Lube Spells

[pica_scribit]

Lube spells. I just...hate 'em. I hate how every steamy slash scene has to include someone getting poked in the ass with a wand and a "Lubricus!" or whatever. I mean, assuming there is some sort of special wizarding lubricant, why in the name of all that is holy would it not be a potion?

Comments

[cmwinters]

Because the other steamy slash scenes have to feature a ginormous rock-hard cock being shoved into someone's completely unlubricated and utterly unprepared virgin ass and of course the recipient *LURVES* it . . . even if it was by force.

*rolls eyes*

[pica_scribit]

*sigh* Can we just ban the under-16s from writing sex scenes? Please?

[cmwinters]

*snort* I've made the comment before (actually, in the last 24 hours), that it's always ridiculously easy to tell when someone who is A) straight and B) has absolutely no sexual experience whatsoever is writing sex scenes, because they're ludicrously unrealistic. Exponentially more so when it's a scene involving homosexuality. *rolls eyes*

THIS is one of the main reasons I really *detest* slash. Homosexuality in fic doesn't bother me at all, but "slash" has come to stand for "everything that is stupid and wrong in fic in general" to me.

And then I get called homophobic.

[pica_scribit]

That's understandable. A lot of slash is really appallingly written. However, I am a die-hard Remus/Sirius 'shipper. I don't actually *read* much fic because of all the badness, but I do write rather a lot of it. Sex generally isn't the *point* of my stories; it's just incidental to the plot. I've had one or two compliments on my writing from gay men, so I hope I'm not doing too, too badly.

[werewolf_lib]

At least they're remembering that lubrication = a good thing(and a little required for the situation).
It gives me a little hope.

In my fics at least, there are 'adult' potions aplenty. The more talented can make their own while those without skill or spare time can buy them right off the shelf. The idea of a lubricating spell still exists but is looked on as sort of downmarket.

[/geek]

[pica_scribit]

It is my impression that conjuring anything out of thin air, even something as structurally simple as lubricant, would be considered *very* advanced magic. I had Sirius purchase some from a Very Discreet Shop in Diagon Alley when he was 16.

[cmwinters]

I think this is canonically supported, because of Harry & Ron's difficulty with so doing (er, ok, so that's a bad example), but Hermione being able to do it with relative ease, and Dumbledore doing it, but nobody else seems to.

And - I don't know that I'd consider a *good* lubricant structurally "simple" ;) Although, compared to something like, say, a mouse . . .

[snorkackcatcher]

Yes, but they have the younger ones turning things into other not entirely dissimilar things (like matchsticks into needles in the very first lesson), so it shouldn't be beyond them to turn a glass of water (say) into a pot of lube.

More specifically regarding the OP though, what's actually so bad about the concept of a lubricating spell as opposed to a potion (and likewise in het stories, a contraceptive spell as opposed to a potion)? If you actually were a gay wizard, you'd expect to have your wand with you most of the time, but not necessarily to have the right potion handy. Wizards use charms for all sorts of stuff -- making nose hairs grow into ringlets being one quoted example -- so why not that? (And of course it's a lot more convenient for an author wanting to cut to the chase, too!)

[pica_scribit]

Matter can neither be created nor destroyed, eh? Magic has to obey some of the same laws as science, right?

Chances are, most of the people who write this stuff don't know anything about anal sex except lube. Go forth and educate them!

[pica_scribit]

Yeah, you'd think so. At least the halfblood and muggleborn ones. Actually, I wrote a story where Hermione tries to explain muggle birth control (among other things) to Ron. It was very silly. The Night Before. WARNING: Written at 4:00 AM.

[cmwinters]

I don't think Muggle inventions work on Wizards. Remember the horrid situation with Arthur Weasley's stitches?

Although, given that *I* can brew up about fifteen contraceptive potions out of the spices in my kitchen, I'm QUITE WELL CONVINCED, thank you very much, that ANY Potions master worth his or her salt can do at least what *I* can.

[pica_scribit]

Any good, reliable ones that don't do horrible things to your body? *hopeful*

[hohaiyee]

"never forget Wizard Baruffio, who said 's' instead of 'f' and found himself on the floor with a buffalo on his chest."

With that in mind, plus how sex and lust can make people incoherent, is lube spell really a better option than lotion?

A pair of wannabe lovers end up in St.Mungo, and a doctor or Not A Dumbass has to explain to them that the lube spell is intended for the literal greasing of wheels or stuck doors. I think Molly uses cleaning spells, but wizards still take baths, because pointing a wand at yourself while you are groggy in the morning might result in more than a little shaving cut.