Selling Hogwarts by the Pound
I admit that I have been remiss in addressing the ridiculous charges brought forth by a one Mr. Remus Lupin. So, I shall attempt to set the record straight for posterity.
First, I have to address the 'alleged' Phil Collins and Genesis record collection that I supposedly possess. Lupin has it right at about twenty-five percent. Yes, I do own Genesis on vinyl. However, this was Genesis when Peter Gabriel was part of the group. He was the one with all the vision and artistic talent, so when he left, Genesis went downhill from there. As for the allegation that I own Phil Collins solo efforts, it is completely false. I didn't even collect Genesis after Gabriel left, so why would I collect Phil Collins as a solo artist? Let's just put things into perspective. Compare his "Susudio" with Peter Gabriel's "Games Without Frontiers" and you are faced with the cold hard truth. Talentwise? Phil Collins would have done everyone a favor if he had stayed behind the drum set. Lookswise? Need you even ask?
Yes, Lupin is a bit sad because he can't even get one thing right. Yes, I might own the Peter Gabriel-ized version of Genesis, but he owns Three Dog Night and Foghat. And that is very sad.
Second, as Lupin rightly pointed out, it is true that my teenaged sex life was somewhat uneventful compared to his. However, I leave it up to the reader to judge what defines "eventful" and "uneventful". I shall let you know that I define "uneventful sex life" as "choosing sex partners who are limited to those who walk erect on two legs and who also possess opposable thumbs." So, if this means that I was somehow stunted in my sexual activity compare to his free-loving hippie ways, then I must plead guilty.
Third, the reason why I "followed" Sirius Black around during our school years, particularly our last three years, was due to the fact that it was usually my shift as prefect to patrol the halls after curfew to ensure no sneaking around. It was not such an unusual event to see students out of bounds after "lights out," and I am quite certain that there are those out there that would be absolutely surprised to know that the big troublemakers were not the famous Marauders, but in fact, the duo that was Frank Longbottom of Ravenclaw and David MacMillian from Hufflepuff.
Sirius Black, when not engaging in one of his illicit tete a tete encounters, was really quite active with his all time favorite activity, which was openly known as Bully the Slytherin Firstie. No, it was not any sort of heroic nonsense on my part to stop him from doing that. It was more a matter of standing up for a fellow Slyth. And don't pretend to act indignant. Three of the four houses band together to see Slytherin defeated at every turn. In Quidditch, in the Duelling Club, in Academic standing. Everything. So don't play righteous indignation if Slytherins stick together to spite you.
Finally, while I will be the first to grudgingly admit that James Potter did have good looks, I hasten to add that these were of the wholesome boy-next-door variety. The kind of looks who belong to blokes who are relaxed, easygoing, well-liked, not exactly boring, but not exactly spectacular. The kind of looks are reminiscent of safe and untroubled feelings you get when looking at a blandly pleasant still life painting. Nothing like the type of unsettled feeling in your stomach when looking at a Picasso or a DaVinci.
This is just one instance where Lupin is talking out of his...well, he doesn't know what he's talking about. As anyone who is considered a friend of mine can tell you, relaxed and easygoing people are hardly masturbatory fantasy material for me. They do not interest me now, nor have they ever interested me before. James Potter was a very good student and an exceptional quidditch player, but that's about all that I can say about him without bringing up any other rather unfortunate murderous pranking situations.
No, I consider James Potter very much like Phil Collins. Not too far from the center, so people like this won't set off any mental alarms. They go by in life not really antagonizing anyone, generally liked by the masses, nothing too "out there." The problem with the acceptance of what can only be the bland tastes of the collective is that you don't inspire anyone to great passion either.
On that note, I defy anyone to show me one person that is absolutely rabid and fanatical about Phil Collins.
First, I have to address the 'alleged' Phil Collins and Genesis record collection that I supposedly possess. Lupin has it right at about twenty-five percent. Yes, I do own Genesis on vinyl. However, this was Genesis when Peter Gabriel was part of the group. He was the one with all the vision and artistic talent, so when he left, Genesis went downhill from there. As for the allegation that I own Phil Collins solo efforts, it is completely false. I didn't even collect Genesis after Gabriel left, so why would I collect Phil Collins as a solo artist? Let's just put things into perspective. Compare his "Susudio" with Peter Gabriel's "Games Without Frontiers" and you are faced with the cold hard truth. Talentwise? Phil Collins would have done everyone a favor if he had stayed behind the drum set. Lookswise? Need you even ask?
Yes, Lupin is a bit sad because he can't even get one thing right. Yes, I might own the Peter Gabriel-ized version of Genesis, but he owns Three Dog Night and Foghat. And that is very sad.
Second, as Lupin rightly pointed out, it is true that my teenaged sex life was somewhat uneventful compared to his. However, I leave it up to the reader to judge what defines "eventful" and "uneventful". I shall let you know that I define "uneventful sex life" as "choosing sex partners who are limited to those who walk erect on two legs and who also possess opposable thumbs." So, if this means that I was somehow stunted in my sexual activity compare to his free-loving hippie ways, then I must plead guilty.
Third, the reason why I "followed" Sirius Black around during our school years, particularly our last three years, was due to the fact that it was usually my shift as prefect to patrol the halls after curfew to ensure no sneaking around. It was not such an unusual event to see students out of bounds after "lights out," and I am quite certain that there are those out there that would be absolutely surprised to know that the big troublemakers were not the famous Marauders, but in fact, the duo that was Frank Longbottom of Ravenclaw and David MacMillian from Hufflepuff.
Sirius Black, when not engaging in one of his illicit tete a tete encounters, was really quite active with his all time favorite activity, which was openly known as Bully the Slytherin Firstie. No, it was not any sort of heroic nonsense on my part to stop him from doing that. It was more a matter of standing up for a fellow Slyth. And don't pretend to act indignant. Three of the four houses band together to see Slytherin defeated at every turn. In Quidditch, in the Duelling Club, in Academic standing. Everything. So don't play righteous indignation if Slytherins stick together to spite you.
Finally, while I will be the first to grudgingly admit that James Potter did have good looks, I hasten to add that these were of the wholesome boy-next-door variety. The kind of looks who belong to blokes who are relaxed, easygoing, well-liked, not exactly boring, but not exactly spectacular. The kind of looks are reminiscent of safe and untroubled feelings you get when looking at a blandly pleasant still life painting. Nothing like the type of unsettled feeling in your stomach when looking at a Picasso or a DaVinci.
This is just one instance where Lupin is talking out of his...well, he doesn't know what he's talking about. As anyone who is considered a friend of mine can tell you, relaxed and easygoing people are hardly masturbatory fantasy material for me. They do not interest me now, nor have they ever interested me before. James Potter was a very good student and an exceptional quidditch player, but that's about all that I can say about him without bringing up any other rather unfortunate murderous pranking situations.
No, I consider James Potter very much like Phil Collins. Not too far from the center, so people like this won't set off any mental alarms. They go by in life not really antagonizing anyone, generally liked by the masses, nothing too "out there." The problem with the acceptance of what can only be the bland tastes of the collective is that you don't inspire anyone to great passion either.
On that note, I defy anyone to show me one person that is absolutely rabid and fanatical about Phil Collins.