stupid, thoughtless, meaningful, AMAZING.
note:: this lj entry is not meant to hurt anyone. or piss anyone off. or make anyone think that i dont like them. its just... well... the truth.
sunday was fucking crazy.
i cant even explain it to you.
woke up early for once.
showered and got all cute.
went to church at SPCC and met up with stoma
and james there.
[i also saw a lot of other people i havent seen in a long time...
but this entry is already going to be too long.. so i'll
spare the pointless details and get down to the point.]
the service was amazing.
one of the best ones i been to at that church. definitely.
it was all on worship and different ways you can do it.
and ways to make worship stronger.
it was good to see stoma. i love her.
she looked so cute. had on the cutest flats and thermal from urban outfitters.
damn.. i miss that gerl.
after the service got over.. i said my goodbyes to my
friends and james and i went to starbucks for coffee.
[actually... i got hot chocolate and he got tea... same differnce though, right?]
we had some good conversation going.
kinda awkward for me.. but he insisted that it wasnt for him.
we talked about everything.
even about my recent and his past weed smoking habits.
and how much we love it.
but how there is a point where it just has to come to an end.
we talked about how much we miss last summer.
[when we were summer servants and brad was home and everything was perfect.]
and i told him how i finally came to the realization
that i need to slowly but surely get back to that place with God.
and he offered help. and i accepted.
so that was that... i decided i need to change...
and he was going to help me.
so then i had to go to the outlet mall to apply for a job
at levis. [shintaro is the manager.]
but before i took him back to the church, we decided
that i would call him after the mall and i would come over to his house
so we could hang out and look at his pictures from the Phillipines
and maybe watch a movie or something.
so after i did my thing at the mall... i called him up
and headed over to his house.
his pictures were INCREDIBLE.
that boy has been more places and seen more things
and helped more people at the age of 17 than most people will in their entire lives.
its amazing to me. and he inspires me.
then we looked at old pictures of us when we dated
and laughed and he showed me his new guitar.
and i held lucy... who btw... i think is dying. :(
and then paul came home and he chilled with us for a few
and that was kinda awkward. so i didnt talk. haha.
but then byron called and needed james to come pick him up
so obviously it was time for me to peace out.
so james walked me downstairs and gave me a hug goodbye.
but this was not so much a hug... as it was... well.. an embrace.
it lasted a good 30 seconds.
and then... the last thing that i EVER thought would happen... happened.
he kissed me.
it was so unreal. and so amazing.
and so... right. and i loved it.
he is...after all... "the one that got away."
so then i was all giddy and school-girlish and called haley
and tracy and adam and precia and told them the good news.
and blah blah blah.
then i went and chilled at adams for a few hours.
and right after i left his house... my cell phone rang.
and it was james.
the first thing out of his mouth::
"that was a big mistake... on my part."
[just so you know... this came as even more of a shock than the kiss itself.]
so i was just like.. "ok"
and then he continued to explain that he already made a commitment
to me to help me get back on the right track
and that starting something like this... would only cause a distraction
in my faith.
and then he told me he would call me later this week
and we could "chill".
ummmm okkkk?
talk about AWKWARD.
so we texted back and forth for a few
after we hung up.
but that just basically consisted of me telling him
i felt like an idiot. and him just apologizing.
so that didnt get me anywhere.
so then i wrote him an email.
and i've been waiting for a response for like.. over 24 hours now.
but according to AOL.. he hasnt even read it yet.
so im like nervous. and anxious. and whatever over this.
and i dont know what to make out of any of it.
but yea... that was my sunday.