Comments | potcsues: "Capt'n" Sonya Williams

potcsues

"Capt'n" Sonya Williams

Jan 28, 2004 23:22

TITLE: The Fiercest Female Pirate
CULPRIT: Lady Pirate
SUMMARY: "Revenge is on her mind, the fiercest female pirate meets with Capt'n Jack Sparrow. Her crew was slaughtered and a pirate ship attacks. surprises are in store, first fic, RR PLEASE! JackOC...some humor is added"
BEST LINE: "Her green eyes glinted dangerously, shoving and kicking and ( Read more... )

Comments 9

wolfychan January 29 2004, 00:22:32 UTC

Why does every single Sue HAVE to reenact the slapping-"I deserved that" scene? Yes, it's funny, but didn't their parents explain to them when they were little how a joke is funny ONCE? Seeing it over and over just gets surreal. Poor Jack's jaw must be broken clean through by now, after all those Sueslaps.

Re: mylla January 29 2004, 01:15:56 UTC

Oho, not only that, but within the first excerpt, she's had someone knocked out with a bottle, and chucked a dagger into a wall so hard it "sang".

Imagination is our friend.

mylla January 29 2004, 01:19:22 UTC

But it wasn't enough, there were too many guards, and as they threw them in jail, they cackled.

This really cracks me up for some reason. I just can't see any of Port Royal's soldiers cackling.

Urgh, the change of tenses, the clumsy narrative, the lack of paragraphs!

And this:

"Aye I've heard you are the best and worst pirate in the Caribbean." He looked at her in a sea of pride and walked over to her and put his hands on her shoulders, "Aye love so lets get out of this god forsaken place!"

Sea of pride? Excuse me?

Oh, and there goes another few movie lines in original dialogue...

niav January 29 2004, 05:52:53 UTC

Jack grinned his usual sexy grin.
*can't say anything; is laughing too hard*

That's almost as subtle an author commentary as this lovely scene : araeph January 29 2004, 06:37:12 UTC

The link to the fic is listed below. Warning: Dumb, yet PG-13 content.

http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=1447341&chapter=25

Jack led her into his cabin. (A/N: Whoo Hoo!!!) He closed the door behind her so that they would not be disturbed. When Jack turned around Salina had already dropped her dress to the floor. She walked over to him; her body shimmered in the moonlight. Jack blushed as Salina kissed him and then laid herself on the bed. Jack took his shirt off (A/N: Now that's a sight I'd like to see.sorry I'll stop now.) and laid himself on top of Salina.

She should have saved time and put up an author's note at the beginning of the fic, saying, "This is my own personal bedroom fantasy about me and Jack Sparrow. All who want to join in, read on!"

This is from an author who wondered (out loud, using in-text author's notes) if "swaggered" was a word.

Re: That's almost as subtle an author commentary as this lovely scene : raeraesama January 29 2004, 08:29:40 UTC

If swaggered...? *facepalm* ...

thekow January 29 2004, 13:43:39 UTC

Wow. I mean.. wow. At first I was going to make a snide comment about everything I found wrong, but I gave up keeping track halfway through. And I have an annotation of The Death of Ivan Illych to work on now, so I figured it would be better to spend my time writing 8 pages of notes on the characterization of Ivan rather than how much this story makes my brain bleed.

Did that sentance even make sense? I don't know. My brain is bleeding.

~I Wish~ anunspiritedsue January 29 2004, 14:37:39 UTC

The ending line cracked me up. "I more apt. I Sonya, Queen of Jungle!"

Now, I know this has been covered before, the whole Anamaria's name being misspelled: but even if that is conceivable now, would anyone actually have a capital letter in the middle of their name in the time period PotC is set in? Seriously.

Then again, this is the same fandom that loves having Will sagely saying "this sucks," much less Jack's undying need for his peeps and hos. I'm resisting making an obvious marshmallow Peeps joke here.