125th
You want to know how to find a drug user? Inquire them about a job that requires a drug test.
Today was a rather challenging day at school. Very little sleep over the previous night. Migrated to Satan's place in the morning for a cat nap. Rude awaking there. I guess what I do is rather rude from his perspective, but damn it. Can't anyone put up with shit these days? Answer: No. For example, yesterday I was handed the offer to move out of my residence and escape my parents to freedom. Very tempting offer since I can barely tolerate them nowadays. This of course got me thinking. Thinking is bad for you.
It is assumed you that heavy dose of knowledge is a required trait to succeed in school. Not so. In my first class I received a test back with a relatively high grade compared to my class mates. How many hours of study did I put towards that test on a rather difficult course? 30 mins the same morning before the exam. It was basic review of notes but I only have a record of half the notes since I only attend that class half the time. So what is the secret to my success? I don't know the material, just I know how to apply the material that was given to me in the exam. That maybe why the class is so difficult to the majority of people. It requires actual thinking, the application of thought processes with a given set of instructions or data. My mind operates like a cold machine. I need to be turned off and shutdown.
Procrastinating the afternoon away till my even classes didn't produce much progress in my assignments. Classes were interesting, with tidbits of knowledge worth holding, but nothing outside of reach in my own research. Machines are built to reference wide banks of knowledge in an efficient algorithm. That is how my mind works, if I don't possess the knowledge to solve a problem, I know where to gain the knowledge with the ability to apply it. Basic concept that is difficult to practice. When machines are left unattended they tend to over heat and produce errors. Choices in life are filled with errors.
Take the little shopping trip with an old high school class mate. Back in the day, she was an overly zealous, out going individual who just wanted to have fun with life. Such fun apparently doesn't lead to an easy life. She has become a semi-man hating lesbian, debt filled college student with a minor pot habit. At least she still can have fun, a concept which has been eluding me lately. She holds me in an extremely high regard, more than I'm comfortable with. While shopping at the slave labor camp of my employer, I came across some one else who kept me with similar esteem. This lady was a heavy sponsor of the ROTC class I took in high school. We exchanged the minor chit-chat and inside joke before she asked the familiar question: "So how is your sister doing?" "Hopefully dead." I replied sincerely. That pretty much set the mood for brief fragments of communication that remained. Maybe it was sleep deprivation, maybe it was the medication for my sore throat, maybe it was the machine in my head restarting, but it got me thinking again. I need to unplug myself from myself.
Near the clock striking the hour of the next day, did my thoughts bubble up to the surface of my consciousness. I got into a mild argument with Elvensage and Satan, this time about why I don't trust them 100% but still consider them friends. A lot of that stems from my perception that last year, I was without friends. Such memories of loneliness isolates the feelings of ones individuality. For the past few months, I've been questioning the choices I made. I question wether I sacrificed my pride, my honor, my individuality with the path I took. Would it have been better to die with pride, alone, but happy with the fact you took others down with you? Is it better than going on with good friend that you can only trust feelings to selectively? Can I continue with my decision now that life is slowly revealing itself to me? Or is there some other path that I is hidden underneath the sands of time, just waiting for the winds of change for it to be revealed?
Shutdown.
Today was a rather challenging day at school. Very little sleep over the previous night. Migrated to Satan's place in the morning for a cat nap. Rude awaking there. I guess what I do is rather rude from his perspective, but damn it. Can't anyone put up with shit these days? Answer: No. For example, yesterday I was handed the offer to move out of my residence and escape my parents to freedom. Very tempting offer since I can barely tolerate them nowadays. This of course got me thinking. Thinking is bad for you.
It is assumed you that heavy dose of knowledge is a required trait to succeed in school. Not so. In my first class I received a test back with a relatively high grade compared to my class mates. How many hours of study did I put towards that test on a rather difficult course? 30 mins the same morning before the exam. It was basic review of notes but I only have a record of half the notes since I only attend that class half the time. So what is the secret to my success? I don't know the material, just I know how to apply the material that was given to me in the exam. That maybe why the class is so difficult to the majority of people. It requires actual thinking, the application of thought processes with a given set of instructions or data. My mind operates like a cold machine. I need to be turned off and shutdown.
Procrastinating the afternoon away till my even classes didn't produce much progress in my assignments. Classes were interesting, with tidbits of knowledge worth holding, but nothing outside of reach in my own research. Machines are built to reference wide banks of knowledge in an efficient algorithm. That is how my mind works, if I don't possess the knowledge to solve a problem, I know where to gain the knowledge with the ability to apply it. Basic concept that is difficult to practice. When machines are left unattended they tend to over heat and produce errors. Choices in life are filled with errors.
Take the little shopping trip with an old high school class mate. Back in the day, she was an overly zealous, out going individual who just wanted to have fun with life. Such fun apparently doesn't lead to an easy life. She has become a semi-man hating lesbian, debt filled college student with a minor pot habit. At least she still can have fun, a concept which has been eluding me lately. She holds me in an extremely high regard, more than I'm comfortable with. While shopping at the slave labor camp of my employer, I came across some one else who kept me with similar esteem. This lady was a heavy sponsor of the ROTC class I took in high school. We exchanged the minor chit-chat and inside joke before she asked the familiar question: "So how is your sister doing?" "Hopefully dead." I replied sincerely. That pretty much set the mood for brief fragments of communication that remained. Maybe it was sleep deprivation, maybe it was the medication for my sore throat, maybe it was the machine in my head restarting, but it got me thinking again. I need to unplug myself from myself.
Near the clock striking the hour of the next day, did my thoughts bubble up to the surface of my consciousness. I got into a mild argument with Elvensage and Satan, this time about why I don't trust them 100% but still consider them friends. A lot of that stems from my perception that last year, I was without friends. Such memories of loneliness isolates the feelings of ones individuality. For the past few months, I've been questioning the choices I made. I question wether I sacrificed my pride, my honor, my individuality with the path I took. Would it have been better to die with pride, alone, but happy with the fact you took others down with you? Is it better than going on with good friend that you can only trust feelings to selectively? Can I continue with my decision now that life is slowly revealing itself to me? Or is there some other path that I is hidden underneath the sands of time, just waiting for the winds of change for it to be revealed?
Shutdown.