Of mice and lizards (oneshot)
Title: Of mice and lizards
Pairing: KeyBer
Genre: Comedy!
Rating: PG-13
Summary: In which Amber is an intelligent, feminine woman... yeah sure...
Disclaimer: Key and Amber are on a honeymoon in Paris, therefore they belong to each other.
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Of mice and lizards
She wakes up with a moan, the sun too bright for her, limbs too long and all tangled up. She opens her eyes slowly...
She sees a mouse and yelps, gathers her things at speed's light and runs back to her dorm.
That must have been her first and only girly reaction in a long time.
She bumps into Henry on her way; he gives her the eyebrows - expression he must have perfected by watching Siwon do it all the freaking time - and comments, in snarky English,
"I've heard about the walk of shame, but never got to see the run of shame."
He is grinning, cheeks puffing out and eyes looking like moon crescents. She just wants to punch him.
"Shut up!" she fumes, hair getting more messed up as she turns the other way to ignore him and to walk back to her dorm with as much elegance as an elephant. She can still hear her best friend's laughter one kilometre later.
She slams the door open, making Victoria, who usually is the only one awake at this hour and is now wearing a dumbfounded expression, jump in the air.
She observes Amber as the latter puts her shoes back in the closet and lifts her head to look at her leader.
"Oh..." the eldest nods, realisation on her face.
"Yeah. Oh," Amber grumbles.
Victoria can't help but chuckle, "I know that look all too well. So..." she adds with a smirk - Amber thinks her unnie has spent way too much time with her husband, "Where were you last night?"
Amber, whose headache has gotten a lot worse with the lost of calories and the lack of hydration, only mumbles teenage-angst-toned nonsense that sounds like, "None of your business, unnie," despite coming from the mouth of a mature young woman.
Victoria laughes again, and it is way too loud for the tomboyish girl.
"Here," she hands her a glass of water with a motherly smile. "There's nothing else to do but wait. Now, come eat breakfast with umma."
Amber grumbles again, but accepts the healthy meal nonetheless.
*
She throws up on the floor of the practice room three weeks later. Of course, it has to happen in the most unladylike way.
Krystal - bless her for being a courageous American girl - is the only one who dares to walk past the mess to rub Amber's back while Luna and Sulli are both flat against the opposite wall, eyes wide like saucers.
"What did you eat?" she asks in English, still rubbing her back.
"I didn't eat any..." she starts.
Then panic rushes to her heart, making it beat faster.
"Nothing," she grabs Krystal's wrist to stop her rubbing. She gave a small smile, "I'll just... go get some fresh air... Be back in a few!"
Once she's out of the practice room, she runs to the nearest drugstore.
With all that running, I should have auditioned to be part of Big Bang instead.
Fortunately, she always wear a cap and, luckily, no one recognises her as she - well, that's what she assumes - empties the whole shelf to lay it out on the counter, in front of a very stunned assistant pharmacist.
"Hum, sir... it is unnecessary to buy that much; you only need two to three different ones to make sure," she says with a smile, assuming that Amber is a nervous young man who may have fucked up. Amber doesn't correct her, too relieved that shame hasn't followed her there.
She pays for the three small boxes and runs back to the SM building where she locks herself in one of the restrooms. (Then she gets out to grab a bottle of water because, really, she can't really do that more than once in such a short time.)
Thank God there are English instructions...
She still reads them very carefully.
Every minute feels like an eternity to her.
She thinks God is mocking her when she is met with three holy crosses.
She also thinks that she has to calm down, that there is still a possibility - a slight one, but still - that she must not do anything rash - like tell someone, oh no - that only a doctor would...
She whines, arms thrown in the air - second girly reaction she has manifested within a few weeks.
Why? Why? Why did he have to choose that moment to be manly?!
*
Amber is not stupid. She knows that she doesn't have to go to the hospital alone to confirm it and that she has to inform her partner of her condition because, really, he'll know sooner or later.
She does anyways and the shock of having it be confirmed by a professional scares the shit out of her and she doesn't feel like talking about it to anyone else.
"Do you have someone to take care of you? You're still fairly young."
Crap! she thinks.
She gives another small smile - a girly one - and says that, "I haven't informed him yet, but I'm sure he's going to be ecstatic!" in a sugary tone that almost makes her sick.
Yeah ecstatic... fantastic... elastic...
The doctor gives her some final information and suggests that she comes with her boyfriend next time. Amber shudders, but keeps the idol smile. She never acts like an idol.
Had to be useful somehow... Great, now, I have to tell him.
And that's how she finds herself in front of the dorm of the ones who receive the light.
*
"Taemin-ah! Answer the door, please!" Key yells from the kitchen, busy cooking today's lunch.
The maknae leaves his video game, mutters something about, "Must be another package for umma," (because Key loves online shopping too much) and is surprised to find his hoobae at the door.
"Noona!" he exclaims with his trademark soft smile.
She gives him a look, "Please, don't call me that, Taemin."
He chuckles, "Still not used to it?" She sighs, "It's just creepy because the rest of your group is, like, older and you're my sunbae... and yeah, I'm just... not used to being called anything else than unnie. Anyway, is Kibum here?"
"You mean Kibum-oppa?" he grins.
She glares. He grins even more.
Who said that SHINee's maknae wasn't snarky too?
"Kibum-oppa," she corrects herself. "Now stop acting like a kid and tell me if he's here."
"I'm here, Amber."
She turns around to see Key in his usual bright apron, chopsticks in hand. He had spoken in English.
"Hyung!" Taemin says brightly, "Is lunch ready?"
He's about to rush to the table when Key interrupts him with a, "Yes, Taeminnie. Now wait because we have a guest here."
Taemin pouts and goes back to his game. Key turns to Amber and smiles,
"Wanna stay for lunch?"
As if I had another choice...
She sits at the table and eats the delicious homemade shin ramyun while Taemin talks and talks and talks and...
I always forget that Minho is the quietest. Seems like the maknae is comfortable enough around me to be his natural self.
She eats quietly while Key answers or scolds Taemin - because the maknae will always be the maknae even though he is now an adult - then sends him to dish washing duty.
"Tea?" he asks Amber.
"Only green," she replies. "Otherwise, it wouldn't be... appropriate."
Key raises an eyebrow, but says nothing as he goes back to the kitchen to brew some tea.
"Now, tell me," he says once he has placed a cup of tea in front of her.
She sighs. Look, I know you might not remember this because we were drunk as hell but we, like, spent the night together... as in spent the night together and well, it turns out that... we were foolish and... well...
"I'm pregnant," she blurts out.
Now, that's not how I wanted to say it.
She expects him to freak out, to ask for some damn explanation, to ask her why she was even telling him this, to dramatise, to act like his usual diva self...
She doesn't expect him to smirk and say, "Well. Looks like I've beaten Minho again."
*
Of course, it turns out that the third time she has to act girly is in front of Key.
She will later blame it on the hormones but, for now, she scoffs and slams the apartment's door behind her.
"I can't believe him! The jerk! Men really are all the same!"
She doesn't realise that she is scaring old ladies and young children.
A hand covers her mouth and she's about to scream again when she hears a low, "Sorry," in her ear.
She calms down and lets herself be surrounded by arms. She always forgets how tall and manly he is despite his feminine traits.
Just like he forgets how petite she is in his arms, because, despite her tough boyish looks, she is still a girl.
"I'm sorry. I... I shouldn't have reacted like that. That was uncalled for," he says in a low voice.
"This is serious, Kibum," she replies coldly.
"I know, I know. I'm sorry. I'll be there - I am here. For you."
"Tsk, you really are like any other man." Her tone melts a little bit.
"Yah!" he turns her around and she can't help but laugh, "How dare you, dongsaeng! I'll take care of you! I'll take care of the kid! I'll be a good father - no - the best! So you should feel grateful."
She rolls her eyes. Key was back. She was back.
"And you're lucky I make a lot of money!"
She elbows him and he yells like a girl.
________________________________________________
And this marks me return to serious-crack fics XD.
There will probably be some drabbles around this verse, but I don't think I have the strength to write a whole multichapter fic with it... oh well, we'll see. I just love babies, so you never know...
Comments are LOVED! ^^
Pairing: KeyBer
Genre: Comedy!
Rating: PG-13
Summary: In which Amber is an intelligent, feminine woman... yeah sure...
Disclaimer: Key and Amber are on a honeymoon in Paris, therefore they belong to each other.
________________________________________________
Of mice and lizards
She wakes up with a moan, the sun too bright for her, limbs too long and all tangled up. She opens her eyes slowly...
She sees a mouse and yelps, gathers her things at speed's light and runs back to her dorm.
That must have been her first and only girly reaction in a long time.
She bumps into Henry on her way; he gives her the eyebrows - expression he must have perfected by watching Siwon do it all the freaking time - and comments, in snarky English,
"I've heard about the walk of shame, but never got to see the run of shame."
He is grinning, cheeks puffing out and eyes looking like moon crescents. She just wants to punch him.
"Shut up!" she fumes, hair getting more messed up as she turns the other way to ignore him and to walk back to her dorm with as much elegance as an elephant. She can still hear her best friend's laughter one kilometre later.
She slams the door open, making Victoria, who usually is the only one awake at this hour and is now wearing a dumbfounded expression, jump in the air.
She observes Amber as the latter puts her shoes back in the closet and lifts her head to look at her leader.
"Oh..." the eldest nods, realisation on her face.
"Yeah. Oh," Amber grumbles.
Victoria can't help but chuckle, "I know that look all too well. So..." she adds with a smirk - Amber thinks her unnie has spent way too much time with her husband, "Where were you last night?"
Amber, whose headache has gotten a lot worse with the lost of calories and the lack of hydration, only mumbles teenage-angst-toned nonsense that sounds like, "None of your business, unnie," despite coming from the mouth of a mature young woman.
Victoria laughes again, and it is way too loud for the tomboyish girl.
"Here," she hands her a glass of water with a motherly smile. "There's nothing else to do but wait. Now, come eat breakfast with umma."
Amber grumbles again, but accepts the healthy meal nonetheless.
*
She throws up on the floor of the practice room three weeks later. Of course, it has to happen in the most unladylike way.
Krystal - bless her for being a courageous American girl - is the only one who dares to walk past the mess to rub Amber's back while Luna and Sulli are both flat against the opposite wall, eyes wide like saucers.
"What did you eat?" she asks in English, still rubbing her back.
"I didn't eat any..." she starts.
Then panic rushes to her heart, making it beat faster.
"Nothing," she grabs Krystal's wrist to stop her rubbing. She gave a small smile, "I'll just... go get some fresh air... Be back in a few!"
Once she's out of the practice room, she runs to the nearest drugstore.
With all that running, I should have auditioned to be part of Big Bang instead.
Fortunately, she always wear a cap and, luckily, no one recognises her as she - well, that's what she assumes - empties the whole shelf to lay it out on the counter, in front of a very stunned assistant pharmacist.
"Hum, sir... it is unnecessary to buy that much; you only need two to three different ones to make sure," she says with a smile, assuming that Amber is a nervous young man who may have fucked up. Amber doesn't correct her, too relieved that shame hasn't followed her there.
She pays for the three small boxes and runs back to the SM building where she locks herself in one of the restrooms. (Then she gets out to grab a bottle of water because, really, she can't really do that more than once in such a short time.)
Thank God there are English instructions...
She still reads them very carefully.
Every minute feels like an eternity to her.
She thinks God is mocking her when she is met with three holy crosses.
She also thinks that she has to calm down, that there is still a possibility - a slight one, but still - that she must not do anything rash - like tell someone, oh no - that only a doctor would...
She whines, arms thrown in the air - second girly reaction she has manifested within a few weeks.
Why? Why? Why did he have to choose that moment to be manly?!
*
Amber is not stupid. She knows that she doesn't have to go to the hospital alone to confirm it and that she has to inform her partner of her condition because, really, he'll know sooner or later.
She does anyways and the shock of having it be confirmed by a professional scares the shit out of her and she doesn't feel like talking about it to anyone else.
"Do you have someone to take care of you? You're still fairly young."
Crap! she thinks.
She gives another small smile - a girly one - and says that, "I haven't informed him yet, but I'm sure he's going to be ecstatic!" in a sugary tone that almost makes her sick.
Yeah ecstatic... fantastic... elastic...
The doctor gives her some final information and suggests that she comes with her boyfriend next time. Amber shudders, but keeps the idol smile. She never acts like an idol.
Had to be useful somehow... Great, now, I have to tell him.
And that's how she finds herself in front of the dorm of the ones who receive the light.
*
"Taemin-ah! Answer the door, please!" Key yells from the kitchen, busy cooking today's lunch.
The maknae leaves his video game, mutters something about, "Must be another package for umma," (because Key loves online shopping too much) and is surprised to find his hoobae at the door.
"Noona!" he exclaims with his trademark soft smile.
She gives him a look, "Please, don't call me that, Taemin."
He chuckles, "Still not used to it?" She sighs, "It's just creepy because the rest of your group is, like, older and you're my sunbae... and yeah, I'm just... not used to being called anything else than unnie. Anyway, is Kibum here?"
"You mean Kibum-oppa?" he grins.
She glares. He grins even more.
Who said that SHINee's maknae wasn't snarky too?
"Kibum-oppa," she corrects herself. "Now stop acting like a kid and tell me if he's here."
"I'm here, Amber."
She turns around to see Key in his usual bright apron, chopsticks in hand. He had spoken in English.
"Hyung!" Taemin says brightly, "Is lunch ready?"
He's about to rush to the table when Key interrupts him with a, "Yes, Taeminnie. Now wait because we have a guest here."
Taemin pouts and goes back to his game. Key turns to Amber and smiles,
"Wanna stay for lunch?"
As if I had another choice...
She sits at the table and eats the delicious homemade shin ramyun while Taemin talks and talks and talks and...
I always forget that Minho is the quietest. Seems like the maknae is comfortable enough around me to be his natural self.
She eats quietly while Key answers or scolds Taemin - because the maknae will always be the maknae even though he is now an adult - then sends him to dish washing duty.
"Tea?" he asks Amber.
"Only green," she replies. "Otherwise, it wouldn't be... appropriate."
Key raises an eyebrow, but says nothing as he goes back to the kitchen to brew some tea.
"Now, tell me," he says once he has placed a cup of tea in front of her.
She sighs. Look, I know you might not remember this because we were drunk as hell but we, like, spent the night together... as in spent the night together and well, it turns out that... we were foolish and... well...
"I'm pregnant," she blurts out.
Now, that's not how I wanted to say it.
She expects him to freak out, to ask for some damn explanation, to ask her why she was even telling him this, to dramatise, to act like his usual diva self...
She doesn't expect him to smirk and say, "Well. Looks like I've beaten Minho again."
*
Of course, it turns out that the third time she has to act girly is in front of Key.
She will later blame it on the hormones but, for now, she scoffs and slams the apartment's door behind her.
"I can't believe him! The jerk! Men really are all the same!"
She doesn't realise that she is scaring old ladies and young children.
A hand covers her mouth and she's about to scream again when she hears a low, "Sorry," in her ear.
She calms down and lets herself be surrounded by arms. She always forgets how tall and manly he is despite his feminine traits.
Just like he forgets how petite she is in his arms, because, despite her tough boyish looks, she is still a girl.
"I'm sorry. I... I shouldn't have reacted like that. That was uncalled for," he says in a low voice.
"This is serious, Kibum," she replies coldly.
"I know, I know. I'm sorry. I'll be there - I am here. For you."
"Tsk, you really are like any other man." Her tone melts a little bit.
"Yah!" he turns her around and she can't help but laugh, "How dare you, dongsaeng! I'll take care of you! I'll take care of the kid! I'll be a good father - no - the best! So you should feel grateful."
She rolls her eyes. Key was back. She was back.
"And you're lucky I make a lot of money!"
She elbows him and he yells like a girl.
________________________________________________
And this marks me return to serious-crack fics XD.
There will probably be some drabbles around this verse, but I don't think I have the strength to write a whole multichapter fic with it... oh well, we'll see. I just love babies, so you never know...
Comments are LOVED! ^^