his ship he later yells at her for trivial matters. She's probably going to melt his ice cold heart or something. Lilly is Will's new girlfriend/mistress/true love. This relationship is also supposed to be angsty since she's not sure if he knows that she is a "true lady".
SOOPER SPESHUL ABILITIES: They both possess the ability to warp canon to the point where the characters are entirely unrecognizable. Oh and I think Lilly can make eyelash pastries of some sort since there's something in there about her "battering" them.
NOTES: First of all. This is written in first-person present tense. No. Just no. That is something that should only be attempted by those who, I don't know, can actually write. Complex perspective and tense games are not for amateurs. This particular Suethor is unable to pull it off. It just seems unnecessary and awkward. It also sounds like she's calling out her actions/moves in a game of Dungeons and Dragons or Magic: the Gathering.
Second of all: It just sucks.
Will wakes up, thinks about how much he loves Elizabeth as he walks around naked, sees Jack get into port, then runs off with some random woman he met in a bar. He feels guilty for about three seconds but then decides he's a pirate so whatever.
Let that sink in for a moment.
Ok.
In the face of this idiocy her other stupid errors seem trivial. Like the glaring historical inaccuracy of the fact that she has Will and Elizabeth not married but openly living together. The fic goes on and on in its stupidity, though thankfully it's only six chapters long at this point.
In the third chapter, the only thing happening is the two Sues having some inane drunken conversation about goats. Then, in the fourth chapter, Lilly gets upset because she doesn't want Will to think that just because she met him in a bar and ran off with him on a pirate ship all in the space of about an hour that she's some kind of wench/whore/slut and not a real lady. Cuz she is you know. A true lady. Then, in chapter five, Jack overcomes the Sues' canon-warping powers for a few moments and decides to leave his Sue in Tortuga. Though obviously he's not fully recovered because he decides against just marooning her and is only punishing her because she went into his cabin without permission. Then, in chapter six, Jack's Sue angsts and Will's Sue goes off to face him. Then, in my house, I went and cried for a while.
I truly, truly hope this is a parody.
EXCERPT:
"Wowwy, wow, wow! Look at them two!" Jack said pointing to the two, ravishing ladies approaching. "I've got dibs on the one in the blue!"
"Jack, you can have the both of them. I'm with Elizabeth!"
"Now, now boys. No need to fight over us. There is plenty to go around!" The one dressed in blue stated.
"No, you don't understand ladies, I'm engaged."
"The hell you are!" Jack replied giving me a look of warning. I retorted with one of the dirtiest looks I could muster up. In return, he put his hands up in surrender.
"So, handsome, what's your name?" The lady in purple asks me, battering her eyelashes. My, she is pretty. But something's peculiar. Almost as if she's hiding something. She does not seem like the type of woman to be flaunting herself around. Her eyes tell the truth. In her heart, she is a true lady.
"Tell me yours, darling, and I shall tell ye mine!" Where in the hell did that come from? The pirate in me is taking over. Oh no!
"Lillain, but you can call me Lilly."
"Well, Lilly, me name be William, but you can call me Will."
She blushes. She is too cute. My emotions take the best of me. I slip an arm around her, take a seat, and pull her down on my lap.
"And what's your name, pirate?" The tramp in blue asks Jack.
"Ahh. I'm afraid Will here has stolen me words. Tell me yer name me lass, and I'll shall tell ye mine as well."
"Sara, my name is Sara."
"Aye, that is a beautiful name, love! Of course as I promised, me name is Captain Jack Sparrow. You can call me Jack." Jack smirks with a wink soon following.
Sara giggles and turns her attention towards me as she sits on Jack's lap. "William, are you a pirate too?"
"I was, but I gave up the sea for my fiancé," my smile fades at the thought of Elizabeth. Lilly notices this.
"Will, she's not here and she won't find out. Unless, someone you know comes in, which I doubt." Lillain attempts to comfort me, but the guilt does not subside.
"Aye mate, she ain't yer type anyhoo!" Jack smirks.
"Maybe yer right. I'm a pirate!" I smile at the thought. "Jack, what do you say about taking me aboard the Pearl? I don't want to be in this snobby town anymore!" I can't believe what I was doing! What about Elizabeth? My mind fights for the right thing to do. I think about my dear Elizabeth sleeping alone in bed, while I plan a departure. What will she do if she wakes and finds me not there? I don't know what to do.
Jack interrupts my thoughts. "I knew you'd be coming around soon, Willy! O' course ole' Jack will take you aboard!" I smile; maybe Lilly and Jack are right, Port Royal isn't the life I should lead. "How bout you lovely ladies come with us? Ye'd be making many riches aboard the Black Pearl, loves!"
Sara and Lilly exchange glances. "Excuse us, pirates, we be needing a talk!" Sara says, mimicking Jack and I.
"Aye, she be right! We be needing a talk!" Lilly says, giggling while she walks away with Sara linked on her arm.
A/N: Well, what do you think? Please review!!
"Oooh! This is so exciting, Lilly! Two gorgeous pirates asking us to sail free with them! Can you believe it, Lilly?" I am so excited about this! Jack is so amazing!
"Sara, listen to you! They are 'pirates'! Plundering, murdering, scallywags! Have you not realized who your love bird is? He is Captain Jack Sparrow! He is a bloodthirsty fool!"
"Lilly! You're man is no better! He is cheating on his fiancé for you! Can you not see that he is no more of a fool than Jack?"
"Yes, but at least Will is not bloodthirsty!"
"No, he's only a cheater, much better! Hello, honey!? Will does murder too!"
"Yes, but he's not bloodthirsty!" She defends.
"And how would you know, Lilly? Have you ever seen him murder someone? And at that, have you ever seen Jack murder someone? No, Lilly, you haven't! So stop judging them! We will find out for ourselves, when we join them on the Black Pearl. Or at least, I will find out. I am going whether you go or not, Lilly! But if you do not come, you will have nothing nor no one!" I storm out of the room and back to my wonderful captain.
"That is not true, Sara Lynn!" Lilly calls after, but I pay no attention.
"William Turner!" I scream at my fiancé whom is flirting with some wench in-between two, filthy buildings. "Just what in the hell are you doing?"
"Elizabeth? I-I thought you were sleeping!" Will replies, immediately standing up.
"You made that perfectly clear when you snuck out on me, Will! And who is that wench behind you?!"
"Elizabeth!"
"I am no wench, you-you bitch!" The ugly, blonde tramp yells, stepping out from behind William. "You are the wench!"
"How dare you!" I snarl. I walk up to her and try to punch her in the face, but surprisingly she grabs my arm, blocking it.
*
I throw my fist in her face as hard as I could muster up. My hit throws her to the ground. I look around for something else to hit her with. I spot and old book behind a barrel. I pick it up and whack the moaning Elizabeth upside the head, knocking her unconscious.
"Let's go before someone heard or saw that!" I whisper.
Will and I run back into the pub and yell for Jack and Sara to come right away.
"What is the matter?" Sara asks. She glances at Jack who is staring at the unconscious woman lying on the ground.
"Will, didn't yer father ever tell ye not to hit ladies?" Jack asks, laughing.
"Yes, he did. But Lilly hit her; twice," Will smiles at me.
"Way to go, Lilly!" Sara enthuses, excited.
"We need to get to the pearl and leave before redcoats swarm this place!" Will states.
"But what about our clothes?" Sara and I question in unison.
"Oh, loves, we have plenty of clothes upon the Pearl!" Jack smiles.
"Alright, it's settled, let's head for the Pearl!" Will commands. The four of us run as fast as we can to the Black Pearl where we await the arrival of the crew and set sail for Tortuga.
A/N: That's all folks! At least for chapter two! Chow for now!