I'm honestly not sure if I need advice or just a space to vent but...

[amycooper]

Almost five years ago I was pregnant with my first child, who as it turns out was a boy. My mother was disappointed. Seriously, seriously disappointed. I also noticed when I gleefully told people I was having a little boy, a few people were like "Oh." One coworker even had the nerve to say better luck next time (I wanted to deck them

Comments

[cathygurly]

I'm sorry. I'll never understand this. I have a son and a daughter and people are always saying "Oh good! So you're done then, your family is complete!" Like... Who are you to tell me my family is complete? And why is it complete just because I have a boy and a girl?! And also, why does it matter to an outsider what we are doing with our family?! Also, the boy/girl thing and all of the stereotypical crap people "expect" doesn't always happen. My niece loves bugs and trees and football and my son doesn't like any of those things and prefers to not get his hands dirty. My daughter is "stereotypical" and loves dresses and all things pink and purple. Every kid is different.
Ugh. I'm sorry, no advice, only commiserate on from the other side of the coin. People never can seem to shut their mouths about kids. Lol.

[amycooper]

Every kid is different. Who knows that this one will end up like. She may be completely into dresses and dolls and flower and tea parties. She might be the butchest tomboy to ever beat the boys at football during recess. She might be anything in between. I'd love her either way.

There's just this very stereotypically gendered expectation about both what she'd be like and what I'd want in the kid. It annoys me.

[lil_cherub]

I have two sons and they are both the best thing that ever happened to me. We love trains, cars, and making messes. Do I wish I had a girl? Sometimes. But my oldest baked muffins with me for breakfast and begged me to paint his toes before bed...which is one princess dress shy of actually having a daughter. Every kid is different and if we have another, we are letting it be a surprise at birth. Boy v. girl doesn't matter

[amycooper]

This. Everything about this.

One thing I have pointed out, when people start waxing on about princess stuff and dresses and whatever, is that she could be a complete tomboy, all sports and frogs and mud. Either way, I wouldn't love her any less.

I don't know; she'll be her own unique person and it's a little early to create a narrative about how she is based on your own projections. I struggled most of my life with failing to meet my own parents' expectations about who I should be, I don't want to put her through that too, you know?

[futurenurselady]

We didn't know my daughter was a girl until she was born. The entire time, certain people kept saying things like "which one do you really want" and "you must want a girl/boy" and "come on, tell me which you're having because there's no way it's a surprise to you."

Some people just have the oddest things to say to pregnant women. It's definitely annoying, but think how much more annoying it probably is to be so narrow minded. I mean, there's a person growing in your body, and all they care about is the image they have in their own heads of what some other person's family ought to look like.

Be glad you're not that way, and that your children will have your fine example to guide them.

[amycooper]

Thanks. *hugs*

[blessedrelease]

I've learned that people cannot understand that how they experience something is not how others experience the same thing. So, when receiving ridiculous advice or what feels like (and, to be fair, actually is) rude comments I just try and remember they are saying what they would want to hear if it was them. It doesn't always help, because sometimes it is so hurtful, but sometimes it does. Because maybe I've said things people didn't want to hear, thinking from my own experience.

Hope that makes sense. Congrats on a new baby, I hope everything is great otherwise!

[amycooper]

Which makes me feel bad for their kids, if they have any. I know how hard is it to go through life with parents of have already predetermined who they want you to be as a person.

[ditzyfish]

I'm having a boy second time round and haven't really had any negativity but neither have I had the huge AWwww that I had when I said I was expecting a girl last time. I mostly get 'oh it's nice to have one of each'. I think people say crap because they don't know what else to say and probably regret it afterwards. Well you'd hope they would.

Big congrats to you anyway! :) :)

[amycooper]

Thanks and big congrats on your little boy!