Looking for the ones she loves...
I tried to fight it off. From the moment I inhaled the dust, until the time my world faded to black, I fought. I wanted to tell Wesley what was going on, but every time I tried, it stopped me by flooded my mind with imagines of Pylea. Then I would get lost all over again, even though I was in Wesley’s arms. I just wanted to tell him to go and look through his books. There had to be a way to kill it.
When the room spun and faded out, I thought I was dead. I waited for the light to beckon me away, even though I didn’t want to leave. How could I leave my husband and young son behind? I didn’t want to hurt them, but, the light never came. Instead, I found myself standing by my bed, telling Wesley I was gone. It wasn’t my voice and, when I tried to speak, it pushed me back.
I was trapped in my own body.
My mind was still intact, thankfully, and I made it - Illyria - go to my lab. I had to find a way to separate because I refuse to be away from the ones I loved. Wesley looked at us funny and I tried everything in my power to give him sort of clue as to what was going on, but it never happened.
Then Wesley left. He left me behind with this thing, and I was so scared. Without him there, how was I to tell him what was really going on. He thought I was dead and it broke my heart to know he was suffering when he didn’t have to. I even tried to make him stay, but he thought it was Illyria.
That’s when I decided I needed to break away from her and I knew I would do anything to break free from the prison Illyria had imposed on me. I was the one that almost made Illyria overload, and thankfully Hamilton had given Spike and Angel that weapon. The moment they used it to take away some of Illyria’s power, I was able to come out.
But, of course, Angel and Spike thought Illyria morphing into me was just a tricked and they never believed me.
As the fight with the Black Thorn loomed, I made Illyria behave. I knew this could be my chance to separate myself from her. It was too bust being proud over the fact it’d been asked to fight too. It was the perfect opportunity for what I had planned for it.
We did what Angel asked us to do, then we went to the alley. As Illyria fought, I worked. Taking some of her power, I made her weak and when a Imick demon attacked us, I made my last adjustment and we separated. And, as both of us stood there before Spike and Angel, they finally saw what I had been trying to tell them for so long.
Before anyone could react, though, Illyria was killed. I tried to help with the fight, but I was too weak from the separation. Angel had sense enough to hide me away until things had settled. And, when the fight was finished, both vampires took me away and cared for me.
When I was strong enough to speak, I asked if they knew where Wesley was. He had never mentioned it to Illyria, which I’m glad for because I didn’t want it around Wesley or Owen. But, he hadn’t told Spike and Angel either. We tried using some of Angel’s old contacts but none of them could find them - not even my parents knew where Wesley was. It was almost like they’d disappeared off the face of the Earth.
I prayed every night they were okay and that someday I’d see them again. A couple of months after my separation from Illyria, I turned on the television to one of those news channels. They were talking about a case in Las Vegas involving a casino owner named Sam Braun. Some expert was saying the CSI lab had compromised the evidence.
My thoughts drifted for a moment to another man I had to leave behind and when I heard his voice, I looked up and gasped when I saw Nick Stokes was being interviewed by one of the channel’s reporters.
Nick was the first man I’d ever fallen in love with. We met through our parents when I was sixteen. And, on my eighteenth birthday, we went on our first date. He lived in Vegas, while I lived in Los Angeles. I really think we would’ve married if I hadn’t gone to Pylea.
When I came back from the other dimension, and once I was stable again, I mentioned him to Wesley. When he suggested I look Nick up, I told him no. I couldn’t breeze back into his life. It wouldn’t be fair to him. Besides, Wesley, who’d taken care of me after coming back from Pylea, and I were growing close. Wesley understand what was in the world, and Nick didn’t. And, even though I knew I would always love Nick, I moved on with Wesley and married him before giving birth to our beautiful son.
After going to Wolfram and Hart, I wrote Nick a letter but instead of sending it, I hid it in the desk of my office. I still couldn’t bring myself to tell him I was back. I knew it was best to leave well enough alone.
Yet, seeing him on the television, I knew I needed him. He could help me find my husband and son. I felt guilty for going to him for my own reasons, but I saw no other way around it. And, with Spike’s and Angel’s help, I rented a car and headed to Vegas. Hopefully, Nick could help.
***
Fred sat the car and started at Nick’s house. She knew she needed to get out and go to his front door, but she didn’t know what she was going to say to him. It’d been so long - eight years almost - since they’d seen each other. Was she making the right decision by coming to him and asking him to help her find Wesley and Owen.
Taking a deep breath, she pushed the car door open and started for the front door. When Fred reached it, she stared at the doorbell for several minutes before she heard someone walking up the sidewalk. She turned to see it was the postman. They exchanged smiles and she looked at the doorbell again.
“Now or never, Fred,” she muttered to herself as she pushed the button and waited.