gashiyeon chapter 11 part 2
I swear I could feel my brain farting on me today during my exam OTL here's the end to chapter 11!
There are some days that make me feel depressed. Rainy days aside, on those days I just feel exceptionally down. Maybe it has to do with my recent depression relapse? Nothing around me changed, but I feel as weak as a machine with loose screws. I can't help but think about how empty life is, how we're always doing to same things every day, and how tiresome and boring all these things are. Both of them are always the same - so boring! This is why she finds this place lonely too. Is it a man's fate to grow old like this, in such a boring place, and then die? Pity! It feels as if reality has ditched me, because I can feel the chills of loneliness. I put on a long-sleeved shirt, rolled up my sleeves and went downstairs. As expected, she's there.
Recently Suh-hee's been researching passionately on "what Kim Jaejoong likes to eat". These days I've been waking up at 10am (today's the third) but I still feel as listless as ever. Just looking at the kitchen makes me nauseous, so she'd prepare juice for me every morning. Today, she made orange juice.
All this happened because of Suh-hee... that moron's addictive compassion.
True, she really does treat me very well, but I'm a very willful person. There's no way someone like me, who does whatever he wants, can care about her and her kindness. Every morning I'll send Yunho off to work with a morning kiss, and then return to my sleep.
Suh-hee's still behaving the same as she always did around me, and his attitude towards her hasn't changed. I can't imagine how did these two manage to get married while I was gone! They don't really have time for each other, and she doesn't give off that blissful feel which seems to come with matrimony. I've been quite successful in trying to get back to Yunho's side, and as long as we hide our affair carefully in front of her, we're both fine.
Yunho's personality is very different from mine; he doesn't hide his thoughts well. She's never thought of trying to dig out the truth from my words, but Suh-hee is definitely not a weak person. At least she won't just simply rely on others.
It's sunny outside and she's watering the plants in the garden now. Noticing me, she beamed radiantly and waved at me with those pale hands.
Don't smile at me with that pretentious face. It makes me want to throw up. Yunho will never be yours.
"The weather's turning so warm!"
Hearing her words, I could only nod. Waves of nausea hit me and I rushed to the toilet, sprawling in front of the toilet bowl, goosebumps forming all over my skin. Even though I gagged and heaved till my face was flushed, nothing came out.
Except tears.
This sort of kind and innocent facade isn't like me at all. Her kindness only serves to irk me further. I bent over and groaned, my feelings were in a whirl. Loving him - is that love taming me as well? I haven't changed at all, which is probably why I'm getting depressed lately.
I tidied myself a little before returning to the first floor. Suh-hee sat at the sofa flipping through the channels, but unlike how she normally sat, today she placed one hand over her swollen belly. It looked as if she was trying to coax the baby to sleep. I sat down in front of her and she turned her beautiful face towards me and spoke.
"It kicked me!"
I wonder how it would feel like to be living there. With tiny hands and feet, not even able to open its eyes, that's Yunho and Suh-hee's child. Such a lucky kid to have such wonderful parents!
"Is it a girl?"
"I don't know yet"
"I think it's probably a girl!"
"Really? Hm... it doesn't matter. I'll love the baby all the same"
"But the elders would disagree!"
Her expression suddenly darkened. What I said was true, right? Since only sons can carry on the family business? I wonder if this is a fortunate thing. She glared at me, but I felt better after saying such harsh words. Finally I've found a cure for my depression!
"I guess this is why they wanted you to hurry up and have a child, so there would be an heir in the family!"
Oh... I almost forgot! That child is the result of Yunho's struggle to forget me... you've been used all along! What he ejaculated within you wasjust a filth, a desire so different from our sacred love. That's the difference between you and me!
But now that she's pregnant and also his legal wife, she can't help it even if she thinks that the elders are perhaps too cruel. I know I can't steal Yunho from her because I'm a man, but at least I can use my little tricks.
"That's just what our aunt was hoping for."
"Hm?"
"Not Yunho's mother!"
I'm still his 'cousin' in front of her after all. Shit, did I do anything out of my place?
"Jaejoong..."
"Hm? What?"
She suddenly looked at me with eyes tinged with sadness. Looks like I'm not exposed yet. Bullying her wasn't easy after all! I heaved a sign ofrelief...
"Yunho's mother... she's passed on..."
Suddenly the memories game rushing back, hitting my mind as if someone punched my head. A numb feeling crept down through my entire body.
Ah... I see.
I tried to smile at her but I suddenly felt like throwing up again. My mind hurts too, because of the sudden onslaught of bits and pieces of recollections.
Things forgotten... things that must be forgetten.... things that should never be forgotten...
It's like I'm carving a mosaic of lines on marble, etching memories filled with sorrow on the past that I tried to forget.
I love Jung Yunho... and that means everything to me.
There are some days that make me feel depressed. Rainy days aside, on those days I just feel exceptionally down. Maybe it has to do with my recent depression relapse? Nothing around me changed, but I feel as weak as a machine with loose screws. I can't help but think about how empty life is, how we're always doing to same things every day, and how tiresome and boring all these things are. Both of them are always the same - so boring! This is why she finds this place lonely too. Is it a man's fate to grow old like this, in such a boring place, and then die? Pity! It feels as if reality has ditched me, because I can feel the chills of loneliness. I put on a long-sleeved shirt, rolled up my sleeves and went downstairs. As expected, she's there.
Recently Suh-hee's been researching passionately on "what Kim Jaejoong likes to eat". These days I've been waking up at 10am (today's the third) but I still feel as listless as ever. Just looking at the kitchen makes me nauseous, so she'd prepare juice for me every morning. Today, she made orange juice.
All this happened because of Suh-hee... that moron's addictive compassion.
True, she really does treat me very well, but I'm a very willful person. There's no way someone like me, who does whatever he wants, can care about her and her kindness. Every morning I'll send Yunho off to work with a morning kiss, and then return to my sleep.
Suh-hee's still behaving the same as she always did around me, and his attitude towards her hasn't changed. I can't imagine how did these two manage to get married while I was gone! They don't really have time for each other, and she doesn't give off that blissful feel which seems to come with matrimony. I've been quite successful in trying to get back to Yunho's side, and as long as we hide our affair carefully in front of her, we're both fine.
Yunho's personality is very different from mine; he doesn't hide his thoughts well. She's never thought of trying to dig out the truth from my words, but Suh-hee is definitely not a weak person. At least she won't just simply rely on others.
It's sunny outside and she's watering the plants in the garden now. Noticing me, she beamed radiantly and waved at me with those pale hands.
Don't smile at me with that pretentious face. It makes me want to throw up. Yunho will never be yours.
"The weather's turning so warm!"
Hearing her words, I could only nod. Waves of nausea hit me and I rushed to the toilet, sprawling in front of the toilet bowl, goosebumps forming all over my skin. Even though I gagged and heaved till my face was flushed, nothing came out.
Except tears.
This sort of kind and innocent facade isn't like me at all. Her kindness only serves to irk me further. I bent over and groaned, my feelings were in a whirl. Loving him - is that love taming me as well? I haven't changed at all, which is probably why I'm getting depressed lately.
I tidied myself a little before returning to the first floor. Suh-hee sat at the sofa flipping through the channels, but unlike how she normally sat, today she placed one hand over her swollen belly. It looked as if she was trying to coax the baby to sleep. I sat down in front of her and she turned her beautiful face towards me and spoke.
"It kicked me!"
I wonder how it would feel like to be living there. With tiny hands and feet, not even able to open its eyes, that's Yunho and Suh-hee's child. Such a lucky kid to have such wonderful parents!
"Is it a girl?"
"I don't know yet"
"I think it's probably a girl!"
"Really? Hm... it doesn't matter. I'll love the baby all the same"
"But the elders would disagree!"
Her expression suddenly darkened. What I said was true, right? Since only sons can carry on the family business? I wonder if this is a fortunate thing. She glared at me, but I felt better after saying such harsh words. Finally I've found a cure for my depression!
"I guess this is why they wanted you to hurry up and have a child, so there would be an heir in the family!"
Oh... I almost forgot! That child is the result of Yunho's struggle to forget me... you've been used all along! What he ejaculated within you wasjust a filth, a desire so different from our sacred love. That's the difference between you and me!
But now that she's pregnant and also his legal wife, she can't help it even if she thinks that the elders are perhaps too cruel. I know I can't steal Yunho from her because I'm a man, but at least I can use my little tricks.
"That's just what our aunt was hoping for."
"Hm?"
"Not Yunho's mother!"
I'm still his 'cousin' in front of her after all. Shit, did I do anything out of my place?
"Jaejoong..."
"Hm? What?"
She suddenly looked at me with eyes tinged with sadness. Looks like I'm not exposed yet. Bullying her wasn't easy after all! I heaved a sign ofrelief...
"Yunho's mother... she's passed on..."
Suddenly the memories game rushing back, hitting my mind as if someone punched my head. A numb feeling crept down through my entire body.
Ah... I see.
I tried to smile at her but I suddenly felt like throwing up again. My mind hurts too, because of the sudden onslaught of bits and pieces of recollections.
Things forgotten... things that must be forgetten.... things that should never be forgotten...
It's like I'm carving a mosaic of lines on marble, etching memories filled with sorrow on the past that I tried to forget.
I love Jung Yunho... and that means everything to me.